The Red Hoodie
by ant1gon3
Summary: Three boys find love after one is hit with tragedy. Jacob/Edward/Seth
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 Jacob

Steam rolled out of the bathroom as I opened the door with a towel around my waist and my long hair dripping down my back. I walked the short distance to my bedroom and closed the door. I dropped my towel to the floor and grabbed a pair of boxers and my best dark wash jeans. My father would never allow me to wear my usual ripped-up, oil-stained jeans to a tribal council meeting. I pulled on a t-shirt, grey hoodie, socks, and boots. I picked up the towel to dry my hair when I heard Harry come in the front door. I quickly grabbed my wallet, phone, and a tie back for my hair and ran to the living room.

"Hey Harry." I greeted him. Harry was one of the five tribe elders and my dad's oldest friend. He lived in a white, ranch-style house just down the road with his wife, Sue and their two kids, Leah and Seth. The house was considered one of the nicest on the Reservation but modest compared to most. Money wasn't something in abundance in this community but Harry had a decent job as a supervisor at the lumber yard and had worked there most of his life. Not everyone could find steady work like that.

"Jacob." he replied respectfully. He and the rest of the elders had always treated me with high regard even at the age of seventeen. My father being the tribal chief with me being heir apparent they had always given me a higher level of respect than the other progeny.

When I was young, my bedtime stories were the legends of great warriors who transformed themselves into wolves and brave women who sacrificed themselves for the greater good. He explained that the wolf was the one who held our soul until we are born and in death would reclaim it and be its caretaker until the next male child was born. I asked him what happened to the soul of my mother. "Women are the nurturers of the earth," he began. "Their bodies give nutrients to the soil that gives life to the grass and trees and feeds the animals who in turn feeds the wolf. Their souls do the same, saturating the wolves with strength in both mind and body. Without this great sacrifice the wolves could not survive." It was comforting to think that my mother's soul was everywhere. At times I could almost feel her presence.

She died only moments after I was born and never got to hold me. My father was both devastated because of the death of his wife and elated at the birth of his son. There are many pictures of my mother throughout our small house but only one with the two of us together. I was given the locket she wore around her neck and inside was a picture of my twin sisters as babies and the other was her with a baby bump. My father said that she was seven months along and was excited to finally give him a son.

"Let's get to the beach before those wolves eat all the food the girls made," my father said in a jovial tone. The wives and daughters of the tribe would always get together to make a feast of burgers, salads, and pies for the meetings. They weren't invited to attend themselves but looked at it as an honor to nourish those who would make the decisions for our tribe.

My father rolled himself out of the house and down the ramp as we followed behind. I lifted him into Harry's truck and climbed into the bed with the wheelchair as Harry climbed into the driver seat. Dad had been in an accident shortly after I was born that left him bound to the chair. It had been left to me to take care of him when my twin sisters left for college. He hated that he depended on his only son for so much but there really wasn't much choice. Because of the burden of caring for my father at such a young age, I was given tremendous leeway. Dad let me do whatever I wanted and turned a blind eye to my drinking and smoking, letting me stay out until the sun came up. There were only a few things he insisted on such as graduating high school, learning all of the tribe's legends and attending council, and eventually bearing a son to pass on our legacy. It sounds medieval and outdated but we prided ourselves on the old ways.

He backed out of our muddy driveway and five minutes later we arrived at the beach. The large bonfire was roaring and the food was set out on the table with a checkered cloth. The sun was setting over the ocean and the sky was filled with puffy white clouds reflecting the shades of pink, orange and purple. As far as I could tell everyone was here, milling around talking and laughing. I jumped from the back of the truck and grabbed the wheel chair. Sam ran over to pull my dad from the passenger side and carried him to the beach while I carried the chair. Old driftwood logs and folding chairs formed a circle around the fire and a plywood sheet lay among them. I set the chair onto it and Sam eased dad in. He hated that he needed to be carried but pushing the wheels through the sand was impossible. Sam and I did the same thing each time without saying a word trying to keep dad's dignity intact.

"What would you like to eat old man?" Sam joked. Dad got along with almost everyone but he and Sam had an unspoken connection. Samuel Uley Sr. was an elder but when it became known that he had cheated on his wife years ago, he skipped town. No one was forthcoming as to how, after so many years, the information came to light but the end result was that Sam and Embry were half brothers. Sam was sixteen when he became an elder in his father's place and Embry was his "second" at fourteen. Each of the five families sends two members to the council; an elder and their oldest son. They are always male except on two occasions and those were only temporary. Dad had stepped in and helped to mentor Sam. He spent a lot of time at our house talking about what his responsibilities were to the council. Dad was also a shoulder to lean on when he spoke about his father or Embry.

"A burger with everything and slaw, I'll make you go back for dessert later kid," he chuckled.

"Watch it gramps!" Sam made his way over to the table to fill a plate and I followed behind to fill my own. I walked over to where Embry and Seth were sitting and sat down with my food balanced on my knees.

"Yo Jake!" Embry held out his fist for me to bump. "Last pow wow until spring, thank god. I don't even know why we have to be here. The old men can take care of it all. We just sit and try to look interested." Embry never really embraced our heritage the way I did. It was probably because his seat was temporary, when Sam had a son it would be given up. He would only retain it if Sam didn't sire a son.

"Quit bitchin' Em. Next time you can cook with the rest of the _ladies_!" I scoffed. Seth sat quietly eating his food. Things had been awkward between us since the last time I had snuck into his room. He made no attempt to join our conversation and I didn't really know what to say to him. We had been best friends since diapers but something had changed, we had done something we couldn't undo.

"What's Quil doing tonight?" I asked trying to keep the focus on someone other than me and Seth although I was pretty sure I knew the answer.

"Claire, what else? She has him so pussy whipped. I hardly ever see him outside of school and even then she always seems to be hanging on his dick. This is our last year of high school, a time to party, a time to get down and all he wants to do is bang a chick."

"At least he has seen a pussy. Not even Jessica would fuck you, ya loser."

"I wouldn't tarnish my meat with that rancid taco. I'm taking Lauren out tomorrow night though," he spoke through the mouthful of food he was eating, spewing crumbs everywhere.

"Lauren is just as bad as Jess, maybe worse!"

"Yeah, but way hotter! Her tits are at least the size of melons. I prefer a large handful not small man breasts." He held his hands out to demonstrate the difference sizes. I shook my head in disbelief and dug into the fried chicken and potato salad.

"Is everyone finished so that we can begin?" My dad interrupted our conversation and everyone gathered around the fire. I got up and threw away my plate then walked over to my customary position at the right of my father.

"I see everyone is in attendance. We will start with old business and then….." I started to tune him out. Embry was right when he said that it can get boring. Only the elders can speak and vote. They may ask us questions from time to time but for the most part we are only observing. I truly love our old traditions and customs that I grew up with but at times I think that they are out dated. Women, for example, are almost second class citizens. They have the honor of baring children, specifically males and most think that their job is to keep house and tend to the children. They can work outside the home but it isn't something highly looked upon.

I looked around the fire and watched the faces of the others. Next to me were Sam and then Embry and then Old Quil and Quil II. Old Quil was the oldest member of the group at sixty years old. He was more likely to fall asleep during a meeting than Embry. It was decided that this was to be his last meeting as an elder and that Quill II would take his place and Quil III would step into his place as progeny. Old Quil would no longer get a vote but he would have a voice during meetings.

Matthew and Paul Lahote sat almost directly across from me. They are the most temperamental of the group. Matt was passionate about his status among the tribe and his enthusiasm was commendable but he could be easily angered as well. It was suspected that there had been abuse in the Lahote household but it was silently brushed under the rug. We were not to question how a man ran his house. His son, Paul, is the closest thing to a drug dealer in La Push and Forks, but small time at best. Mostly weed and occasionally pills but he's the one to go to for anything illegal. The elders are unaware of how he gets all of his money considering he is almost never employed, but the rest of us know better.

My eyes eventually move to Seth. He is sitting next to Harry with his hands folded in his lap and his long hair lay loosely around his shoulders. He looked into the fire pensively and seemed to be concentrating on what was being said but I couldn't tell for sure. I let out a small sigh and looked at my boots resting on the sand. The waves of the ocean and the crackle of the fire helped to drown out the conversations around me.

Flashback

It was well after midnight when I climbed into Seth's unlocked window. I had been at the beach with Paul and Jared. We had passed around a couple of joints and a bottle of Jack. I was feeling pretty good and not in the mood to go home to bed.

The small bedroom was dark but it was practically my second home and I knew how to get around without bumping into things. I could make out the lump on the bottom bunk of his bed with the moonlight coming in through the window. I flopped down next to him rousing him from his sleep.

"Seth, what's up?" My words were a little slurred but I wasn't completely wasted.

"Jake?" His voice was full of sleep. It wasn't the first time I had snuck into his room in the middle of the night. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He was shirtless although I guessed he was wearing sleep pants. At least he always had when I slept over. "What are you doing here? I thought you went to the beach with Paul." He said between yawns.

"Yeah, I was. They went home and I came here. We haven't hung lately and I wanted to know what's up. So…..what's up?" I could tell that I was rambling but it wasn't like I could stop myself. I took off my hoodie and flip flops then scooted further into the bed to lean against the wall. Seth moved to sit next to me.

"I came over earlier to see you and you brushed me off for fucking Paul," he scoffed. "You've been out with Bella since she got here a month ago. Now you wake me up in the middle of the night, stoned and drunk. What the fuck, Jake?" My head was a bit fuzzy and I was trying to take in everything he said. I guess I didn't realize what an ass I had been.

"Bella left yesterday." I told him. I took a sideways glace to see him sitting Indian style with the blanket over his lap and his fingers picking at the comforter. His head was tilted back to the wall and his eyes were closed.

"For good?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is she gone for good?" he asked in a monotone voice. He seemed sullen and a little angry, not the enthusiastic happy-go-lucky kid he use to be. I could understand why he would be upset with me. I had practically ignored him most of the summer but there was something else going on.

"I guess. I don't know when or if she will be back for a visit. She is going to Florida State on scholarship and is going to be working during the holidays. So I'm guessing she won't be back anytime soon." His eyes opened and he seemed to be looking at the mattress of the top bunk. After a few moments he turned his head and stared at me. His brows furrowed and his tongue peeked out to lick his lips.

"Do you…do you love her?" he asked in a softer tone.

"I….um…..I don't know." I couldn't hold his gaze and had to look away. This wasn't a conversation I thought I would be having with him. My brain was too fuzzy to deal with the heavy.

"Jake?" I was silently looking out the window I hadn't closed and I could see the drizzle starting to fall outside. The light breeze blew through the curtains.

"Did you fuck her?" his voice remained quiet almost a whisper. I had always told him that I didn't fuck around even though my reputation said otherwise. But I just wasn't the type to jump from vagina to vagina. Lauren and I did the deed last year in my Rabbit after the spring dance and we were caught by Quil and Claire. News spread and I was now considered a "ladies man". I'd made out with a few others and got the occasional blow job but she had been the only girl I fucked. I shook my head before turning my eyes back to him.

"I'm not talking about this."

"Did you fuck her?" He asked again in the same tone. He could be relentless and I knew he already had the answer. He wanted me to say it out loud. I looked down and bent my right knee up to rest my arm and took a deep breath.

"Yeah," I said as I exhaled in a quiet raspy voice. Why did it bother me so much to tell him? He knew about Lauren and all the others. Why would this be any different? I had told him that I wouldn't do it again unless it was with someone I was serious about. It wasn't about the sex with me. It just didn't feel right to be with someone like that and not care. I didn't care about Lauren or the others but Bella was different. She was a good friend and I cared about her but the distance between us would never change. Sure her father lived in Forks and she could visit from time to time but that really wasn't enough for a relationship.

"Why?" He turned his body to face mine with his legs still folded under him. He sat close enough that his knees touched the outside of my straight leg. I looked at him to see eyes full of innocence and confusion. I looked back out the window trying to gather my thoughts.

"Why what Seth? We were drunk and horny and it just happened." I sighed. "I don't know why."

"What was it like?" I quickly looked back at him remembering another time he asked the same question. I understood his curiosity, he has only kissed one person in his whole life, me.

"What's what like?"

"Ya know, sex?" His voice seemed innocent and naïve. I felt bad for him and wished he could find out these answers for himself. It wasn't that he was ugly or dumb, quite the opposite actually. He was one of the smartest people I knew and had even done my homework on occasion. He was good looking in that geeky, lanky, doe-y brown eyes sort of way. At 5'6" he was considered the runt of the reservation. Where as the rest of us were much bigger both in height and muscles. His problem was that he had no game. He was put permanently into the "friend zone" with the girls at school.

"Seth…." I said with annoyance. I didn't want to go there with him.

"Well, what I mean is…..did you like it? I mean with Bella. Because you said you wouldn't…."

"It was fine. Could we talk about something else now?" I didn't want to think about Bella. She is great and all but it was never going to go anywhere. We shouldn't have done it. It was awkward and I felt so uncomfortable afterward that I left even before she fell asleep. She tried to get me to stay and wanted to know if I was ok. I told her everything was fine and that I just needed some air.

"Jake? Um,… why are you here?" A seemingly innocent question that for the life of me I couldn't answer. I shook my head looking down not knowing how to answer. I was tired, the buzz was wearing off, and my head wasn't fully functioning.

"I just needed…wanted to…I just felt like…" I just wanted to be with my best friend, the one who knew me better than anyone or at least use to. Almost every memory I had included him. "Can't we just hang out like we use to?"

"Jake, we aren't like we use to be anymore. You've changed and maybe I have too." The last part was said in a whisper. He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. "You hang out with Jared and Paul and they don't really like me. They treat me like a little kid. I don't drink, don't smoke…"

"What do you do?" I interrupted. He gave me a smile and a snort. But the smile was short lived.

"I'm not like them. I just try to keep my grades up and my nose clean and dad stays out of my shit. With you he would give me more freedom because well, you're _you_. But you're not around much these days." His head hung down and his long black hair fell to veil his face. The guilt I felt caused my chest to tighten. I knew he was right. I had basically abandoned my best friend._He_ wasn't in Florida, _he_ wasn't pouring whiskey down my throat and _he_ didn't treat me differently because of my status within the tribe. He only wanted my friendship. He was upset because of me. I had made him feel this way.

"Seth…," He sniffed and wiped his eyes.

"Jake, I just miss us." He leaned his elbows on his knees and rested his folded hands on my thigh.

"Seth?" He looked up at me with sadness in his eyes and his long hair was matted to the side of his face from his tears. He stared at me for a long moment and my heart started to accelerate. The look he gave me was questioning only I had no idea about what.

"I'm just really tired man." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall. I couldn't take the intensity of his stare anymore. There was a silence except for the bass drum in my chest and the rain falling outside. His hands left my thigh and suddenly his lips were on mine. My eyes flew open instantly. For a brief moment it felt good. His lips were warm and soft and he smelled of mint. His eyes were closed and….

"What the fuck Seth?" I said as I pushed him away. "What are you, queer or something?" His eyes turned watery and he shook his head no.

"Jake, I…I'm sorry. I didn't…I wasn't…I'm not…" Tears fell down his cheeks. He lifted one hand to his lips. "I'm sorry Jake. I…I just wanted to…I mean I wasn't trying to make you…" He wiped his eyes vigorously. I stood up and ran my hands through my hair pulling out the elastic band. I was so confused and hurt and afraid. What if someone found out? I kissed him before because he had never kissed anyone and wanted to know how. I had been very reluctant at the time but decided that best friends should help each other out. I never, ever thought it would happen again. It was wrong. I am not a fag. Did this mean Seth is gay? Was it because he was friends with that Cullen fag? Did he turn him into one of them? My head was a mess.

"Why would you do that?" I asked without turning around. I didn't know if I wanted the answer.

"I…um…I don't know." The sobbing seemed to ebb but his voice was shaky. I stood there wondering what I should say. What do you say when your best friend kisses you for no apparent reason?

"Jake, I'm so, so sorry." He placed a hand on my arm and I quickly pulled away. "Jake, please, it'll never happen again. I was just a stupid mistake. Please Jake," he begged for forgiveness.

"I gotta go." I pulled my hoodie over my head and slipped on my flip flops and climbed out into the rain. I walked slowly while the rain saturated my clothing. What the fuck just happened? And why in the hell did I like it?

End Flashback

The meeting ended and I hadn't heard a word of it. I had been lost in my own head. Everyone started piling things into their vehicles and dowsing the fire. Sam carried dad to his truck and I once again sat with the chair in the back. Seth rode home with his dad. We hadn't spoken one word to each other and I didn't even know if we could fix what had happened.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Chapters will alternate between Jacob and Edward. Also I want to thank elfprincess8 for her encouragement and help. Without her this would only be a dream in my head.

Chapter 2 Edward

I entered my shoebox sized dorm room around midnight. I had spent the entire evening studying in the library. I locked the door behind me and threw my backpack to the floor. After toeing off my shoes I fell onto my twin sized bed not bothering with the rest of my clothes.

At least it was a single room for which I was grateful. I just didn't like the reasoning behind it. My parents paid extra for me to get it because they didn't want me to have to share with someone who could potentially be a homophobe. My family always felt the need to coddle me like some infant. They acted as if I couldn't fend for myself. I'm gay, not an invalid.

I had always known I was gay and I didn't really ever have the "I'm gay" talk with mom, dad, and Emmett. They all just figured it out along with me. When dad gave me the birds and the bees lecture, he included gay sex with it. I know that I am lucky and not everyone has had the same experience.

Sleep came quickly and I woke with the sun peeking into my room. I had an early class this morning, thankfully this was the last week before Thanksgiving break. Unfortunately, all of my professors decided that papers would be due before we left for the holiday. I rolled over onto my back and slowly sat up rubbing my eyes free of sleep. I have two classes today and two tomorrow then the four hour drive home for a week long break. I heard a buzzing coming from my backpack. I pulled out my phone to read the message.

Alec: Good morning sexy ;) Dinner?

Edward: Yeah 7 ok?

Alec: C U then

Alec and I had been seeing each other since last winter. I met him at the music store he worked in. The old building was large with high ceilings and exposed brick. Part of it was dedicated to cds and albums while the other side had all sorts of instruments. I had gone in looking for a cd and ended up sitting at one of the pianos on display. I had taken lessons as a kid but it never became more than a hobby.

Flashback

"Do you play?"

I looked up and saw him walk towards me with a cheeky smile. He was about six foot with dark longish hair and bangs that fell slightly onto his face. He wore faded torn jeans and a dark blue button down over his thin lanky build. His left ear contained a small diamond and I could see a tattoo on his olive skin peeking out from under his collar.

"Um…yeah, a little," I stuttered out.

"Well then…serenade me." His smile was big and full of mirth. He folded his arms on top of the piano presumably waiting for me to begin. I adjusted my black rimmed glasses and placed my hands on my thighs.

"I haven't played in awhile."

"I'm sure you'll be great," he gave me a reassuring smile.

I decided to play a song most anyone would know instead of something classical. Mom had insisted that I learn all of the great composers. I always liked playing the stuff I heard on the radio.

My fingers started to move over the keys and I heard a small chuckle. It certainly wasn't the most challenging piece with the same notes played over and over. He began to sing along in a surprisingly good voice.

_You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain  
Too much love drives a man insane  
You broke my will, oh what a thrill  
Goodness gracious great balls of fire_

We both started to laugh at my cheesy selection.

"So did you come here to entertain me or was there something I could help you with?" His smile never faltered and there was a laid back style to his demeanor.

"I…uh…yes…I mean no…" I felt like my head was foggy. Why the hell can't I talk? I took a deep breath and exhaled. "I mean no I don't need any help I was actually picking up a new cd. But thanks for letting my play a little," my voice was still somewhat shaky but at least I was coherent.

"Yeah, man, no problem. There's no rush. You can stay and play more if you want." His golden brown eyes never left mine. "You got any more oldies but goodies hidden under that sexy hair?"

I wasn't sure if that was flirting or what. That has never happened to me before. I was completely out of my element. Here was a gorgeous man not only talking to me but might possibly be interested. I unnecessarily adjusted my glasses as I felt the blush rise to my cheeks.

"Yeah, I guess, any requests?"

"Hmmm…how about coffee, I get off in an hour?" I looked up at him and my brows lifted in shock.

"I…uh…I meant, I mean…" I took another deep breath. "Yes."

"Great. I'm Alec by the way and you are?" he held out his hand over the top of the piano.

"I'm Edward." His long warm fingers wrapped around my clammy hand. My hand felt tingly and my heart rate accelerated. I hoped that my anxiety wasn't written all over my face.

"So….Edward, play me a song Piano Man." he said with a wink and a smile as he slowly backed away from me.

I played exactly that and a few more before he started to close up for the night. Playing helped calm my nerves while I waited to leave with him. We walked about a block to an all night diner and had pie and coffee. He told me about how his father was a roadie for a local band. They were popular enough to get gigs and just enough money to put food on the table. They played cover songs exclusively and would never hit it big. He said that his parents were divorced shortly after he went to college and that his mother moved to Phoenix.

"So do you work at the music store between classes?" I asked him.

"No." he chuckled. "I graduated two years ago. I got my degree in business and I basically run the place. I've been working there since high school. The owner is looking to sell and I hope to be able to get a loan to buy him out." He spoke enthusiastically. "I love that I am around music all the time and I am putting my education to some use. What about you? Please tell me you're in college. You look about seventeen."

"I'm eighteen." I told him sheepishly.

"Just a babe." He smirked.

I snorted and leaned back in my chair. I folded my arms over my chest. I knew I looked young but I didn't appreciate the insinuation. I had enough of the crap from my family. He maybe gorgeous but, if he was going to treat me like I am naïve and helpless, he could go fuck himself. I know how to handle myself in tough situations. Even with a protective older brother I had taken a lot of shit from both kids in high school and college.

"Whoa!" he held his hands up in surrender. "I meant that in the most flattering way. You are a babe." He put his hands down flat on the table and leaned forward. "I really mean that Edward. I am sorry. I shouldn't have said it in that context. How can I make it up to you?" His golden eyes twinkled.

I unfolded my arms and my eyes fell to my hands in my lap. I shook my head. "It's okay." I looked up at him. "I'm just being….it's nothing, forget about it." I waved my hand in a dismissively.

"Look, how bout you let me take you out. I know a great Italian place downtown."

"I…uh…um…"

"Please? Saturday I'll pick you up at seven." His eyes pleading with me I couldn't believe he wanted to take me out.

"Alright," I told him.

When Saturday rolled around I found myself going through my entire closet trying to find something to wear. Normally I wore jeans, t-shirts, and flannels. I picked out my darkest blue jeans and a blue no green no blue button down with a pair of leather slip-ons. I looked in the body length mirror on the back of the bathroom door and ran a hand through my hair which was its usual chaotic mess. Maybe I should wear green.

I had never been a date before or even been kissed except from motherly pecks to the cheek. Would he know that I'm still a virgin? I've only ever had one real crush on someone of which I still carry with me. Alec seems so confident and I seem so….not. Why would he even want someone like me? I have only one person that I would consider a friend, I'm a computer geek who prefers the company of animals, and I have never been anywhere worth talking about.

I waited for him outside of my dorm in my navy blue pea coat. The evening was brisk forcing me to pull up my collar and shove my hand into the pockets. He pulled his car up to the curb and hurriedly jumped out and walked to the passenger side.

"You look great." He said as he opened the door. I climbed into the warm car and waited for him to get in. "Thank you for coming out with me tonight."

"Sure." I wasn't sure what to say.

"How has your week been?" He glanced at me momentarily before pulling the car onto the road.

"Good, I guess." I sounded like an idiot.

"So, is this your first year? What are you studying? I never got around to asking you at the diner." He seemed interested. I still couldn't understand why though.

"Ah, yeah, I'm studying to be a veterinarian." I told him without taking a breath.

"What made you decide that?"

"I like working with animals and my father is a doctor." He looked over at me with furrowed brows and then back at the road.

"You aren't a big talker, are you?" I could feel the heat rising on to my face. I turn my head to look out the window so to hide my embarrassment.

"I'm just…I've never had…" I shook my head in an attempt to clear it and then looked over at his profile while he watched the road. My eyes traveled down his body to take in the rest of him. I had been so nervous since getting in the car that I hadn't taken the time to notice him. He wore all black from the thigh length leather jacket to his dress pants. His scarf folded neatly into his coat and black leather gloves. "You look nice." I finally replied after taking in his appearance.

"Thanks," he chuckled.

We pulled into a parking lot located behind the restaurant and walked at a quick pace to the front of the building. Inside was small but overflowing with patrons, conversation, and laughter. The lights were low and candles were lit at each table but doing little to subdue the atmosphere. It felt comfortable and homey.

"Buona sera Alec!"

"Buona sera. C'è Carmen?"Alec asked the hostess in Italian. That was the sexiest thing that I had ever heard. I had no idea what he said but apparently my dick did.

"Si, prego accomodatevi. La chiamo subito." We followed behind her to an empty table covered with a red and white checkered cloth. We pulled off our coats and sat at the small candle lit table. She handed us our menus and walked through the door to the kitchen.

"You speak Italian?" I asked looking at him over my menu

"My grandparents brought my father and aunt over from Italy when they were young. My grandmother only spoke Italian and lived with my parents until she died." He told me as he rolled the sleeves of his black shirt to his elbows. "My aunt owns this restaurant and cooks from recipes that Gran brought with her. Do you mind if I order for you?"

"Sounds good to me." I replied. Considering the menu was in Italian I figured it would be my best option.

"Alec, che bello vederti..." A large woman approached him from behind and hugged him around his shoulders. She wore an apron that at one time was white but was now covered in stains. Her black hair contained streaks of white was held back in a bun with loose tresses framing her face.

"Ah, who is this handsome boy?" She said in a thick accent. She straightened her back but left her hands resting on his shoulders. Her face was warm and inviting. I could see the resemblance in her smile.

"Aunt Carmen this is my date, Edward," I was glad that the lighting was low as I felt the familiar blush rise to my cheeks. I offered my hand to her but she brushed it away and leaned in to pull my face closer and place a kiss to my cheek.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Mrs…." I stumbled out when she pulled away from me.

"Ah, so polite this one, but please call me Carmen." She smiled and waved her hand dismissively. "Now, what are you having tonight?" Carmen took the order from Alec without any writing down anything and hurried back into the kitchen. A glass of white wine appeared in front of me and I raised my eyebrow to Alec.

"Relax Edward. I have had a glass of wine with my dinner since I was sixteen. It is only one glass, enjoy." I lifted the glass and took a small sip. It was fruity and light much like the glass of champagne I had on New Years Eve minus the bubbles.

Alec drove the conversation over dinner asking about where I had grown up, my family, and my studies. I told him how we had lived in Chicago until my freshman year of high school and that I had an older brother and that my dad was a doctor. He spoke more about his father and being on the road with him on occasion. When our coffee and dessert showed up he asked if I was out.

"Yeah, I always knew that I preferred boys to girls. My family knew as well. Other than the occasional jabs from my brother, they are all supportive." I sipped my coffee and continued. "I have never tried to hide it but I don't promote it either. I have to ask…. How did you know that I was gay?"

"I didn't know right away. I tried to flirt a little calling your hair sexy, most straight boys wouldn't have said yes to coffee after that." He said with a smirk and a wink.

We finished our coffee and Carmen showed up again this time refusing Alec's money. She gave us both smothering hugs and escorted us to the door. The cool air outside helped to clear my head. He grabbed my hand and we jogged through the parking lot to his car. He opened my door and I slid in. The drive was shorter than I wanted and the car was comfortably silent with only soft music on the radio. He kept my hand his thumb drawing circles on my palm. He pulled in front of my dorm and shut off the car.

"Thank you again for going out with me." He said as he turned to face me. The light from the street lamp outside illuminated the inside of the car. His slightly windblown hair fell onto his face and his eyes were dark. "I had a really nice time and I would like to do this again."

"Me too," I nodded my head. I was nervous due to my lack of experience. We looked at each other for a moment as we contemplated our next move. He leaned forward and put his free hand against my cheek.

"Have you ever been kissed?" he asked in a whispered voice. Once again I felt the blood rise to my cheeks. My eyes fell from his as I shook my head no. He pulled the glasses from my face as he leaned in closer. "Is this okay?" I nodded yes as my ability to speak left me.

My eyes closed as his lips brushed mine and my entire body was ablaze. His lips were soft but cool from the night air. His cologne filled my senses and I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face. His hand moved to the back of my neck and he pulled me closer. His lips parted and his tongue moistened my bottom lip. I opened for him on instinct. His tongue tentatively entered to greet mine. It felt strange and erotic, warm and wet, velvety and rough all at the same time.

His movements were slow and sensual. His fingers combed through the hair at the back of my head. Our lips parted only to reunite after taking in a breath. My senses on high alert trying to absorb every sensation. I don't know how long we sat there but he eventually pulled away placing his hand back on my cheek.

"I look forward to seeing you again, Edward," his voice full of lust. He place one last chaste kiss on my lips.

"I….um….yeah,"

End Flashback

I peeled off my clothes from yesterday and walked into my private, smaller-than-a-closet bathroom that was only big enough for a shower, toilet, and sink. I turned on the water for the shower and brushed my teeth while waiting for the water to warm. I relieved myself in the toilet and climbed into the shower. My body began to awaken as the water ran over my body. Well, not all of my body, I hadn't felt the need to jerk off in a while. Sure, Alec and I had been intimate but we hadn't gone all the way. I was hesitant about giving him that piece of myself. My jerk off fantasies were monopolized by only one person, Seth.

I met Seth during my senior year of high school when he was a freshman. He was significantly shorter than I was with long black hair usually tied back at the base of his neck. His eyes were a deep chocolate brown with long eyelashes and a smile that could light up a room. He was smart, optimistic, and completely adorable. We sat next to each other in our one and only class together. I wasn't much of what you would call a social butterfly, I'm still not, but we hit it off. He was probably the closest thing to a best friend I ever had. We didn't spend a lot of time together outside of school, but in school we would hang out and eat lunch together.

I finished rinsing out my hair and turned off the water. I dried my unruly hair and body and wrapped the towel around my waist. I went to my dresser and pulled out the last few pieces of clean clothing. I would be able to wash my mountain of laundry when I was home next week. I was looking forward to the extra rest, clean clothes, and home cooked meals. But mostly, I wanted to see Seth again. We had kept in touch since I left for college over a year ago and we got together at least once every time I came home for holidays and breaks. I hadn't seen him since the end of summer break and had only a few phone calls that he kept short.

Flashback

I had returned from summer semester last night and Seth came over for an afternoon of Xbox and junk food. I was taking classes in the summer hoping to graduate early. We were in my room sitting on the small leather sofa situated at the end of my bed when Emmett descended on us.

"Hey kiddies, how's it hanging?" Emmett flopped himself onto my bed behind us. He stuck his head in between ours and reached for a large handful of chips from the bag on the couch. "You boys need some schooling?"

Emmett was my older brother and self-appointed protector over me. He is 6' 5" and built like a tank. His short curly hair, dimples, and an outgoing personality tended to camouflage his menacing football player exterior. In a way, he and Seth were a lot alike. Both wore permanent smiles, both kicked my ass at every computer game that was ever invented and both loyal to a fault when it came to those they cared about.

I don't know if I could say that he and Seth were friends but they got along well. To some degree, Seth fell under the Emmett "protection plan". Everyone knew not to mess with Emmett's little brother and by default anyone I was associated with.

"Fuck off Em!" I gave him my usual greeting. Seth held out a fist to bump with Emmett and smiled, never looking away from the flat screen on the wall. Even with the slight distraction Seth was able to maneuver the joy stick and beat me again.

"Shit!" I yelled.

"Looks like you've already been educated bro!" Emmett said through his mouth full of food.

"Seriously Emmett? Do you think you could take your lunch back out to the barn?" I gave him a glare. "Don't you have a girlfriend to fondle?"

"Don't talk about Rosie that way and I just left her house." He waggled his eyebrows and smiled. "Can't a guy hang with his brother without said brother starting a war?" He grabbed another handful of chips and shoved them into his cavernous mouth.

I sighed. I don't mind hanging out with Emmett but it would probably be the only chance to be around Seth while I'm home. Fall semester starts in a week. Plus it's difficult for him to find an excuse to come over when his narrow-minded family doesn't approve of me.

"I'll be here all week we can do something tomorrow or next weekend." I offered.

"Its cool bro, I get it. No time for me now that you're a big college man." He held his hands up in surrender. "Don't forget the little people when you become a big time doggie doctor." He rolled off the bed with a bounce. "See ya round little man." He picked up the end of Seth's braid and gave it a couple of tugs.

"See you later Emmett." Seth gave a small wave.

Emmett left and the room almost felt empty without his boisterous personality. I gave Seth an apologetic smile. He shrugged and started our next match. I glanced sideways at his profile several times throughout our game. His black haired braid fell past the middle of back and he smiled through the entire game. He wore red board shorts and a white tee with flip flops.

I would watch his fingers manipulate the buttons and saw the muscles in his forearms flex while he concentrated on what he was doing, his brown eyes with long lashes never leaving the screen while mine were constantly diverted. Occasionally he would move his shoulders or legs in an attempt to help his on screen character move as well. He was a competitor and he had no idea that the reason he beat me so easily was because my attention wasn't really on the game.

About an hour and several "lessons" later, we turn off the game. I flipped through the channels looking for something interesting to watch.

"You should have let Em stay, I wouldn't have cared." Seth turns his body toward me curling one leg underneath him.

"And what, listen to him talk about whatever it is that he and Rose do when they 'get it on'? No thanks. I'd rather run my hand through a meat grinder." I answer him hoping that he doesn't press further.

"Yeah, Jake has spent most of the summer with Bella Swan and the few times I have talked to him it's all about her." He sighs and looks back to the TV.

I knew it was coming. I knew that at some point this afternoon I would be hearing about how Jake did this or how Jake did that and isn't it cool. Their friendship seemed to be one sided to me. Seth would take about him incessantly while Jacob seemed indifferent to Seth. I understood that they _use_ _to_ be best friends but I couldn't help but wonder why they didn't hang out much anymore.

"Do you think he is avoiding you? You know, because of that kiss? I mean maybe he is freaked out." Seth had told me about the kiss that Jacob gave him. Seth explained that he asked Jacob to kiss him because he had never kissed anyone and didn't know if he would be any good at it. Seth made me swear never to repeat what he said even to Jake. I had my suspicions about whether or not Seth was gay because straight boys don't kiss their _boy_ friends for practice. It also made me think that maybe they were still best friends.

"He hasn't brought it up since then if that is what you mean." He never looked away from the TV and the smile had faded. "He isn't acting differently, he just isn't around much." He was quiet for a moment and I just stared at him not knowing how to proceed. I wasn't going to ask any more questions about the kiss even though I was dying to know more about how he felt about it.

"You know Emmett is just being an older brother. You should give him a chance." I blinked at the sudden change in topic. He looked over at me and the smile crept back over his face.

"I would prefer he were more of a brother and less of a guard dog." I smirked.

"I wish more people were like him. I mean he is popular or at least he was in school. People tend to follow the leader ya know?" He made a good point but he hadn't lived with Emmett his whole life. Every time Emmett jumped in to "save" me from some bully or bigot he made me feel like I couldn't fight on my own.

"Are you trying to tell me I'm not popular?"I asked feigning hurt in my voice trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"Are you kidding? You hang out with me and I'm the shit," he joked. "I sit alone at lunch every day by choice."

"Isn't that a line from a cheesy '80s movie?" I shook my head as I picture John Cusack holding a boom box over his head.

"No, it's a Seth Clearwater original," he chuckled. Our banter went back and forth for another hour before I drove him to the library where had told his mom he would be.

End Flashback

After I had dressed and combed my unmanageable hair, I grabbed my backpack and headed out to class. The walk was short but the cool autumn breeze made my steps quicken. The bright sun of the early morning is slowly being concealed by the thick grey of the clouds. I open the door to the lecture hall and find a seat. The room contains only a few students most of which look half-asleep. I pull out my notebook, pencil, and glasses. My phone vibrates against my ass and I pull it out to check the message.

Seth: Need to talk. C U Sunday?

Edward: Pick U up 11

Seth: Cool


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Jacob

It was the Sunday before Thanksgiving and I had decided I would spend my day out in the make-shift garage next to our house working on my newly acquired bike. It was sitting at the end of a driveway with a sign reading 'Take Me' on it. I called Sam to help me haul it home in his truck. It was old and needed endless work. We had a week off from school for the holiday and it was the perfect time to get started on it.

It had been a few weeks since the last tribal meeting and I hadn't spoken to Seth since that night in his room. I wasn't sure how to set things right with him. I was confused and, if I'm being honest, afraid. I didn't know why he kissed me. Who does that? Fags, that's who. I had never in my life imagined being kissed by a boy. The thing is Seth isn't just any boy. He was my best friend. I had spent most of my life with him by my side, almost like a brother, except not.

I took the tarp off the bike and lit a cigarette. I was trying to figure out my course of action when I heard the familiar sound of Seth's skateboard coming down the street. I looked out to see him dressed in his winter coat and backpack rolling toward my house. I took a drag of my smoke and decided I had to at least say hi.

"Seth!" I yelled. He looked up at me and immediately stopped putting one foot down and placing the other at the end of the board to prop it up. He grabbed it and walked over.

"Um…hey Jake." He said timidly while looking at the ground.

"I was going to strip down the bike I picked up last week and wondered if you wanted to help?" Seth wasn't really interested in cars and such but he helped out on occasion with my Rabbit. I took another drag and blew the smoke toward the sky. I was having a hard time keeping eye contact as well.

"I was on my way to meet…I mean I was headed to the library." I looked over at him while his eyes never left his feet. I knew instantly what he was up to.

"You meeting Cullen there?" I knew that he kept his friendship with Edward secret from his family. We live in an area with very few people. Everybody knows everybody else's business. When Emmett Cullen decked Paul for calling his brother a poof everyone jumped to the conclusion that it was true. Edward never denied it. Seth's parents wouldn't want him hanging around Edward.

"Seth…."

"What Jake?" His voice had a hard edge to it. He looked up at me briefly before turning his head. I could see his jaw clench.

"Do you really think that is a good idea?"

"Going to the library? I think your time might be better spent reading a book once in awhile." He kept his eyes off of me and his tone remained cold. "I need to get going. I'll see you later." He started to leave and I grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"Seth….wait, I'm sorry. I just thought that maybe we could hang out." He looked at where my hand held him and remained quiet. "I didn't mean…."

"I gotta go. Maybe we can hang later." He pulled his wrist away practically running and jumped on his skateboard. I stood there watching him until he was out of sight. I tossed my cigarette butt to the ground and kicked an empty can smashing it into the wall across the room. As cold as he had been I knew that he was hurting. He just didn't want me to see it.

Flashback

"Oh my God Jake, did you see that?" His voice was filled with triumph with both fists in the air as he rolled away from the ramp. He had just flipped his skateboard three hundred and sixty degrees off the ramp we built. I was sitting on the grass watching, waiting for my turn with the board.

"That was lucky, betcha can't do it again." He flipped me the bird and made his way back to the other side of the ramp.

"Kermit has nothing on you Jake! Watch and learn from the master." He smiled as he began to push using only one leg and set it on the board keeping his knees bent and straightened up as he left the ramp. The back edge of the board hadn't cleared the ramp when he tried to flip it and he fell backward. His body slamming into the ramp with his arm caught in between. I had never heard him scream with so much agony.

"Seth!" I yelled as I jumped up and ran over to him. He was holding his forearm against his chest. "Is it your arm?' I asked trying to figure out what he had actually hurt. I looked at his face for answers. He was screaming relentlessly and tears streamed down his face. I don't think he even heard me at that point. I looked back at his arm and saw blood between the fingers of the hand holding his arm.

I decided that I needed to get him home. Unfortunately, we had been in front of my house so I was going to have to carry him. I couldn't leave him alone to run and get help. I picked him up bridal style trying in vain not to jostle his arm. He only lived a few houses down from me and I walked as fast as my ten year old legs could carry me. He was always much smaller than I was but I still found it difficult to carry his sixty five pound body.

He went limp in my arms about half way there and assumed he had passed out. He never could handle pain of any kind and it was probably for the best. I yelled for Sue as I got closer to the house and she came running out shortly after.

"What happened?" she asked looking down at him.

"I think he broke his arm." I said breathlessly. I needed to set him down. He was dead weight at this point. Sue ushered me to their car and opened the back door.

"Get in, I'll be right back." I sat us in the backseat with him still in my lap and pulled the door closed. His head fell back and to the side and I pulled it back to my shoulder. I saw a drop fall to his face and realized that I had been crying. Sue ran back to the car within seconds carrying her purse and keys. She climbed in quickly and we were headed for Forks hospital.

I held him tightly with one arm around his back and the other hand held his head to my shoulder. I hoped he wouldn't wake up. I didn't want him to feel the pain or hear his screams. My vision was blurry and I wiped away the tears that kept coming. Neither Sue nor I said anything during the drive. When we pulled into the hospital, Sue opened my door and I climbed out still holding him. We walked in with Sue leading the way to the intake desk.

"I think my son broke his arm, please help!" She was yelling and as soon as the nurse saw us she start calling for a gurney and a doctor. I laid down his limp body trying not to move his arm and they rolled him away. I stood there staring at the doors as if he would walk through any minute. I don't know how long I stood there but was brought out of my haze when I felt someone shake me.

"Jacob, sweetie, what happened?"Sue had her hands on my shoulders.

"I….um….he fell." I stuttered.

"Where did he fall? What happened?" Her eyes were red and puffy and her voice was shaky.

"W-we were….I mean he was on the sk…skateboard." I choked out.

"He fell off of the skateboard?" I nodded. She pulled me into a hug and told me he would be okay.

Sitting in the hard plastic chair next to Seth's mom after what felt like forever a doctor came out to say that we could see him. He was in a large room with several sets of curtains that separated the multiple beds. He lay on top of the blankets fully clothed with his eyes closed and his arm was in a white cast resting on his chest. Sue walked over to him and pushed a few strands of hair off of his face and grabbed his good hand.

"Seth?" Sue said as she leaned over him.

I stood at the end of the bed watching as he opened his eyes blinking his eyes to adjust to the light.

"Mom?" his voice was hoarse and he licked his lips. "Thirsty."

"I'll get you some water, baby." She placed a kiss to his forehead and left.

"Seth?" I said my voice matching his. "Are you okay?"

He nodded and closed his eyes. I walked over to where Sue had been standing. "Does it hurt?" He shook his head no. "Seth?" I could see tears escape from behind his lids. He lifted his hand to wipe them away. "If it doesn't hurt, why are you crying?" He shrugged his shoulders.

"Here you go baby." Sue walked in with a pitcher of water and a cup with a straw. "This should make you feel a little better." Seth sat up and took the water. He never looked at me.

"I need to talk to the doctor sweetheart but I'll be right back." He nodded to her and she left once again. We were silent for awhile. He seemed to be feeling a little better or at least the tears were gone. He moved to the side of the bed throwing his legs over the edge. I climbed up and sat next to him. He still seemed sad and not the kid who only hours ago was on top of the world after completing a skateboard jump. I had to come up with a way to put a smile on his face.

"What the hell does 'Kermit has nothing on you' mean?" It had been bugging me since he said it. I knew my ploy worked when I saw the small smirk and snort.

"He sings that song 'It's Not Easy Being Green'. You were green with envy when you saw my mad skills." He said through the small smile.

"What are you, four?" He didn't answer and we were in a comfortable silence.

"Why were you upset?" I hoped he would tell me what made him cry. I always hated to see him hurting. I always felt the need to protect him. He inhaled and exhaled dramatically.

"I hate that I always cry and scream like a little sissy girl. I just can't help it." I could tell he was having a hard time talking about it.

"You broke your arm Seth. You have the right to cry when you are in that much pain." I put my arm around his shoulders.

"Everyone always makes fun of me though."

"You can cry with me, I won't tease you."

"I hate crying in front of you though. It makes me feel like a wimp."

"My friends are not wimps and I will kick anyone's ass who says they are." My joke earned me another snort.

End Flashback

"What up Black?" Paul came into the shed and plopped down onto the couch. Jared leaned against the open door.

"I just finished bangin' your mama, what does it look like I'm doing." I had been working on my bike since Seth left and pieces of greasy metal were laid out on a large canvas. I stood up and stretched out my back. I pulled out a smoke and lit it blowing smoke in Paul's face.

"We saw your boy on his scooter awhile ago. I'm surprised he isn't here wagging his tail, following your ass around." Both he and Jared laughed at the comment.

"Shut the fuck up Paul."

"I told him to get back home and put the training wheels back on before he hurt himself."

"I swear to god Paul if you don't leave him alone….. Don't you have any respect? He is a member of the council." Paul could be such an ass. I never understood why he felt the need to pick on Seth. It was part of the reason Seth didn't come around much anymore.

"Don't give me the 'for the good of the tribe' bullshit. I ain't gonna do anything to the little runt." He lit his own cigarette. "I just gave him the one finger hello but kept drivin'."

"Do you practice being an asshole or does it just come naturally?"

"It is definitely part of my charm." He said with a smirk.

"Was there a purpose to your visit or are you just here to annoy me?" I took a drag of my smoke and glared at him.

"Well as a matter of fact I just scored some top notch shit and I thought you would like to try it." He pulled a couple of joints out of his leather jacket and handed me one. I held it to my nose and inhaled.

"What's in it?" I wouldn't put it past him to try and give me something laced as some kind of practical joke. "Don't you dare fuck with me."

"It's good stuff Jake." Jared said. He had been quiet as a mouse until now. "We had some with the girls last night." I assumed he meant his girlfriend Kim and whatever skank Paul brought with him.

"Light it up." I tossed it back at Paul.

I leaned my head on the back of the couch with my with my eyes closed and my legs stretched out in front of me. Paul and Jared sat in my car with the radio blasting some rap song. My body felt numb and relaxed but my mind seemed clear.

"Turn that shit off!" I yelled at them. They did and I heard them open and closing the doors to the car.

"Jake, man, we gotta fly." I opened my eyes and sat up. Paul was putting in eye drops to clear the red out. "We need to pick up the pussy. You're welcome to join us at the beach later, I'm sure there is enough to go around." He chuckled.

"Sounds classy but I think I'll pass. I don't want any of your half eaten tacos." Why any girl would want Paul was beyond my comprehension. He treated them like whores and threw them away just after he pulled his dick out.

"I guess you and Rosie are in a committed relationship. We'll catch ya later." He turned on his heel and left. I sat back once again and stared up at the ceiling. I thought about why I even let Paul come around. He was scum and Jared was his lap dog going along with whatever Paul wanted. He was disrespectful to even the elders at times. He was going nowhere in life and his only source of income was dope. He couldn't even get a steady supply of the hard stuff which was probably a good thing. He didn't care about anyone or anything except himself.

My thoughts drifted once again to Seth. We had been so close growing up doing everything together. We had drifted apart when I was a freshman in high school while he finished his last year of school on the reservation. The school on the reservation was small with only a few students in each grade. We were all transferred to Forks High School after eighth grade. Without Seth there I started hanging out with the older kids from the rez including Paul, Jared, Sam, and Leah. I remember getting on the bus the first day of high school thinking it was déjà vu.

Flashback

"Are you excited for your first day of kindergarten Jake?" Rebecca asked. I sat at the kitchen table eating my bowl of cereal while she plated my dad eggs and toast.

"Yeah, we have a room pet! It's a hermie crab and we get to take turns feeding it. It's awesome. I saw it at oren….or…ortation last week." I couldn't wait to see it again. "They have a gazillion crayons there and a reading rug with a race car track in it and we have our own cubbies to put our coats in and we can decorate them anyways we want and…"

"Hurry and finish up. Sue and Leah will be here in five minutes to walk you to the bus stop." My dad said in between bites. "She will pick you up after school and you will stay there until the girls get home."

I quickly got up leaving a bowl full of milk on the table and ran to put on my shoes and coat then grabbed my backpack. "I put your snack in the front pouch." Rebecca yelled as she retreated to her bedroom to ready herself for school.

Rebecca and Rachel were seniors in high school this year. It was a surprise when my mom got pregnant with me. They weren't planning anymore kids after the twins because of the toll it took on my mother's body. Rebecca and Rachel took on the role my mother left void such as cooking, cleaning, and, to some extent, me. Sue Clearwater was the closest thing I had to a mother figure. She cared for me along with Leah who was only a year older then I was and had Seth a year after me. My father had swallowed his pride and accepted the help that his accident had forced upon him.

There was a knock on the door and I opened it to see the Clearwater clan; Sue, Leah, and Seth.

"Good morning Jacob. Are you ready for your first day?" Sue asked. My dad had rolled up behind me.

"Yeah!" I ran out the door grabbing Seth's hand and we started to walk down the ramp. I heard my dad thank Sue for taking me and yelled for me to have a good day.

"Mom said I could watch you leave on the bus. I wish I could go." Seth said as he looked down at his bare feet as we walked, he still had on his pajamas with a jacket thrown over. Seth and I had been inseparable since we were babies. This would be the most time spent apart with me being in school for half a day.

"Me too. We could catch frogs when I get home." I squeezed his hand to keep his mind off my leaving.

"I seen some by the big tree." His voice was sad and he kept looking down. We reached the corner and stood waiting.

"Boys shouldn't hold hands." Leah blurted from behind us.

"Because why?" Seth asked.

"Because you're not, that's why."

"Leah, don't talk like that to your brother." Sue said in a scolding tone. "Seth, Jacob, you're big boys now. Leah's right, you don't need to hold each other's hands anymore."

I heard the distinct sound of the bus heading our way. I looked over my shoulder to see the yellow flashing lights as it slowed to a stop. It was so big and the tires were taller than me. I let go of Seth's hand.

"Momma, me go too? I want to go with Jake." He whined and pulled at her leg.

"No sweetheart, not this year." Sue picked up Seth and I saw his tears form in the corner of his eyes.

"But… I….big….boy." Sue held him on her hip and tried to sooth him rubbing his back.

"Boys ain't suppose to cry. Specially big ones!" Leah stuck out her tongue and climbed onto the bus.

"Leah, stop it!" Sue scolded her daughter once again. "Have a great day Jacob and we'll be here after school." I smiled at her and turned to the bus climbing the steps.

"Good morning!" The driver said. "It looks like we have someone new this year."

I blushed and nodded yes. He pointed to the front seat and I sat down and looked out the window to see Sue holding a very teary eyed Seth whose head lay on her shoulder. She waved and whispered in his ear. He lifted his head and waved vigorously with his tiny hand. I placed my hand to the window as the bus pulled away.

End Flashback

When my buzz started to wear off I went in the house for food and was headed back out to the garage when I noticed Seth rolling his skateboard back to his house. I saw Harry come outside and started yelling.

"Where the hell have you been boy?" Seth had pulled his skateboard up to the stairs leading into the house. "You should have been home over an hour ago."

I quickly grabbed the math book from my backpack next to the front door and ran outside.

"Seth," I yelled. "You forgot your book."

I ran down the drive toward Seth's as they both looked over at me. I came to a stop and handed him the book. I knew Harry wouldn't know the difference between my book and Seth's.

"You were with Jacob all afternoon?" His dad looked at him.

"No we ran into each other outside of the library and got to talking. Sorry if I kept him out to late." I answered for him and gave my most apologetic smile. I hoped he bought it and more importantly maybe Seth would see that I still want us to be friends. Harry looked at me for a moment and grinned.

"Seth is responsible for his own actions but I'll let it slid this time. You know Jacob we haven't seen you around here much lately. Why don't you stay for dinner?"

"Thank you but I need to get back. Dad is waiting for me." I began to back away.

"Well, you're always welcome Jacob. Don't be a stranger." Harry walked back into the house. I looked at Seth who hadn't said a word.

"See ya around Seth." I gave a small wave and turn for home.

"Jake." I turned my body and shoved my hands in my pockets. "Thanks." Seth gave me a small smile.

"I'll be working on my bike all week if you want to help. Come over anytime." He nodded and headed inside.

I walked home feeling a little lighter. I hoped we could get back to the way it use to be when we were best friends._ Just_ friends.

* * *

A/N: Once again I want to thank Elfprincess8 for her advice/handholding/beta'ing. Without her this would never have made it to print. Also thank you to ArekWithlock for the help with the Italian translation in ch.2 And thank you to all who have reviewed and favorited.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Edward

With a small duffle draped over my shoulder I knocked on the white paint-chipped wooden door to Alec's apartment. We thought a night in with a movie and pizza would be the best way to spend our last evening together before I left for the holiday. I wouldn't see him again until next Friday when I returned to Seattle. We were going to celebrate Thanksgiving with his dad a day late.

Alec opened the door and looked as mouth watering as ever. He wore a snug red t-shirt and dark blue jeans that hugged tightly across his slender hips and ass. His feet were bare except for the sliver ring on his second toe. His smile was bright and reached his eyes. He put a hand to the back of my neck and pulled me into a chaste kiss.

"Hey baby," he said when he pulled away.

"Hey," I replied. Even after dating for all these months I still felt nervous around him. He was beautiful, confident, and smooth. He was elegant and sensuous even in his torn jeans and t-shirts. I still felt like someone was going to pop out from behind the couch and yell "GOTCHA".

"Pizza arrived a few minutes ago, should still be hot," he told me closing the door to his studio apartment behind me. The apartment was located above the music store where he worked. He said that it was a dumpy old storage room when he first saw it and asked the owner if he could clean it up and make it into a living space. The owner agreed and bought the supplies and appliances. He pays next to nothing in rent.

"Wine?" he asked and I nodded as he pulled me further into the small space. It was one room that was longer than it was wide with exposed brick and wood floors. At the furthest end next to the window sat a black platform bed with a small bookshelf headboard and white linens. The black leather sofa sat in the center of the room facing a flat screen TV with a small black coffee table. The kitchen had stainless steel appliances and the granite counter top island doubled as a dining table complete with high back barstools. The bathroom was open to the main room with a half-wall made of glass blocks partially surrounding the shower and a small sink and mirror. The water closet next to the bathroom sink held the toilet and it was the only door in the place with the exception of the front door.

The wine sat open on the counter next to two glasses and a pizza box. The candles lit around the room cast warm shadows throughout. It wasn't unusual for him to dress up his place this way. On one occasion he even brought a couple of candles to my dorm. He said that they give an ambience. Apparently the florescent lighting and the smell of dirty laundry didn't create the right mood. Alec poured the red liquid and handed me mine. I opened the pizza box and saw that he bought my favorite.

Alec grabbed a couple of plates and dished out the pizza. I toed off my shoes and set my overnight bag next to the glass shower wall. I had spent many nights here although we had yet to take that final step. We were taking things slow. Well, I was taking things slow and Alec was being patient. I grabbed my wine and food and sat next to Alec on the sofa.

We talked about our day while we ate and drank. I couldn't have more than a couple glasses of wine before I either passed out or fell down. Alec said I was a lightweight.

We finished the pizza and ended up horizontal on the couch both on our sides with our legs tangled. I was no expert at kissing but Alec was like a master craftsman. He nipped, licked, and suckled my bottom lip until I opened for him in a languid kiss that was slow and intense. His fingers buried in my hair and he moved my head to a better angle and deepened the kiss. My hand rested on his hip never really knowing what it should be doing. I still felt inadequate at times but the wine made me bolder and I slowly moved it to his ass to pull him closer.

I rocked my hips gently into his and moaned at the small friction it created. He moved his hand to cradle my face and his thumb feathered along my bottom lip. He always touched my face when we kissed; my cheeks, my eyelids, my lips. "I love the way you feel under my fingertips" he told me. He was a tactile person, wanting to feel everything. The back of his fingers moved to caress the underside of my chin.

"Sei così bello" he spoke in the language of his family and apparently my cock. "La tua pelle è così morbida e il suo profumo? mmmm...Mi fa impazzire" he whispered into my neck. My throbbing need for him grew and my hips tried to communicate this to him. He held them still with his hand.

"I want to savior you." He whispered between licking and nipping maintaining his agonizingly slow pace. He pushed himself up to hover above me, his knees between my legs. His lips never left my skin. He pulled my head back with the hand in my hair giving him more access. He kissed and nipped my neck paying particular attention to my Adams apple. My hands on his hips touching the sliver of skin revealed when his shirt had risen slightly. I wanted so badly to pull his hips to mine, for him to touch me where I wanted him most. A frustrated moan escaped me.

"Patience," he chuckled. He leaned back on his heels pulling me with him by the back of my neck. With his lips on mine his hands reached for the hem of my shirt breaking our connection only to pull the shirt over my head. I laid back and his lips began to explore my chest and my hands went to his dark hair. With half lidded eyes I watched my fingers card through his hair. It was soft and silky and I found myself wishing it were longer.

My nipples pebbled as he lavished them with his tongue and nipping with his teeth. My body felt alive and needy with every touch. His fingers feathered my stomach delicately combing the hair that trailed down beneath my pants. His fingers dipped just under the waistband and traced my sensitive skin from hip to hip as his kisses moved further south. His tongue found my navel and probed it sending jolts of pleasure to my cock.

"Ah, Alec," I whimpered. My hips lifted of their own accord searching for some kind of relief. He lifted his head and crawled back up my body. He finally, _finally _laid his body fully on mine. The pressure on my cock on mine was both exquisite and torturous. I couldn't help but to roll my hips and create the friction I desired.

"Ti desidero, non sai quanto desidero sentire le tue labbra sulla mia pelle." I hoped that my penis was interpreting what Alec was saying. I had no idea what he wanted from me. The smooth velvet sound of his voice was just as arousing as his lips and hands. "Touch me, Edward."

"Where?" I asked him.

"Here," he moved my hand to his heart and took my other hand and place it on his head. "And here," he stared at me with his golden brown eyes asking me to give myself to him completely not just physically. I wasn't just a one off for him. He wanted all of me. I had never felt so….desired. I captured his lips forcefully using the hand on his head to pull him to me trying to convey that I wanted to give myself to him. I wanted to try.

I moved the hand on his heart to them hem of his shirt and eased it up. His olive skin felt warm and smelled of cologne and musk. My fingertips came in contact with the small ring in his nipple. I tugged gently eliciting a groan that vibrated through his chest and into our kiss. He pulled away from my lips and arched his back giving me the room I needed. My lips sealed around the piercing and my tongue played with the ring. I sucked and nipped while his hand held my head in place.

My other hand found its way under his jeans to grip the top of his ass. I pushed him down onto me and rolled my hips into him, his erection pushing against mine through our clothes. His head feel to my shoulder with a grunt and my hand copied its twin on his ass. His breath caressed my chest as his arms curled under my shoulders giving him even more leverage to push harder into me. Our moans filled the air as soft music played in the background. His hips slowed to a stop and he extracted himself from me to sit on his hunches.

"Oh god, don't stop," I pleaded, my cock screaming from the loss. He smiled at me while he undid the top button of my jeans and I quickly followed his lead undoing his as well. I ran my fingers along the inside of the waistband of his boxers, his cock peeking out at me from the top. My fingers touched the damp tip rewarding me with a whimper. I loved that I could extract those sounds from him.

"Baby, lift your hips," I lifted them off the couch and he pulled my jeans and boxers off along with my socks.

"Sei così bello," his eyes roamed over my nakedness before undressing himself and lying back down on his side. His kiss had become more urgent and our cocks greeted each other with wet kisses of their own. I heard the snap of the bottle and felt his slick hand on me only moments later. The smell of cinnamon fill the air and I felt the slight tingle on my erection.

"Oh, Jesus," I moaned into his mouth as his grip massaged my length from base to tip. "Alec….ahhh….I can't….I'm…" It felt warm and tingled just as you would expect and I felt the familiar tightening in my scrotum. Just as was about to fall over the edge he pulled his had away. "Alec….don't….please don't stop," I begged.

"Shhh, I'm not stopping baby." My cock still searching for release pulled my hips forward to his, anything to get relief. He grabbed my hand and I felt lube being poured onto it. "Touch me baby, please touch me." I had been so wrapped up in what I was feeling that I had left him hanging, literally. I quickly covered his cock with my hand massaging the liquid in. He lifted my leg as to bend at the knee giving him greater access and fondled my balls with even more of the fragrant liquid. His fingers slowly descended to the sensitive area behind them leaving an inflamed trail in its wake.

My hand remained on his cock even when he turned his body to bring his length closer to my face. I stilled my hand at the base of his cock and licked the pre-cum that threatened to drop from his slit. It tasted of salt and cinnamon. I wrapped my lips around the head and pulled him in until my lips met my fingers. I sucked in my cheeks and pulled back slowly with my hand following. I circled the tip with my tongue. My attentions were diverted when I felt a slippery digit slide into my hole. I gasped and instantly tensed, my hand stopping its movement. He had had his fingers in me a few times before but never with the tingly lube. It felt strange and my skin broke out in goose bumps.

"Al-Alec?" He left his finger in place but ceased movement. He tilted his head back to look at me.

"You're okay baby, this isn't anything new." He kissed the inside of my bent knee waiting for me to adjust to the intrusion. The slight burning I normally felt was intensified. My cock hadn't softened and the sensations from the liquid had spread throughout my entire body. When I relaxed, I slowly started to move the hand that gripped his hardness as he slowly pushed his finger inside of me.

"Ahhh…." It was the most coherent thing I could say. His finger moved slowly as it inched it way inside. Once it was fully seated he bent the tip slightly to brush it against my prostrate. I saw stars. He pulled my cock back and put it into his mouth before rubbing his finger over it again. I was done for. My body tensed from the tips of my hair to my curling toes. I erupted down his throat in torrents. My head thrown back and I think I may have blacked out for a moment.

"Edward," He gasped and broke me from my orgasmic haze. I was still gripping his cock while his hips moved his erection erratically in its encasement. "Oh, god," I felt the soft stream of cum land on my chest and then again on my stomach. His head rested on my thigh and his eyes were closed as his own release overtook him.

We laid there trying to catch our breath. Alec was the first to move as he repositioned himself over my cock withdrawing the finger from inside me. He leaned over my torso to lap up the seed of his release before leaning into kiss me. I tasted him on his tongue and found it to be strangely erotic. He pulled back slightly to kiss along my jaw.

"Alec? I um, how bout we take a shower?" I could still feel the tingles everywhere; my cock, my ass, my balls, my lips.

"Only if it will keep you naked while you sleep," he whispered along my collar bone. I usually wore my boxers to bed with him. "I need to feel all of you again tonight. I'm not going a whole week without you and not have you one more time." I nodded in acquiescence.

Seth was waiting for me outside of the library in his usual spot. I had gotten home late Friday night and spent yesterday in my pajamas and napping on and off. I had left Alec's apartment Friday morning feeling both sated and anxious. Part of me knew that I had to let go of the feelings I had for Seth and move forward with Alec but a part of me just….couldn't.

I pulled up to the curb and he jogged over throwing his backpack and skateboard in the back before climbing into the passenger seat. His hair was loose and windblown while his cheeks were pinked due to the chill in the air. His brown eyes glistened when he looked over at me. My stomach filled with butterflies.

"Hey Ed," he smiled in a way that seemed playful and childlike. He unzipped his coat and buckled his seatbelt.

"Do you think we could go to the diner in Port Angeles, I'm starving. I've got gas money and I'll buy lunch but, if you would rather go to your place that's cool too. I just wanted to get out of Forks for awhile, you know? But like I said if you would rather…."

"No, the diner sounds good." I interrupted. If Seth had it his way he would keep rambling. "I got the gas don't worry about it." I pulled onto the road and headed out of town.

We talked about how my classes were going and college life. He and I shared a love of animals and he wanted to work with them in some capacity after high school but wasn't sure how. He asked about Emmett and said that he had seen him a couple of times around town but only in passing. I asked him how school was going and if he had any trouble this year.

"Not in school really, you know, the usual name calling but nothing that I can't handle. I sit alone at lunch and people stay away. I don't know if it is the lingering effects of Emmett's threats or what but, it gives me a chance to study or read. Oh hey, there is this new book I read about how wolves…." He continued on until we reached the diner. I had to smile at his enthusiasm. He was almost never down and his outlook was optimistic. He truly believed that there was a silver lining in everything.

We walked in and sat in a booth nest to a window. The day was overcast but no rain was expected. I looked over the menu deciding on a burger and placed it back in the holder. The waitress came over to take our order.

"Seth, what are you doing here? Long time no see." She said.

"Hey Emily, I'm good. Edward's in town from school and we were just catching up." He gave her a forced smile.

She looked over at me for the first time and recognition fell over her face. We knew each other from high school but never interacted. She and Sam Uley had dated after he broke up with Leah and they were married right after graduation.

"Oh, um, hi Edward," she barely glanced at me.

"Hi Emily, I didn't know you worked here?"

"Yeah, but um only for a few weeks," she briefly looked at Seth and then to her notepad. "So, um what can I get you guys?"

"Cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke," Seth told her in a strained voice.

"I'll have the same," she wrote it all down without looking at me once. She promised to be right back with our drinks and hurriedly walk back behind the counter to place our order.

"Are you okay?" I asked him. He had no problem with my being gay but had to keep our friendship hidden because of the bigots that surrounded him. I would never see him if they knew that 'going to the library' was code for 'hanging with his faggot friend'.

"Yeah, I mean…..shit…" he put his hands on his face while his elbows rested on the table.

"Well, Emily's not so bad. Maybe she won't say anything," of all the people to catch us, we could have done a lot worse than Emily.

"I don't know…" dropping his hands to the table and looking out the window. "She probably wouldn't but I just didn't want…fuck!" he whisper-yelled and looked back down to the table. Emily walked over with our drinks and silently left.

"Look, what's done is done. We can't undo being seen here together. Hopefully she won't say anything and it will all blow over." I tried to console him but I could see the turmoil in his brown eyes. He let out a dramatic exhale and nodded knowing that there wasn't anything that could be done to change what had happened.

"You're right," he said after a moment. "So, how is Alec? You are still together, right?"

"Um, yeah, I saw him Thursday night and I'm leaving this Friday morning to meet him and his dad for a late Thanksgiving dinner." This was an uncomfortable topic for me although Seth didn't know that. Why would it be uncomfortable talking about your boyfriend?

"You guys are really getting serious. I mean meeting the parents is a pretty big step, right? Do you love him?"

"I have met his dad before but yeah, I guess it's serious." I mumbled through my answer.

"You didn't answer my question. Do you love him?" Seth knew how to pull out the answers even if you didn't know them yourself.

"I-I don't know," I gave him the only answer I could. It was honest but not completely truthful. I cared about Alec but moving forward with him would mean leaving Seth behind and I didn't think I could do that.

"You've been dating for what, nine months now? Isn't he the one?" No.

"Maybe, I just….he's beautiful and sexy. He is confident and comfortable with who he is. Not just with being gay but with everything." I took a deep breath trying to give my best explanation or rather my best excuses. "I know that he could have anyone he wanted but…"

"You don't think you're good enough?"

"I mean, look at me. I look like I walked off the cover of 'Geeks Weekly'; the glasses, the fucked up hair, and not to mention the lack of any muscle tone. I just don't get it." I said with a defeated tone. Emily walked over just then and set down our burgers.

"Can I get you anything else?" We both shook our heads no and she left us.

"Edward, you're a good looking guy. Quit with the self-doubt bullshit and just go with it," he shook his head at me.

"You said you needed to talk in your text, what's going on?" I hoped I could get the attention off of myself. His body slumped back into the seat and he looked back out the window. His hair had fallen to partially cover his face. He remained quiet.

"Seth?"

"I don't think I can talk about it here." He turned his eyes back to his plate and picked up a fry and used it to push the rest around his plate. "Never mind, it's no big deal."

"Is it Jacob?" I hadn't wanted to bring him up but something was bothering Seth and Jacob was the most likely culprit. Seth looked up at me with wide eyes and then looked behind him before turning back to me.

"Not here," he opened his wallet and threw down a twenty. "I gotta hit the can and then we can go, Lunch is on me." He walked to the restroom and I sat looking at my half eaten burger. I took one last bite, grabbed the cash, and walked to the register.

When Seth emerged from the bathroom he was stopped by Emily. I could see her talking to him and she seemed angry. He nodded his head a couple of times and the only thing I heard him say was "I got it!" and walked to the door to leave. The girl at the register handed me my change and I gave Emily one last look before I left. She stood with her hands on her hips and her head down. I quickly followed Seth to the car.

We drove out of town on our way back to Forks. Silence filled the car until Seth asked me to pull over. I pulled over onto a dirt road only a few miles outside of Forks and shut off the car. We sat in an uncomfortable silence for what felt like forever but I knew he had something to say and I waited until he was ready.

"I kissed Jake." He didn't look at me when he said it. He sat staring out the windshield.

"I know, you told me that over the….."

"I kissed him again." His voice was monotone. He said it as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

"Why?" in my heart of hearts, I knew why. He was gay or at least he had feelings for Jake that went beyond friendship. I had suspected as much for awhile so I wasn't shocked to hear it. What was shocking was that Jake had let him do it.

"I-I don't…." He finally turned his head toward me and his brown eyes were holding back tears. "I'm not…I don't think….I'm just….confused."

"Maybe you should tell me what happened," he leaned his head back against the seat and stared at the ceiling. His jaw was clenched and I knew he was trying to hold back the emotions that threatened to spill over.

"He climbed through my window a few days after I saw you this summer. He was high and had been drinking." he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "He knew that I was pissed off because he hadn't been around much. As you know, Bella had been visiting her dad and she and Jake had spent a lot of time together over the summer." He wiped his eyes and took a few moments to gather his thoughts.

"They did the deed." He shook his head in disbelief.

"I still can't believe he fucked her. He always said he didn't fuck around and that he only really wanted to be with someone he cared about so I asked if he loved her." This time I looked away. Jake's reputation was almost legendary. He would fuck anyone, anywhere, anytime with no consideration for anyone but himself. To hear that that wasn't the case was a little hard to believe. I know how gossip and rumors get started. The reason I never tried deny that I was gay was because it was true. Maybe not all the things they said were but I figured the biggest part of the rumors was already out there and the name calling and belittling were small fry. I thought the reputation Jake had must be true on some level.

"He said he didn't know. Then I asked him what it was like to ya know, have sex. I figured if it was great then it meant that he loved her. He just said it was fine and I could tell he wanted to drop the subject. I asked him why he came over and he said he just wanted to hang out like we use to. I told him that I missed that too. Then he….I….then I…."

"Then you kissed him," I blurted. He bowed his and nodded. I could see the tears stream down his face.

"What did he do? I mean, did he let you kiss him? Did he freak or something." You would think that a straight boy would. Seth tears continued to fall and his breath hitched.

"H-he ask….asked i-if was a queer." He was sobbing by this point and my hand involuntarily went to his shoulder. He immediately flinched away and I drew my hand back running it through my hair. I wasn't sure how to comfort him. I knew he needed to get out everything that had happened if for no other reason than just to vent. He had kept this to himself for months and I had no idea if there was anyone else he would talk to.

"Did…did he hurt you?" I hoped not. Jacob was a big guy, much bigger than Seth.

"Not like that," he shook his head. "This mo-morning he… he talked to me for the first time since then. He acted like it never happened. He figured out that I was meeting you and said it wasn't a good idea. Emily said the same thing at the diner."

I took a moment to contemplate what he had told me. I needed to handle this delicately but I also needed to give him honesty.

"Seth, why do you think you kissed him?" I needed him to be the one to say it. He would get defensive if I did.

"I don't know," he sniffed and rubbed his face. "I just….he seemed sad or something….and I wanted to make him feel better. I don't fucking know why." His voice rose as he was talking. I took a deep breath knowing that this could get ugly.

"I think you do know why." I said in a calm voice.

"What, you think I'm gay? You think I'm a fag like you? I'm not. I. Can't. Be. Gay," he yelled. I had never seen Seth this angry. His face was a deep red color and tear-stained.

"Seth, it isn't something you get to choose and it isn't black and white. Being gay or not being…."

"I. Can't. Be. Gay!" he yelled even louder. "You couldn't possibly understand what I mean!"

"I understand more than you know," I kept my voice calm but my body was tense. My heart was pounding in my chest.

"You don't know what it's like Edward. Mommy and daddy accepted you without hesitation. It doesn't work like that for me. I was told faggots are unnatural and the world should be rid of them. People tease me for being friends with you. I have to lie to my parents just to go and have lunch with you.

Your life has been a cake walk. You have your perfect family and go to your expensive school and have the perfect boyfriend. You still complain. You have a brother who would beat the crap out of anyone who would try to hurt you. You don't understand shit!" He opened the car door and pulled out his bag and board.

"Seth, wait, just…let's just talk okay. I'll drive you into town." I was pissed at him for what he had said but I didn't want to leave him stranded. It would take him a long time to get home from here.

"Go to hell! I don't need anything from you. I'm fine on my own." He slammed the door on more than just my car.

My heart broke for him. I could see past all the hurtful things he said about me although a lot of it was true. He was angry but not at me. He would have to come to terms with his feelings and that may not happen anytime soon. It wouldn't matter if it were to happen tomorrow because the same way Seth carried a piece of my heart, Jacob carried a piece of his.

* * *

Translations:

Sei così bello - You're so beautiful

La tua pelle è così morbida e il suo profumo? mmmm...Mi fa impazzire - Your skin is so smooth and the smell? mmmm it drives me crazy

Ti desidero, non sai quanto desidero sentire le tue labbra sulla mia pelle - I want you, you don't know how much I want to feel your lips on my skin

A/N: A huge thank you to elfprincess8 for the encouragement and hand holding, you're the best. Also, thank you to ArekWithlock for help with not only the translations but the inspired words. Thank you for all of the reviews, I truely appreciate them.

I have also posted this story on TWCS under the same pen name: ant1gon3.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 Jacob

Seth and I spent almost every day together over the Thanksgiving holiday break. He was in my garage early the next morning after he had gone to the _library_. I had been excited to begin the work on my bike and took it apart piece by piece cleaning each one and making a list of the parts I needed to replace. I didn't have much money so I would have to hit the scrap yard for most of it.

Neither of us brought up anything of consequence keeping conversation light. I was curious about his relationship with Edward but never brought it up. I didn't want to rock the boat with the tentative friendship we were trying to fix. I didn't think it was a good idea that they hang out. People would talk if they found out and Seth would be teased and taunted mercilessly.

It bothered me that I didn't know what was going on in Seth's head. We used to tell each other everything. Not only did we tell each other everything but we could read each other and knew exactly how the other felt in any given situation. I knew that his father was strict but would soften if I were around so when Seth received the only B grade he had ever gotten he asked me to be there when his dad saw it. His dad couldn't be angry when I gave Seth a fist bump and told him that was awesome and then explained that I got my only B grade as well. I just didn't have all the A's to go with it.

I just wanted to forget that night in his bedroom. One stupid kiss ruined so much. I guess you could call it our second kiss. I hoped that one day we would look back and laugh about it but it was definitely too soon. First we had to make it through the awkward stuff and talk about mundane crap like the weather.

My dad and I had a standing invitation every year for Thanksgiving dinner at the Clearwater's. Sue and Leah cooked the meal waking up before the sun to get it started while the men woke up in time to watch kick-off. We ate around 2:00 and it was delicious as always. The atmosphere was jovial. We reminisced about years past. Seth and I sat next to each other listening to the old men talk. He was quiet but seemed in good spirits. We would roll our eyes at each other when the stories they told grew into fish tales, growing larger with the passing of time. It started to feel like it use to. When everyone had eaten more than they should have Sue and Leah retreated back into the kitchen to clean up.

When school started back up, Seth and I fell into our old routines. We didn't have any classes together and I spent my lunch period in my car with my smokes and music. I hated the cafeteria. It was a haven for gossip, clingy girls, and bad-smelling food.

After school, Seth would go home to study and I would either hang out in the garage or help dad with something in the house. Occasionally one of us would cook something homemade but it was usually microwave dinners since the girls left.

I hadn't seen Rachel in a couple of years. She didn't finish college only barely making it through her first year when she decided to travel around Europe with her then boyfriend. Last I heard she was in Hawaii living with a guy fifteen years her senior. Rebecca was more driven and got her degree in business and was working in New York. She visited about once a year but this year she said that work was too hectic and wouldn't make it home for Christmas.

On the weekends I usually ended up with Paul and Jared on Friday night and spent my Saturday with a hangover. I spent Sunday in the garage. Seth would come over and we would just hang out. As awkward as it was, I was happy that he was there. We were finding our comfort zone again. It was a slow process but happening none the less.

Christmas vacation came with two weeks from school. Dad and I spent Christmas Day just the two of us. No gifts were given but dad made a roast and we watched Ralphie in his bunny pajamas and glasses. The snow outside was sparse and the day overcast but the house felt warm and comfortable. The shrill ring of the house phone pulled me off the couch and I answered it assuming it was Rebecca.

"Yo, Becca. How is the snow in the big apple?" I answered.

"Jake?" okay, not Rebecca."Yeah, who's this?"

"It's Bella. Merry Christmas!" she laughed. "How are you?"

"I um good. How are you?" I certainly wasn't expecting Bella to call…..ever.

"I'm good. School is horrid but nothing I didn't expect."

"How's your mom? Are you spending the holidays with her?" I hoped she wasn't at Charlie's. I had just started to get past our night together over the summer. I would rather talk to Seth about the kiss then talk to Bella about that night but unfortunately she brought it up.

"Yeah, it's me, Renee, and Phil roasting chestnuts on an open fire," she sighed. "I uh wanted to know how you were doing. I mean, the last time we talked was…."

"Bella, I'm fine, seriously," I had to cut her off. No way.

"Yeah, well I was just hoping that uh…" I looked over at dad who looked at me with his eyebrows raised.

"Bella, it was a mistake. Please don't make it more than it was."

"I-I'm not. I only wanted to…."

"Look," I sighed. "I gotta go. I'll see ya around," I hung up the phone with a bang. I ran my fingers through my long hair and let go of the breath that I hadn't realized I was holding.

"Everything okay Jacob?" my dad asked with concern.

"Yeah, that was Bella. She was just….she says Merry Christmas," I looked away from him. It wasn't that I was afraid my dad would find out we slept together. He knew that I wasn't a virgin and the only thing he ever said was to treat them with respect. I felt ashamed that I had done it at all. He wouldn't like that I had essentially run out on Bella that night.

"You know Jacob, it's none of my business but if you want to talk, I'm always here. Bella's a good girl and Charlie is one of my best friends. I don't want any bad blood between us."

"Yeah, I know. Bella and I are good. There's nothing to tell. We just….I just….there's not a problem."

"Good, let's keep it that way," he rolled his chair back to the TV and I went to my room.

I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. My head was a mess. Bella had been a good friend and what we did was just a drunk mistake. We had finished an entire bottle of Jack and she was getting very handsy. I was ready to just pass out but she climbed into my lap and started kissing and grinding. Ugh…I do not want to think about this.

I reached for my leather jacket and pulled my cigarettes and lighter out. I had stashed the joint Paul had given me along with a "Merry fucking Christmas" inside. I lit it and took a long drag. The smoke-filled my lungs and I held it in as long as they would allow. The light-headed effect started to take over after the third hit. I carefully stubbed it out wanting to save the rest for later. I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes while the numbness took over.

Flashback

"Dad, how do you know we comed from wolves?" I had brushed my teeth and put on my pajamas with the red and blue cars and climbed into bed. Dad had come to tuck me in and sat in his chair next to my twin size bed.

"Mostly faith, but I see little things all the time that reassure me," he gave me a warm smile.

"Like what?"

"Wolves establish territories where they can hunt, mate, and raise their pups. Our territory is this reservation. As the chief of this tribe or Alpha of the pack I've been charged with protecting the land and keeping out others who would take from it."

"What else?"

"Well, let's see….your mother and I are one example. I met her while we were in school and for me it was love at first sight. She was fourteen years old with big brown eyes and long black hair with a small Barret in the front. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. We were together from that day until the day you were born," his smile left him and he looked down at his time-worn hands."It was close to twenty years."

"But how that make us wolves?" my brows furrowed.

"Wolves mate for life Jacob. Someday you will find your soul mate to love and protect," he smiled back up at me again.

"But um…I-I hurt mama. You didn't protect her," I swallowed back the lump in my throat.

"No Jacob, it wasn't you who took your mother," he placed his hand on my arm and gave a squeeze. "Your mother was always a happy person but when she got pregnant with you and found out that she would give me a son she said that it made her feel complete. The spirits took her for reasons only they know. I can't protect any of us from death. We will all die someday and we must learn to accept it and move on. Do you understand?" I nodded because I didn't trust my voice.

"Protecting our mate from others who would do them harm is paramount but protecting them from the fates is a fool's errand. No man can escape death. You will find your mate one day and it will become clearer to you. You will do anything to keep them happy, healthy, and protected. You will be the leader of this tribe, this pack, one day and you will also do whatever is necessary to keep them safe," he gave my arm another squeeze before pulling it away.

"That is why I believe it is true that we descended from wolves. Does that answer your question?" I nodded again. "Good, now time for young pups to go to sleep. Good night son."

"Good night dad."

End Flashback

I woke hours later and the house was silent. I was uncomfortably hot and realized that I had fallen asleep in my jeans and sweatshirt. I stood up peeling away the layers until I was only in my boxers. I lit a cigarette and sat on the edge of my bed. I picked up my phone hoping that he'd still be awake.

"Jake?" he picked up after several rings his voice full of sleep.

"Yeah, you awake?"

"Um…no but it's okay, what's up?"

"I can't sleep," I took another drag off my smoke and got up to open the window. The cold air chilled my body. I exhaled out of the open window. "Did you get anything good?"

"Nah, clothes mostly and a couple of cds. What did you do today?" he knew that dad and I hadn't exchanged gifts in years.

"Nothing much we watched some TV and had dinner," I took my last hit and threw the butt out the window. "Bella called."

"Oh," his voice sounded meek.

"Dad worried that I did something to upset her. He is just worried Charlie will get pissed."

"What did she want?"

"To wish me a Merry Christmas but then she asked how I was doing since…." I really didn't want to say it out loud.

"Oh, well, what did you say?"

"That I was fine and then I hung up. I just….I-I don't think I can talk to her anymore."

"Oh," this was the first real conversation we had in months. I wasn't sure why I even called him. I just…..

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to do something tomorrow? I mean maybe go to the movies or just hang out in your garage. I have some family stuff in the morning but in the afternoon we could do something." I could hear the small amount of hope in his voice.

"Yeah, just come over when ever."

"Yeah, okay." "Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Um….I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya."

I hung up the phone and closed the window. I crawled under the covers to warm my now cooled skin. Sleep came quickly and I woke up feeling a little better. I decided to cook breakfast instead of the usual cereal and milk. My phone rang as I poured my coffee.

"Hey Quil," I answered.

"Jake, come on over. I got the house to myself and an Xbox from Santa," he chuckled.

"I don't want to watch you and Claire making out on the couch," I sipped my coffee. "I got plans with Seth today."

"Claire is with her parents in Seattle until tomorrow. Come on Jake. Embry is already on his way. It'll be our male bonding time. It'll be a no estro-zone," I was silent for a moment.

"Paul paid me a visit and left me a Christmas present. You can even bring Seth with you. Come on dude!"

"Seth won't be here for a few hours."

"So you can leave in a few hours and you can catch up with the munchkin later. I don't want to sit around an empty house all day. We go back to school on Monday. We need to party before the hell starts all over again."

"Yeah, I'll see you in a few." I hung up and headed for the shower.

When I arrived Quil and Embry were already heavily involved in their game and barely grunted their hellos. I sat on the oversized chair and watched the match. I told myself that I would only stay for a little while. The three of us hadn't done much together since the beginning of the school year and I had forgotten how fun they could be.

"Toke up!" Quil lit the promised joint and passed it around. We played some more of his game system. They were better than I was considering I hadn't never really played before. Seth was the master though and could have wiped the floor against them both. When we got tired of that we smoked some more. We fell into laughing fits about stupid shit. We went through several bags of munchies and sodas.

Sam showed up after a few hours with beer in hand and we all sat around reminiscing about old times. My body felt numb and sleepy after a while and at some point I had fallen asleep in the oversized chair. When I woke it was dark. Embry was asleep on the couch and I assumed Quil was in bed and Sam went home. My neck ached because of the awkward position I had slept in. I stood up and stretched out my back. I put my boots on and headed out the door.

I walked along the deserted dirt road. The night sky was clear and the stars were bright. I realized that I had essential stood Seth up and would now have to find a way to make it up to him. I had no excuse and I was running out of second chances. My walk home took me past his dark house and I even contemplated sneaking into his room again. But that would have probably would have pissed him off even more. He would start thinking the only time I would come around was under the cover of darkness.

Over the next couple of days I stayed home either working on my bike or watching TV. Dad said that Seth had stopped by the day I went over to Quil's and dad hadn't known where I was. I felt guilty and didn't really know what to say to him. I always felt the need to keep other people from hurting him when I was the one inflicting the pain. When I thought back over the last year or so I realized that he had been there for me without fail. This wasn't the first time I had let him down and I knew that it was up to me to make sure that it never happened again.

I knocked on the door of the Clearwater's thinking it was probably the first time I had ever done so. We never use to knock, we would just walk in. Things had definitely changed.

"Jacob, how good to see you. We don't see you around here often enough," Sue greeted me with a smile. She was wiping her hands on her apron.

"Yeah, um sorry. Is Seth home?"

"He's out in that old tree house you built when you were kids. I remember when you built it together. It took you weeks to finish. It never really gets used any more. Maybe it's time…."

"Yeah, thanks Sue. I'm gonna go find him. Bye," I smiled and gave a small wave. Seth gets his gift of gab from his mother and if I let her talk I could be standing there for hours. I turned down the stairs and headed to the backyard.

Flashback

"Jake! Are you up there?" Seth yelled from the bottom of the ladder.

"Yeah," I replied. I was sitting in the tree house we had built a couple of years ago out of old plywood boards and a sheet of metal for the roof. It had a ladder that led to the hole in the floor and could seat two eight year olds easily but we were starting to outgrow it. It was slowly deteriorating especially with all the moisture we have in Washington. The roof had rusted slightly but still kept the rain out. The paint on the outside had chipped away little by little.

Seth's head came through the opening in the floor and he lifted a ball of fur onto the floor.

"Dude, no way! Get that flea-bitten thing out of here!"

"Jake, I just want to give him something to eat."

"I thought we said no girls allowed," I huffed.

"It's a boy!"

"Looks like pussy to me," Seth always had a soft spot for strays. Stumpy, the flea-bitten ball of fur, was a calico cat with one good eye and a stump for a tail. Seth started buying food for it a year ago when he found it on the beach. Now there is no getting rid of it. I could hear it purring as it brushed up against my leg. I shoved it to the other side of the small space toward Seth.

"Jake, leave him alone. He isn't hurting anyone," he opened a small can of food and set it down on the floor.

"The stench of that shit is going to make me sick."

"If I don't feed him, he'll starve. Sometimes we have to take care of those who can't take care of themselves. I feel sorry for him," he sat across from me with his arms crossed over his chest glaring at me. "You should know better than anybody. Plus he likes me."

"It's a fucking cat. It can fend for is self. What do you think it was doing before you came along?"

"Starving."

"Whatever." I looked back down at the girlie magazine that I swiped from Atera's store. I flipped through the pages of naked tits and strategically angled pictures that almost showed their muffs.

When the cat finished its tin of food it curled up next to Seth. He scratched behind its ear and under its chin. He leaned his head back to rest against the wall and closed his eyes.

"It'll be weird to go to different schools this year. I mean at least you'll have Quil and Embry to hang out with," he sighed. "And Sam will be there. Maybe you won't have to ride the moving stop sign this year. Sam could probably pick you up when he picks up Leah. You would have to put up with them sucking face though. I wonder if…."

"Jesus Seth, take breath," I put the magazine under the old crate. It was the only piece of furniture we had. "You'll be the big man on campus this year."

"Yeah great, I'll be the king of tweens," he retorted. I knew he hated being left behind on the rez. I didn't like it any better than he did but it would only be for a year.

"It won't be so bad…." I was interrupted when his dad called for him. He jumped up and headed down the ladder.

"Hey! What about Stumpy? I'm not carrying it down," I told him. He grabbed the cat and climbed down releasing it when he was on the ground.

"Hey, Jake, wanna go fishing Sunday?" he voice full of hope.

"I can't. Bella is coming into town on Sunday for two weeks. We are going over to watch the game and have pizza."

"Oh, okay, well I'll see you around," he shoved his hands in his pockets and with his head hanging down he headed into his house.

End Flashback

The tree house had definitely seen better days. The paint had almost completely chipped away and the wood was rotting. The roof was bright orange with rust and the bottom two rungs of the ladder were broken. I grabbed the highest rung I could reach and pulled myself up. I climbed to the top and what I saw was shocking.

Seth was sitting, leaning against the wall in one corner with his knees bent and his arms folded into his chest. His eyes closed but I could see that he had cried from his tear-streaked face. He was wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans that seemed to be partly pulled down. I made my presence known when I gasped.

"Seth, what's going on?" I pulled myself up to sit on the edge of the floor opening. His eyes opened to me in a look of surprise. He quickly pulled himself to his knees with his back facing me and did up the zip on his jeans. He didn't say anything and remained looking at the wall with his head bowed. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on.

"Seth? Tell me what happened," I kept my voice low but the urgency couldn't be concealed. "Did someone….."

"Jake, I…" he went quiet again. I could see his back expand with his short breaths. His hand balled into a fist and he placed it on the wall and leaned his forehead against it.

"What Seth? What happened? You can tell me," I needed for him to tell me what I just saw. Did someone hurt him in some way?

"I can't….Jake just…just go," his voice was full of defeat and sadness.

"Seth, just tell me what the fuck is wrong," my voice raised unable to hold back the building anger. His other hand suddenly and loudly punched the wall. His breath hitched and I knew without seeing his face that his tears had returned. I reached for his shoulder so that he would look at me but he shook me off. He turned to face me and I saw someone I had never seen before. His long hair stuck to his moist cheeks and his eyes were red and narrowed. If looks could kill….

"Are you upset because of the other day? I'm sorry I wasn't…"

"No, I just…I can't talk…I gotta go," he quickly crawled to the ladder but I stopped him with my hand to his chest.

"Tell me what happened. You aren't going anywhere until I know who did this…."

"I'm gay! Alright? Are you happy now Jake? I'm a fag, a queer, a homo," his arms raised to emphasize his point. "I'm a freak. Now you don't have to come up with excuses to not hang around me. You don't have to feel bad about not talking to me at school. Now you have the reason you've been looking for."

To say that I was shocked would have been an understatement. It wasn't as if the thought hadn't crossed my mind. I mean he kissed me for no clear reason. He had been around Edward quite a bit over the last couple of years, and never once kissed a girl. He didn't really talk about girls like the other guys did. But none of this explained why he was sitting in the tree house with his pants down.

I couldn't formulate an answer fast enough and he had climbed down the ladder and ran into the woods behind his house. I sat there stunned. I wanted to know why he was upset. Did someone come up here and touch him? If that were the case then that someone would pay hell for it. But who would? It didn't make you gay if someone did something to you that you didn't want.

I set my hand on the floor next to my hip and felt the pages of a magazine I hadn't noticed. I picked it up to see that it was the one that I had stolen when I was a kid. It crinkled with age but looked as if someone had tried to tear it and the pages had been partly pulled away from the staples that held it together.

"What the fuck?" I whispered to no one. I opened it up looking at it with unseeing eyes. My mind raced trying to piece together what was going on. Had Seth been looking at this when he had his revelation?

* * *

A/N: As always, thank you to elfprincess8 for telling me not to sweat the small stuff. Thank you to everyone who reviewed or favorited my story. You can than my 5th grade English teacher for giving me a passing grade when I obviously didn't deserve it. All mistakes are my own.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 Edward

"You need to dress warm," he pulled a long-sleeve t-shirt and a grey hoodie from my closet. I took them from him and laid them on the bed next to where I was sitting.

In a bold move, I grabbed one of the belt loops of his jeans to pull him in front of me. He stood between my knees and I could feel his eyes on me.

"I-I want….." I swallowed down my nervousness as I looked at his shirt-clad stomach. "I think I want…..I mean I'm ready," I slowly lifted my eyes to see him looking down at me. He pulled my glasses from my face and set them on my desk. He put his hands on me; one in my hair the other on my cheek.

"You're ready for…."

"I want you to…." I swallowed once again. My mouth was dry and my heart beat like a bass drum against my chest.

"I need you to say it babe. You aren't ready if you can't even say it," his eyes never left mine and his hands caressed my face and hair gently.

I knew I was ready for it. I wanted him to make love to me. I could trust that he would be kind and gentle with me. I have known that for a long time. My hesitation wasn't with Alec, it was with Seth. His words had been hurtful that day. I knew that he wasn't really angry with me but I couldn't keep waiting and hoping for something that may never happen. I had to move on with Alec. I had to try to get the fantasy of Seth out of my head.

"I w-want you to m-make love to me," I stuttered out. I hated the nerves that bubbled to the surface when I talked to him about sex. I felt like a little kid asking for something he shouldn't. He smiled at me and leaned down to give me a chaste kiss.

"Why?" he asked. I hated the questions he would throw at me. He wanted me to open up about my emotions and feelings and I found it difficult. I never had anyone to talk to about this stuff. Sure, mom dad and Emmett were accepting but it wasn't exactly conversation for the dinner table. Dad gave me the talk about gay sex but it was in a professional manner complete with a banana to demonstrate the proper way to wear a condom. That was the only conversation I had with anyone on the topic of sex until Alec. It wasn't like the boys in gym classes would talk about how big their boyfriend's cock was or how tight the ass was.

"Why what?"

"Why are you ready, why now and not last week or last month?" I closed my eyes to clear my head. It felt as if he could read into my thoughts. I had told him about Seth on a few occasions but not how I felt about him other than being a good friend. I did tell him about what happened on the day I met him for lunch. Alec had agreed with me that his anger was misplaced but that I should let him come to me and apologize.

Alec lifted his knees to the bed to straddle my hips and sat on my thighs. With my head cradled in his hands I opened my eyes. He leaned his forehead into mine and sighed.

"I know that it is difficult for you to talk about….things. I've been going at your pace," he paused. "I just want you to do it for the right reasons," he pecked my lips and leaned back.

"What are the right reasons?" I threw the question back at him only to receive a chuckle in return.

"What?"

"You need to figure that out for yourself. I can't answer that for you. What are the reasons that you are ready?" I wanted to wipe that smug smile right off his face.

"Don't you want to?"

"Edward, I want to do everything with you. But what I want right now is for you to tell me why."

"I hate you," I mumbled as I hide my head in his neck and my arms wrapped around his middle. His arms hugged me in closer and his fingers drew circles on my back.

"I know," he responded to my frustrations.

"I wanted to be sure that I could trust you," I took in a deep breath. "I know that you'll make it good for me but I didn't want to be a one-off which I know that I'm not," I sighed. "I'm curious. I have no idea how it feels or what to expect really. I just…..I just want to, with you," we sat on the edge of my bed in the tiny dorm room. Silence filled the room and his hands never stopped moving along my spine.

"I don't know what more I can say. I care about you and I want you to be my first," I felt the need to break the quiet. He pulled my head back a looked at me for a long time. His face broke into a big smile.

"Well, that's a start. You tend to over think things and make it harder than it has to be."

I smiled and felt the blush creep into my cheeks. In a moment of brevity I pulled his hips closer to mine.

"It seems you are the one making things harder," I sucked in his bottom lip between mine and he opened up for me. We fell backward and made out for a few minutes with kisses and grinding. He pulled away first and I gave him a pout.

"We need to get going," he lifted off me and pulled me along with him. I pulled on the outfit he had selected and packed an overnight bag. It was New Year's Eve and we had planned to spend the evening alone at his apartment.

We sat on the roof of his building in a double chaise lounge wrapped in large blankets and coats. It was dark in our immediate bubble but we looked out over the brightly lit city. Our Irish coffees kept us warm as did our roaming hands. We talked a little but mostly just snuggled.

I thought about dinner with his dad and Aunt Carmen at Thanksgiving. Alec cooked and his family had arrived shortly after I did. Although there were only the four of us it was loud and boisterous. It reminded me of the times we had gone to his aunt's restaurant. They told me stories of when Alec was growing up and the trouble he caused at times. My parents returned the favor when we visited them at Christmas. I didn't get in much trouble but Emmett was a prankster and I was the butt of many jokes.

"Two more minutes," Alec's voice brought me out of my memories and he took my drink as he prepared for a New Year's kiss.

"Will we be doing a countdown?" My head turned to rest my chin on his shoulder. "I would like to send the old year out with a….." his lips on mine answered the question. They felt cold due to the chill in the air but his hands were warm tucked up under my shirts. His fingers roamed my body exploring and teasing. His tongue peeked out and ran along the seam of my lips asking for entrance that I willingly gave. He tasted of liquor and coffee.

He tweaked my nipple with one hand and the other slowly moved under my jeans to squeeze my ass. A moan escaped from me and my hips pushed forward. My hand grabbed his knee and hitched it to my waist. I left it there using the leverage to pull him to me while I pushed forward. It wasn't the friction my cock desired. I wanted more tonight.

"Alec?" I broke from the kiss. "Please."

He said nothing when he rolled his body on top of mine. It was awkward in the cold air with our coats and blankets not covering adequately enough. His lips travelled down my neck leaving a trail of chilly moisture. I wrapped my legs around his thighs to grind my cock upward into his. My hands gripped the back of his shirt and my whimpers grew louder.

He lifted his head from my neck and gave me a smile. He sat back on his haunches and pulled me with him.

"As much as I would love to make love to you here, it is cold," he gave me one last peck and started to gather our things.

We climbed back down the fire escape ladder and into his window. The warmth of his apartment felt glorious on my frigid skin. I stood nest to the old fashioned radiator and held my hands over it. To be honest I was nervous and wasn't sure what I should be doing. It wasn't like we hadn't fooled around before but this was different. Do I just strip down and get into bed?

"That would work," he chuckled from behind me. I didn't realize I spoke out loud. I turned to look at him. He had taken off a few layers and wore only his t-shirt and his pants were undone. He had lit a few candles that cast shadows on the walls. "But I would prefer to undress you myself."

He placed his hands under my coat and pushed it off my shoulders. He walked me backwards until my legs bumped the edge of the bed. I sat down and he pulled off my shirts piece by piece. I put a hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. I laid back and he followed hovering above me. The kiss was a series of teasing pecks and nipping. It was slow and soft and our tongues peeked out occasionally but it never deepened.

My stomach was filling with butterflies as he moved to kiss my jaw and down my neck. My heart accelerated as did my breathing. He slowly crept down my body with his hands splayed on either side of my torso. He kissed my pecks and tongued my erect nipples. He kissed the center of my chest and looked up at me silently conveying the emotions that he felt.

My stomach quivered when his tongue found my navel. My hands fisted the white bedspread in an attempt to hide their shakiness. His hands moved to rest on my hips with his thumbs drawing small circles on the protruding bones.

I felt his weight leave the bed and opened my eyes when I felt him lift my foot. Kneeling on the floor his hand travelled up my calf under my jeans as he slowly pulled off my shoe and then my sock repeating it on the other side. I lifted to rest on my elbows. The few candles set around the room created a quiet ambience. His face was in shadow as he stood to rid me of my jeans and boxers.

He stood and pulled of his shirt. I sat up and pulled him to me, kissing his abs and tracing the contours of his body with my tongue. My hands wandered the outside of his thighs and around to his ass. I could see the dark trim hairs between the flaps of his unsnapped jeans and a sliver of hard dark olive flesh. I rested my forehead against him trying to slow my breathing and settle my nerves again.

"Edward, we don't….." his hands combed through my hair. My hands squeezed slightly as I shook my head.

"I-I want to, please Alec," my voice shaky. He gently lifted my head to look at him.

"We can stop whenever you say, ok?" I nodded and moved my hands to grip the waist of his jeans to pull them down.

His pants fell to his bare ankles and his cock sprang free to bump my chin. I grabbed it and circled my tongue around the tip. He took my free hand and laid it against his heart lacing it with his own. I closed my eyes and closed my lips around him. I took him as deep as I dared not wanting to ruin the moment with a choking fit. My lips met my hand and I suctioned my cheeks pulling back until only the mushroom head was encased. I repeated a few times feeling him harden even further. I looked up to his face. His head was bowed with his eyes shut and his lips slightly parted.

He grabbed the hair at the back of my head with one hand and gently guided my movements on his cock. My nerves subsided a bit as I focused on his pleasure. I heard him whispering under his breath and his moans became louder.

He pulled me off without a word and crashed his lips on mine. My heart thrummed in my chest and pulsed in my ears. His lips felt needy and urgent as his hands ran through my hair and caressed my face. I felt dizzy from the lack of oxygen and pulled him by his arms down to me. We lay on our sides in a seemingly endless kiss that only broke apart when our need to breathe over took us.

His hands went to all the intimate places that only he had touched; the back of my thigh, the crease of my ass, the ladder of my ribs. He knew every spot that caused me to whimper or moan or sigh. All of these months of taking it slow were really a way for him to find every place on my body that would give him the reaction he desired. He not only knew where to touch me but when. It was as if I were the instrument and he was the musician. He never missed a note.

My hands groped and squeezed anywhere they found purchase. I broke from his lips and migrated down the cords of his neck. I grabbed him by the waist and rolled him on top of me as I continued my assault. His body writhed above with his cock sliding against mine. I gripped his bare ass in my hands to hold him against my hardened length my hips moving more frantically. If I wasn't careful it would be over before we got started.

"Alec….oh, fuck….we…..uh….slow down," I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on old lady panties and dead hamsters. "Alec," I tried once again to get his attention.

"Ah,…..so fucking good," he said as the movement in his hips slowed slightly. I knew he was trying to regain his control. He could easily get carried away and I didn't want that to happen. Not tonight.

He brushed his lips to mine before leaning over to his bedside drawer. I remember the first time I had opened that drawer and was a bit shocked at what it held. There were condoms and lube of course but, also dildos and butt plugs. He said that the fuzzy hand cuffs and blindfold were a gag gift but I was doubtful. I had pulled out a string that had small plastic balls of increasing sizes and a circle at the top. He laughed at what must have been a very confused look on my face and then told me that they were anal beads. He then pulled out each toy and explained what they were and how they were used. He laughed when he saw the panic on my face and said they were his own personal toys but if I were interested we could go and get me something "fun" too. I shook my head in disbelief.

He pulled out a condom and a bottle of lube tossing them on the bed beside me. My heart rate accelerated. He leaned on his elbows on top of me and placed small pecks on my face. Our hips rocked together at a slow pace.

"Ed, I want you to be relaxed," he said rubbing nose along my jaw.

"Mmmmhmmm."

"I'll start slow using one finger and move to two. I want you to talk to me. I need you to tell me how you feel or I'll stop," his eyes looked into mine and his thumbs grazed against my cheeks. I nodded feeling my heart beat frantically. I was going to try. There was no going back. I had a knot in the pit of my stomach but there was no way I would stop. My throbbing cock agreed. "Good."

He lifted off of me and picked up the lube pouring a generous amount on his fingers. I bent my knees giving him better access. I tried to slow my breathing but my nerves were beginning to show. He lifted one ankle to his shoulder and circled my anus with one finger and dipped it in slightly. I closed my eyes trying to just feel what he was doing. He slowly slipped it inside rocking it back and forth.

"You ok Ed?" I nodded.

"Relax, this isn't anything new. We won't do anything you aren't sure of," he tried to sooth me with the hand on my thigh running his fingers along the inside of my knee.

He added another finger with the same slow rhythm and I tensed. My hands gripped the sheets and my cock started to soften.

"It burns a little, but no more than usual," I wanted him to know that I would follow the only rule he set.

"Touch yourself," he breathed into my calf before leaving a kiss. I wrapped my fingers around my dick knowing it would distract me from the other sensations I was feeling.

When he slid in the third finger a groan vibrated through my chest and I worked my hand faster over my cock. This was the furthest we had ever gone. I felt full and the burn had intensified. It was the first time I wanted to back out. I started feeling unsure and then he found that spot inside me. The spot that he would rub and make everything else disappear. I should have been expecting it but I had been too preoccupied with the stretching sensations. He continuously touched it sending jolts through my entire body. I stopped jacking myself for fear that I would cum.

"A-Alec," I stuttered but this time it wasn't because of my nerves. "s-stop."

His fingers ceased and he pulled them away. My hole fluttered in their absence. He quickly set my leg on the bed and laid his hand on my heart as the other moved my hand away from my harder than steel dick. He replaced it with his own with a loose fist.

"What baby?"

"Too close…..I didn't w-want to cum yet," I said between heavy breaths. I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me, one hand around my cock and the other leaning my chest. I picked up the condom and opened it for him. He leaned back and tried to take it from me.

"I want to," I told him before giving him a quick kiss. I placed it on the tip and slowly rolled it down to the base. He grabbed my head in both hands and pulled me to his lips. I blindly reached for the lube and poured it in my hand. I coated his sheathed cock with a little more enthusiasum than necessary.

He removed himself from me and lay on his back next to me. He pulled me over him so that I was straddling him balanced on my knees.

"You are in charge of the pace," his hand caressed my thighs and occasionally my rigid length. "Just go slow and let yourself adjust," I nodded and placed a hand on his chest and the other guided him to my hole. The tip breeched me and I closed my eyes trying to relax. Alec's hand found my cock and gave it a few pumps. My arm shook holding up my body and beads of sweat formed along my hairline.

I began to sink further down until his mushroom head was completely enveloped inside me. It stretched me even more than his fingers had. I began to rock taking him in little by little until he was completely sheathed. His hand kept manipulating my cock coaxing it to remain hard. I leaned into him for a kiss on shaky arms needing some reassurance that I was going to be ok. I felt overstuffed and uncomfortable.

"I feel….you are big," his hand went behind my neck to deepen the kiss or more likely, taking my mind off what I was doing. I whimpered when he bit my lip.

"Move baby," he whispered. I slowly began to rock only pulling off a little before pushing back down. I felt him brush against my prostrate and began to quicken my pace. He pushed against my chest so that I was sitting up and he hit my prostrate head-on.

"Ahhhh….holy…..uhh…." my moaning was in sync with the slapping of our skin. It was an obscene melody but there was no way I would have been able to stop the shameful sounds nor did I want to. He held my hips to aid in quickening the movements. One hand was back on my cock and I knew it was the beginning of the end.

"Al….so close, so fucking close…please, oh…..uhhh….fuck, I'm com…." My hips move eratically and my cock exploded in his hand onto his chest.

"Sei così bello," he said before his back arched and his hips stilled. His hands gripped my cock and hip tighter causing more fluid to leak from my slit. My body fell forward to his and I kissed him long and deep.

"You are so beautiful when you cum," he told me after breaking the kiss. I hid my head in the crook of his neck as I felt the ever familiar blush rise to my cheeks. "Edward, you don't see yourself clearly but I confess that I love that blush."

We laid there until he softened and pulled out of me. He went to get a wet cloth to clean us up and I had fallen asleep before he returned.

During the last few days before classes started up I spent at Alec's apartment. We made love almost every night. Alec insisted we take a night off to let my ass recuperate. I found that I had an insatiable need for it. It was as if he had opened up a window letting the light into a dark room. I would never again sit in the dark room again. Before Alec I had very little understanding of how it all worked. I watched a little porn but found it too distasteful. It aroused me but it seemed so….crude. I knew where all the pieces fit but wasn't sure how to get them there. Alec was patient with me and told me not to worry about the "right way" and just do what feels good.

He would work in the shop during the days and I would either get an early start on my reading for school or play the piano in the shop. My skills had improved since we started dating and the customers seemed to enjoy the live entertainment.

I felt like we were in our own little world. It felt like nothing could penetrate it. That was until I received an unexpected phone call at two in the morning. I looked at the screen to see who it was.

"Seth?" I asked into the phone. My brain was still half asleep and my voice was groggy.

"E-Edward?"

"Um yeah, is something wrong?" I sat up and threw my bare legs over the edge of the bed. I had fallen asleep naked like I did every night since _that_ night. Alec rolled away toward the wall and I hoped he was sleeping. I got up and pulled on my boxers. I walked over to the couch to put some distance between us.

"No, I'm ok. I just….I wanted…..I'm s-sorry," I could hear his voice hitch. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry."

"Ok. You do know that it is the middle of the night, right?" I ran my hand in my hair and leaned my elbow on my knee. I tried to keep my voice low.

He didn't reply and at first I thought we had been disconnected but I heard a faint sniffle after a moment of silence.

"Seth?"

"I-I'm here," he said with a broken voice. "I'm s-sorry, I d-didn't mean it, any of it. I'm s-sorry Ed-Edward," he was sobbing by this point.

"Ssshh, Seth, I need you to calm down and talk to me. Why are you so upset?"

"You were right. I j-just didn't want to believe it," he told me after taking a moment to collect himself. "I don't want to be. I want to be normal."

"You don't want to be what?"

"I-I'm…..I'm g-gay," his began sobbing again. He had finally admitted it to not only himself but to me. I searched for the words that would comfort him. My experience had been very different than his. His family didn't tolerate "the gays" nor did the people who lived on the reservation.

"Being gay is normal. There isn't anything wrong with being gay," I sighed. "I'm sorry this is so hard for you but you have to know that you are as _normal_ as anyone else."

"Everyone will hate me!" his voice sounded so desperate, so full of defeat.

"I don't hate you."

"You should. I never should have said….."

"Stop apologizing. I know that you weren't trying to hurt me."

"I'm afraid. I don't know what to do."

"What do you think will happen if you told them?" I had a pretty good idea but I wanted to be sure. He couldn't even tell them that we were friends without repercussions.

"I'm not sure exactly but dad would disown me probably after a good beating," he sighed and sniffled. "He wouldn't be the only one once everyone found out."

"Seth, are you sure? I mean he's your…."

"I'm sure." No one should have to deny who they really are especially to the people who are supposed to love you. I couldn't help but feel bad for him. He must feel completely alone.

"I would hate to tell not to be yourself but it isn't anyone's business but yours," I paused. "In the interest of your safety, maybe for now you shouldn't tell anyone." He didn't respond. I knew he would agree but this isn't the way it should be.

"Seth?"

"I told Jake," I could hear the fear in his voice.

"What did he say? Did he hurt you?"

"I didn't give him a chance. I just ran away and I haven't talked to him since." I was afraid for him and gave him the only reassurance I could.

"Seth, I am always here for you and I am only four hours away but if you need anything you can call Emmett. He knows you're my friend and would be there for you. You can trust him." I always hated the fact that Emmett fought my battles but I didn't think Seth could stand up for himself if shit went down. The men from the rez were born with brawn and stature, with Seth being one of the few exceptions.

"I don't want anyone else to know."

"You don't have to tell him why. It wouldn't matter to him what the reason. Just know that he would be there for you, ok?"

"Ok." His voice was soft and defeated. I wanted to get in my car and drive to his house and take him out of his hurt. I wanted to tell him everything would be alright and I would never let anyone hurt him even his precious Jake. "I should go."

"Seth, you can call me anytime. You don't even need a reason, ok?"

"Yeah, thanks Ed." "Edward, I'm sorry about….."

"You don't need to apologize anymore," I paused. "Get some sleep."

"Good night, Ed."

"Night, Seth."

I closed my phone and stared at it. My head was trying to grasp what he had told me. I wasn't surprised by his admission. I was surprised how intolerant the people in his life were. How could someone disown their own child? My parents were clueless about how to talk to me about boys but they would never condemn me for it or for anything. I was startled when I felt an arm wrap around my waist. Alec sat next to me with his chin on my shoulder.

"Soooo, Seth is…."

"Gay."

"Did something happen?"

"No," I ran a hand through my hair, "he called to apologize and to tell me that…."

"He's gay."

"Yeah."

* * *

A/N: As always, thanks to my girl elfprincess8. She helped me though a major freak out this week. Thank you for your reviews, I really appreciate them.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 Jacob**

I sat in the tree house for only a few moments before climbing down to follow him. I ran through the damp forest knowing he had gone to the cliffs. I held out my hand as a shield from the leaves and branches threatening to slap me in the face. My clothing had collected the dew that fell and soaked through to my skin. When I reached the tree line that over looked the ocean I stopped. I saw him sitting on a large boulder that sat several feet from the edge. His body was curled up with his knees to his chest.

The ocean was loud with large waves crashing below. The wind that blew uninhibited and it felt cold against by dew soaked body and I thought Seth must have been freezing. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and moved to a spot where he wouldn't see me. I wasn't ready to talk to him about his admission and figured he wasn't either. But I couldn't walk away with him sitting alone in the cold. I sat there, my eyes never leaving his unmoving form, watching over my best friend.

**Flashback**

"Hurry up Seth!" I yelled at him from my perch.

"Just a second, I have to get the leaves of first!" his voice was annoyed. He was wearing a red bandana, pirate-style, on his head with his black hair flowing from the back. He held a straight stick that he was quickly trying to pull the leaves from. When he finished he climbed up the large boulder and took his fencing stance.

We hit our sticks together trying to act out our childhood renditions of how pirates would fight. We would jump down to the ground only to climb back up again. We would jib each other and throw out pirated terms like Scallywags and Jolly Roger.

"Scurvy pirates will be forced to walk the plank with the point of a blade to their back," Seth said after I had jumped down once again to the ground.

"Geez Seth, did you read that your pirate dictionary? Who the hell says that?"

"Shut up Jake! I was just pretending," he climbed down and the battle resumed. Our swords clashed in the epic battle created in our minds complete with onlookers drinking rum from steins and canons firing in the distance.

When we grew tired we sat on the ground with our backs against the boulder. The sky had turned grey and the wind picked up but the rock sheltered us slightly. I took off my black bandana and leaned my head back. "I would have been the captain of my ship back then," I said. "I could shout orders at everyone and they would have to follow them."

"We could go anywhere we wanted and no one could tell us what to do," he replied. "I could be your first mate."

"Aye matey, arrrr!" we laughed.

"Come on Seth, I want to show you something," I grabbed his hand and pulled him from the ground.

"Jake, I'm not walking over there," this wasn't the first time I had tried to do this.

"Come on," I tugged him forward. He only moved because I was stronger. He tried to pull his hand from mine but my grip was too tight.

"No Jake!" he tried his hardest but I was able to drag him to the edge of the cliff. He stood slightly behind me with his head buried in my back. The toes of my shoes were even with the edge and I looked at the waves rolling into the rocks below. I loved the feeling of butterflies in my stomach when I looked over the cliff. It would make my body tingle with adrenaline.

"Just look really quick," he shook his head without lifting it from me. "I want you to see how high up we are." I pulled him from behind me and I could feel his hand shake in mine while his other hand gripped my bicep.

"Open your eyes. I promise I won't let you fall."

He slowly opened his eyes and his hands tighten. At first he looked out over the ocean into the horizon but after a few moments his eyes slowly moved to below our feet. His body trembled against mine and swayed slightly.

"Jake, I don't feel good," he closed his eyes and leaned further into me. I pulled us back from the ledge and sat us back on the ground. His hands never left me but the trembling had receded.

"Don't worry Seth; I would never let you fall."

**End Flashback**

We sat there for over an hour until he slowly climbed down and walk home. I followed him silently and keeping a large distance between us. He went into his house and it made me feel afraid for him. It was safer on the rock with the cold wind and torrent of waves that moved hundreds of feet below the fatal cliff's edge. I knew he wouldn't tell anyone his dark secret but it made me feel jittery not being able to see him.

I went to school Monday and I knew that I had to talk to him. I had to make sure that he was ok and figure out what had happened in the tree house to make him so upset. I found myself watching him at school but kept my distance. He still looked the same. No one could see that he was gay. No one could see the invisible neon sign that followed him except me.

He hadn't gotten any taller and his hair was still long and black. He was still the same Seth that I grew up with riding his skateboard and feeding his stupid stray cat. He was still one of the smartest kids in school and the best gamer I knew. He was still my best friend although I didn't think I had been much of a friend to him. He had gone through all of this alone and I couldn't help but feel guilty about that. Even if I didn't understand it, I should have been there for him.

I waited by his locker after the last bell rang. I hadn't spoken to him since the day before in the tree house. He walked toward me with his head down. He looked tired and moved slowly with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Hey Seth, do you want a ride home?" he lifted his head and looked at me with surprise. He stood stock still. "Come on, you don't wanna ride the big yellow Twinkie do you?"

"I….um….yeah, I guess," he opened his locker and filled his backpack with homework and slowly closed it. His movements were slow and calculated despite their slight trembling. I hated that he worried about my reaction. He no longer gave me his unconditional trust like he once had. I had to let him know that no matter what, I would be there for him.

We walked to my car and he looked around as if something were going to jump out at him. I unlocked the driver's side and leaned over to unlock his. He climbed in and closed the door.

"Why are you doing this Jake?" he turned his body to face me leaning against his door as far from me as he could get.

I let out a long breath. "I just…..I wanted to talk to you," I glanced at him and then back out my window. The key sat in the ignition and we sat there in silence. I wasn't sure where to begin. I pulled out a cigarette and partly rolled down the window. The parking lot had emptied and a light drizzle began to fall. The car fell into silence as we both waited for me to say…something. I looked out the window avoiding his gaze. I inhaled and exhaled my cigarette until it was finished and threw it out.

"Jake, I really don't think I have anything left to say," he broke through our long silence. I looked at him while he stared out the windshield. "You don't need to pretend….."

"I'm not pretending anything," my voice harsher than it should have been. I took a breath to calm myself. "I don't hate you Seth. I know you don't believe it but you're still my friend."

"Jake…."

"I'm worried about you. Did something happen to you? I mean when I saw you…."

"Nothing happened."

"Why were you in the tree house? We never use it…."

"I don't want to talk about that Jake," his voice pleading and annoyed.

"Is there someone….."

"No Jake! There is no one."

"I meant is someone doing….."

"No Jake!" he yelled. There was an uncomfortable silence as I tried to figure out what to say. I was relieved to find out that no one had touched him but I was trying to wrap my head around what I saw. I mean, obviously he was doing what any horny teenage boy would be doing when he was alone with a dirty magazine.

"Seth…."

"Jesus Christ Jake!" he yelled. "I couldn't get it up ok? I tried and just….couldn't," he voice was angry and I knew he was hurting. His eyes were full of unshed tears. He had always felt like the weak one when he cried. He tried to hold them back and wipe them away but he just couldn't turn them off. "This is so fucking embarrassing but girls just don't fucking…..." he turned back in the seat to face forward in a huff and leaned his head against the window. The tears he tried to hold back fell down his flush cheeks.

"Oh," was my inadequate answer. After a long pause I felt the need to explain. "I just wanted to make sure that someone hadn't…"

"No one convinced me to be gay Jake. No one touched me in some unwelcome manner that sent me over to the dark side. I think I've always known and I just didn't want to believe it," he closed his eyes blocking me out. "Please just take me home, Jake."

I sat there for a moment and decided he didn't want to talk anymore. I started the car and drove out of the parking lot. His silent tears fell from his closed lids. I couldn't find the words.

* * *

"The reason I called your father to join us is because you are at risk of failing this class," Mr. Bennett said looking over the top of his glasses. "You failed your first semester and must receive a least a B this term to pass. If you don't pass my class, you won't graduate."

I sat next to my father in one of the desks directly in front of Mr. Bennett's desk. I leaned back tilting it on its back legs. My dad looked at me sternly and pointed his finger telling me to set it back on the ground. I leaned it forward with a bang.

"Mr. Black, I don't know if you are aware that Jacob has missed several days of school since the beginning of the year and cannot afford to miss any more," he said in an accusing tone.

"I am glad you have brought this to my attention and no, I was not aware of his absences," he sighed and then turned to me. "Jacob, do you care to explain?" I knew he didn't really care about me skipping school but he was insistent that I graduate.

"No."

"Mr. Bennett, what does my son need to do to bring his grade back up? Is there some extra work that he could do?"

"If he were to hand in all the assignments that are missing and is in school every day, it would help significantly. He would also have to complete all the assignments through the end of the school year as well," he laced his fingers together on top of the desk and leaned forward slightly. "Do you think you can do that Jacob?"

"Do I have a choice?" I watched my fingers as the drummed on top of the desk.

"No Jacob, you don't," my father quickly replied. I let out a sigh and looked out the window away from them both.

"Here is a list of every assignment you need to complete. I'll expect the top two on Monday morning," he held out a sheet with at least a dozen assignments. I snatched it from him and stood up.

"We done here?" I asked not really caring about the answer. Mr. Bennett nodded and I walked to the door. I heard my dad thank the teacher and rolled out of the room.

We traversed the deserted hallways out to the parking lot. Sam had brought my dad to the school and left his truck and drove my Rabbit back home. I unlocked the doors and hoisted him into the passenger's seat throwing the chair in the bed. I started up the engine and headed for home.

"Jacob?" I knew he would want to talk about it but I wasn't in the mood.

"I'll get it done dad. Don't worry I'll graduate." I said trying to get him to stop before he started.

"I don't try to tell you you're business," his said in a stern voice. "I will start laying down rules if I see that you aren't making an effort. I give you all the freedom you could want but with that comes responsibilities. You will be responsible for an entire tribe one day."

"I have been an adult since my sisters left, haven't I?" I sighed and looked out the side window. "I have had responsibilities my entire life. I don't need a fucking lecture now," I looked over at him hoping that he would drop it.

"You have had to deal with things that most children don't and so I treated you as an adult but you are acting like a child now so I am treating you as one," he paused. "Prove to me that you act like an adult again. Don't stay out all night and get your school work caught up."

I didn't answer him. We rarely argued but school was one of his triggers. We pulled into the driveway and I lifted him into his chair and walked into the house.

I wasn't surprised when I heard banging on the front door a few hours later. I had been in my bedroom trying to get my assignments completed. It was Friday and I usually went out with the guys but I knew if I didn't show an effort, dad would have my ass. I heard footsteps walk down the hall to my room and the door swung open without a knock.

"Hey Jake! Let's roll!" Embry and Quil waltzed in.

"Can't, I got shit to do. Maybe next weekend, ok?"

"Seriously? Since when do you give a shit about school," Embry gave me a disbelieving look.

"Fuck off Em!"

"Come on Jake! It's Friday, you have the rest of the weekend to do that shit." Quil sat on my bed and pushed my book off to the side.

"What did you dickheads have in mind? Get drunk and stoned while playing video games, no thanks." I leaned back against the wall with my arms crossed. "Where's Claire?"

"She's waiting for the units to fall asleep before sneaking out."

"Classy."

"What the fuck Jake? I don't say shit about….."

"Just get out," I stood from the bed and pulled open the door. "I'll see you guys around." They walked cursing under their breath. I slammed my bedroom door shut and heard the front door close after they said goodnight to dad.

I sat back down and rubbed my hands over my face. "Fuck" I said to no one. I felt antsy and confined in my small room. I knew if I had gone with them that dad would have been pissed. For some reason I felt the need to prove to him that I was responsible and that I could handle shit on my own. I had been doing it for years. Sure I went out a partied but my obligations were always taken care of. Dad didn't need to tell me to run to the grocery store or fix the leaky roof. I would just do it. This was one of only a very few times that he thought I was sherking my responsibilities. I hated the thought that he was probably right. I had gotten lazy and need to man the fuck up. Going out tonight would have been a nice break from all the shit rolling around in my head though.

I lit a cigarette and opened my bedroom window. It was still cold here in the beginning of March but the fresh air helped to soothe me. My mind was tuned into Seth like a radio with a broken dial so I couldn't change the station. My mind always focused on Seth to some degree. I constantly worried for his safety knowing that if others found out it would mean a lot of trouble.

Safety wasn't my only thought. He felt alone. Over the past couple of months since his declaration I had tried to gain back his trust. I had picked him up for school and brought him home every day. For a long time he wouldn't say much more than "Hey" and "Thanks". I hoped in some small way that I was showing him that he wasn't alone.

Over time he began to open up more and more. I would see small sparks of how he used to be. He laughed for the first time in what felt like forever when Newton slipped and fell on his ass in the school parking lot. My heart felt like it was in a vice and I started to feel pricks of tears in my eyes. The happiness I felt for him was overwhelming. He had his own tears of laughter that he wiped away as he pointed out what happened to me. I hadn't realized how much his sadness had affected me.

We didn't hang out afterschool anymore although I would look out my window every night and saw the faint glow of light from him bedroom window in the back of his house. I would go out with the guys most weekends and get polluted but something was changing in me. I didn't want to feel so numb anymore. I also wanted to make sure I had my wits about me just in case. I couldn't be any help if shit went down when I was stoned. Maybe that was the reason for staying home tonight.

I took my last drag and threw the butt out the window. I looked one last time over to his bedroom and saw that his light was still on. In an impulsive move I grabbed my sweatshirt and crawled out my window. It had been a long time since I crept into Seth's room. The last time ended in a kiss that I was still trying to figure out.

For one brief moment, I had liked it. It felt comfortable and…natural. It was as if it was something we did all the time. When we were younger we would often hold hands. Looking back I can see how it might have looked to others but to us it show solidarity. We were in it together no matter what. Of course as children you don't understand it that way but now I can see more clearly that it was an outwardly expression of what we felt inside.

When my brain caught up with what his lips were actually doing, I heard all the negative things anyone ever told me about being gay shouting in my head. They said it was wrong and unnatural. My dad had even explained that it was an abomination and a direct attack on the tribe. You need a man and a woman to create a baby and two men being together was like giving the finger to their legacy. I had pushed him away like I thought I was supposed to. That is what a normal healthy straight boy would do. The problem was that Seth seemed to be doing what was natural for us. It was like another step in the prgress of our relationship. It was as natural as holding hands.

I stood in the dark under his illuminated window for a moment. I was a little nervous about how I would be received. Our friendship was growing again but I wasn't sure what that meant. I didn't know if he trusted me enough to climb into his room where he hid with his secret.

I finally reached up to open the window not knowing if he still kept it unlocked for me. It stuck a little but opened after a couple of tugs. I hoisted my body up and over the sill to step on to the floor. I turned and close it behind me.

"Jake?" he sat up from where he was laying on the bottom bunk. I walked around to the chair next to his desk and sat down.

"Hey Seth," I said as I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees. It felt awkward being here again. I picked up his completed Rubik's cube to give my hands something to do. I had too much nervous energy.

He folded his legs that lay beneath the blankets and scooted to the middle of his bed. His hair was tied back and he wore a long-sleeved t-shirt. He set the book he had been reading on his night stand and folded his hands in his lap. The lamp gave off a warm glow and put him in half shadow.

"I was just um…" I moved my hand through my hair and pulled out the tie back letting it fall around my face. "I felt cooped up in my house and wanted to get out." I looked at him wondering if I had made a mistake coming here. "Do you….do you want me to leave?"

"No, you can stay if you want. It's just…you haven't been here in a long time," his voice was soft. He watched my hands as I mixed up the cube in my hand absent-mindedly. We sat for a while in silence. We were both on edge wondering what the other was thinking. It was up to me to break the ice. I had always seen myself as the stronger one but I decided that I would stick to something safe for the time being.

"I'm failing Bennett's class," I looked up at him and shrugged. "That's why you had to ride the bus home today. Dad had to come in for a conference."

"Are you going to graduate?" he voice full of concern.

"I have to some make up shit and I can't miss any more school."

"Do you…..did you want me to help? Is that why…."

"No. I'll do it on my own," I sighed. "I didn't come here to ask for help." I leaned back in the chair. It was like there was an elephant sitting the room. A big pink elephant dancing the tango with a rose curled up in its trunk.

"Why are you here, Jake?" Good fucking question. I didn't really want to get into a deep conversation but the elephant is shaking his big pink ass in my face.

"I just…..we used to…..I can't keep doing the whole Paul thing anymore," I rubbed my face and dropped my hands back to my lap. "I have responsibilities and I haven't been….." I didn't know how to explain what was going on with me because I didn't _know_ what was going on with me. "I'm just better when I'm with you."

"You mean you're not all fucked up," he stated. He was wrong though. With him I'm a different kind of fucked up. "They aren't good for you Jake and you know it," I nodded my head slightly agreeing with him but I couldn't help think that Seth may not be good for me either. Seth brought a whole other level of trouble to the table. Silence filled the room again. I looked over at the clock and it was past midnight.

"I should go," I stood to leave.

"Jake um, do you….I mean….you can take the top bunk if you want," he looked up at me as his hands gripped his blanket in what I knew to be a nervous gesture. I set the mixed up cube on his desk and turned back at him.

"Nah, I'll just go home," I smiled at him as I opened the window. "Plus, I don't want you getting anymore ideas about kissing me again," take that Babar.

"Jake, I….." his voice full of remorse.

"It's a joke Seth, laugh a little," I threw my leg out the window and crawled out. My feet hit the ground and I reached to close the window.

"Hey Jake?" Seth stopped me before it shut.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

* * *

A/N: Thank you always to my girl elfprincesses8. If you aren't reading her story 'Wild Orchid' you are missing out on Jacob in a loin cloth...just sayin'!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 Edward**

"Faster, please Alec!" I whined. He was going too slow and not hard enough.

"Shhhh," he kissed my shoulder and his fingers touched my chest and abs with roughness of a feather. I braced my hands on the brick wall above his headboard with Alec slowly, _too_ fucking slowly pumping me from behind. His cock dragged against my prostrate instead of slamming into it like I needed. I tried pushing back against him only to have him scoot farther away from me.

"Edward, slow down baby," he said in an irritatingly sweet tone. Over the last few months I found that our lovemaking was a bit too leisurely at times. That was something that I appreciated at first. Alec had been very considerate with me when it came to sex. I was naïve to it and how it worked. He was patient and understanding. But there were times I wanted something a little more….. fiery, like now.

"Harder….oh god, please harder," I pushed myself back off of the wall forcing him to sit back on his heels and me in his lap. His cock finally, _finally_ slammed my spot. I wrapped my arms around to his back to keep him there so that I could now control the pace. The rhythm I set was quicker and more erratic. He put his arms under my pits and grabbed my shoulders in a vain attempt to slow me down but I kept up my movements.

"E-Ed, baby you're gonna make me come…." His head buried between my shoulder blades and his hands tightened. "Oh god….please slow…." I ignored him as I chased my orgasm. I let go with one of my hands to wrap around my prick moving it up and down at the same pace as my ass. I was in heaven as I slammed down over and over. I was so close. He quickly loosened his hold on my shoulders and put his hands on my hips stifling my movements. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuck…" he said as I felt him pulsing into the condom. I jacked myself furiously trying to find the rhythm that had been interrupted. He held my hips in place trying to lessen the stimulation to his over-sensitive cock. He hadn't been trying to derail me but I was finding it difficult regain the momentum. He lifted me off his lap and quickly pushed three fingers into my hole and finding my spot once again.

"Oh f-fuck…" my cock exploded as my orgasm raged through me as he pressed his fingers against my prostrate steadily. It felt like endless streams of cum poured out of me. I kept pumping to draw it out. When my spasms slowed Alec pulled out his fingers and disposed of the condom pulling my body to lay with him. My chest still heaving and my heart beat at the rate of a small animal.

His body was draped over mine and we laid there until our breathing settled. His fingers drew imaginary pictures on my pecks. I knew the silence wouldn't last.

"Ed?" he lifted his head from my chest. I closed my eyes not wanting to feel the intensity of his stare. "Are you upset with me?"

"No," I sighed.

"What is it?"

"I'm just…." I turned my head to look out the window. I hate discussing these things. In my head I knew that I should be able to tell him what I wanted. Hell, a few minutes ago, I took what I wanted without a thought. Why was it so hard to verbalize my needs to him?

"Baby, look at me," he reached up to turn my face toward him. "Talk to me. I want to know what you're thinking," his eyes showed concern as did the tone of his voice.

"Sometimes….sometimes I want it to be more…..urgent or something," I ran my hand through my hair and gripped it to the point of pain. I closed my eyes again trying to find the right words. "It's not that I want that all the time. I love the way you make love to me but sometimes I just want…." I let out a dramatic sigh.

"I love you," he pecked my lips. "You know that right?" I nodded and opened my eyes to see him smile at me and I couldn't help but return the gesture. He had told me months ago even before we had made love. He took me back to my dorm from one our routine Friday night dates and after a very heated kiss he said "I love you baby" as if he said it a hundred times. I didn't say it back. I still haven't said it. I think love him but saying it was…..

"You are getting better at this," his eyes sparkled with pride. "Someday I won't have to drag it out of you kicking a screaming," he took my bottom lip between his teeth and I opened to him pushing my tongue inside. His kiss reassured me that he wasn't upset that I hadn't returned his admission and that he knew in time I would. He was too patient for his own good.

After a few minutes of making out he pulled away to lay his head on my chest. "I like taking my time with you. I don't like to rush through it when we can go slowly and I can savior you. I can understand that sometimes it's just about release," he took a deep breath before continuing. "It feels selfish if I just take what I want and don't take the time to appreciate you the way you deserve." Jesus, he was like a Harlequin Romance novel. I didn't think that those men really existed. I know I should be grateful for his thoughtfulness but sometimes I just wanted to be pounded into the mattress.

"Alec, just because it isn't slow and intense doesn't mean…."

"I know. It's just the way that I have always enjoyed it." He placed one last peck to my lips and stood from the bed pulling me to the shower.

After our shower, I sat on the bed with a towel wrapped around my waist. I had gotten a text from Seth and was sending my reply. I had called him every day for two weeks after his middle of the night admission. I didn't know what the people in his life were capable of and was afraid for him. He reassured me countless times that he had no intention of "coming out" until he moved away to college. But there was one other person who did know, Jacob Black.

Seth trusted Jacob with more than I thought he should. In high school Jacob all but ignored him. He would brush him off, making Seth feel like a nuisance and not a friend. I could never understand why he didn't include Seth or just talk to him at school.

**Flashback**

It was the first day of my senior year. It couldn't get over soon enough. My first two classes had me almost asleep. I only needed to get through one more class before lunch. I took a seat near the window toward the back of the room while other students slowly filing in talking and laughing. That was the first time I saw him. He was obviously from the reservation with his long dark hair and russet colored skin. He was smaller than the others from there. His brown eyes scanned the room looking for an empty seat.

He strode down the aisle to the seat across from me and took out a notebook and pencil from his bag. He gazed around the room until his eyes caught mine.

"Hi, I'm Seth," his smile lit up his entire face and made his eyes sparkle. "…and you are?"

"Oh, ah….Edward," he extended his hand and I shook it.

"So, Ah Edward," he smirked. "Is Mr. Molina tough?"

I shook my head "No not really. If you take notes and read the chapters you'll ace the class," I cleared my throat. "Last year we were all give a project to do with a partner and that was the most difficult assignment."

"Good, sounds like a girl on prom night," he turned toward the front and began writing the notes from the board. His hair was pulled back so that I could look at his profile. He was…..beautiful. His pink tongue peeked out as he wrote.

"A girl on prom night?" I asked.

He turned his head toward me and lifted his long lashes. "Yeah, ya know, easy," his smile was big and he chuckled to himself. I shook my head and started to write my own notes. The class would have been as boring as the first two except that it turns out Seth could be very entertaining. He drew cartoon pictures and made ridiculous faces when the lecture droned on. He seemed to pay attention when it was needed and took lots of notes but it was clear that he found the class as boring as I did.

When the bell rang I stood up and threw my things into my bag. Seth was already out the door. I could see him several feet in front of me down the hallway when he stopped and Jacob Black's locker. I kept my head down walking past them trying not to look their way.

"Seth, I don't eat the shit they serve here," Jacob was putting on his jacket so that he could no doubt head to the parking lot to smoke.

"I don't want to go in there alone, Jake," Seth voice was pleading. I kept walking to my locker and couldn't hear any more of their conversation. I dialed in my combination and opened the door. I threw my books inside and grabbed my paperback to read while sitting alone in the cafeteria. When I turned around I saw Seth slowly making his way to lunch.

"Hey, Seth! I um...are you sitting with anyone for lunch?" I jogged over to him and we walked together. I hoped I would get a chance to talk to the animated boy with big brown eyes. Although, sitting with me might be social suicide for him. I had always kept to myself and everyone left me alone.

"That would be great," he looked up at me again with his big smile. We stood in line with trays in hand picking out our lunches. After paying, I headed to my usual spot at a table in the far corner of the room. The rare sun streamed in from the large windows making it feel warm in the large boisterous room.

"Do you usually sit alone?" he asked after we sat down in seats across from each other.

"Yeah, I um…..I'm not what you call…..popular."

"Can I ask you something?" his eyes looking directly into mine. He had an innocence about him. Like a child who asks why the sky is blue.

"I guess," I had no idea what he would ask but I had my suspicions.

"It was your brother, Emmett, who punched Paul Lahote, right?" Ah yes. He would have heard about that being from the reservation. A couple of years ago, Emmett hit Paul for calling me a poof. I set down the apple I was eating and put my hands in my lap. There two reasons I was consider an outcast. First, I'm gay and everyone knows it. Second, Emmett would descend upon anyone who bothered me, Paul was proof of that. It is a small town and word gets around fast. Even if I didn't tell Emmett someone else would.

"Yeah," I looked down at my tray not wanting to see the hate in Seth's eyes. He was a part of the clan from the reservation and no doubt a friend to that asshole.

"That was legendary. Paul had a black eye for two weeks," there was a lightness to his voice and I quickly looked up to see him shaking his head with a smile on his face. "I wish I could do it. Paul's a prick!"

"Oh," I was shocked to say the least. "You…you aren't mad?"

"About Emmett clocking the bane of my existence? Fuck no!" He smiled again. "I wished he had done worse." I let out a long breath. For the first time ever, I was happy Emmett did it.

"Can I ask you something else?" his forehead scrounged. I nodded without speaking.

"Is-is it true about…you…I mean you don't have to tell me. It's none of my business…." He stammered on.

"You mean, am I gay?" I might as well get it out there. He will either accept it or he won't. Either way there is no point in denying it. He nodded yes.

"Yeah, I'm gay."

"Oh," it was his turn to look down at his tray.

"I understand if it bothers you. You don't have to…."

He looked up at me and shook his head. "No, it doesn't bother me. I don't really understand why you…." He looked to the wall behind me for a moment with unseeing eyes.

"I just am," was my intellectual response.

"I don't care, Edward," he looked at me with a half-smile. "It doesn't matter."

"But you need to tell Emmett that he is number one in my book. I wish I had taken a picture of Paul to blow up and put over my mantle," he laughed. It was infectious and I couldn't help but smile.

"I'm not telling Emmett shit. He already has a too high opinion of himself," I finished my last bite and wiped off my hands. "Wanna hear something funny?" he nodded.

"Once I walked past his bedroom and he had left the door open. I could hear that horrible eighties song coming from his stereo 'I'm Too Sexy'. Do you know it?" He looked at me with curious eyes and nodded. I could feel my laughter bubbling up. "He-he was dancing around…." I started laughing trying to get the words out, "he strutted like he was on the runway with a hand on his hip. He threw his shirt across the room when the line 'I'm too sexy for this shirt' came up," I took a breath. Seth had tears of laughter in his eyes. "He didn't know I was standing there watching him until he did a turn on his toes like he was wearing heels. That was fucking funny!"

We spent most of our lunches together and I felt that I finally had a friend. Seth had taken a lot of shit from his other friends for hanging out with me. Even his best friend Jacob would tell him not to associate with me.

**End Flashback**

"Hey babe, are you trying to tempt me back to bed?" Alec stood between my knees and leaned down for a kiss. He had gotten dressed after our shower and was ready for work in the shop while I would be studying all day in the apartment. I pulled him down to lay on top of me and deepened the kiss. His hands moved down my body and wiggled my towel open. His kiss left my lips and travelled down my body while his hands held my hips.

I groaned when he wrapped his lips around my growing cock. He swirled his tongue around the head and let go with an obscene pop. He placed a small kiss there and smiled up at me.

"I would love to ravage you all over again but I have to go," he hovered over my naked body and kissed me deeply. "We will continue this later."

"I think I may finish this now," I lifted my eyebrow and grabbed my unsatisfied cock giving it a couple of good tugs. He chuckled and grabbed my wrist to stop me from continuing.

"Save it for later, baby," I gave him a pout and he kissed it away. "I bought a small surprise. I put it in the drawer," he stood up and walked to the door grabbing his wallet and phone. I sat up when the door closed and gave my dick a squeeze. I was curious to know the surprise but a little apprehensive as well. I slowly opened the bedside drawer and peeked in as if something would jump out and bite me. I snorted when I picked up the item, lemon scented lube. Alec definitely liked to play with all of my senses.

My phone beeped pulling me from my thoughts. I knew it would be Seth again. We were solidifying our plans for when I came home on break before summer classes started. I wasn't bringing Alec with me this time and would be there for a week.

Seth: Saturday?

Ed: Library 2

Seth: Thanx

I hated that the only way we could spend time together was to play hide and seek from his parents and friends. I understood it wasn't his fault that they were a bunch of bigots and he had apologized many times on their behalf. I'm not really sure why he put in the effort for our friendship. It would be so easy for him to just walk away. If being associated with me could bring so much trouble why go through it? Sometimes I wished he would sever ties. It would make his life easier, right? It would probably make my life easier as well but I know that I will be there for him in whatever capacity he wants and I will be until he asks me to leave.

* * *

Seth and I sat on my small couch at the end of my bed watching a movie. We had placed our feet on the small ottoman in front of the couch and slouched down eating the popcorn that sat between us. I picked him up at the library as usual and we decided it was best to stay home. We didn't want to run into any one and cause more problems.

I hadn't been paying attention the movie but more to how close our feet were. He wore a t-shirt and short due to the warm weather. His feet were bare and petite crossed at the ankles. They were in my line of sight to the television and mesmerized me. His caramel color legs with only a dusting of hair seemed smooth and soft. I glanced toward his crotch where his hand lay randomly except for when he reached into the bowl. His torso was lean, almost skinny as were his arms. His hair fell loosely around his shoulder and down his back.

At this point I was openly gawking at this seemingly unknowing boy. He had no idea the infatuation he held over me, that he was the one in my fantasies and dreams, not Alec.

Alec. I closed my eyes and turned my head against the back of the sofa. Alec was everything anyone could want. He loved me. He made me feel wanted and needed. He was patient and tender. He wouldn't ever hurt me in any way. He just wasn't…..Seth.

It was easier not to think of Seth when he wasn't there. It was easier when I wasn't _sure_ that he was gay. I had never gotten past my crush on the young native boy who enthusiastically bounded into my life. He was like sunshine and moonlight all rolled into one. I felt like I could be myself with him and more importantly he didn't have to hide himself from me.

I turned my head back to him when I heard him laugh at something that happened on the screen. It made me smile to see his face lit up and hear him chuckle. We hadn't spoken much since I picked him up. We talked so often over the phone and texts that there wasn't much to say. I just wanted to the opportunity to _be_ in his presence.

He turned to look at me with his infectious smile. Our faces were resting on the back of the couch only inches from each other. I lifted a shaky hand to move a piece of hair from his eyes. His warm breath washed over my face. We stared at each other for a long moment and before I realized what I was doing I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. Our eyes remained open for a moment until I watched as his shutter closed. His lips moved his against mine softly, tentatively. My heart drummed in my chest and my hand pressed to the side of his face. My tongue peeked out to taste the salty-ness of his lips. His hand wrapped around my wrist as I felt his tongue against mine.

I had waited for this moment for years, since the first day we met. I couldn't believe it was actually happening. I had kissed _him_ and _he_ was kissing me back. We didn't deepen the kiss just moved against each other with occasional swipes of our tongues. It was everything I had hoped and dreamed about. I felt alive and electric with a buzz that flowed through me. I never wanted it to end.

He pulled away slowly and the grip he had on my wrist tightened. His eyes opened and grew with the shock of what had happened. He pulled my hand from his face and looked away.

"Seth?"

"I-I ah…." His fingers came to his lips as if he would find evidence of what had transpired there. He stood glancing around the room as if he were looking for a way out. "I um…didn't…"

"Seth…I-I'm sorry," I touched his elbow turning him to me. "Seth I shouldn't have done that," I stood looking in his face while he looked everywhere but mine. "Seth…."

"Ed…I shouldn't have done that. You have Alec and I have…." He shook his head. "I just shouldn't have done that. I just…"

"Seth, you didn't do anything," I placed my forefinger under his chin to lift it up. He closed his eyes blocking me out. "Seth, it wasn't you. It was me. I'm sorry."

My hand left his face and immediately went to my hair. I sat down and put my head in my hands. Only moments ago I had been in complete euphoria and now I was devastated.

He tentatively sat next to me at the edge of the couch. The silence between us created a canyon that would be hard to navigate. We had crossed a line that he wasn't ready for. If I was being honest, neither was I. I was still in a relationship with someone else. Someone who loved me and was waiting for me to come home. Someone who would probably understand my indiscretion but would be hurt just the same. I had probably ruined the two most important relationships in my life with a kiss.

"Edward, I'm sorry about….we made a mistake," he paused. "I don't want this to come between us."

"I don't want that either," I looked over at him to see him looking at me. He was forgiving me. He was giving me the forgiveness that he had sought from Jacob almost a year ago.

* * *

A/N: Elf, you have no idea how much your opinion means. Thank you for everything.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 Jacob**

"…..Jacob Ephriam Black…." I took the scroll from Principle Burke and made my way off the small stage after shaking his hand. I heard the applause from the back of the gym. Dad along with the Calls and Ateras were here to witness our graduation ceremony and were some of the loudest in the room. "….Embry Call….Benjamin Thomas Cheney…" I walked to my assigned seat after giving a smile to my dad.

I had worked my ass off to get my grades to a passing level. They may have been mediocre at best but it was enough to get the piece of paper that I now held in my hands. I hadn't missed one day of school even when I wasn't feeling well enough to attend but I was proud of what I had accomplished. I turned in my seat to see Seth sitting next to my dad. He had been a big help keeping me on track. He knew how important this was to me even when I didn't at times. He gave me a small smile and wave before I turned back to the stage.

When the speeches were finished and the hats had been tossed into the air I pushed my way to the back of the crowd. I was greeted with handshakes from the men while the women pulled me into hugs. I moved to where dad sat and leaned down for a hug.

"I'm proud of you son," he said with tears in his eyes. "You'll never know truly proud I am," I pulled away and wiped my own tears. I had always tried to gain his respect and acceptance. I had finally accomplished that. I wanted to hold on to this feeling and always make him proud.

When I reached Seth he held out his hand for me to shake. After a moment of hesitation I grabbed him around the shoulders and pulled him into a hug. It was quick but I wanted to know how much his help had meant to me.

"Congratulations Jake! You did it!" Seth gave my back a one-handed pat before pulling away. He looked to the floor in an awkward stance.

"I couldn't have done it without you," I said to the top of his bowed head. He looked up with the smile that always made my heart cinch and shook his head.

"I didn't do anything. You wouldn't let me help you."

"Yes, you did," I smiled. "You kept me from giving up," he was my motivation when I didn't have any. He had pulled my lazy ass out of bed in time for school and sat with me while I did my school work. I had only gone out with the boys a few times over the last few months opting to instead spend time with Seth.

When I found out that there was a possibility that I wouldn't graduate it was a wakeup call. I got my priorities straightened out and worked harder than I ever had to be able to walk up on that stage. I cut out the drinking and getting stone for the most part and did my make up work not only in Bennett's class but all of them.

I also knew that I had to figure out what to do after graduation. College was never in the cards for me. I wasn't like Seth. He was made to go on to bigger and better than this little corner of the world. I had to find a way to support myself. I wasn't going to live off my father for the rest of my life. It should be just the opposite, I should support him. He had raised three children and for my entire life he did it from the prison of a wheelchair. He had done enough and it was up to me to make sure it hadn't been a waste.

As luck would have it Sam approached me after a tribal council meeting about working with him at Blondie's Auto Repair. It was owned by Rosalie and Jasper Hale. I didn't know them very well but Sam had worked there for about a year and said he put in a good word for me when they said they were looking for another mechanic.

**Flashback**

I pulled up in front of Blondie's Auto Repair wearing my best dark blue jeans and navy blue button-down shirt and tie. Sam told me to be here at nine for an interview and to drive my car so that Rosalie could look it over. I had no real work experience except for the rebuilt engine in the Rabbit and the work I had done to my motorcycle. I made my way through the open garage doors where three cars were in different states of repair.

"Hey Jake!" Sam walked and patted my shoulder. "Hey, Rose, Jake's here," he yelled over the radio and air compressors. The shop had three bays to the left and a reception desk to the right with an office behind.

"Jake," she greeted me. She wore dark blue overalls and her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She wiped her hands with a rag and held one out for a handshake. "I haven't seen you since high school," she smiled. Even with the dirt and grease, she looked like model.

"It's good to see you again." I shook her hand and she gestured to the office located behind the reception area. I sat in one of the two chairs in front of the desk. There were several filing cabinets, a small sofa, and a desk and chairs. She sat in the chair behind the paper-littered desk.

"Sam says you know your way around an engine. We are in dire need of another mechanic mostly for the basics; oil changes, tire rotation, changing filters. I understand this is your first job but do you have any experience with basic maintenance?" she asked.

"Yeah, I have done some of the work on the cars on the rez to earn extra money," I replied. "I also did all the work on my car and motorcycle."

"I want to look at your car before we are finished," she sat back in her chair and looked at me through appraising eyes. "I thought we could try you out on a trial period. You would work weekends until school is out and if I like what I see we'll make you full-time. How does that sound?"

"It sounds good to me, thank you for giving me a chance."

"I'm not going to beat around the bush; I won't tolerate you not showing up on time or at all. If you're not dedicated, walk away now," She quirked her eyebrow and gave the ice-queen stare that I had remembered from years ago. She was considered a real bitch back in school and I knew that she would be tough to work for.

I shook my head "You don't need to worry. I have responsibilities to take care of and I won't let you down."

"Ok, let's go look at this car of yours," her earlier smile returned giving me a slight case of whiplash. We walked out to the car and I notice Edward talking to Emmett. I could only see him from behind but there was no mistaking his chaotic copper tinged hair. I hadn't seen him since school although I knew he and Seth kept in touch. I had forgotten or maybe just put it out of my mind that they were brothers and that I would be seeing him on occasion.

"How did it go?" Sam startled me from my musings.

"Good I think," I walked over to my car and popped the hood for Rose. She crouched under and gave the engine a thorough look. I stood next to Sam waiting to see what she would say.

"You did all this by yourself? Impressive," she said without looking up. "This is a lot of work, where did you learn all of this?"

"Sam helped a little but mostly it was self-taught. I read a lot of books and manuals. I have a knack for taking things apart and putting them back together," I replied. It had taken years but I had done it. She didn't look like much but she purred like a kitten.

"I also rebuilt my motorcycle if you need to look at that as well," I added.

She stood up and closed the hood. "I think you just found yourself a job. Congratulations!" she held her hand out and I shook it. "Be here at eight Saturday morning."

"Thanks."

**End Flashback**

I rode back home with Seth, Quil, and Embry from the ceremony. There was going to be a big cook out on the beach in celebration of our graduation. All of the reservation was invited and I was looking forward to loosening up. I got the day off from work as a gift from Rosalie and Emmett. They were pleased with my work ethic and I would be full-time starting on Monday.

I dropped off Quil and Embry and brought Seth and I to my house. I was still wearing my robe and needed to change for the beach. Dad gone straight to the beach with the Ateras and I told him I would meet him there.

We walked into the quiet house and to my room where Seth sat on the edge of my bed and I went to my dresser. I pulled out a t-shirt and sweatshirt. It could still get chilly down by the water. I unzipped my robe and loosened my tie. It had bothered me the first few times I had changed in front of Seth after he admitted being gay. But I refused to let it show. I didn't want him to think that I didn't trust him. I did trust him. This was Seth he wouldn't hurt or take advantage of anyone. I was just unsure of the etiquette now. We had seen each other naked hundreds of times. When we were little we had even bathed together. But now that I knew he probably looked at me differently than I did him, I felt…..weird.

I glanced at him and saw that he was looking down at his worn out shoes. Something seemed off to me. After taking off my tie and unbuttoned my shirt he still hadn't said anything.

"Seth?"

He looked up and his eyes glanced at my now bare chest. He turned his head quickly as if he had seen something fly through the room. "Hmmmm.."

"Is something wrong?" the more I thought about it, he had acted strange for the last few days. More quiet than usual. We had finally gotten to the point of good friends again. Maybe we would never be as close as we once were. I still hoped we would.

"I….um….no, I-I'm fine," he stuttered out. His eyes moved back to his shoes.

"You're lying. What's up?"

"I just….I um….."

"Just spit it out Seth," I pulled off my shirt and pulled on the tee and sweatshirt quickly hoping he wouldn't notice my discomfort.

"Edwardkissedme," he mumbled under his breath.

"Huh?"

He exhaled the breath he had held. "Edward kissed me," I could understand the whispered words but…..

"He what?" there was surprise and…..anger? In my voice. I stared at Seth who stared at the ground.

"H-he kissed me." What does that mean? I didn't understand what I was feeling and I was just as clueless about what Seth was feeling.

"I didn't realize….I just….does that mean…." My head was a mess of questions. When did this happen?

"Does this mean what?" Seth looked up at me with his eyes furrowed.

"Are you…are you boy…boyfriends?"

"No," he shook his head. "He just…it was…an accident, I guess," he sighed and looked away from me.

"Seth, people don't just kiss someone by accident," I regretted it the minute I said it.

We hadn't talked about it but it always sat under the surface. He had kissed me and it hadn't been unpleasant. I tried not to think about that aspect of it and what it really meant. I knew that I had an unquestionable need to have Seth in my life, more than just an acquaintance. But I didn't know to what extent. I didn't know how Seth felt about any of it. He had said it was a mistake at the time and I wanted to believe him. It was easier to believe it was a mistake than to deal with it if had been intentional. Of course I had just slapped myself in the face with my last statement. Shit! I rubbed my face with both hands and sat next to him on my bed.

"What did he say?" I avoided the real issue and turned it back to Seth. I didn't want to go there now.

"He apologized and said that it was a mistake," he sighed. I was angry that Edward had done it but, wasn't that the same thing that Seth had done to me? At the time I was so confused. I still am. I wasn't really upset that Seth had kissed me but how it would look to everyone else. I had told myself that he was just experimenting with me. I was his guinea pig because he could trust me. He would have been beaten to a pulp had he done that with anyone else, anyone else besides _Edward_.

I wasn't sure what to label the feelings that coursed through me; hurt, angry, replaced, rejected. For some unfathomable reason I had always thought that I would be the person in Seth's life that…..completed him the way he was in mine. I didn't really think about the fact that there would come a day when he found someone who would mean more to him than I did. It may sound selfish and if I am being honest it is, but it is the truth. But I didn't realize it until now. I am ashamed to admit that I hadn't been looking at Seth as a person but more like a possession.

"I was just surprised. I didn't want to tell you because..." he paused. "I just….I think I'm…" he stopped and looked up at me. His eyes searched mine for a moment. My phone rang making us both jump. I hit the talk button without looking at the caller id.

"Jake! What the fuck is taking you so long. Put down the curling iron and makeup and get your ass to the beach," Embry said. I hadn't realized how long we had talked.

"Fuck you Em! We'll be there in a few," I closed my phone and stood up.

"They're waiting for us," Seth nodded and stood up as well still looking dejected. I put my hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"Seth, you can tell me anything. I'm still getting comfortable with the whole gay thing but I'm here for you," I grabbed my wallet and keys off the dresser. "We can talk later if you still want." He gave me another nod and we walked out of the bedroom on our way to the beach.

There were dozens of people gathered along the ocean. A few grills lined up with smoke billowing out of them along with the smell of barbeque. There were long tables lined with food from salads to pies and the women walked around fussing with each dish. A large bonfire had been built where dad and a few of the older tribesmen were talking and laughing. Frisbees flew through the air and a couple of the youngest were building sand castles. We walked over to where Quil and Claire stood with Sam and Emily.

"Congratulations, Jake!" Sam shook my hand and I nodded with a smile. He gave a small smile to Seth who stood a step behind me. Emily looked at me with a small smile before turning to talk to Claire. Sam and Emily were always a bit cautious around Seth because of Leah. Seth held no real grudge and seemed to get along with both of them. Something seemed strange to me. Emily was normally more friendly and sociable.

"Where's Embry?" I asked no one in particular.

"With Paul," Quil said sarcastically. I looked around and sure enough he was leaning against Paul's car talking to Jared and Kim.

"See you guys later," I walked away and looked back to see if Seth would follow. He did but only part way.

"I need to talk to my dad. I'll catch up later Jake," he walked over to where his dad and my dad sat. He really hated Paul if his next best option was to hang out with Harry. I walked up to the rust bucket Paul called a car.

"Hello ladies, what's up?"

"You need new material Black," Jared said. He stood leaning against the hood of the car with Kim between his legs and his hands on her ass. Paul sat in the driver's seat with his head down. Probably rolling up a few while Embry was standing beside his window.

"I am so fucking glad I never have to set foot in that hell again," Embry bitched. "Now I need to find a way off the rez."

"I hear the demand for prostitutes is big in Seattle. Cute little thing like you should be rolling in dough," I chuckled.

"More like San Fran my friend," Paul quipped.

"Fuck you!" He gave me the bird while looking at Paul. "Hurry up with that shit man."

"Keep your panties on or go the fuck away," Paul's tongue peeked out as he licked along the paper of the joint to adhere it.

"Here," Paul tossed it out the window toward Embry who tried and failed to catch it. It landed on the ground next to his foot. "Don't say I never gave you nothin'."

Embry picked it up and stuck it in his jacket and walked to the beach. I looked over to see Seth sitting with the older men around the fire eating.

"Black, I brought you a gift too. I couldn't leave out our future king," he snickered to himself. "Here you are my lord," he said in a fake English accent. I took the joint with a quick "thanks" and followed Embry's path toward the food.

After eating, several of us tossed Frisbees around mostly trying to keep them away from the younger kids. I realized that I hadn't seen Seth in a while. He wasn't on the beach and thought maybe he had gone home with no one around to talk to. I glanced around the beach when I noticed him climbing the hill that led to our spot with the boulder.

I jogged over and climbed up behind him. It was steeper here and then on the path through the woods but that would have taken a lot longer to go around. He stood against the boulder away from the cliff's edge. He gave me a small smile when he saw me reach the top of the hill.

"Hey Jake," he said.

"Why are you up here?" I walked over to stand in front of him.

He rolled his eyes and sighed. I knew he wasn't comfortable with everyone on the beach for various reasons. Today it seemed more than usual.

"Jake, you are the only one who even noticed I left," his voice was full of contempt.

"Seth I know you feel like you don't belong, but you do. You are a part of this tribe just as much anyone else."

"Seth Clearwater, son of Harry Clearwater beta to William Ephriam Black belongs down there, not me."

"That is who you are, Seth."

"Jake," he put his hands in his pocket. "I have one more year and I'm leaving. I'm not coming back. I don't belong here and you know it," he yelled. He turned his head away from me.

"Seth you can't just…."

"Yes I can Jake. I have nothing here!" he started to walk away but I grabbed his elbow. He looked up at me when I placed my other hand to his cheek.

"You have me," I told him softly. He closed his eyes and shook his head against my hand.

"Not really Jake, not…" I leaned in and kissed him. It was a chaste kiss but one that meant more than any words I could say. It told him that I was here for him and that I care for him. It said that our bond was more than friendship. How much more I didn't know. Our bond was like this boulder unbreakable sitting on the edge of a cliff where the tides of the ocean threatened it below. The weather and seasons changed all around as it sat unmoving, unchanging. We built memories on this rock that we used to play on, sit on, and _lean_ on. That was what the small kiss meant to me.

We broke the kiss and I rested my forehead against his. I brought my other hand to his cheek to cradle his head between them. For a moment we stood still as the rock just breathing the air between us.

"Quit trying to run from me, please Seth," I whispered to him. "I need you to be with me."

"I'm in love wit…" I kissed him again. Our lips partly open this time although it didn't last much longer than the first. It hadn't gone unnoticed that I was kissing Seth, a boy. It didn't seem a whole lot different from kissing a girl. Maybe it was that Seth was small and his hair long. It felt right, just like the kiss from a year ago. Seth just figured it out before I did.

"Shut up Seth," I whispered against his lips. "Give me a chance to catch up." I pressed my lips to him one last time before pulling away. He grabbed my wrists holding my hands to his face.

"Jake," he swallowed his eyes searching mine. "This wasn't an accident, right?"

I smiled at him. "No, it wasn't an accident." I chuckled. "I'm not sure what it was but, it was no accident."

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A/N: Thank you to elfprincess8 as always.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 Edward**

I sat in my car outside of the music store looking up at the window to Alec's apartment. My drive from Forks had been painfully short knowing what I had to face in Seattle.

I brought Seth back to the library after we both had decided that the kiss was a mistake and that we would remain friends. I hoped that it was true. We spoke a few times after that but he seemed more distant and upset until this morning.

This morning was the proverbial cherry that topped it off. He told me that Jacob had kissed him. I could hear the elation in his voice as he explained in _too_ much detail what had happened between them. I tried to be happy for him but part of me died inside knowing that I would never be able to recreate that moment, that perfect kiss. If I closed my eyes I could almost feel his lips on mine. My chest constricted at the thought of Jacob kissing Seth.

Seth said that he thought he had always loved Jacob but that he didn't think Jacob would ever feel that way about him. I asked if Jacob was gay and he wouldn't give me a straight answer. He told me that was why he was so upset about kissing me. "You are my best friend Edward," he told me. "But Jacob is the one." My heart stopped for a moment when he said that. I brushed it off saying that I had been missing Alec and it was a stupid mistake. Seth agreed with my excuse even if it was only to help make me feel better.

I opened my car door and unwillingly dragged my body to Alec's apartment. I opened his door knowing that it would be unlocked. I had called this morning to let him know what time I would be here. We had spoken many times in my absence but I never let on about what happened with Seth. I thought it was something I should tell him in person. I would at least give him the satisfaction of throwing me out on my ass.

I had briefly contemplated not telling Alec. I could keep it locked away in that broken piece of my heart. It wouldn't be fair to him though. He had been nothing but good to me. He loved me. I truly believed him when he said that.

"Il mio amore," Alec said as I closed the door. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me deeply. My hands rested on his shoulders hoping that I would deter him from taking it any farther.

"I missed you baby," he said as he pulled out of the kiss and began nipping at my neck. He wasn't making this easy.

"Alec, I um…"

"You can't go away for so…"

"Alec, we need to talk," he lifted his head and smiled at me not knowing that I would be breaking his heart. "I-I have to tell you something."

"What's wrong baby," he put a hand to my cheek and his brows furrowed. I took his hand from my face and pulled him to the sofa. I sat in the corner and he sat facing me with one leg curled under him. I rubbed my face with both hands and gripped my hair. I leaned forward placing my elbows on my knees.

"Ed, you're scaring me," he pulled my hand from my hair and held it in his lap. "You can tell me any…."

"I kissed Seth," I couldn't look at him. "I'm sorry. It was a mis…"

"Don't," he let go of my hand. "Don't say it." I looked over at him as he turned his body to face forward. His sat with his back against the back of the couch and his hands on his thighs.

"Alec, I…"

"Don't tell me you didn't mean it because we both know that you did," his voice was soft but cold. He laid his head back and closed his eyes.

"I didn't go looking…." I sighed. "I had no intentions of that happening." I never wanted to hurt him. My emotions swirled around in my heart. I had failed everyone, including myself. I should have wanted Alec the same way he wanted me, but my heart belonged to someone else. I couldn't change that fact. I had tried but I just….couldn't.

"Edward, you may not have intended on kissing him but you did not try to avoid it," he let out a dramatic breath. "You left your heart open waiting for him to walk right in," he sat forward and leaned on his elbows with his fingers entwined between his knees.

"The thing is…" he sighed and bowed his head. "I knew."

"I-I don't understand. I never meant to…"

"You may not have planned it or tried to make it happen. You just hoped it would," he turned his head to look at me. "I was only something to do until it did."

I looked away. I couldn't deny what he was saying. He made it sound easier than it really was but he was right. I would have dropped everything for Seth, including Alec. I had used him, maybe not consciously, but using him none the less. I absolutely wronged Alec in the worst way and there was no way to excuse my actions.

"You talked to him for hours. Your face would light up when the phone rang. You always said 'he needs someone to talk to who understands' and 'he doesn't have anyone'. And while that may be true, you gave him that piece of you that was meant for me," he looked away to wipe his eyes. My own tears threatened to fall.

"I have always known that you were naïve to how love and friendship worked. I wanted to show you how good and beautiful it could be," he turned back to me and put his hands on my face and wiped away the tears that fell. "You don't have any idea how captivated I am with you. I love you no matter what. I just can't sit back and watch you give your heart to someone else anymore."

"I care about you Alec and maybe I…maybe I even love you but…." I sighed, "I can't give you what you deserve. I can't love you like that, at least not now," I held back my emotions with everything I had. He didn't need my tears or pain. I swallowed down the lump in my throat and wrapped my hands around his wrists pulling his hands from my face. His tears rolled shamelessly and uncontrolled down his face. I pressed my forehead to his.

"Thank you, thank you for…everything," I meant that. I couldn't list all the ways he had changed me, all the things he had done for me, all the things he had given me.

"Edward, you need to leave," he whispered which was worse than yelling. I nodded against his head and stood. I walked to the door and reached for the knob. I took one last look at him sitting on his sofa. He hadn't moved. He didn't look at me. I left without another word. I started to climb down the stairs when I heard the loud crash and something shattered. I stopped only for a moment before continuing. I had broken him. I had broken his heart.

I lay on my small twin sized bed for the first time in what felt like forever. I hadn't slept in my dorm room in months. Alec and I had talked about me moving in and of course I was hesitant. Maybe I knew this day would come. Maybe I knew that Alec and I weren't forever, that we would only last until I could get what I really wanted.

My first week of school was hell. I couldn't concentrate on my classes or studying. I hadn't spoken to anyone. My phone hadn't rung since Seth called to tell me that Jacob had kissed him. I missed Alec or at least the distraction that he created. I had grown dependant on him. It was selfish and thoughtless and any other "less" you could name.

Alec had left a large box of my things in my room along with the key that I had given him months ago. I knew he had timed it when I was in class so that he wouldn't have to see me. For that I was grateful. When I opened the box I had expected to see shredded clothing and books but I should have known better. He had folded everything and even wrapped breakables in newspaper.

I had spent a lot of time thinking about Seth. I was still worried about him. I still couldn't get my head around the fact that he and Jacob were now…..something more. He said that they kissed and nothing more. I didn't really trust Jacob yet but there was no denying that he cared about Seth. He wouldn't do it knowing what he could be risking. If what Seth said about the people from the reservation was true it would cause Jacob a lot of trouble. It wouldn't be worth the risk if he didn't care about Seth.

I began to realize that Seth was to me what I was to Alec. I guess I could say I was lucky not to have gone further with Seth the way Alec had with me. Seth would forever be pining for Jacob. He would have dropped me the minute Jacob asked him to.

I had tried to study when I was startled by the phone ringing. I saw that it was Seth and briefly contemplated not answering it but in the end I hoped that he had changed his mind about us.

"Hey Seth," my voice lacked any enthusiasm.

"Hey," he said and left a long uncomfortable pause. "I…um, I just wondered what you were up to."

"Studying," it wasn't a complete lie. The books were laid open on my bed. I just hadn't been looking at them.

"Oh, well how are your classes?" I knew he was just trying to make small talk not really knowing what to say.

"Fine, how are things with you?" I rubbed my hand across my face. I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear what he was going to say.

"Good, so far the summer has been quiet. I'm glad to get away from school for a couple of months. I only have one more year and then I'm off the rez. I'm probably going to end up at UW. You could show me the ropes, ya know. We could study together or whatever. I'm not sure…." He went on and on about college and other mundane things. I was happy to hear the old Seth even if I felt miserable inside. He was always a breath of fresh air with his incessant chatter and sunny outlook. It was only in the last year that his persona had changed. Now he seemed to back to his animated self.

"Edward?"

"Huh?"

"I asked how Alec was. Are you ok?" This was not really a subject that I wanted to talk about but I might as well get it over with. There was no point in denying it and if I didn't tell him now it would only hang over my head.

"Alec and I broke up."

"Oh, did you tell him about…you know?"

"Yeah," I wasn't going to elaborate. Alec may have been able to look past a random kiss with someone, but not with Seth. Alec knew that there was much more to it than just a kiss. I wasn't going to let Seth know that. I would never let him know the infatuation I have for him. "He couldn't look past it and I can't say that I blame him."

"I'm sorry Ed, was he mad?" he paused. "Never mind, that was a stupid question, of course he was mad."

"How are you and Jake?" I turned the conversation away from myself knowing he would talk of his _precious_ with no more prompting. I didn't want to talk about Alec anymore even to the point of listening to stories of _Jake_.

"Jake's good, he is working full-time at the shop now. I only see him after work," he paused. "He-he is still…uncomfortable sometimes with…stuff, like kissing but…"

"That's understandable," I had cut him off before he could explain. I wasn't ready to hear what they got up to when they were alone.

"We have to be careful but we're finding ways to be alone."

"Did you tell him about…"

"Yeah, I think that's part of why he kissed me," I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. How is it that the same kiss could cause two totally different reactions? Alec pushed me away while Jacob pulled Seth closer.

"Ed?"

"Yeah," my voice croaked. I had to end this conversation before my emotions took over.

"I meant it when I said that I still want us to be friends. If you want to talk, I'm here," I knew he was genuinely concerned but now wasn't the time.

"Thanks, Seth. I'll talk to you later."

"Ok, goodnight Ed," I hung up the phone and curled into myself on my bed. All of the emotions that I had held in flooded through me. I sobbed into my pillow wishing that things had turned out differently and trying to figure out where to go from here. I eventually fell asleep from metal exhaustion surrounded by the books that would keep me company for the next few months.

I woke to the familiar smell of bacon and coffee. I got home late last night after the four-hour drive from school. It was the break between summer and fall classes and I was looking forward to some much-needed rest from classes and studying. I rolled over to read the clock on my phone. It was still a little early but my stomach was growling. I slipped out of bed to the bathroom to relieve myself and brush my teeth. I wandered downstairs in my sleep pants and a t-shirt looking for sustenance.

"Good morning, mom," I said as I entered the kitchen. She was at the stove frying bacon and eggs in her robe and slippers. I walked over to the coffee maker to pour a cup pausing briefly to place a peck on her cheek.

"Good morning. How was your drive? Did you sleep well?"

"It was fine and yes," I sat on the stool at the island with my cup of liquid gold. I watched my mother as she served my breakfast and then made a plate for her. I now appreciated her cooking so much more. Since breaking up with Alec, I had gone back to Ramen noodles and cans of soup.

"Your father is at the hospital until late tonight so you probably won't see him until tomorrow. If you want, you could bring him a lunch," she said. Dad and I had grown closer over the summer spending a lot of time talking on the phone. I had called my parents a few weeks after my break up with Alec and to my surprise dad had been a great listener. He told me several times that we all make mistakes and that I should learn from them and move on. I didn't tell him the whole story, only that I had kissed Seth. I wasn't ready to confess my real feelings.

"Yeah, I guess. I was going to go see Emmett this afternoon. I'll stop by on my way," we ate in relative silence, the only sounds being the scrapping of our forks and sipping of coffee. I finished and headed up to my bathroom for a shower. The warm water felt good washing away the sleepiness and the long trip home from last night. After washing my hair and body, I shut off the water and grabbed a towel to dry off wrapping it around my waist and headed to my room.

My room had changed little since going away to college. The built-in bookshelves along the north wall held hundreds of book, music, movies, and a few pictures. Only one picture wasn't of family. I had taken it in school using my phone and unknown to the subject, Seth. I hoped to see him while I was here but I hadn't spoken to him much this summer. He'd been spending a lot of time with Jacob.

Their relationship had progressed both emotionally and physically. It was hard to listen to him talk about their….relationship, especially the physical stuff. Seth was curious and would ask me about….things. I had never been comfortable discussing sex even with Alec although he had helped me break down some of the walls. With Seth it was down-right awkward. I wanted to help my friend but I didn't want to know anything about what they did.

I dressed in causal jeans and t-shirt and towel dried my hair. I ran my fingers through it and knew that I would never be able contain it. I threw on my tennis shoes and grabbed my phone to call Emmett.

"Hey Ed!" Emmett answered in his usual boisterous voice. "Rosie just went out to get steaks for the grill. I hope that's good with you."

"Sounds great, I am going to see dad at the hospital first and I'll be there after."

"Ok, it'll just be the three of us so there's no rush. Just come over when you're finished"

"Yeah, do you need me to bring anything?"

"Nah, just you crazy ass hair. See later Ed," I hung up and grabbed my wallet and keys.

I pulled into the Forks Community Hospital and grabbed the bag my mom packed dad's lunch in. I hopped out and pushed the lock button as I walked into the hospital. The double glass doors opened and I walked through on my way to reception to ask where my father was. I glanced into the waiting room and immediately stopped. I couldn't put my head around what I saw. Chief Swan dressed in casual attire was sitting across from Leah Clearwater who was dressed in scrubs and Jacob Black covered in blood. They were just sitting not talking to each other. Jacob was staring at the doors at the far end of the room. His appearance looked like something out of a slasher movie with blood streaked across his bare chest and arms. His long hair was matted with what also seemed to be blood. I couldn't see his face from this angle.

I walked over not really sure if I should but curiosity pushing me forward. I mean, I wasn't close with any of these people though we all knew each other. As I moved closer I could see that most of the blood on Jacob's body was on one side and caused his long hair to stick to his skin.

"Jacob?" I sat in the chair next to officer Swan and leaned forward on my elbows. Jacob slowly turned to look at me. If I thought he looked bad from ten feet away, he looked like death close up. He sat in the chair with his back straight and his arms to the side. His fingers gripping the edge with a force that threatened to break the plastic. He looked as if some imagined object was barreling toward him and he was braced for impact. His was horrifying with blood smeared and smudged, almost like someone painted it on trying to cover every inch. There were what looked like hand prints on his cheeks and neck.

"What happened?" I couldn't even imagine. He seemed ok physically but whose blood was it? Chief Swan and Leah had remained silent but looked over to see how he would answer.

"S-Seth… he…he was sh-shot."

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A/N: Thank you to elfprincess8! You are the best! Thank you to all my readers and reviews. I own each and every mistake and no one can take them from me.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Warning, this chapter contains violence.

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**Chapter 11 Jacob**

I hopped on my bike after work but decided not to go straight home. I needed to clear my head. I had done this a lot lately trying to figure out what was going on with Seth and me. After that day on the cliff and the mind scrambling kiss, I was a mess of emotions. Being with him felt as natural as the sunrise but when we were apart our being together felt…wrong. I had been told all my life that gays were an abomination and they should be wiped out. I couldn't reconcile the two notions in my head. I could never see Seth as an abomination and if he was then so was I.

I still don't know what kind of relationship Seth and I had. He was still my best friend but to call him my lover felt….. I don't know how I feel about it. He had made me cum many times. Did that make him my lover? My boyfriend? I didn't like either label. Neither described my true relationship with him.

I didn't even know if I considered myself gay. I suppose bi-sexual is more accurate but it wasn't his body that I was attracted to or at least not the biggest part. I loved his youthful exuberance, kindness, curiosity, and compassion. It wasn't that I didn't find him physically attractive because I did. The more we were together in that way, the more I appreciated his body. He had a boy's flat chest and muscled limbs not large breasts and curvy hips. His body was slender and his cock…..

I had only held his cock and I glanced at it a few times. We had given each other mutual hand jobs but I found it was more arousing to look at his face and hear him moan rather that to watch the evidence of it. Our first shared orgasms were rutting against each other during a heavy kissing session. We were in his room well past midnight kissing and groping while he lay between my legs. My hips moved of their own accord and I was shocked when my orgasm hit me. The way his clothed dick rubbed mine felt fantastic but what threw me over the edge was Seth's whimper into my neck when he came. His hands tightened around my shoulders and his hips slowed as he released into his boxers. I held his ass in place for the last few thrusts I needed. Afterward I lay in my own bed and let the guilt wash over me. My heart was being pulled in two different directions.

I turned my bike around after driving east for almost an hour. This was the last weekend before school started. Seth would be busy with his studying and his time more limited than it had been over the summer. I had promised to come over around eleven after his parents had gone to bed.

* * *

The noise he made was something between a whimper and a moan. My hands slid down to his face and I pushed my fingers into his hair. I tilted his head farther back and brushed his lips with my tongue hoping to gain entrance. His hands clasped to my wrists as if to hold me in place. His lips opened and his tongue peeked out looking for his mate. My tongue met it and curled around his as if it were a delicacy to be savored with slow languid movements.

"Seth, I need….." I asked as I broke the kiss leaning my forehead to his. Never moving my hands from his hair, I toed off my shoes. I leaned my body fully to his.

"Please," I whispered once more. He answered with a deep kiss. He moaned and moved his hands to my jacket and slid it down my shoulders. His hands quickly moved to unbutton and unzip my jeans. His hand cupped me through my boxers. I moaned into his mouth. His tongue slid next to mine and explored my mouth. It was heaven. It was wrong. I couldn't help myself. He made my body feel more alive than any girl could. Yet I knew we shouldn't be doing this.

"The bed," I said. I quickly shed myself of my jeans and t-shirt as I watched him do the same. He was shorter than me by several inches but his hair was longer, reaching the middle of his back and tied loosely at his neck. He climbed into the bed in only his boxers and lay on his back. I crawled in next to him on my side propped up on my elbow.

My free hand reached out to cup his cheek and turn his head. I looked at him as he looked at me. He leaned up and kissed me. His hand grabbed my bicep to pull me closer. I lifted up and lay my body on his with my legs between his parted thighs. The pressure caused from my body laying on his made my cock throb.

My hand went under his shoulders and into his hair to cradle his head. My nose grazed along side of his. I could feel his breath on my cheek. His hips rolled up slightly and his hardness pressed against my stomach. I couldn't help the moan that escaped me. He tilted his head as I kissed down his neck. My hips began slowly rock against his. His soft moans enticing me to continue.

I moved my lips back to his and kissed him hard. I wanted to consume him. He felt so good, so fucking good. Why couldn't I feel like this with a girl? He knew where to touch me and grab me. And his moans, Jesus Christ, his moans had a direct line to my cock. It wasn't the high-pitched squeal of a girl but low moans and whimpers.

Our hips were beginning to move more erratically and I knew I wouldn't hold out much longer but I still wanted more. I wanted to feel more of his skin. I lifted up to my knees slightly and pulled my boxers to my thighs and than did the same for him. Resuming my position, I felt Seth's hand snake in between us to grip both our cocks together. He looked up at me with half lidded eyes that held want and lust. His lips parted and I could feel the small puffs of breathe on my chin. We whispered our moans to each other as if it were a whole other language that only our bodies could decipher. The extra squeeze was all I needed and my hips moved inconsistently before warm cum sprayed our stomachs and chests. Seth followed shortly behind with a soft moan. His hand stroked us leisurely while our orgasms faded.

Eventually I rolled off of Seth only to have him curl into my side. My hand running up and down the length of his back from the top of his ass to his shoulder with the other buried in his hair. His head rested on my shoulder as his hand traced the outlines of my chest. I lay there still trying to calm my heart rate and catch my breath.

"Seth, I don't know what I want. I….." he lifted his finger to my lips silencing me.

"I love you, Jake," he whispered and I sighed. I knew he did.

Where we would go from here, I didn't know. He'd leave me next fall for school creating a life that no longer included me. He would make new friends and maybe meet a boyfriend. One that isn't worried about what everyone else would think of him. Someone he could kiss in the light of day as well as the dark of night. My heart clenched at the thought. I would just be a childhood friend that he would write Christmas cards to. I'd only be the 'remember when' guy. Someone else would be his 'making plans for the future' guy.

I could tell he had fallen asleep by his slow, even breathing. His fingers were resting just below my peck and would occasionally twitch. I knew I should have gotten us cleaned up and moved to the top bunk but exhaustion had settled in and the warmth of his skin was blissful. I drifted off still feeling torn between what is right and wrong, normal and unnatural, heaven and hell. I just wasn't sure which side of these things loving Seth would be on.

I felt like I had barely closed my eyes when I heard his voice. It was still dark and I had no idea what time it was.

"…to be out fishing on the lake before the sun is up. So get…." I only caught part of what he had said and I didn't register where I was until it was too late. Seth was still sprawled out on my chest and our boxers still down. His leg had fallen between my knees. By the time the sleep fog had lifted, the warmth of his body was gone. I opened my eyes to see Seth being dragged from the bed. He screamed in pain probably do to the grip his father had on his arm.

"What the hell is going on in here? Have you turned faggot?" his father screamed in his face. Seth had finally gotten his feet under him to stand when he was backhanded across his face and sagged down holding his face with his free hand.

Still somewhat groggy, I jumped and pushed Harry. It caused him to lose his balance and drop Seth's arm. I am slightly taller than he is and far stronger. He had grown older and softer over the years.

"Get the hell away from him!" I screamed.

"Who the hell do you think you are talking to boy? This is my house and my son. You'd better leave if you know what is good for you," He yelled back, his face red with anger. There was no way I was leaving without Seth. I knew he would be in for a beating and I wasn't going to have him suffer from my stupidity.

"You aren't going to touch him. Stay away from him!" With all the strength I had I shoved him back out the door. His hands grappling along the hallway looking for purchase. He pulled a few family photos down with him as he fell to the floor. I slammed the door and locked it and turned to Seth. I could hear Harry yelling expletives and he pounded on the door before walking away.

"Seth, are you ok?" I knelt beside his shaking body. He was on his knees with his head in his hands sobbing. He leaned into me and I wrapped an arm around him.

"Can you stand? I think we need to get dressed and get out of dodge," he nodded and stood up. He winced and he put a hand on his face. I could see his tear streaked face and could tell that his eye was starting to swell. I pulled his boxers up and moved him to the bed. I found his jeans and t-shirt from last night and helped him get dressed. I hurried to get dressed myself making sure I had my wallet and phone.

The huge bang we heard caused us both to jump. Seth's door flew open with the force of the gunshot. His father stood on the other side and had lifted the gun pointing it in my direction. What happened next was a blur. Just before I heard him shoot again, I was pushed to the ground. I heard an agonizing scream and yelling. I pushed myself up and turned to see Leah wrestle the gun from Harry. Sue pushed his huge body into another room and Leah pulled the door shut. The yelling was muffled due the ringing in my ears.

I looked down to see Seth lying prone on the floor next to me. The blood was pooling on the floor next to his shoulder. I reached for his arm and gently rolled him over. I could see he was breathing but the amount of blood was immense. By now Leah came over to us with a mantra of 'oh my gods'.

"Get some towels we need to put pressure on it," I yelled at her. I took off my shirt and held it to his shoulder. I could still hear his parents screaming at one another in the other room. I could tell that Harry wanted to finish what he'd started and Sue was holding him back for the moment.

"We have to get him out of here Jake. Like, right the fuck now!" Leah exclaimed as she knelt back down to Seth placing towels both under his shoulder and on top. "Can you lift him? I'll try to keep these in place while you carry him," I nodded yes and put my arm under his good shoulder and back and the other under his knees.

As quickly as we could, we walked downstairs and out of the house. His parents were still screaming at each other and I could hear things being thrown against the walls. Did they not realize their son was dying? My heart was beating so fast. It was so surreal. Like an out of body experience.

"My keys are in my front pocket, you're going to have to drive Lee," her fingers moved the towels so that they would stay wrenched between my arm and his shoulder and then pulled the keys from my pocket. I gently eased into the backseat after she opened the door and moved my hands so they put pressure on his wound. She closed the door and jumped into the driver's seat.

As we started to drive away, I looked down at Seth. It was the first good look I got. He hadn't made a sound and his skin was ashen with blood spattered everywhere. His eyes were closed and his breathing was shallow.

"Seth, don't do this please stay with me! Please don't leave me….please," I kept begging him over and over. This can't be happening. He can't leave me. I didn't look away from him the entire way. My tears started to blur my vision and ran down my face onto his. After a while all I could see was the red from the blood and the black of his hair. It felt a little like déjà vu from a time when we were much younger. It felt much the same even if it was merely a broken arm that time. He was hurt and unconscious just like now. I rocked him back and forth like a mother would for a baby. I had forgotten about Leah until she opened my door and ran inside the hospital screaming for someone to help.

The next few moments were a flurry of activity. I had been able to climb from the car with Seth still in my arms just as someone rolled a gurney up to us. I set him down as delicately as I could, not wanting to let go. Several people surrounded him and pushed him inside quickly.

I stood there not knowing what to do next. Leah came outside and said something that I didn't hear. She took my arm and pulled me inside. I was still wondering how this happened. I could still see the blurry redness. She sat me in a chair and said she would be right back. With my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands I let the tears fall.

I hadn't moved an inch when Leah returned and sat in a chair next to me. What was she saying? I couldn't focus on her. She sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher. She shook my shoulder 'Jake, Jake, Jake'. I couldn't tell you if we were in a room full of people or alone, whether it was day or night, whether I was dreaming or awake. I heard sobbing from someone but I didn't know who.

Suddenly Leah's face was in front of me holding my face in her hands. She was on the floor between my knees.

"Jake, listen to me. You need to breathe. Look at me Jake," her grip tightened on my face. Her thumbs wiped at the river of tears. My heart was still beating frantically and it was hard to get air to my lungs. I looked into her face and all I could see Seth. Their faces held so many of the same features. I closed my eyes trying to keep from seeing him but all I could see was blurry red.

"Jake, you need to look at me. You need to breathe," she shook me and I opened my eyes. She wiped my tears over and over.

"I..I'm s-sorry….I'm j-just ssso...sorry," I told her shaking my head.

"I know Jake, don't talk. You need to breathe," she said in a smooth calm voice. We sat there, her on her knees, her hands on my face and me with my white-knuckled fingers wrapped around the edge of the chair. I don't know how long it took before I finally started to breathe normally and my heart calmed.

I hadn't really looked at Leah until that point. Her face was tear-streaked and her hair was tangled. She was wearing her pajama pants and t-shirt without shoes. Her clothing stained with blood along with her hands. I looked down at myself. I was shirtless and covered in his blood. There were dried rivulets of blood where it had run down my arms.

"Jacob, Leah, how is he?" I lifted my eyes to see officer Swan. He wasn't in uniform except for the badge that hung from his belt. His face showing concern and his eyes looked watery. Charlie Swan was my dad's best friend. He and my dad spent many weekends fishing and retelling their yesterdays. At times Harry would join them. Leah stood up from her knees and turned to him.

"He is in surgery and we haven't heard anything yet. They said they would let us know as soon as they could," I was sure she had told me all this but I couldn't remember. He nodded his head in understanding and sat down in a seat across from us as Leah sat next to me. I hadn't moved and my hands still gripped the chair. I started to notice the room I was in. It was bathed in early morning sun and there were several other people sitting in chairs waiting for news of their loved ones. They seemed bored and annoyed to even be there.

"I'm not going to get into specifics about what happened. I'll save my questions for the time being. Based on what Leah told us we picked up Harry and Sue and brought them to the station for the time being," he said in a professional tone. I stared at him not knowing how to respond.

"W-what happens next?" Leah said through her tears. She had seemed so calm before but reality must have set in. Prying my hand from the chair, I grabbed her shaky one and held it on her lap. I couldn't imagine what she was thinking. She must have heard her father yelling and came running when she heard the shots. I wondered if she knew what he was yelling. Did she hear him call Seth a faggot? Did she know why he was shot? That he was shot protecting me?

"Well, we are going to take statements from you both and then from Seth when he is able. Jake, did you want me to call Billy and let him know where you are?" he asked. It seemed like a simple easy question. He would find out soon enough. He would hate me for it. What would I say to him? What will he say to me?

I shook my head no.

"I could go get him…"

"NO!" my voice loud. I glared at him to emphasize the point I was making. I knew he didn't deserve it but he wouldn't drop it if I said it politely. His eyes never left mine and I could tell he was confused but wouldn't push. I wasn't ready to face my father yet.

"Miss Clearwater?" a nurse called out. We all looked up and saw a nurse holding fabric in her hands. Leah walked over to her. The nurse handed the items to her and they spoke softly before Leah turned back to us.

"These are scrubs we can change into. She thought we might want to clean up a little. She also said that we aren't supposed to be here without a shirt and shoes. They are still trying to find some shoes for me," she handed me mine. "They don't have any news yet. I'm going to go change," she walked over to the ladies room.

"Jake, why don't you get changed and wash up and I'll stay here in case the doctor comes out," he offered.

"No," no fucking way was I going to move until I knew he was ok.

"It'll only take…"

"NO!"

"Alright, Jake, we'll just sit and wait," he leaned back crossing his arms over his chest and legs at the ankles.

Leah joined us after only a few minutes dressed in blue scrubs. Her hands and arms had been cleaned but looked raw. She sat with her knees pulled to her chest and forehead rested on top. People wandered in and out with illnesses and injuries of their own. I stared at the double doors waiting.

"Jacob?" a voice called out awhile later. I looked over to see Edward Cullen walking over. He was tall and thin with chaotic reddish-brown hair. He was carrying a small brown paper bag. He sat in the chair next to Charlie with his elbows resting on his knees.

"What happened?" he was taking in my appearance, seeing me half-dressed and covered in blood. I didn't know him very well. He was Seth's friend and Emmett's brother but we were basically acquaintances. I had gotten over the fact that he had kissed Seth and I knew that they still kept in touch.

"S-Seth…" I said in a raspy voice. "He…he was sh-shot," it was the most I had said in hours. I didn't want to talk about it. I had said enough. His eyes widened with shock and his eyebrow furrowed.

"Are his parents with him? Is he ok?" I shrugged and then shook my head. The lump in my throat had reappeared along with fresh tears. No, his parents aren't here. His father shot him. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't because it was my fault. If I had just moved to the top bunk or better yet gone home he wouldn't be fighting for his life. If I hadn't been so selfish he would be out fishing with his dad. I felt so cold and tired. He looked at me for a moment and then to Charlie.

"He is in surgery and we haven't heard anything yet," Charlie answered. He didn't say anything about how he was shot or who did it, just the facts.

"I was on my way to see dad, I'll see if I can find out anything," with that he stood up and walked away. I closed my eyes trying to fight back more tears.

"They'll send someone in to find out how he is doing. It should only be a few minutes," he said when he returned a few minutes later. I heard the chair scrape when he sat down. None of us said anything and just waited.

"Miss Clearwater?" I opened my eyes and looked over as Leah got up and walked over to the nurse. They spoke for a moment and Leah walked back to stand directly in front of me.

"She said that they are stitching him up and the surgery went well. The doctor will be out shortly," she took a deep breath and exhaled. "He's ok Jake," She placed a hand on my shoulder. I just stared at her like she was speaking a foreign language. He was ok? Seth was going to be ok. But the blood, there was so much blood. She knelt in front of me and shook my shoulder.

"Jake, he's ok," She repeated. I kept staring at her only this time I gave her a slight nod to tell her I understood. I didn't understand. He was so pale and lifeless in the car. He hadn't said a word, not even a moan. He's ok? She slid back into her seat and picked up what looked like an extra set of scrubs and put them in my lap.

"You need to get changed Jake. I can come with you if you want," she offered. I shook my head no. I needed to clean up but I didn't want to be alone with her. It wasn't that I was modest. I didn't want to answer her questions. I didn't know what she knew and I didn't want to explain it. She would find out soon enough.

"Jacob, I'll take you and help you clean up. It'll take a few minutes that's all. They won't be done for a little while," I looked over at Edward. At least if he were to ask questions, I wouldn't have to worry about what Seth and I had done. Edward was the only gay person I knew besides Seth. He wouldn't judge us. My fingers released the chair and I stood.

I entered the bathroom and leaned against the sink with my back to the mirror. I wondered what Seth had told him. Did he tell him about me? About me and him? I don't know if I wanted him to know or not. I don't want to tell him what we were doing to get us in this situation but I needed tell someone who would understand. Edward was my only option.

I heard him enter the bathroom and then turn on the faucet. He held the cloth out for me to take. I didn't want to look at myself covered in guilt and shame. I was to blame for this. I shouldn't be rewarded for my mistakes with a simple cleansing. I shook my head no.

"Jacob, you need to clean it off at least a little. Seth will be upset if he sees you like this." He held the cloth out for me to take. I couldn't hold back the sob that escaped. I took the cloth and ran it up and down my arms. More blurry red, it was everywhere. He could have died and the red painted on my body would have been all there was left. But he wasn't dead. He was ok.

"He's ok?" I asked.

"That is what Leah was told. My dad will be out shortly to tell us in more detail." He explained. I remembered what Lee told me. She said he was ok. But was he? What did that mean, ok? He couldn't go back home. He couldn't come home with me. My dad was going to hit the roof when he found out. Seth would blame me for everything. He was ok physically, but his life was irrevocably changed and not for the good. I wished I could go back and change what had happened. I wish I were still asleep on the top bunk and had left my dick in my pants.

"Jacob, let me help so that we can get out there quicker." He startled me from my thoughts. I handed him the cloth and he lifted my arm to wipe away the stains of selfishness from my body. He methodically cleaned my arms and chest. He pulled away the hair that stuck to my shoulder to wash where most of the blood gathered. He was standing so close to me and it was odd to be half-naked in such close proximity to another man. Seth was the only man I allowed into my personal space. But I didn't feel uncomfortable like I would have thought. I didn't feel the need to put distance between us. Most men wouldn't allow another man to clean their bodies. They would feel uncomfortable in a setting like this.

I turned to wash my face under the running water. I could see the pink water against the white of the sink. The outward evidence of my sins washed down the drain. I couldn't help but wonder what he knew of my relationship with Seth. If he understood what the blood stood for. I dried my face with the paper towel he handed me and reached for the scrubs. I had to know.

"Did you know about Seth…..and me?" With that, I revealed my secret. That is if he didn't already know. He nodded. "He told you?" He nodded again. I felt like I needed to explain, to tell him what had happened.

"I was spending the night at his house and we fell asleep together. His father walked in. They were going fishing this morning." I could feel the vice grip on my chest. I could see the anger Harry unleashed onto Seth. "He yanked him out of the bed." I paused trying to catch my breath. Edward placed his hand over mine.

"You don't have to tell me." He was giving me a way out. He knew that I was reliving it while I spoke. His own tears fell. I couldn't control the overwhelming emotions that rolled through me in waves. He pulled my head to his shoulder to calm me. I grabbed the front of his shirt so that he could ground me. I felt like I was back in Seth's room yelling at Harry all over again.

"H-he…hit him in the face and called him a faggot." I felt Edward's fingers at the nape of my neck, trying to keep me from a complete melt down. "I pushed his dad out of the room and got us dressed. Before we could leave a gunshot blew open the bedroom door. Seth saved me. His dad wasn't going to kill him. Seth pushed me out of the way and he almost died."

A sob broke through me and all I could think about was that he saved me. He saved me in the most basic way someone can be saved. He jumped in front of a bullet and saved me.

At some point I realized that I had my head resting against Edward with my fists clutching his shirt. I heard him say that Seth would be fine. Leah had also said that he would be fine. He was ok.

I saw the scrubs on the counter and remembered that I needed to change my clothes. I stripped down to my boxers and put on the pale green pants and shirt. I noticed that my sneakers had drops of blood on them but I wanted to get back out there to make sure he was ok.

"We should go," he said as he looked me over. I immediately went to the door and pulled it open. As I looked across the waiting room I see the doctor talking to Leah and Sue Clearwater.

* * *

A/N: Thank you elfprincess8. She should be co-author on this one. All mistakes are mine, mine, mine!


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 Edward**

"S-Seth… he…he was sh-shot," to say I was shocked would have been an understatement. My heart started beating rapidly and my mind immediately tried to determine who would do such a thing. Was it an accident? Did someone really want him dead? He had hinted several times that it would be very bad if someone found out he was gay, but to shoot him? Maybe it had nothing to do with that but why else would someone go to such an extreme? Seth was not one to confront or offend anyone.

"Are his parents with him? Is he ok?" I assumed that his parents were with him in ICU or something. Leah was here and probably waiting to go in to see him herself. I didn't understand why no one had gotten Jacob cleaned up. Obviously Jacob helped get him to the hospital. The blood covering his body told me that but, were they together when it happened or did find him afterward?

He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head to tell me no. Was he still in surgery? His eyes started to water and tears ran down his face onto his chest turning them red as they streamed through the dried blood. His chest rose and fell more quickly and I knew he wasn't going to have anymore answers. I felt so out-of-place like I was intruding but Seth was my friend too even if these people didn't know that. I could hardly look away from Jacob. I didn't think I had ever seen anyone's face so full of emotion, let alone his.

"He is in surgery and we haven't heard anything yet." The chief said when I looked to him for the answers. This was not happening. Seth was not dying. I had to know what was going on and these people weren't telling me anything.

"I was on my way to see dad, I'll see if I can find out anything." I stood up and walked over to reception only this time it wasn't to find my dad for lunch.

"Could you tell me where to find Dr. Cullen?" I recognized the nurse at the desk but couldn't remember her name.

"Well, well Edward Cullen. I haven't seen you for quite some time. How is school?"

"It's going well. I'm looking for my dad, it's important. Do you know where he is?" I asked her curtly. I wasn't in the mood for small talk.

"He's in surgery. What is the emergency sweetie?" She asked with a patronizing smile. She was wearing on my last nerve.

"Do you know if he is with Seth Clearwater?" I hoped she would at least be that helpful. She gave me a long look and then silently nodded. She knew she shouldn't be giving out that kind of information.

"Would you have someone find out what his status is? His family is waiting for news and anything they could tell them might help." I asked her pointing out the three people somber people sitting in chairs.

"I'll see what I can do. It'll take me a few minutes." She reached for the phone on the desk. I walked back to the seat next to Charlie.

"They'll send someone in to find out how he is doing. It should only be a few minutes." I looked at Jacob to see his eyes closed and the tears had stopped. The rest of him was still as a statue. I wanted to ask what happened again along with a million other questions. This couldn't be happening. Seth was a good person. I kept telling myself that he would be ok.

"Miss Clearwater?" A nurse called Leah over a few minutes later. I couldn't hear what was said. She spoke in a hushed tone and Leah nodded. She walked back over and stood in front of Jacob.

"She said that they are stitching him up and the surgery went well. The doctor will be out shortly." She took a deep breath and exhaled. "He's ok Jake." She placed a hand on his shoulder. He just stared at her like she was speaking a foreign language. She knelt in front of him and shook his shoulder.

"Jake, Jake he's ok" She repeated. He kept staring at her only this time he gave her a slight nod. She slid back into her seat and picked up what looked like an extra set of scrubs and put them in his lap.

"You need to get changed Jake. I can come with you if you want." She offered. He shook his head no.

"Jacob, I'll take you and help you clean up. It'll take a few minutes that's all. They won't be done for a little while." I knew it was a long shot but I had to try. He looked horrible and people around us were staring at him. He didn't seem to notice though. He looked at me for a few moments. He seemed to be deciding something. His fingers release the chair and he slowly stood. His scrubs fell to the floor and he walked on shaky legs to the men's room. I picked them up and followed.

After a quick trip to get a bar of soap and a wash cloth from a nurse I entered the restroom. Jacob was standing against the counter with his back to the mirror. His arms hung to the side and his head was down. I walked over and turned on the tap making sure it wasn't too hot or too cold and pulled up the stopper. I put the soap and cloth in the water and shut off the tap when the sink filled. I rubbed the cloth to the soap squeezing it to make sure it didn't drip and held it out to him. He shook his head no and I could see the tears fall.

"Jacob, you need to clean it off at least a little. Seth will be upset if he sees you like this." I held the cloth out to him again. He released a sob as he grabbed the cloth. I wanted to comfort him in some way but I had no idea how. I still don't know what happened. For all I know he was the one who shot him! I doubted it. He would be sitting in a cell if that were the case.

"He's ok?" I was startled when he spoke. He had wiped aimlessly along his arms. It wasn't getting him anywhere. The rag was turning pink but it was mostly smudging the blood on his arm.

"That is what Leah was told by the nurse. My dad will be out shortly to tell us in more detail." I didn't know if he remembered what Leah said. I didn't know if he comprehended anything at this point. I took the cloth from him and rinsed it in the sink. I soaped it up again and handed it back. He went to the other arm mechanically rubbing away blood. This was going to be a very slow process and I knew he'd be upset if he missed the update on Seth's condition. I took the cloth again to rinse and soap it up, the water turning pinker.

"Jacob, let me help so that we can get out there quicker." I had no idea how he would respond. I was running on instinct at this point. This was an act a mother would do on a child or a nurse to a patient, not a man on another man. After a moment he nodded. I lifted his arm and wiped slowly from top to bottom and repeated the motions on the inside of his arm. When I was satisfied with that arm I moved to the other making sure to rinse and soap.

This was probably the most surreal moment of my life. I was cleansing Jacob's body of Seth's blood. It felt intimate and spiritual. I could understand why Jacob was so wrecked. His body was drenched in Seth's essence. Seth could have died and Jacob would live with Seth's blood on his hands. How does somebody come to terms with that?

I moved his hair to the back and got the worst of the blood off his shoulder. I emptied the sink and rinsed away the red water. He turned toward the sink unconsciously never looking in the mirror and washed his face in the running water. I handed him some paper towels to dry his face. After throwing them in the trash he reached for the scrubs.

"Did you know about Seth…and me?" His eyes were blood-shot and watery with an emotion I couldn't read, hope maybe? Realization hit me. He had just outed himself and the relationship he had with Seth. He didn't know that Seth had told me that they were together. Although he probably thought that because I was gay and Seth's friend that I would be a good confidant, he had no idea the way I felt about Seth and their relationship.

I nodded.

"He told you?" It was more of a statement than a question.

I nodded.

"I was spending the night at his house and we fell asleep together." He looked at me through his bloodshot watery eyes. "His father walked in. They were going fishing this morning. He yanked him out of the bed." He paused for a gasping breath. I placed my hand on his.

"You don't have to tell me," I didn't know what to do for him. I didn't know what to say or how to console. The overwhelming emotions were causing my own tears to fall. I pulled him by the back of the neck to put his forehead on my shoulder. He fisted my shirt at the waist trying to regain some control.

"H-he…hit him in the face and called him a faggot," I drew circles with my fingers on the nape of his neck to try to help him get through. He wanted to tell someone even if it was me, an almost stranger. "I pushed his dad out of the room and got us dressed. Before we could leave a gunshot blew open the bedroom door. Seth saved me. His dad wasn't going to kill him. Seth pushed me out of the way and he almost died." Jesus Christ! His own fucking father! For being a fag! Why would a parent do that? Why was the response so violent?

"He saved me…." He just kept repeating through his sobs. My shirt was soaked with his tears. His body shook and he was gasping trying to get air into his lungs. My own tears slid down my face while I tried to swallow down the enormous lump in my throat. The enormity of the situation was sinking in but we needed to take one step at a time. I knew that I couldn't breakdown and needed to get him calm.

"Jacob, he's ok. I need you to breathe and calm down." I kept my hand on his neck and stroked his back with the other trying to sooth him. I told him that Seth was going to be fine again and again. His breathing slowed eventually as did the tremors. He let go of my shirt and took a step back. He rubbed his face with both hands and took a couple of deep breaths. He toed off his shoes and undid his pants. I looked away to give him some semblance of privacy. It only took a few moments for him to dress. I turned and made a quick sweep over his body making sure that he was at least presentable.

"We should go," I said and quickly moved to the door. I picked up his jeans and threw out the soap and rag before following him out the door.

I followed behind Jacob keeping a few steps back. I knew that I shouldn't be hearing what was being said and tried to look as if I wasn't listening. Sue, Leah, and my dad stood off to one side of the waiting room. Dad spoke in a reassuring voice.

"…..we are giving him the transfusion and he will be moved to a room shortly. You will be able to see him then," dad looked up as Jacob approached. Sue and Leah hadn't noticed him right away but turned when he spoke.

"He's ok right?" his voice raspy from sobbing earlier. He looked directly at my dad and I didn't think he even realized anyone else was in the room. Sue turned and put both hands on his chest to push him. He stumbled back into me.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice filled with anger. "You stay away from my son! You leave him alone!"

"Mom!" Leah yelled and grabbed her arm.

"He has no business here. This is all his fault!" She yelled. The look on her face was full of hate and disgust. She stepped forward with her finger pointed at him as she continued her assault. "Don't you ever come near him again!" Leah pulled her mother by the arm trying to keep her away from Jacob. He looked confused but never said a word. I could only stand there and watch it all unfold. I was stunned at the utter disregard for everyone else in the room.

"Mrs. Clearwater, please don't make a scene," my father tried to calm her. Leah stepped in front of her mother placing both hands on her shoulders. Sue never took her eyes off of Jacob.

"Doc, I just want to know if he is ok." Jacob moved closer to dad trying desperately to get the information he wanted. Sue lunged for him and Leah pulled her back. He ignored her moving even closer to dad.

"For now Jacob, I'll only allow family to see him. When he wakes…."

"NO! I brought him here. You have to let me see him," he grabbed dad's arm and from out of nowhere Charlie grabbed Jacob. "You have to let me see him. I need to see him," he kept yelling as Charlie pulled him further and further away. He dragged him outside by the waist. I stood there not really knowing what I should be doing. A nurse walked over and spoke to dad and then led Sue and Leah away. Dad stood there rubbing his hands over his face. He looked exhausted.

"Dad," I said when I walked to stand in front of him. He looked up at me with tired eyes. He gave me a small smile and gave my shoulder a light squeeze. "Will he be ok?"

He let out a dramatic sigh before speaking. "Yes, it was a through and though in his shoulder. The blood loss was the only major concern. He'll be fine in a few days," he sighed again. "Are you ok son?"

I shrugged my shoulders and the tears fell. I had tried to be strong but the reality of the situation was weighing heavily on me. Seth had been my friend too although almost no one knew. I cared about him probably more then I should have. He had Jacob to love him that way. As much as I hated it, I couldn't deny that he was happy with him. In the end, I wanted him happy.

Dad pulled me into a tight hug and I melted. It felt good and safe. We had never been affectionate but right then I needed him. "Jacob told me it was Seth's father who shot him," I croaked out. I never realized what a gift my parents had given with their acceptance of me. I had taken it for granted. I had heard stories of kids whose parents would kick them out or beat them for being gay but it never felt real. It was just stories I read or a show I watched on TV.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"For what?"

I shook my head. "Just….thank you," dad pulled away slightly and put his hands on my face lifting it from his shoulder.

"I love you, son. No matter what I love you," I nodded. "There are no 'buts' or 'except whens' or 'unlesses'. I love you because you're you," he kissed my forehead and pulled me back to him. "I hope you know that and I hope you feel you can come to me when you need to," I nodded again and pulled away. I wiped my eyes and saw him do the same.

"When can I see him?"

"Right now I will only allow family but when he wakes he can see whoever he wishes. It was the only choice I had with everyone's emotions so high," he sighed. "It'll be a couple of hours."

"What about his mom? She isn't going to let either of us in there," she had made it perfectly clear to Jacob but I was sure that I was included in her request to stay away.

"She really has very little say. He is eighteen and of sound mind. He can have anyone he wants visit him," he took a deep breath. "If he does want you or Jacob in his room, please try to stay calm. Seth needs to rest."

"Yeah, I know," I took a deep breath. "I think I need to find Jacob and give him his things," I still held his blood soaked jeans in my hand. "He's not handling this well. I have my phone. Will you call me when he wakes up?" He nodded and gave my shoulder a small squeeze.

I walked through the glass doors outside to see Jacob and Charlie sitting on a bench. Jacob held his head in his hands and Charlie had a note pad in his hands. I walked over and stood in front of them.

"Um…Jacob? My dad said that we could see him when he wakes up," he didn't acknowledge me. "That is…if he wants to see us. It'll be a couple of hours though."

"I don't want you boys going in there starting trouble. This is a hospital and you need to show respect to those…."

"With all due respect Officer Swan, Jacob didn't start any trouble. He only wanted to know how Seth was doing," I looked directly at him. I was angry that he was lecturing us when it had been Seth's mother who had made the scene. "Jacob didn't even respond to her assault. If he wanted to he could file a report," he nodded his head agreeing with me.

"I understand that Edward, but she is Seth's mother and has also been through a lot. You both need to respect that. I am just trying to avoid any more outbursts." Charlie fell back against the bench looking worn-out. "I know that wasn't your fault in there Jacob but you have to keep calm."

I knew that he was only trying to keep the peace and I held my tongue knowing I would get further if I just played nice. Charlie lifted his note pad and flipped through the pages.

"Is there anything else you want to tell me or do I have it all?" Charlie asked Jacob. Jacob shook his head but didn't look up. "Well, if you think of something let me know. I need to talk to Leah," Charlie stood and put the note-book in his back pocket. "Are going to be alright? Are you sure you don't want me to call Billy?" Jacob shook his head no.

"I'll stay with him," I offered. Charlie nodded and walked back inside.

"Jacob maybe we…."

"What did the doc say?" He finally looked up. His face was still flush and moist from tears. He leaned into the backrest and stared at me with intensity.

"He um…..he said that the bullet went through his shoulder but that it will heal quickly. He will be out for a couple more hours and when he wakes up we can see him," I told him.

"But the blood was…." He looked at me with teary eyes.

"They are replenishing it," I sighed. Jacob seemed more coherent but still distressed. I couldn't imagine what he saw or how he felt. It must have been traumatic and disturbing to watch Harry shoot, without remorse, at his own son; watching helplessly as Seth bled out and waiting to know whether he lived or died only to be told he couldn't be there when Seth woke up. As upset as I was I knew Jacob was going through hell.

"I just want to see him. I just want to see him for myself," he wiped the tears from his eyes. I wanted that too. I hadn't witnessed what Jacob had but I felt the need to be near Seth. My whole world had fallen when I'd walked into this hospital. It was just a regular day. I would have a short lunch with dad knowing I wouldn't see him until tomorrow. If I hadn't come, I wouldn't have known about all of this and would be at home lazing on the couch or reading a book. I wouldn't have known that the boy I was pining after was fighting for his life.

"He won't be awake for a while. Why don't you go home and get a shower and change your clothes?" I thought if he could clean himself up and put on some real clothes it might help. Plus, it beats sitting in cold plastic chairs.

He shook his head. "I can't leave him. What if he wakes up while I'm gone? No one will call me. No one wants me here."

"Seth does," it was hard to admit. It hurt that the person he would want most would be Jacob. I would just be another visitor, just another body in his room. Jacob would be what he wanted, what he needed. Loving Seth had turned out to be the most difficult thing in my life. He had brought so much to my life and taken so much away at the same time. He had always been a friend to me and I needed to return the favor. "Seth wants you Jacob. He's always wanted you." I turned away not wanting him to see my pain.

"I can't leave him."

"My dad is going to call me the minute he wakes up. I'll go with you," I offered.

"I don't have my keys. Leah had them. She drove us…"

"I'll drive," I was tired of arguing. This was my last offer. He turned his head and looked at me. I looked down at the pants that belonged to him and then looked out over the parking lot, anywhere but at him. I was doing this for Seth. Seth would want someone looking out for Jacob. He would do it himself if he hadn't pushed Jacob out of the path of a bullet.

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you being so….nice to me? Why are you helping me?"

"I'm doing it for Seth. He wouldn't want to see you like this," my eyes traveled down his body. "You need to be strong when he wakes up. You need to be there for him," he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and hung his head. I watched his jaw clench and wondered what he was thinking. His hands fisted and he seemed to be contemplating something.

"Yeah…alright, I'll go with you but….you need to stay in the car," he breathed in and out slowly, loudly. "I don't…I don't know what my dad has heard…."

"It's fine Jacob," I assured him. "We'll go quickly so that we can be here when Seth wakes up."

We stood and I led him through the parking lot to my car. The silence in the car was as thick as molasses dripping from every surface. Although we were lost in our own thoughts, we thought about the same things. What did his dad know about the tragedy of this morning? Would he be upset with Jacob too? What kind of reaction would he have? Was Seth awake yet? Had he asked for us….Jacob? He hadn't even known I was there. Even if he did know, it wouldn't be me he asked for.

Jacob only spoke to give directions. When I pulled in front of the small red house and turned off the engine, I saw the front door open. Billy wheeled himself out the door to stop at the top of the ramp.

"He knows," he inhaled deeply. "Wait here," he opened his door and climbed out. He made his way around the car toward the cabin-like house. I cracked my window to hear what Billy was saying to him.

"…..to leave Jacob and don't come back," Billy's voice was monotone and stern. "You don't belong here anymore."

"Dad, I…."

"Leave Jacob!"

"Let me at least get my…."

"You don't live here anymore. I no longer have a son. You no longer exist in my eyes. You are trespassing and I will not hesitate to prosecute." Jacob stood at the bottom of the ramp looking up at his father. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. His father had essentially disowned him. What had he done that had been so bad? He fell in love with a boy. His father disowned him for loving someone? Jacob fell to his knees and I couldn't sit there any longer. I opened my door and walked quickly to him.

"Dad, please," He cried from his knees begging for understanding, compassion. "Please, I just want…"

"Never come back, you don't belong here," I glared up at the man Jacob called father. I wanted to scream at him for treating Jacob like dirt. I wanted to yell at him for his cruelty.

Sobs racked Jacob's body. It took all the strength I had to pull him up. I had to get him out of there. "You need to get back in the car Jacob. We need to leave. You can deal with this shit later, after you've seen Seth," I dragged him back to the car. He had fallen several times but each time I picked him up. I finally got him into the passenger seat and walked around the car staring down the coward in the chair, the monster with the ability to drain Jacob's soul.

My tires squealed as I pulled away from Jacob's childhood home. He may never come back here again. I couldn't fathom what it would feel like to be thrown out of your own home, to be shunned from your family.

I decided that I would take him to my house to get cleaned up. He sat in the passenger seat with his head in his hands. He hadn't said a word and I knew he was lost in his own thoughts. I drove up the long driveway and parked in front of my house. It was opulent compared to the homes on the reservation although I hadn't ever looked at it that way. It had a three car garage and an oak front door. Vast windows dominated the façade with stone siding. It was two stories with four bedrooms upstairs and a great room overlooking the thick forest from all sides.

"I hope this is ok. Emmett has some clothes still here and I thought…." Jacob lifted his head and looked around.

"Where are we? Why didn't you take me back to Seth?" He glared at me. "Take me back to the hospital. I want to see Seth!"

"You need to get cleaned up and then we'll go back."

"NO!" He exclaimed. "I need to go now!"

"Jacob, please," I pleaded. His hair still matted and reddened and his face puffy from his tears and raw emotion.

"FUCK!" His fist collided with my dashboard causing it to crack. He cradled his hand to his chest. "GOD DAMN IT!" He had finally reached his limit. He had taken as much as he could handle. I put the key in the ignition to take him to the hospital where he wanted to go. He hadn't noticed and opened the car door climbing out and slamming it shut. I quickly followed him and led him into the house.

It was quiet as we climbed the stairs to my room. I had an en suite where he could shower and change. We walked into my room and I immediately headed for the bathroom. I turned on the light and started the shower. I turned to find him standing with his head down still holding his hand to his chest.

"Get in and I'll go find something for you to wear," I left him standing there and headed for Emmett's closet. I found a pair of sweats and a t-shirt along with socks and a hoodie. I walked back into my room to see the bathroom door ajar. I slipped the clothing through the crack and sat on my bed against the headboard. I closed my eyes for only a moment when my phone rang.

"Dad?"

"Is Jacob with you?"

"Yeah, is everything ok?"

"Seth is awake and he's asking for Jacob," I let out the breath I was holding.

* * *

A/N: Thank you to elfprincess8 for beta'ing.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 Jacob**

After Edward left the bathroom, I slowly undressed and climbed into the shower. I had to rid myself of the reminders of what had happened. I closed my eyes not wanting to see the evidence wash down the drain.

I found it curious that Edward had been the one who stood by me today. I barely knew him and he had seen me at my lowest. I told him everything that had happened that morning in Seth's bedroom and he had witnessed my father's disapproval. He had seen me covered in Seth's blood and seen my tear-soaked face. He had seen me groveling at my father's feet. It hadn't occurred to me until now because I had been so focused on Seth.

Edward was right when he said I needed to be strong for Seth. He had lost everything because of my stupidity. He no longer had a home to go to. He no longer had a family. His life had been irrevocably changed and it was up to me to make sure that he was taken care of. He was my responsibility, he always had been. I just needed to get my head out of my ass and embrace it.

I scrubbed my body and my hair and turned off the shower. Edward had set some clothing out for me and it started to sink in how much I had lost. I had very little cash in my bank account and needed to find a place for us to live. I still had my car and bike and a pair of blood soaked jeans. Hopefully my wallet and phone were still in the pockets. That was it. Seth didn't even have that much. I would figure out a way though.

I pulled on the matching grey sweat-pants and hoodie and combed my wet hair. I looked in the mirror and saw that my face was still puffy from the endless tears that had fallen. My hand throbbed as I opened and closed it a few times. There was some swelling and I knew it would bruise. I shouldn't have lost it with Ed and punched his car. I just felt so trapped like I had no options, no say in what was going on. Ed didn't get upset like he should have. He had been nothing but understanding and kindhearted today. I would never have guessed that a person who barely knew me would be more compassionate than my own father.

The words that came from my dad shouldn't have been so surprising, but they were. I knew that when he found out what Seth and I had been up to that he would have no tolerance for it. He told me that it would be as if I never existed. He no longer had a son. I wasn't part of the tribe anymore. I couldn't understand how he could say those things so easily. Isn't he supposed to love me unconditionally? It felt like he simply turned off the light switch in his heart that allowed him love me. I still cared for him. I was hurt and confused but I didn't have a switch that I could just turn off.

I took one last look in the mirror and threw the wet towel in the hamper. At least I was clean and we could go back to the hospital. I needed to see Seth.

"My dad just called…." Edward said as I walked out of the bathroom.

"Is he ok? Can we see him now?" My heart sped up instantly. I saw my bloody jeans on his dresser and rummaged through them locating my phone and wallet. I picked up my shoes and turned back to Edward who hadn't replied.

"He said that he was asking for you," he was awake and I needed to be there. "But Jacob, dad said that his mother and Leah are with him. He doesn't want a scene," he rubbed his face and ran his hand through his hair. "He said that Seth refuses to talk to anyone except to ask for you."

"Edward, I'm not going to cause a scene," in what I hoped was a reassuring voice. I jogged out of his room and downstairs taking two at a time to the front door with my shoes still in my hand. I walked outside to Edward's car and got in. I pulled on my shoes while I waited for Edward. What the hell was taking him so long? My knees bounced impatiently as I waited the endless seconds.

He finally emerged wearing different clothes and talking on his phone. He got in and continued his conversation. I wasn't paying attention but I did hear him say Emmett. It reminded me that I would need to be back to work tomorrow. I couldn't afford the time off now more than ever but I couldn't leave Seth alone either. My mind swirled with emotions and plans for what would happen next while I watched the green scenery pass by.

"Jacob," Edward broke me out of my thoughts as we pulled into the parking lot. I hadn't even noticed that he had ended his phone call. "Just….just don't do anything that would get you kicked out. Ok?" I nodded. He was worried because of the dent I put in his dash. He saw me lose my temper and was afraid I'd do it again.

Once we had parked we made our way quickly inside the building. I wasn't sure where I was going and looked to Edward to lead me. We walked down a long corridor and turned only to walk down another. I saw Doc standing in the hall talking with a nurse. Edward walked straight up to him while I looked at the doors in my immediate vicinity. They each had the last name of the patient who resided inside. The last door at the end of the hall read "Clearwater" and I walked over quickly and pushed it open.

Inside there was a dim light over his bed. Leah sat sideways on a row of plastic chairs with her head leaning against the wall and her eyes closed. I could only see Seth's feet under the pale blue blanket at first. I walked further inside and looked around the corner. I saw Sue sitting next to his bed with her head down probably asleep as well.

When I looked at the boy in the bed I saw that he was looking back at me. His good arm reached for me. I walked to the end of the bed silently and toed off my shoes. I climbed up never taking my eyes off of his. With a shaky hand he grabbed my bicep. My knees straddled his legs and my arms rested, one against the shoulder of his good side cradling his head and the other on the pillow above his head. I was careful not to jostle his wounded shoulder or disturb the wires and tubes dangling from his arm.

"You're here," he whispered in a shaky voice. His eyes full of moisture as they looked up at me.

"Where else am I gonna go?" I kissed his forehead and rested my head back down on his. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. Seth shook his head and his fingers went to my neck. They were cold and trembling. I wasn't sure if his shivers were caused from the cool temperature of the room or from something else but I unzipped my hoodie so he could slip his arm inside. "I'm sorry it's not bigger but it should keep you a little warmer," he gave me a small smile. I looked over at his shoulder and felt a lump growing in my throat. The bandage took on an unearthly glow against his russet skin. He had saved me. He took a bullet and saved me. I knew that he loved me. He had told me but this…._this_ was beyond affection and attraction. Many times I felt the need to be near him and close to him, even when we were young. I wondered if that was what he felt; if that was what love felt like.

I held back the tears that threatened to overflow. I closed my eyes and felt his warm breath on my skin. His thumb rubbed my neck with soft feather-like touches. I had finally found some peace from possibly the worst day of my life. I wanted to stay inside this small bubble with him forever. We could just breathe each other's air and share our warmth. He was soothing to my soul without saying a word.

My small piece of tranquility was disrupted when I heard a gasp and felt Sue's hands on my shoulder trying to push me away. I planted myself in my position. It would take a team of ten men to move me. I was determined to keep her away from Seth even if it meant caging him in with only my arms and legs. I would never let anyone hurt him again. She yelled but I didn't listen to anything she said. I heard Doc and Ed come in to help Leah escort her away.

Silence filled the room again and it was just the two of us. I don't know how long I remained in that position. His eyes closed after a while and his breath deepened. I knew he was asleep but I stayed where I was. It wasn't until I heard Doc speaking to me that I looked up.

"I'm going to need you to move Jacob," he said. I kissed Seth's forehead once more before crawling off to the side of the bed. I kept his hand in mine and just looked at him. His face still lacked the rich coffee coloring he had but he looked better, less pale than before. His hair was tangled and messy. I pushed a few strands from his face. He looked peaceful and I longed to climb back in with him. I wanted to absorb his calmness, his serenity.

"He is recovering well. His shoulder will be quite tender for a while but there were no complications. He will be able to go ho…..to leave Tuesday morning," Doc said. I nodded knowing I didn't have a place for us to go. I would figure it out even if we slept in my car for the time being. If I had a place to lay my head so did he.

"He-he needs a shower. Could I….I mean can he…" I didn't know the protocol but I didn't want anyone else touching him, especially his mother. I was hoping to at least wash his long black hair.

"Not for a few days," he said.

"Edward is waiting outside and would like to see Seth," I nodded. I had forgotten that he would still be here. I hoped that Seth would want to see him but if not I would ask him to leave. He had been there for me when no one seemed to want me. He had helped me and he didn't even know me. I could see why Seth considered him a good friend. "I'll send him in shortly," he turned to leave.

I crawled back into the bed and lay on my side in the small space between Seth and the edge. I wrapped myself around him the best I could and laid my head in the crook of his neck. He seemed so small to me right then.

There was a quiet knock on the door moments later and Edward peeked his head inside. I lifted my head to look at him and nodded to let him know it was ok to come in. He walked to the other side of Seth and sat down grabbing Seth's other hand.

"How is he?" he whispered. His hair was chaotic and looked like he ran his fingers through it endlessly. He was wearing his glasses which made him look like a mad scientist with the crazy hair. He didn't look at me once, only at Seth.

"Fine, I think," I sighed. I propped my head in my hand while holding Seth's with the other. "He didn't say much when I came in but Doc said that he could leave on Tuesday morning," he nodded but said nothing else. Seth turned his head toward me in his sleep and I pushed hair behind his ear. We sat quietly for a while enjoying the silence. Twilight had almost come to an end and darkness filled the room. The only light came from over the bed. A nurse came in to check the monitors and left without a word.

"You must be starving. You should get something to eat," Edward said after she left. I shook my head to tell him no. "I could go get something….a burger and fries?"

"No, I'm fine," he looked down and ran his hand through his hair. He seemed to be agitated.

"Do you know what you are going to do, I mean, where you are going to go?" He asked without lifting his head.

"I'll figure out something. We'll be fine," I didn't want him to worry about us. I could take care of us.

"Jacob," he pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses. "What about…..you could stay with…."

"We'll figure it out Ed!" I whisper yelled at him. I didn't need his charity or pity. We would work it out somehow. Seth was my responsibility. I would make sure he was taken care of. I wasn't going to take a hand out from Richy Rich. After a moment he stood.

"I'll be back with food," after giving one last look to Seth he quickly left. I laid my head back down and closed my eyes in exhaustion.

I woke to the smell of grease and quiet voices. I felt like I had barely closed my eyes. My body felt heavy and lethargic from the small amount of sleep. I opened my eyes and saw Doc and Edward standing at the foot of the bed. I leaned on my elbow to see Seth's face. He looked up at me with wide eyes.

"Jacob, I would like to speak with you if that would be ok?" Doc rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Ok."

"In the hall if you don't mind," I rubbed my eyes trying to wake up. I could tell that Seth didn't want me to leave by the tight squeeze on my hand. "It'll only take a moment."

"Um…yeah, I guess," I looked down at Seth and kissed him on the forehead. "Ed, could you stay here?"

"Of course. I…um…I brought something for you to eat," he gestured toward the fast food bag on the tall rolling table. I sat up and scooted from the bed. Seth's hand-held tighter. I looked back at his tears. I used my free hand to wipe them away.

"I'll be right back," I kissed his head again and wrenched my hand from his. Edward sat in the chair next to the bed and grabbed his other hand. I hoped he would be ok for a few minutes.

"Edward brought to my attention the…...circumstances of your living situations," Doc said once the door closed. He stood with his hands in his white coat and he looked me in the eye. "I assure you it was not idle gossip on his part. He wanted to make you an offer that he couldn't do without my permission," I was confused about what he was talking about. "It is my….our understanding that you are both without a place to go when Seth is released. Is that correct?"

"I'll take care of…." He held up his hand for me to let him continue.

"I am only here to give you an option. I….we are concerned for your well-being and of Seth's. I would like to offer a place in my home for…."

"Doc, thanks but no thanks," I shook my head.

"It would only be temporary, just long enough for you to figure something out," his eyes imploring me.

"Why?" I ran my fingers through my slightly damp hair. "Why would you…."

"Seth has been a good friend to Edward. He has been through….you've both have been through so much in the last twenty-four hours. We want to help you if only to give you a place to sleep for a while."

I let out a long breath and rubbed the remaining sleep from my eyes. I couldn't deny that this would solve a lot of immediate problems but….

"What do you want from us? I can't pay you rent or anything. I don't have…." anything.

"I don't want anything from you except to help you get on your feet. It doesn't have to be one or the other either. If you want to leave Seth with….."

"Seth goes where I go. I wouldn't leave him!" my voice raised more than it should. He nodded.

"I understand. Regardless, I wanted to make the offer. No one should have to suffer the way…." He looked into the room through the window. "What you and Seth have been through was wrong on so many levels. I just….." he sighed. "The offer is there if you need it. Just promise to think about it," he gave me a small smile and reached up to squeeze my shoulder.

"I have to talk to Seth first," I promised.

"Good."

We walked back into the room and I took my place back in the bed. Seth grabbed my hand again and smiled up at me.

"Are you ok?" Seth nodded and nuzzled his head into my chest.

"Seth, I wanted you to know that your mother was taken off the property," he sighed. "You are allowed to have any visitor you choose but if they become belligerent or disruptive I will have no option but to remove them from the property," his face was somber and his body looked defeated but he remained professional.

"Is she coming back?" I asked.

"She is allowed back in the morning but only upon Seth's request." Seth looked up at me again with the watery eyes and shook his head. He whispered "no" and put his head back into my chest.

"Also, Charlie will be back in the morning to get a statement from Seth," he sighed once again running his hand through his hair. "Jacob, visiting hours are over but I've made arrangements for you to stay and a cot will be brought in for you to sleep on."

"Thanks," just because they brought it in here didn't mean I would sleep on it but I wasn't going to say that.

"I'm here until eleven and I will be back tomorrow. If you need anything please inform one of the nurses."

"Edward?" Doc said. I looked at Edward still sitting in the chair next to the bed holding Seth's other hand.

"Yeah…." He stood. "I'll be back tomorrow morning Seth," Seth smiled up at him and nodded. "Jacob, I'll call Emmett and tell him you won't be in tomorrow and to expect a call from you, ok?"

"Thanks, Ed," I cleared my throat. "Ed? Thanks for the food and um….thank you for….just thank you," he nodded and walk slowly out the door with his hands in his pockets and his head down. Doc followed behind and with the click of the door the room was silent.

I snuggled into Seth the best I could with my head resting on the top of his head. I was tired and closed my eyes only to be disturbed a few minutes later when an orderly brought in the cot and blankets. He made up the bed and left.

"Jake?" Seth whispered.

"Yeah?"

"What happened?" his voice soft and curious. "After my dad…."

"Leah and your mom took away the gun and pushed him into his bedroom," I sighed. "Then Leah and I brought you here and you had surgery. The bullet went in the front and out the back. You were pretty lucky…." I sniffed. I didn't want to relive it all over again but he had a right to know. He was lucky that he hadn't died but that's where his good luck had ended.

"What about your dad, does he know?"

"Yeah, he knows," I swallowed the bile that rose up. "I went home while I was waiting for you to wake up. They wouldn't let me see you because of your mom. Ed brought me. Dad…." I blew a long breath out trying to contain my emotions. "Dad said that I wasn't welcome there anymore. He didn't even let me explain or…" He squeezed my hand.

"Jake, we can't ever go back there," I nodded knowing he was right. It would be dangerous for both of us. "I don't want my mom here anymore."

"I'll tell Doc and Charlie in the morning. You don't ever have to see her again if you don't want to," I assured him. "You don't ever have to see any of them again."

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"What you going to do?"

"About what?"

"You can't go home. Where are you going to go?"

"I don't know what we will do," he looked up at me. "Whatever I do will include you, if that's what you want."

He nodded and put his head back against my chest. His emotions got the better of him. He began to sob and he would gasp for air. I held him tighter and rubbed his cheek with my thumb. His body shook and the beeps from the machine next to the bed accelerated. I shushed him and told him we would be ok.

A nurse entered the room and saw the state he was in. "I don't want you upsetting him. He needs his rest," she said in a stern voice. She stood next to the machine and looked at the printout. "I think it would be best if you moved off the bed and allowed him to sleep."

Immediately Seth shook his head saying no. He visibly tried to calm his breathing probably hoping to ease the nurse's concerns. But the urgent beeping continued.

"He's been through a lot today. Please just give him a moment," I asked pleadingly. I didn't want to leave him alone.

"I'll notify his doctor but if I need to come in here again, I will not hesitate to remove you," I nodded and held Seth tighter. He had calmed some but was still crying. I continued to hold him and reassure him after she left. I didn't want to continue anymore discussions tonight. I knew we needed to talk more but he was too emotional to make decisions. His breath hitched even in his sleep. I dozed off and on the entire night waking each time a nurse came in to check on him. He whimpered occasionally which would make me tighten my hold on him. I didn't know what filled his dreams exactly but I could imagine he was hearing his father's harsh words and gun shots.

He woke as the sun began to rise. His eyes blinked as they opened and he stretched his body slightly. I placed a kiss to his jaw and sat up intending to use the attached bathroom to relieve my bladder. His hand clasped mine tighter not wanting to release.

"I'm just going to the bathroom. I'll be right back," he nodded but the look on his face was that of a scared child. I walked the few steps to the small bathroom and flicked the switch. I left the door partly open hoping that would ease his worries. When I returned he was sitting up looking at the tube inserted in his arm.

"Seth, what are you doing?"

He looked up at me with teary eyes and shook his head. "I don't want this anymore. I want to get up," he seemed agitated. "I don't want to be stuck here."

"You need to lie down and rest," he shook his head again and pulled the monitoring device off of his finger. The machine gave one long beep. He started to pull on the IV in his arm but I grabbed his hand to make him stop. Two nurses ran into the room to see me struggling with him. One went to the monitor while the other helped me to get him back lying down. She checked his arm and slightly adjusted the tube. Apparently I had stopped him in time. She then returned the gadget to his finger.

I leaned down with my hands on either side of his face and I looked him in the eyes. "What's wrong?" Obviously he didn't want to be here anymore but why was he so impatient all of the sudden? He glanced at the two nurses and then shook his head at me.

"What happened?" one nurse asked.

"I left him to use the bathroom and when I came back he tried to disconnect himself," I said to them without looking away from Seth. The beeping was rapid and his chest moved up and down quickly like he had run a mile. The nurse checked his bandage making sure that it hadn't been disturbed.

"I'll send in the doctor," she sighed. "Just…please keep him calm." They both left as I remained in my position.

"Seth?"

"I don-don't want to b-be alone," he stuttered in a whispered voice. "P-please don't leave m-me," I pulled his head to my chest. I wasn't sure if he meant that he didn't want me to leave the room or to leave him _period._ I placed a kiss on top of his head.

"I'm not going anywhere," I promised. We stayed like that until the Doc came in. He looked as exhausted as I felt.

"Sounds like we had an eventful morning," he said in a sarcastic tone. "Seth, can you tell me what happened?" Seth shook his head burying it impossibly deeper into my chest. The Doc let out a frustrated breath. He walked to the side of the bed and sat on the edge. "Seth, I need to know what happened so that I can help you," he pleaded.

I leaned away slightly only to have Seth follow my body. I then tried to peel him from me. He held tight to me the best he could but only had one arm in which to do it. His never-ending tears fell even from behind closed eyes. Doc picked up his other hand in both of his. I kept my hand on his cheek trying to wipe his face of sadness.

"Seth, please talk to us. I need you tell us what is going on."

"I-I-I w-was afraid you…" his breathing was erratic and his voice was quiet. I leaned forward to hear him better. "You w-would le-leave me." I looked up at Doc who nodded as if he understood what was going on. I had only walked into the bathroom and Seth suddenly felt I was leaving him.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I understand but we are going to need to give him something for anxiety, at least for the time being. It is to be expected. He suffered a huge trauma yesterday," he gave a somber smile. "If in a week or two there is no sign of improvement I will recommend an evaluation by a therapist." Seth pulled his hand away from Doc's and tried to curl his body back into mine.

"Now if you will excuse me, I had only just arrived after a very brief night's sleep. I wanted to be here when Charlie arrives," he rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "Seth, make sure you eat your breakfast, you'll need your strength."

Doc left and I crawled back into the bed and held my weeping boy. Breakfast was brought in and I forced him to sit up to eat. He ate only a few bites and lay back down. I wasn't going to push him anymore. It was around nine when Doc and Charlie came into the room

"Good morning boys," Charlie greeted us in a subdued voice. His eyebrows lifted when he saw the positions we were lying in. When he took my statement yesterday I had told him briefly what Seth and I were doing when his father came in. Saying it out loud to someone was terrifying. I had already told Edward but I knew that he would at least understand the "being with a boy" part. Not only did I not want to talk about what Seth and I had done, I didn't want to relive what happened. Charlie was asking Seth to do exactly that. I didn't want to hear him tell his story but he needed me to be strong. If he could jump in front of a bullet for me, I could hold him while he told his version of the events. "How are you feeling?" Seth's hand gripped mine so tightly he was cutting off the circulation.

"It's ok, you can talk to him," I said to Seth. I put my hand on his face to reassure him. He shook his head no. "He just needs…." Seth continuously shook his head. Seth pulled my ear to his face and whispered "I can't". I let out a frustrated breath.

"Why?" I only received a shake of his head in return.

"Seth, it is very important that I get your statement," Charlie sighed. "Maybe in a few days it would be easier?" Seth still shook his head and it was very clear that he wouldn't be talking today.

"There is something else we need to talk about. Sue is in the waiting room hoping to see you. I explained to her…."

"No, he doesn't want to see her," I answered.

"Seth?" Charlie glared at me telling me I shouldn't answer on his behalf. Seth of course shook his head. His tears started once again and I knew he had had enough.

"Charlie, I suggest she visit him some other time," Doc saved me from having to yell.

Charlie huffed in annoyance. "Seth, she is your mother. She's just worried about you," he attempted once more.

"Charlie! Did you hear what she said yesterday?" I couldn't hold back. "Do you think she wants to see her son cuddled up next to another man?" I waved my hand over Seth's body to emphasize my point.

"Alright, I'll leave it alone for now," he held up his hands in a placating gesture. He put them back on his hips and looked down. I knew he was frustrated and trying gather his thoughts. "Look, how about Thursday morning Seth comes down to the station?" his eyes pleaded along with his voice.

"Yeah, ok." I laid my head back down on top of Seth's and closed my eyes.

"I'll let Sue know Seth will be in touch," he left saying goodbye to Doc.

"Seth, I need to take off the bandage and get it some air. I need Jacob to climb down for a moment. He can stay if you would like," I gave him one last squeeze and moved off the bed but leaving my hand in his. Doc put on his latex gloves removed the bandage and cleaned the area. I couldn't help but stare at the black stitching and the angry redness surrounding it. Seth squeezed my hand and I looked at his watery eyes.

"Jacob, if you are going to insist on being in the bed with him. Be sure you don't touch this shoulder," he pointed to the wound and I nodded. "I'll be back at the end of my shift and again in the morning to sign the release form," he turned to leave and I crawled back into the bed.

Seth's emotional state was worrying to say the least. He didn't talk to anyone other than me, Doc, and Ed. He had freaked out with me just getting out of bed and walking only a few feet away. Almost anything would make him start crying. I know that it has been just over a day that this happened but he was definitely not handling it well. I wasn't sure if I could handle this by myself. Seth needed to be my first priority. Not my pride.

"Doc?" he turned to face me with his hands in his pockets.

"Is your offer still on the table?"

"Of course."

* * *

**A/N**: First I want to thank **elfprincess8** for everything she does; beta'ing, hand holding, yelling. Thank you as well to **Hank's Lady** who listens to my complaining when my muse goes on vacation. Also, my lovely Italian translator, **Arekwithlock**. These girls have many, many great stroies that you should be reading.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 Edward**

I made my way down the hospital corridor on Monday morning with a cup of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. I hoped Charlie would have left by now so I could go right in. I hadn't slept much last night with all the disturbing things that had happened yesterday. Seth seemed so meek and afraid when Jacob left the room to talk to my dad. He had asked how I found out that he was here and I explained that I just happened to be bringing my dad lunch when I saw Jacob in the waiting room with Leah. I held his shaky hand in the quiet room and watched him as the emotions washed over his face. We didn't say much and when Jacob returned he took his spot on the bed next to Seth.

Watching Jacob hold Seth so intimately was cutting. I was happy that Seth found comfort but the fact of the matter was I was jealous. I still felt the need to help him, help them both I suppose but I couldn't stop wishing it were me instead of Jacob. Seth melted into Jacob's body when he lay there next to him. They fit together so well and seemed to understand each other without saying a word.

I knocked before opening the door. I looked inside and saw Jacob perched next to Seth on the bed. They both looked at me with small smiles as I handed Jacob his coffee and bagel and sat in the chair next to the bed grabbing Seth's hand.

"How are you?" I asked. Seth just nodded.

"Looks like we will be stay at Chateau Cullen for awhile," Jacob said. My brows lifted when I looked up at him. "I talked to Doc this morning after Charlie left," he took a deep breath. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday…."

"It's fine Jacob. You don't need to. It's all forgotten," I shook my head. "Nothing you said or did was taken personally. We all just want you and Seth to have a place to go after this. It was the least we could do."

"Thank you," he said in a whisper and looked back down at Seth. This was difficult for him, having to ask for help. "And thanks for the food. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome."

"Charlie came by but Seth wasn't up to talking about it yet. We need to go to the station on Thursday."

"No, Jake," Seth shook his head.

"He needs you to tell him your side of things," Jacob pleaded. "We don't have to talk about it right now. We'll see if you feel…." Seth just shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Maybe you could just write it down. You wouldn't have to talk to him then," I offered.

"Maybe," Jacob replied. Dad explained to me that Seth was suffering from anxiety. He wasn't very optimistic about it resolving itself and thought Seth would need therapy at some point in the near future.

We sat in companionable silence while Jacob ate his breakfast. Seth tried to keep his eyes open. He was fighting to stay awake. When Jacob finished he stood and placed a kiss on Seth's head. "I'll be right back," and looked at me. "He doesn't want to be left alone and I need to use the bathroom," he closed the door behind him and Seth stared at it the entire time. I could feel him tense up when Jacob left and relax when he walked back out after a few minutes. I was glad that I could give him a small bit of comfort even if it was just holding his hand.

"Um…Ed, I need to call Emmett. Would you stay with him? It'll only be a few minutes," he asked. "You and Doc seem to be the only other people he is comfortable with and…"

"Go ahead Jacob, we'll be fine," I hoped I sounded reassuring. He slipped on his shoes and pecked Seth on the head again. Seth grabbed his hand trying to keep him from leaving. Jacob whispered something in his ear that I couldn't hear and pulled his hand out of Seth's grip. He picked up his phone and headed out the door.

"He'll be right back," I stood next to the bed. Silent tears fell from his red eyes and he nodded. I sat tentatively on the edge of the bed not wanting to jostle him. I tried to think of something we could talk about and only came up with one topic.

"Jacob really cares about you Seth," I hoped to put a smile back on his face. There had been too many tears in the last twenty-four hours. He looked up at me and granted my wish with a classic Seth smile through watery eyes. "I can see the way he looks at you."

"Thank you Edward," he said in a quiet voice.

"Why are you thanking me?"

"You were there for Jacob," he squeezed my hand. "I know you don't really like him."

I blew out the air in my lungs as I contemplated what he said. I never liked the way he had treated Seth. I was always suspicious of his feelings for him but he had proven himself over the last few months and what he was doing now was above what any mere friend would do. At this point there was no doubt in my mind that Jacob loved Seth. My only reason for not liking Jacob would be that he had what I coveted and I couldn't hate him for that.

"I have no reason not to like him Seth. I did what any friend would do. I did what any decent human being would do. What I saw yesterday was…." I stopped and shook my head. I didn't want to upset him with the deplorable behavior of Jacob's father. That was Jacob's story to tell.

"I would have done it for anyone. You are my best friend which means that I would do anything you asked including helping your best fr….boyfriend when you can't."

"I don't really know if he is my boyfriend. I mean….I want him to be but we've never talked about it," he explained in his whispery voice. "We've been…you know, fooling around but it's not like we dated or anything," he sighed. "He hasn't even kissed me on the lips since I woke up yesterday. Maybe this is all too much. Maybe he just wants to be friends."

I so badly wanted to feed his doubt and agree with his negativity. But deep down I knew that even if Jacob's signals were confusing to Seth, they were painfully clear to me. Jacob was completely and hopelessly in love with Seth. I wondered if roles were reversed would he extend the same courtesy to me.

"I think you should talk to him. I think he cares about you far more than you give him credit," he smiled again and I saw the old Seth, the thoughtful optimistic kid. I couldn't help but to smile back at him and share his happiness.

We sat there, not saying anything. His hand was still tightly grasping mine and his eyes still fighting to stay open. He didn't have to wait long. A worried looking Jacob returned but he wasn't alone. Leah followed behind him with a black plastic trash bag in her hands. She set it on a chair and turned to Seth.

"I told her it would be ok to come in and see you," Jacob said to a wide-eyed Seth. Jacob placed his hands on either side of Seth's face to force his eyes on him. "She just wanted to see how you are, ok?" he held his face so close to his own; they were a breath away from the kiss Seth desired. I stood and turned without dropping Seth's white-knuckled fingers to look at her. She looked tired and melancholy. She tentatively stepped forward closer to the bed.

"Hey Seth," Jacob let go of Seth's face and grabbed his hand. "How are you?" She asked while wringing her hands together. Seth said nothing and looked between her and Jacob. "I brought clothes and a few other things. I wasn't sure if you…"

"Thank you Lee," Jacob said on Seth's behalf. Leah looked nervous rocking back on her heels. I always remembered her as a bitch who didn't take shit from anyone. I didn't know her when she and Sam dated. I heard the rumors later about their breakup and it didn't sound mutual. Everyone said that she used to be outspoken but well liked. Now she was cold and bitter. That didn't seem to be the case today.

"Here Jake," she pulled a set of keys from her pocket. "Your car is parked on the west side of the building," Jacob took them and threw them on the nightstand. He said a quick "thanks".

"Look…I um….I don't know if I understand what happened exactly or what is going on with you two but um…" she looked down at her shoes. "Seth, you're my brother and I worry. Dad is being transported to Seattle and mom is…." She rushed to say.

"Lee, don't," Jacob interrupted. She furrowed her eyes at him. He let out a long breath. "He isn't up for this discussion right now. Just…not now, ok?" She nodded.

"Where are you going when you leave?" She asked after a long pause.

"Not back to the rez," Jacob stated without hesitation. She looked at Seth probably wondering why he wasn't speaking for himself. "We are staying with the Doc and Ed for a little while until I can find something else."

"What about school?"

"Seth will go when he has recov…" I heard Seth gasp and looked to see him frantically shake his head. Jacob leaned back down and cupped Seth's cheek and kissed his head. I looked at Leah who looked out the window. She was clearly bothered by the affectionate display.

Jacob continued to console Seth caressing his cheek with his thumb giving him hushed whispering promises that everything would be ok. They were in their own little bubble.

"I-I should go. I will be in touch," she walked to the door glancing back for one last look before leaving.

I stood there feeling more awkward then I ever had. My hand still in the clutches of Seth's while I watched the intimate display. Jacob slowly climbed his way up onto the bed taking his position next to Seth and resting his head at the top of Seth's. Seth's breathing had calmed some and his eyes were closed. I sat back in my seat and watched over the two abandoned boys as they drifted to sleep.

* * *

I arrived bright and early at the hospital to pick up Jacob and Seth to bring them back home with me. They sat quietly together in the backseat watching the scenery go by. It was decided that it would be better for me to drive them in my car. Jacob's car still had blood stains and would need to be cleaned thoroughly. Emmett picked it up yesterday and brought it to the shop for Jacob to use when he returned to work.

Jacob was due back to work tomorrow. Rose and Emmett had given him time off with pay for today and yesterday but couldn't afford to keep it up. Money seemed to be a big concern for him. Even though dad had offered them a place to stay indefinitely Jacob seem to think there was a big hurry to figure out someplace else to live. He said that he felt like a leech living in my parent's house and not making any contribution. He said that they would not overstay their welcome would be willing to help out around the house in any way they could. Dad said it wasn't necessary but Jacob insisted.

I explained to him that I would be home the rest of this week and Seth could hang out with me. I didn't know what would happen when I returned to school or when he did for that matter. The only obligation I had before I went back was to visit Dr. Gerandy. He was the Veterinarian at Forks Animal Hospital. I had worked there during the summers while I was in high school doing menial tasks like cleaning cages and taking the dogs out to play in the field behind the hospital. They worked mostly with small animals, house pets. We lived in a small town so to bring in more money they also kenneled pets when people would go on vacation. I had told him about my desire to become a Vet someday and he had told me that I was hired they day I graduated from college. I don't think he ever thought I'd take him up on the offer but volunteering summer after summer and then visiting whenever I was home from school he started to understand that it was something that I took seriously.

I would need to bring Seth with me or leave him home alone which wasn't really an option at all. I thought he would really enjoy being around the kenneled animals. He had always talked about how he wanted to work with them when he graduated. Maybe it would help him to just be around them for an hour or so.

When we arrived home, I showed them to the guest bedroom and dropped the plastic bag containing all the possessions Seth had next to the dresser. I then took them on a tour of the house. It was more for Jacob then Seth. Jacob walked around with his jaw on the ground. He obviously hadn't paid any attention the day before. I showed them the kitchen with its granite counters and large stainless steel appliances. We walked through the dining room with the oversized table that sat twelve. I briefly showed them dad's office and the other bedrooms spending more than a few minutes wandering around mine. Jacob seemed to like the view from the living room the most. The floor to ceiling windows overlooked the property my parents owned. The edge of our property backed up against the reservation in the western most corner. He stood at them looking out over the forest. The ocean couldn't be seen from the house because of the tall woodlands but you could hear it from the back deck.

We watched a movie and some TV, ate junk food and just…hung out. I realized that this was the first time that I had "friends" over to hang out with. Seth had been here before but this was plural, more than one. It was comfortable and much easier than I could have imagined. We laughed and bantered back and forth not talking about any of the heavy topics that weighed heavy on our minds.

Seth fell asleep with his head on Jacob's leg. I knew he hadn't slept well in the hospital and hoped he would feel more comfortable here. Mom and dad came home later that evening and brought pizza with them.

"Hi boys, are you all settled in?" Dad asked as he sat in the chair next to mine. "Did Edward give you a tour Jacob?"

"Yes, you have a great house," Jacob said while looking back out the window. I saw Seth's eyes open wide and he sat up quickly. He looked around trying to get his bearings. Jacob grabbed his hand and Seth sat snuggled into his side. His eyes remained wide and he looked agitated. Mom walked in with paper plates, napkins, and the pizzas setting them on the coffee table.

"Hi Jacob, I'm Esme. I'm glad to meet you," She smiled and held out her hand. He shook it and said "me too."

"It's good to see you again Seth," she smiled at him. He returned it with a forced smile.

"Please make yourselves at home and if there is anything you need please don't hesitate to ask," she picked up the plates and dished out a piece for everyone. "I'm glad you have decided to come and stay with us," she continued.

We ate in silence for the most part. It was a bit awkward but mom and dad kept conversation light with talk of the weather and work. Seth started to relax and even ate a few bites of pizza. When we finished Jacob offered to pick up the empty boxes and throw out the plates. He stood and Seth went to help as well. Jacob was trying hold up his end of the deal and my parents hadn't tried to stop them. Normally mom would have jumped in not allowing guests to lift a finger but dad had probably explained Jacob's insistence about helping out and not being a "leech". Jacob obviously felt the need to be useful and not exploit my parent's hospitality.

When they returned Jacob announced that they were ready to retire for the evening. Even though it was early I followed them upstairs to sleep as well.

"Edward?" Jacob called from their room. I had just stepped into my room and turned to see Jacob standing at the door to his bedroom. He ran his hand through his hair and seemed nervous.

"Yeah?"

"I…um…Emmett is picking me up just before seven and Seth…he doesn't want…" he put his fidgety hands in his pockets. "Will you be awake then?"

"Of course, I'll set my alarm. I won't leave him alone."

"Thanks," he was looking at the floor. "If he needs anything tomorrow just please…please call me. I am…"

"I understand Jacob. We'll be fine but I'll call if anything happens," I would feel the same way if I were leaving Seth with someone else. We didn't know how Seth would be without Jacob for this length of time. There was only one way to find out.

He nodded and finally looked up at me. "Thanks and not for just….thank you for everything. I don't know what I would have done without your help," he blinked back his tears and turned back to his room closing the door behind him.

I crawled into my bed around nine o'clock that night and was asleep almost instantly. The past couple of days had been stressful and I had gotten only a couple of hours sleep last night. The first bout of screaming came a couple of hours after I fell asleep. At first I had been disoriented thinking I had fallen asleep to the TV or something. My brain quickly figured out what was happening. I shot up out of bed and ran down the hall opening the door without knocking.

"Seth, you need to wake up, baby please wake up…." I turned on the light and saw Jacob kneeling over Seth writhing body. He cradled Seth's head in his hands and his hair veiled Seth's face. "Sssshhh Seth your ok…you're having a dream…ssshh its ok, everything is ok," he kept hushing and cooing hoping to wake him up. I stood there like an idiot watching it play out. I wasn't sure what I should do. Dad came up behind me and squeezed into the room pushing me aside. He was wearing his sleep pants and a t-shirt. He had obviously been sleeping as well. Seth's screaming had stopped by now but I could see him trembling. Jacob kept talking to him but it was closer to a whisper.

"Jake?" Seth's raspy voice was barely audible. Jacob pulled Seth to his chest and rocked him gently. Dad had placed a hand on Jacob's shoulder and squeezed. Jacob didn't seem to know we were there. Dad let him go and walked toward me shutting off the light as he went. I turned to leave the room still hazy from being woken up so suddenly. Dad closed the door behind us.

"Dad?"

"He'll be fine Edward. This isn't unexpected. Go back to bed," I nodded and walked back to my room. The second time I woke up I wasn't so disoriented. I climbed out of bed and walked to their bedroom. The door was wide open and I thought it was odd. The screams hadn't lasted as long but were still unsettling. This time I left the light off and sat down on the edge of the bed. I couldn't see much in the shadowy room but Jacob was lying down holding Seth this time. Jacob repeated the same mantra of cooing and hushing and Seth calmed a little faster this time. I stood to leave and grabbed the handle to the door to close it.

"Leave it open," Jacob said over Seth's whimpering cries. I nodded and headed back to bed.

The last time I awoke I remained in bed. I didn't think I had anything to offer except for my intruding. Jacob seemed to be able to calm him on his own. I hated that Seth was suffering with nightmares. The screams were so….alarming. I wanted so much to be there with him to comfort him. I knew that I was being selfish with my thoughts. Seth wanted Jacob and vice-verse. I would only cause myself heartbreak if I continued to feed my jealousy.

When my alarm woke me I dragged myself out of bed and walked to their bedroom. Jacob looked up at me and held a finger to his lips to signaling for my silence. He gently removed himself from under Seth and eased a pillow into the void that he left. Seth let out a small whine but seemed to fall back into his slumber. I sat on the bed against the headboard. Jacob went about getting dressed in the clothes that he had worn over the past couple of days. I knew they wore coveralls at work but he was in dire need of some clothing. He didn't seem to be modest sleeping in only his boxers and dressing as if I wasn't there. Seth had a few things including sleep clothes but only a sack full.

"If he needs anything…" Jacob whispered when he was dressed and ready to head out. I nodded. I hoped we would make it through the day without any issues.

* * *

Driving to the animal hospital Seth was on edge. His knees bounced incessantly and his eyes were constantly moving. At one point I grabbed his hand hoping to calm him a bit. He looked at me and apologized.

"You don't need to apologize. I just want you to relax," I gave him a smile. We pulled in front of the building and climbed out. Seth was next to me in an instant and we walked inside.

The noises coming from the animals were so familiar, Occasional barking and meowing along with scratching and collar bells ringing. The over-the-door bell chimed as we came inside and alerted Mrs. Cope that we had arrived.

"How nice to see you Edward!" she exclaimed. "How is school going? You only have one year left, right?"

"Good to see you too Mrs. Cope," I smiled at the plump woman behind the reception desk. She had brown hair with grey streaks and laugh lines around her eyes. She always seemed motherly to me but she had no children of her own. "Yeah, this is my last year," I nodded.

"Who have you brought with you?" she asked leaning to the side to look around me. Seth was almost hidden from view. I stepped to the side to introduce him but she recognized him almost instantly. "Seth Clearwater! Is that you?" he nodded and looked down. "I haven't seen you in ages. You must be….16, 17 years old now!" Her voice was full of surprise and at an octave higher than it was normally. Seth started to tremble slightly at the attention he was getting so I turned back to her and tried to divert her.

"Is Dr. Gerandy available?"

"Um…oh yes, I'm sorry. Go right in," she lifted her eyes from Seth and back to me. "Seth wanted to see the animals while I'm in with…"

"No problem, go right ahead," she interrupted. I wrapped an arm around Seth's shoulders and walked us back to the cages. I opened the heavy metal door and the sounds got louder. To the right were several small cages holding cats and small dogs. On the left and toward the back of the room were larger cages holding the bigger dogs. Only about half the cages were filled and the animals came up to the front of their cages when they noticed us.

Seth walked over to one of the large cages were a golden retriever lay with a cast around his front leg and a cone around its neck. Seth stuck his fingers in between the cage links and she gave them a lick. He looked at me and smiled. It was the first one I had seen all day. His body seemed to relax while crouched down in front of the animal.

"Seth, you can stay here while I go talk to the doctor. His office is right across the hall," I pointed to the door of Dr. Gerandy's office. "We will leave both doors open so that you can see me at all times," he stood and walked over to me. He bit his lower lip as he looked at the door only a few feet away and then looked back up at me.

"If you need me for anything, I'll be right there," once again I pointed to the office door.

"Ok," he nodded. I gave his shoulder a small squeeze and leaned my head to the side to look in his eyes. I wanted to make sure he knew that I wouldn't leave him. I would stay forever if he only asked.

I walked to the closed office door and knocked. The door opened a few seconds later. Dr. Gerandy was in his sixty's but had the stamina of a much younger man. He wore glasses and combed the small amount of grey hair he had left to the side. His smile was cheerful and his demeanor laid back.

"Edward, it's so good to see you! How are things?" he asked patting my shoulder. He had always been like a second father to me and seemed to understand me better than most. I wasn't a very social person and he seemed to be able to get me talking anyway. He was never one to pry yet I knew I could talk to him if I needed to.

"I'm good, things are good," I ran my fingers threw my hair. Things were fine with me but all I could think of was the broken boy in the room across the hall. "I just came by to visit. I wanted…"

"We seem to have a visitor," he looked over my shoulder to the cages. I looked at Seth who stood next to the small cages with a finger poking into one of the cages. "Is that….is that Seth Clearwater?" he asked in a quiet tone. I nodded and turned back to face the doctor.

"Didn't I….I mean wasn't he…" his voice trailed off and his brows furrowed. "I heard that…"

"Could we sit down Doctor?" I asked. He looked back to me and then back to Seth. He turned to his seat behind the cluttered desk. I left the door open and took a seat in front of him. I folded my hands in my lap and looked back at Seth who smiled at me and walked deeper into the cage room and knelt back down in front of the golden retriever.

"Edward?" I looked back to the man behind the desk. He leaned forward with his arms on the desk and his hands folded in front of him.

"I'm not sure what you heard exactly but…"

"I was told that his father shot him," he looked at me over his glasses.

"Yes, that's true but I'm not here to discuss his situation. I wanted…"

"I don't mean to pry," he sighed. "It was just shocking to hear," he took off his glasses and rubbed his face. "I'm sorry. I'm just…when I heard…" he exhaled. "I remember when he was a boy and he brought in a bird, a sparrow I think, with a broken leg. He wanted me to fix its leg. His eyes were so hopeful that I couldn't turn him away," he chuckled. "I actually wrapped the bird's leg and we took it out back to set it free," his small smile faded. He looked over at Seth again. "I haven't seen him in years and the other day, out of the blue, I heard what happened…."

"I brought him because I thought he might like to be around the animals," I sighed. "He is staying with my parents along with a friend of his for awhile. Just until…"

"You don't have to explain to me Edward. I'm no busy body," he put his glasses back on. "All I know was that he was always a respectful, polite, kindhearted kid."

"So, last year, huh?" he smiled. "I could really use you around here. Dr. Biers is hoping to move closer to Portland when I find a replacement. I told him that he was only filling in until you got here," he chuckled.

We talked about how I would start working there next summer after graduation and how my classes were going. I found it hard to concentrate with Seth in the other room. I answered his questions with short polite responses hoping to make the visit short. When we had concluded our unusually short conversation we stood and shook hands. I made my way to Seth and found him inside the cage with the broken-legged dog. He was whispering to it and petting her back.

"You are welcome to come back anytime," I hadn't realized the doctor had followed me and he startled both me and Seth. "The animals always enjoy the company."

Seth quickly stood and was at my side. His hands were shaking but he seemed to be ok. I closed the cage and grabbed Seth's hand. "Thank you, he may take you up on that," I replied.

"Anytime," he smiled at us. I said goodbye to Mrs. Cope as we walked past her desk on our way to my car.

"Um…Ed…could we…I want to see Jacob," Seth said as we pulled away. He gave me a small smile. I thought he had done well without Jacob this morning. Especially considering the nightmare filled sleep he had last night. He only panicked slightly when he woke up but I held his hand explaining that Jacob was working and would be home tonight. He knew this of course but I didn't know how else to calm him.

"Sure," I grabbed his hand and I drove us to the shop. When we arrived Seth was out of the car before I shut off the engine. Jacob stood talking to Emmett wiping his hands on a rag. Without hesitation Seth wrapped his arms around Jacob's torso before Jacob noticed he was there. Jacob's arms wrapped around Seth's shoulders and I watched as Seth's eyes closed and his body relaxed into Jacob's. Even sitting in my car thirty feet away I could tell how they felt about each other. I was merely a consolation

I thought back to Alec and how upset he had been when I admitted I kissed Seth. He knew then and even before that my heart lay with Seth. _"You don't have any idea how captivated I am with you. I love you no matter what. I just can't sit back and watch you give your heart to someone else anymore."_ Alec's words floated through me. I could understand exactly what he meant. I just didn't think I would as strong as Alec had been. I didn't think I would ever be able to say good bye to Seth.

* * *

A/N: Thank you elfprincess8 for beta'ing.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 Jacob**

"Sheriff Swan speaking," he answered.

"Hi Charlie, it's Jacob," I let out a sigh. "I'm calling about Seth."

"Jacob, is everything alright?" Concern filled his voice.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I wanted to ask a question. Would it be possible for Seth to write out his statement?"

"Yes, he could do that," he said after a long pause. "I would like to ask him a few questions though."

"You can try but he…." How do I explain? Seth didn't want to go over the horrific details. Hell, I didn't want to hear it! "He is having….difficulties with all of this."

"Just bring him in the morning with his statement. Tell him to be as detailed as possible," he sighed. "I understand that this is difficult for him, for you both but it would really be helpful."

"Yeah, alright," I replied.

"Jacob, everything will be fine," he tried to reassure me.

"Thanks Charlie," I hung up without waiting for a reply. It was easy enough to explain that Seth was having a hard time with all of this. He had been shot and laid up in a hospital bed. He wasn't talking to anyone and his emotional state was clear in his body language. But this had been difficult for me to handle as well. I had to be strong for him and I couldn't breakdown when he needed me most.

"What did Charlie say?" Emmett asked from the office door.

"He said yes, that Seth could write it down," I answered. I pocketed my phone and followed him into the garage. Emmett had picked me up for work today and even brought me clean clothes to wear. I had worn the same sweatpants and t-shirt for days. There really hadn't been time to do any kind of shopping, not that I had a lot of money to do it. Thank god Leah brought Seth a few things. He would need more as well but could get by for a while.

"Well, that's good right?"

"Yeah, it solves that problem but I'm going to have to take him tomorrow morning. I'll be here as soon as we're finished," I shoved my hands in the pockets of my dark blue overalls. I had left Seth unwillingly this morning in Edward's hands. I wanted so much to turn around and curl back up with him in bed this morning. I wanted to be there when he woke up. I was afraid he would have another nightmare and I wouldn't be there to help him. I kept telling myself that Seth trusted Edward and that Edward would be there for him. I was relying on that trust. Without it I'm not sure I would have made it through the last couple of days.

"No problem, we're here for you. We'll help anyway we can," he gave me one of his big dimpled grins and went back to work.

The morning dragged on and I had done a few oil changes and a tire rotation. I think Rose figured she would let me do the easier tasks because she knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything that took brain power. She was right. I only thought about Seth and wondered how he was doing. I knew they were visiting the animal clinic and I hoped he wouldn't freak out being around other people. My phone stayed silent which should have comforted me but I was itching to call and make sure.

It was getting close to lunch break and I had decided that the car I had been working on would be my last until after. I closed the hood and wiped my hands on a rag.

"I'm going for burgers, you want something?" Emmett asked me. I walked over intending to give him a few bucks when a body slammed into mine. Seth's head buried itself into my chest. I hadn't even heard him run up to me. I wrapped my arms around him and asked if he was ok. He nodded without looking up. A few moments later Edward strolled in.

"Everything ok?" I asked him.

"Yeah, he enjoyed the animals while I was with Gerandy. I think he just missed you," he gave me a smirk.

"You guys want food? I'm making a run?" Emmett turned to Ed.

"Sounds good," Ed pulled out his wallet to hand him some money.

"Don't worry about it bro, lunch is on the house," he pushed the money away. "Seth what can I get you?" Seth's body tensed against mine slightly and he shook his head. Emmett looked at me in concern.

"Get him a hot chocolate," I told him.

The three of us walked out behind the building so that I could have a smoke. Emmett had been kind enough to stop this morning on our way in. It had been my first cigarette since before Seth had been shot. I suppose I should just quit after so many days without but I was trying to be realistic. It wasn't going to happen while so much was going on. It was the only stress reliever I had. In the past I would call Paul and we would smoke weed and drink until I was numb. That was no longer a possibility.

I lit up and leaned against the wall. Seth had unzipped my coveralls and slipped his arms inside to wrap them around my torso. It was a tight squeeze but at least he seemed to relax. Edward sat at the old picnic table that was left here by the previous owners. It had seen better days but worked for us on the few sunny days we got around here.

"He was fine Jacob. Gerandy said he could come back anytime. It might be a good idea," Ed's voice was soft. He looked out over the small parking lot next to the building. His shoulders were hunched with his forearms resting on the table as he picked at the chipped paint. Something was bothering him. I mean, we had all had a long few days. I didn't want to pry but…

"You ok Ed?" He looked at me with furrowed brows and nodded his head yes. "If you need to talk we're here for you. I mean….I know you and I don't know each other but…"

"I think that has changed don't you?" he snorted. I chuckled. He had a point. We had been thrown together in this unbelievably crazy mess. I would never have thought that Edward Cullen would be the person I would rely on in a time of need. "I'm ok," he said.

I finished my smoke and Emmett arrived with the food shortly after. We all sat around the table eating and when we finished I had to get back to work. It was obvious Seth was having a hard time leaving but he eventually let go of my hand. I told Edward to make sure that he rested and to get him to eat something. I felt better knowing that Edward was with him and not him being home alone.

The afternoon was much the same as the morning although I felt better having seen for myself that Seth was doing fine or at least coping. We were heading out for the day when Emmett gave me my keys.

"Here you go," he held out the keys to the Rabbit. "Sam was the one to clean it up. He stayed late last night to make sure he got rid of…." he sighed. "He did a really good job."

"Sam?" I was shocked. Emmett had said that Sam worked a lot of overtime to cover my absence. They gave him today off but he would be back tomorrow. I was sure that he had spoken to dad by now. They had been so close over the years that I assumed he would take the same stance that my father took.

"He insisted. Something about spilled Quileute blood or whatever…" he waved his hand dismissively. "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow," he turned and wrapped an arm around Rose as they left the shop. I walked over to my car and unlocked it with the key. I hesitantly opened the door and the inside light came on. I looked over the interior in front sets and the dashboard. It was spotless. I had never had it looking this good. It was still old but all the dust and dirt, not to mention…blood, had been scrubbed off. There weren't even streaks on the windows. I moved to open the back door and remember how much blood he lost. I took a deep breath and opened the door only to find it as clean as the front. I ran my hand over the vinyl seats to see if he had missed even one drop. I found nothing. I closed the door and climbed into the driver's seat.

I sat there trying not to think about the last time I was in this car. It smelled clean and fresh but my mind could only concentrate on the memories of the musky, sweaty, rust smell of that night. I opened the window as if the breeze would clear it from my mind. I knew if I sat here any longer that I would breakdown and I had to get home.

I started the engine and took a deep breath as I pulled out onto the road. The drive was only about twenty minutes but if felt like forever. I knew that he was in good hands with Ed. I had to trust in that. I didn't know what we would do next week when Ed went back to school. I hated to admit that I needed him to help me. I hated to admit that I needed help from anyone. I could take care of myself. I could take care of us both. That's what I wanted to believe but if he hadn't been then there that day and every day since we would have been in a much worse situation.

I pulled into the driveway and saw the door open as I parked the car and turned off the engine. Seth ran to me in bare feet. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my nose in his long hair.

"You're home," he said to my chest.

"Yeah, I'm home."

* * *

Esme had cooked a stew and fresh bread for dinner. It was made from scratch and it tasted amazing. Dad and I usually had microwave dinners or take out and rarely cooked. The meal had been pleasant and afterward Seth and I volunteered to clean up. I know they didn't think it was necessary for us to but I wanted to give back in any way that we could.

I grabbed their newspaper as we headed upstairs to our room for the evening. I needed to find us a place to live and hoped there would be something that I could afford. We both sat against the headboard of the bed. Seth had borrowed Ed's laptop to write his statement. He was sitting and staring at a blank screen.

"It won't write itself," I told him without looking away from the paper. It was looking grim. I only found two places. The first one was too expensive the other was a possibility but they wanted first and last month's rent. I didn't have that kind of money saved. Plus, we needed other things as well like a bed, food, and heat.

"Jake?" he whispered.

"Yeah?" he turned his body toward me crossing his legs Indian style as he set the computer on the bed next to him. I turned my head to look at him.

"Um….are we….I mean do you still…" his fingers picked at the comforter on the bed. He took a deep breath. "What are we?" He looked up at me with big eyes.

I furrowed my eyes in confusion. "Homo sapiens would be the scientific term although some say we descended from wolves so…."

"Jake," he said in an annoyed voice as he shoved my shoulder. He took another breath and looked down. "Are we like…boyfriends or…"

I was a little stunned. I shouldn't have been. We had fooled around for months before this had happened but we weren't exactly boyfriends. We had never talked about our relationship in that way. It wasn't like we could date or anything….until now. I didn't really think of him as my boyfriend but I guess if I had to put a label on it then that was probably the best description.

"I guess so," I replied but apparently that wasn't what he was looking for. His face contorted as if he had smelled something disgusting. "I mean…if that's what you want," I tried to clarify. I wasn't sure what answer he was looking for.

"Jake, I want that but…do you?" He looked me straight in the eyes as if he were trying to read my mind. "I mean…I want to _be_ with you, do you want to _be_ with me?"

"Of course I want to be with you. I'm trying to find us a place to live together and…" I was confused. I didn't understand why he was asking. I wanted to be with him forever. If that meant that we were boyfriends then yes, I wanted to be his boyfriend.

"Why haven't you kissed me?"

I almost said that I had kissed him but he was right. It dawned on me that I hadn't kissed him since this whole ordeal began. At least not like a boyfriend. No wonder he was confused. I just hadn't been thinking about that aspect of our relationship. I was trying to make sure he had what he needed to survive; food, shelter, clothing. I tried to comfort him and make him feel safe. We were probably more affectionate now then we had ever been with each other but I had unintentionally withheld the intimacy that would have ended his questions.

I set the newspaper aside and leaned forward. I put a hand on each of his cheeks gently so I wouldn't hurt his bruise and swept my lips across his. "Seth" peck "will" peck "you" peck "be" peck "my" I swept my tongue along his bottom lip and he opened to me. I pulled his face closer to mine to deepen our kiss. His lips were pliant and warm. My tongue found his and massaged the wet velvet muscle. It felt good to touch him like this again. I had missed this and I had no one to blame but myself.

I pulled my lips from his and looked into his eyes still cradling his face. "Boyfriend?" he smiled and I pecked him on the lips again. "I'm sorry I wasn't…," I tried to apologized.

"I just didn't know if you wanted me like_ that_ anymore," he said as he closed his eyes.

"I've been thoughtless. I hadn't been making my less than honorable intentions clear," he opened his eyes and smiled. "I want you to be my personal sex toy," I gave him my best flirty smile and batted my eyelashes. "Or what you call – a boyfriend," he shoved my shoulder playfully. We kissed for a while longer. I wanted him to know that he was what I wanted. I was clueless about how to have a relationship with a boy but I knew we'd figure it out. I would do everything in my power to make him happy.

"_Wolves mate for life Jacob. Someday you will find your soul mate to love and protect."_

"_You will find your mate one day and it will become clearer to you. You will do anything to keep them happy, healthy, and protected."_

My father's words had never made more sense. I they echoed in my head while we kissed.

"Seth," I pulled away from his lips and put my head against his. "I love you."

His lips crushed back on mine. His hands were at the back of my head pulling me impossibly closer. "I love you too Jake," he said when we came up for air. His smile was bigger than it had been in a long time. I would work the rest of my life trying to keep it on his face.

"Now finish your homework like a good boy," he backed away with a huff and turned back to the computer. I looked through the newspaper again hoping something new had magically appeared.

I small knock to the open door drew me away from reading. "I was able to charge up your phone," Ed walked in and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Thanks," I took the phone from his outstretched hand. "Um…Ed…could you follow me to the station tomorrow? I need to head to work right after we are finished," he nodded. Seth closed the computer and handed it back to Ed.

"You're finished?" I asked him as he laid down and snuggled next to me. He nodded into my side. It had obviously bothered him to think about. I put my hand in his hair.

"I'm headed to bed. I just wanted to know if you needed anything else," Ed stood and I shook my head. He walked to the door. "Did you want this left open?" I nodded and he left. Last night Seth told me after his first nightmare that the closed-door made him nervous.

"Hey," Seth turned his head to look up at me. "We should get changed and ready for bed," he nodded and sat up to take off his shirt. The stitches still made my breath hitch. The scar itself looked red and the black thread was vivid. It wasn't big but it looked like a neon sign to me. It showed how far he was willing to go to protect me.

I threw his pajama pants to him after he removed his jeans. I knew he wanted more intimacy but he was still healing and needed sleep. Neither of us slept much the night before. Once he was dressed he went into the en suite bathroom and brushed his teeth. I did the same and then undressed down to my boxers and turned out the light. He had already climbed into bed and I crawled in beside him. I leaned up on my elbow and cupped his cheek so that he would look at me. I could only see his face because of the moon light shining into the bedroom.

"I want us to be together or at least as long as you will have me," I pecked his lips to emphasize the point. He smiled against my lips.

"What?"

"I only have one request," he smiled. His hand slipped around to my lower back.

"You're making requests now?"

"Tomorrow you need to buy new underwear," he giggled as he snapped the waist of my boxers.

"Funny," I said with one last peck. I pulled him to my chest hoping we could sleep the entire night.

* * *

The scream was jolting and the adrenaline in my body instantly picked up speed. I opened my eyes and saw Seth's head thrown back and his eyes closed. His hands gripped the bed sheets and I grabbed him and pulled him to my chest. I rocked slightly and started the same mantra I had done last night, shushing him and trying to assure him that everything was ok. His body shook and trembled but at least the screaming had stopped. I heard someone in the doorway of the room but I didn't look back to see who it was. I was glad that I had backup if I needed it. I had no idea what I was doing and only relied on instincts.

"Shhh…everything's ok. You're ok," I felt his tears on my chest and he was taking in gasping breaths. By this time I was sitting up and I had pulled him into my lap. I rocked him trying to soothe him. I had no concept of how long we had been asleep or awake but when his breathing returned to normal I leaned away from him to see his face. He looked up at me through his tears and his face was blotchy. I couldn't see the extent of his pain in the darkness but at least he wasn't dreaming anymore.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He shook his head and wrapped his arms around me with his head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Jake," he said with a raspy whisper.

"No problem baby," I kissed his head and laid us back on the pillows. I heard the footsteps behind me retreat just before nodding off.

* * *

We arrived at the police station just after eight o'clock. Edward said that he would wait in his car for Seth. I told him that it shouldn't take long. We went in and sat across from Charlie and Seth gave him the sheet with his statement. I didn't let go of his hand for a moment. If Charlie noticed he didn't say anything. I wasn't going hide our relationship anymore. What was left to hide? What was the point? By now everyone knew what had happened. The only thing not holding Seth's hand would accomplish would be upsetting Seth.

Charlie explained that Harry hadn't denied anything and took full responsibility for shooting Seth. He said that he had tried to shoot me when Seth pushed me out of the way. He had also said that he would have shot again if Leah hadn't gotten the gun out of his hand. Charlie was clearly having a hard time explaining all of this to us. He shook his head at times in disbelief retelling what Harry had said. He had been good friends with Harry and my dad. I don't think he realized how closed-minded our community really was.

Thankfully the few questions he asked Seth could be answered with a nod or shake. Seth still wasn't talking to anyone except for me, Ed, and Carlisle. Not even Esme had heard him speak over the last few days. We stood and I shook Charlie's hand. We walked back out and I left Seth with Edward to return home with instructions to Ed to feed and water him. It earned me a smirk. I gave Seth a kiss and a promise of a surprise when I got home.

I walked into the shop and Sam called out to me immediately. "Hey Jake," he put down what he was doing and walked into the office with me. I wrote down my "time in" on the ledger on the clip board. "I…um…just wanted to ask how Seth is?" His voice was nervous but his eyes showed concern.

"Fine, I guess. He'll make a full recovery. He just needs some rest," I answered. I looked up at him and he was looking at the floor. He was slightly taller than I was but the same build. His hair was pulled back in a band. To the world at large we could be true brothers but I saw the Uley features easily.

"Look, I talked to your dad and he said…."

"Stop right there. If my father has something to say to me he can speak for himself," my voice grew angrier with each word. "He made it very clear how he feels about me. I don't want to hear you regurgitate anything he has said to you," I quickly walked over to the intake board to see what was scheduled for the day and grabbed the keys for the next repair. I didn't want to discuss my father with anyone.

"Jake, hold up man," he jogged over to me. "I'm not saying I agree….look, I was just trying to get the story straight. Emily and I were upset to hear what happened and we wanted you to know that not everyone on the rez feels the same way. At least we don't. Emily feels sick about what happened and would love to visit Seth sometime, ya know, when he's up to it," he stood there with his hands in his pockets. I looked away and then down at my shoes. The small drops of Seth's blood still stained them.

It wasn't like we could go visit them on the rez and I didn't know how the Cullens would feel about us bringing over friends. We didn't really have a place to call our own. If we went out for dinner or whatever, I didn't have money to be spending on an evening out.

"Yeah, when he's feeling better," trying to be vague as possible.

"Ok, well we should get back," he stepped backward and turned toward the car he had been working on.

"Hey Sam?"

"Yeah," he turned to face me.

"Thanks for the car. I appreciate it, the cleaning I mean."

"I figured it was the least….I didn't want anyone else to do it, ya know?" I did know. I understood that connection to our history and our culture. He wanted to clean the blood of a Quileute. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I'm glad he did it. I didn't think I would have been able to stomach it. I had seen enough blood to last me a lifetime.

The day dragged on just like yesterday. I hadn't received any phone calls and by the time I reached the Cullen's driveway I was a wreck. I had stopped at the drug store and was able to pick up some tight-y white-ys and socks. I couldn't go another day without. Seth met me at the door this time with the same hug around my waist. Ed explained that his dad was still at the hospital and that his mom had left lasagna in the oven for dinner. She was out visiting friends. The three of us had dinner and then watched more TV.

When Seth and I walked to our room I was more than exhausted but Seth reminded me of the surprise I promised him.

"It's in the bathroom," I pulled him with me and partially closed the bathroom door. I turned on the shower and checked the temperature. I turned to see him leaning against the counter.

"I need you to get naked," I said with a smirk. He smiled back at me and quickly began to strip. He was never shy when it came to his body or at least not when he was with me. We had done quite a bit of groping and fondling over the summer. It had been awkward for me at first. I understood how a girl and a boy fit together but not two boys. Seth wasn't nearly as hesitant as I was. He would grind and rub and tweak just to see what would happen, trial and error. We hadn't gotten any further than hand jobs and I figured I knew what the next step was. I just wasn't sure how to do it. I mean, I knew _how_ to do it, sort of, but how do you approach it.

I watched him as more and more skin was revealed to me. When he was wearing only his birthday suit he turned to face me. I stood there and stared at him. I saw that his dick was semi alert and he put his hands on his hips.

"Jake, you're weirding me out. Aren't you going to help me?" he had mirth and annoyance in his voice. I pulled my t-shirt over my head and Seth began opening my belt buckle. I put my hands on his face to lift it to me. I kissed him soundly on the lips.

"Seth, we need to be careful of your shoulder ok?" he nodded fervently as he continued to undo my pants and began pushing them down my thighs along with my boxers. "I mean it. I just wanted to wash your hair," his smile grew bigger and I knew it was hopeless. Doc said he should wait for the weekend but I was tired of waiting. I wanted to give him something to show that I was ready to take our relationship to the next step. It just seemed like the right time.

I let go of his face and stepped out of my jeans. I stepped into the shower and adjusted the temperature a bit more. He followed me in and stood behind me. I wanted to block the splatter of water from him. I turned the shower head toward the wall and moved around to avoid getting water into his wound. My hands went straight to his hair to help get it wet. His head tilted back and his hands rested on my hips. A small smile remained on his face the entire time.

"Feel good?" I asked when I began massaging the shampoo in his hair.

"Mmmhmm," His eyes were closed and his expression was happy and….impish. He pushed his hips forward until his cock grazed mine. We were both aroused due to our close proximity and soapy water. I rinsed his hair carefully making sure not to let the soap run into the wound. I took a washcloth and the body soap and began to clean his lean body. I held out his arms and wiped them down and moved to his chest and abs. I watched as rivulets of soapy water ran down his sinewy body as I dropped to my knees to wash his legs. I picked up each foot one at a time and cleaned them along with each calf and each thigh. I came face to face with his now fully erect penis. The mushroom head was bright pink and curved toward his belly. I looked up at him to see him looking down at me. His hand cupped my cheek trying to reassure me that I didn't have to be nervous. I knew that he had never had this before and I hoped to make it good for him. I grabbed his cock determinedly and gave it a couple of tugs and watched clear fluid drip from the slit. I wrapped my lips around the spongy head and tasted the salty liquid. I licked around the head and teased the sensitive spot just below the mushroom cap. He moaned quietly and his hand dropped to my shoulder. I looked up to see his head thrown back. I loved seeing him this way. I made me feel powerful. I was the one who did this to him. I was the only one who had ever done this to him.

I pushed my lips further down his shaft with my tongue putting pressure on the underside of his cock. I didn't take it all in. I didn't want to gag the first time. I pulled back bringing my hand with it and let go with a slurp. I licked the head again before going back down. By this time I was painfully hard and gave my own member a squeeze. It wasn't the act itself that I found so arousing, it was the whimpers and soft moans that escaped Seth. His hips started moving slightly as I bobbed my head more. I could see the muscles in his abdomen start to tighten and I knew he was close.

"Jake," he looked down at me. The lust in his eyes and the grip he had on my shoulder told me he was close. I didn't think I was ready to have him cum in my mouth. I dropped him from my lips and continued to pump with my hand. It only took a few more firm strokes before the soft, warm liquid hit my neck and chest.

"Jake ahhhh…" his head fell back again while I continued to stroke him, trying to prolong his orgasm. I kissed his thighs, his stomach, his navel, slowly working my way back to standing until I reached his lips. He wrapped his hand around my dick and masturbated me while I continued to pepper him with kisses. I was so worked up that it was only few embarrassingly short moments later when I came in his hand and on his stomach.

"Fuck!" I said loud enough to echo in the small stall. My chest heaved for breath as my arms tightened around his waist to ground me while the waves of pleasure subsided. I kissed his temple, his cheek, his jaw until I found his lips and gave him a bruising kiss. He let go of my shaft and pulled slightly away from me. His eyes never left mine when he licked my essence from his hand. He pulled my face to his and kissed me so that I could taste myself on his tongue. It was erotic, sensual, and intimate. I felt….cherished.

I had been truthful with Seth when I told him that I never wanted to be intimate with anyone that I didn't love. It was the connection that was important to me not the act of getting off. Release is one thing. Standing in the lukewarm shower with the naked long-haired boy who knew me better than I knew myself, making promises with every kiss, every touch _that_ was what I wanted.

* * *

A/N: Thank you once again to elfprincess8 for everything you do. All mistakes belong to me and me alone. Thanks to all of you who read my little story. A big thanks to those who review. I love hearing what you think.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 Edward**

It had become a routine over the last month that I make the four-hour trek back to Forks from school on the weekends. Returning to school was both painful and a relief. I had watched Seth and Jacob grow closer and more intimate while they stayed in my childhood home.

Whenever they were together they would be touching in some way, from simply holding hands to being sprawled out on their bed kissing. I had even heard a moan from their en suite bathroom once. But Seth's favorite place seemed to be wrapped around Jacob's torso with his head resting on Jacob's chest. Seeing him find comfort in Jacob's arms was becoming excruciating.

Being in Seattle, I didn't have to witness first-hand what they did but it gave my mind a lot of time to wonder and wish. I would lay in my small dorm-sized bed thinking how pathetic it was for me to yearn for someone who would never see me more than a good friend. I would never have imagined that my high school crush would turn into an obsession, an addiction. My life revolved around my next hit. I would leave for school on Sunday night which seemed to get later and later with each visit. I would attend classes and study with only an occasional phone call from Seth to ease the longing. Then I would eagerly jump in my car after my last lecture on Friday to speed my way home to my personal brand of heroin.

On my Sunday drives back to school I would tell myself that I couldn't do it any longer, that I had to distance myself from him and move on. I wouldn't accept his phone calls and I wouldn't visit every weekend, all it would take was will power. But like any addiction the cravings would come. My mind would conger up his lively smile and his brown eyes and long black braided hair. I would see the silly dance he would do when he beat me at a stupid video game that I only half-heartedly played with him or the endearing way his tongue would peek out when he was concentrating. I would also see visions of his nightly screaming and his pained expression when his family was brought up. But there was something that would obscure my visions, always preventing me from seeing Seth completely. Jacob.

Jacob was the wall solidly blocking my ability to see all of Seth. I wanted to see every part of him, not just the happy-go-lucky kid with the infectious smile or the student with a thirst for knowledge. I wanted to see him when he lost himself in the heat of passion or when the demons of the night invaded his sleep. I wanted to know his inner-most dreams and fears. I wanted to make him feel safe and loved, protected and adored. I was completely and hopelessly in love with him.

This weekend was the same as the others. I drove home pushing the speed limit as much as I dared. When I reached the weaving driveway I was practically jumping out of my skin. I parked the car and retrieved my bag laundry from the backseat and walked into the house.

It was early evening and I could smell dinner cooking. Seth was curled up on the sofa next to Jacob and my anguish began all over again.

"Edward," Seth jumped up and came over to give me a hug. He wore a t-shirt and jeans that seemed to fit baggier than before. I wrapped one arm around him and felt his warmth through my jacket. He pulled away from me and gave me a smile.

"Hey Ed, how was the drive?" Jacob asked from the couch. He looked tired but that hadn't been unusual. He worked long hours and wasn't sleeping much not to mention taking on the responsibility of Seth's well-being. I had to give him credit he was giving everything he could.

"Fine," I dropped my bag and took of my jacket while setting my keys on the foyer table. "How's work?"

"Busy," he yawned. "Jasper found a 65' Aston Martin that Rose is working on so the rest of us are trying to keep up with routine shit." One of the reasons that Rose wanted to open a garage was to be able to renovate old classics and then sell them for profit. Jasper would go out and try to find cars for basically nothing and bring them to Rose. She had actually done quite well with the few that they had acquired.

"Edward! I thought I heard your voice," mom strolled out of the kitchen. She gave me the usual hug and kiss to the cheek. "Dinner will be ready shortly," she pulled away and rubbed her thumb to my cheek to erase the lipstick stain she'd left. I pulled her hand away from my face and rolled my eyes. I heard Seth chuckle.

"Thanks mom. I'm going to…" I picked up my bag of clothes and headed for the laundry room. I wanted to get out of the room. Between my mother's coddling nature and seeing Seth curl back into Jacob I was starting to feel claustrophobic.

After dinner, Seth and I went to my room to hang out while Jacob went to bed. It was still early but he had to work in the morning and was already sleep-deprived.

"Jacob found us a place to live and your dad offered to co-sign on the lease," he blurted in his quiet voice.

"He did? When?" I was shocked or maybe fearful. I hadn't wanted to think about what would happen when they moved out and away. At least while they were here I would see them every weekend. I might hate that I would see them together but not seeing Seth at all made my heart clench. I sat on my bed and leaned against the headboard while Seth sat at the foot.

"We looked at it a couple of days ago. It's small but Jake said it is all we can afford," he took a deep breath. "It's old and has one small bedroom. The kitchen has enough room to put a table in. There's a living room and a bathroom and it has a garage. Jake can…."

"When are you leaving?" I interrupted knowing he wouldn't stop.

"Next weekend," he looked up at me with a forced smile. "Jake said we shouldn't stay here anymore. You've done enough," he looked down at the comforter he was picking at. He didn't act as if this was what he wanted.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah," he didn't sound convincing.

"Buuut…."

He let out a dramatic sigh as he fell back on the bed. "I just…" he rubbed his hands on his face. "He's working all the time and I'm just…a burden," he looked away from me. My throat constricted trying to hold back the mountain of emotions. Seth had been through so much. It had been so much more than being shot by his father. He lost his home, his way of life, and his family. Everything he owned fit nicely in a trash bag, how poetic. No one expected him to come away unscathed. He was trying to get healthy mentally and physically.

I slowly laid on my stomach next him propped up on my elbows. "I don't think Jacob sees you as a burden," he turned his teary eyes to me. I looked down and shook my head. "I think he loves you and he wants to take care of you," I looked back at him.

"I wish I could take care of him though," he closed his eyes and sniffed. "I'm not doing….."

"You're there for him and supporting his decisions. I think you are doing a lot," I looked him directly in the eye. "What he needs and wants from you can't be bought in a store."

He nodded and closed his eyes again trying to compose himself. He seemed so innocent, so unaware of his ability to completely disarm me. I wondered if he ever thought about that kiss; the one that I thought about every day, the one that had completely turned my life upside down. Had his life changed because of it, even just a little? I can't say that it was the thing that ruined my relationship with Alec, it had only fast forwarded the inevitable. With his face was only inches from mine and I would only need to lean in to touch his soft lips again. I shook my head and quickly stood up. I walked over to my TV pretending to pick out a movie. I needed to put distance between us. I couldn't do that to him again. It would ruin the only thing I had with him, friendship. I couldn't take what wasn't mine. Seth was Jacob's not mine.

"Have you thought anymore about school?" I asked. I brought it up last weekend and he said that he wasn't ready to go back. "You've only missed…"

"I'm not going back," his voice was quiet but resolute.

"You could just try…"

"No!"

I nodded in resignation. I walked back over with a handful of movies. "Pick one," I fanned them out for him to see and he grudgingly picked one. I put it in and sat down on my small sofa. He climbed over the top from the bed to plop down next to me.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up," I said as the opening credits started.

"It's ok. I just….everyone will know what happened and I don't want them staring. It was bad enough before when I was a scrawny geek. Now I'm the scrawny gay geek whose father… I just…"

"I understand," I sighed. "You don't want to do it alone," he looked at me and nodded. He didn't like being weak but he knew his limitations. School would be like walking into the pits of hell for him. I wasn't going to push it. It would be a battle for a different day. We sat in silence for the rest of the movie but I don't think either of us remembered any of it when it was over.

* * *

I woke to hear his agonizing scream. They seemed to happen less often but they came nonetheless. I crawled out of bed and crept down the hall to the open door of the guest room. I couldn't see Seth through Jacob's muscular back but I heard his muffled cries and saw his hand gripping Jacob's flank. It was the same way every time he had a nightmare. Jacob would hold him until he woke up and calmed him. I would stand there until Seth confirmed he was awake only to walk back to my room silently berating myself about getting up at all. I don't know if they even knew I was there but I just felt the need to….help in some way. Of course, he didn't need me. Seth had the love of his life whispering reassurances in his ear.

* * *

In the morning Seth came into my room after Jacob left for work. My alarm went off awhile ago but I had yet to pull myself out of bed. Seth seemed to be coping slightly better than he had the first few days after his incident. He wouldn't freak out when Jacob left the room but still didn't want to be left home alone. I could almost feel his anxiety roll off him when Jacob wasn't around. Mom said that he would stay in bed all day when Jacob or I weren't here with him.

I opened my eyes slightly as he crawled under the blankets next to me and curled up facing the wall. His hair fell next to my hand and my fingers itched to touch the silky tresses. I could see the caramel skin of his neck beyond the strands of hair. I watched the rise and fall of his chest that would occasionally hitch and the slight tremble of his body. I knew he would eventually calm himself but it was upsetting for me to watch his physical reactions to his emotional pain.

"Ed?" his voice so low I could barely hear it.

"Hmmmm?"

"Would you…..could we go to the animal clinic today?"

"Sure," my voice still full of sleep but my body began to fill with anticipation. This was the one thing that we shared. It was our thing. It may sound stupid but I couldn't wait. We hadn't been there since that first time.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just….wanted to get out of the house," he rolled over to face me. "Is that ok?"

I nodded. "Me too, I don't want mom to hover over me the entire day," I yawned and stretched my arms. "She's probably started my laundry already this morning."

"Actually it is sitting outside your bedroom door. She did it last night," he giggled.

"Jesus, I'm a twenty year old man-child," I blew out a breath. I could smell bacon cooking and coffee brewing. "At least she doesn't spoon feed me anymore."

We dressed and headed down for a breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. I had coffee while Seth had his hot chocolate. After breakfast, we grabbed our coats and drove to the animal hospital. Mrs. Cope greeted us and told us to enjoy ourselves. We were probably the only company these animals ever saw outside of the doctor and Mrs. Cope's feedings. Seth walked in and head straight for the larger pens in back. The animals immediately gathered at the front of their cages looking for a little attention.

I knelt in front of one of the smaller cages and stuck my finger into the cage to give a large orange and white stripped long-haired cat a small pet. I looked over at Seth who was crouched down quietly talking to a large husky.

"We have treats for the animals if you would like to feed them," I was startled to hear the doctor's voice. I turned and saw Seth's wide eyes and his white-knuckled grip on the dog's cage. He stood and came to stand next to me. Dr. Gerandy opened the cabinet next to the door and set two separate bags on top. "Help your selves," he smiled back at us. "It's good to see you both again," he left the room leaving the door wide open.

Seth exhaled loudly. He had been able to keep his emotions in check and I had a feeling that it was because he liked being in here with the animals. He took comfort in their presence. We walked over to the bags of snacks and he grabbed a few dog biscuits while picked up the bag of cat treats. We gave them to the animals while having our own private conversations with them.

The bell chimed to the front door and a loud distraught voice spoke to Mrs. Cope. I saw Dr. Gerandy walk from his office to see what was going on. Seth and I stepped closer to the door and peeked out to see a middle-aged man explain that he had hit the small dog he carried with his car.

"He ran across the road from out of nowhere. I tried to stop but…" he spoke quickly obviously spooked by the whole ordeal.

"Let's bring him back to the examining room," The doctor led the way to one of the examination rooms beyond his office. They walked past us and I saw that the dog's leg was bent at a strange angle. It was most certainly broken. They were in there for a few minutes when the man left without a word and Dr. Gerandy stepped out a few moments later with his head down. He looked through the cabinets lined up in the hallway pulling out gloves and a syringe among other supplies. We stood there stunned at what had just transpired. Seth pulled my elbow and I looked down at his teary eyes.

"He's probably not going to make it Seth," I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'm sorry."

Seth shook his head and stepped out from behind me letting go of my hand. I watch him walk over to the doctor slowly on shaky legs. He touched the doctor's arm to get his attention. The doctor let out a breath and looked at Seth.

"I'm sorry, his injuries are extensive and there is no collar, no one to care for him. He is suffering," the doctor turned back to his supplies. Seth turned to me with tears now streaming down his face. I pulled him to me and held him. This was the last thing he needed. He loved animals and had told me about the stray cat he took care of when he was younger. Then there was the bird that he brought to the doctor when he was just a kid.

"Is there any way to help him?" I asked.

Dr Gerandy looked up at me. "Edward, the procedure would be costly…"

"Is it possible?" I interrupted.

"Yes, but…"

"If I pay for it, will you do it?"

"Edward, his leg would need to be partially amputated and his eye is…"

"Please?" I hoped the look I gave would tell him that I was serious. He sighed and looked away.

"Alright, I don't know why I let you boys do this to me," he looked back at me shaking his head. "You can't save the whole world you know?"

I nodded and held Seth a little tighter. I wasn't trying to save _the_ world. I just wanted Seth's to be a little better and if saving this dog could do that for him then that's what would happen.

"Would you like to assist me?"

"What?"

"You could help me if you like," he said with a smile. He was asking me if i wanted to help with the surgery. I would be able help with an actual procedure not just in a lab but an actual hospital.

"Is that ok?" I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to be making trouble. I wasn't certified yet to assist. "I mean is it…"

"Well, I won't say anything if you don't," his eyes were almost mischievous. "It's a stray so…"

"I'd love to!"

I left Seth in the kennels and scrubbed in. I didn't do more than hand the doctor the tools and supplies he needed while performing the procedure. Watching him amputate the irreparably damaged front paw and remove the damaged eye sewing the eyelid shut was beyond anything I could have learned in labs. I felt bad for the dog knowing his life wouldn't be easy and it would probably have been better to have put it down. I also thought about how Seth thought the life of this dog was worth saving. He wouldn't see this dog as a burden. This dog could give him something much the same as Seth gave Jacob.

When we finished I cleaned up and went to find Seth. He was sitting inside the cage with the husky he had befriended. He looked up at from his place on the floor. The dog's head rested in his lap while he ran his fingers through its fur.

"He's sleeping now. Do you want to see him?" Seth nodded and stood. We walked into the exam room where the dog lay on the table.

"His leg was wrapped because we couldn't save the paw and his eye patch is to cover the stitches."

"He's ok, right?" he never looked up from the dog. He reached out a hand to touch its matted filthy fur. It was in dire need of a bath but it would have to wait until it healed.

"He will have an issue with his stride and he can only see out of one eye but yeah, he's ok," my voice wasn't as optimistic as I wanted but I didn't want to sugar coat the situation either. "We'll need to put up signs to see if he has an owner," Seth looked up at me and nodded.

"But…what if he doesn't?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," I patted his shoulder. "He can stay here for a while to heal. We'll figure it out."

We left the room and I spoke with doctor about the bill. I had the money in my savings account. All the years with allowances and no social life left me with a nice sum of money. Not to mention that dad still gave me "pocket-money" during college. This would deplete it dramatically but I felt good about what I had done.

By the time we got home it was late afternoon. Mom and dad were home and Jacob arrived just before dinner. We sat around the table and ate while I recapped our day at the animal clinic. Seth's smile never left his face. Dad shook his head when I told him what it had cost but seemed elated to hear that I had been able to stand in during the surgery. Jacob looked shocked at first and then upset. He glared at me and when he finished eating, he abruptly stood taking his dishes into the kitchen and began loading the dishwasher. I didn't understand what I had said that would make him angry. We all looked at each other in confusion.

I went to my room after dinner. I was exhausted after our long day and wanted to relax. I closed my eyes and went over the every detail of the surgery. It had always been my dream to work with animals and I loved studying medicine. It would be many years of more schooling but today was exhilarating.

I heard Jacob's raised voice but couldn't make out the words. I stood and walked to my door to listen.

"Seth, you can't!" he wasn't yelling but he was loud and stern. I could hear the whispers from Seth but they were too quiet to understand. I walked down the hallway to their bedroom.

"Is….um…is everything…."

"No, Ed, everything is not ok," he glared at me. He sat against the headboard and Seth sat on the edge of the bed. "What were you thinking?"

"What?"

"Jake, I asked him to," Jake rolled his eyes to Seth's comment.

"The dog?" I was trying to clarify what the problem was.

"We can't have a dog," his voice was serious. Seth stood and walked into their bathroom closing the door partially. We heard the shower turn on.

"We are going to post signs to try to find the owner," I said.

"Seth said it was a stray."

"It seems so but we need to at least try."

"So you spent thousands of dollars on a dog that may or may not have a home?" I knew it sounded crazy but there was no way I could let the dog die.

"Yes, Seth was upset…."

"Ed, you don't get it. He wants to bring the dog home. He has always taken care of strays," I knew that Seth hoped he could keep the dog.

"Then let him have the dog."

"I can barely feed us let alone a fucking dog, a half-blind three-legged dog. I don't even know if the landlord will allow it."

"Ask."

"Fuck you. You don't have to take care of it. You'll be away at school."

"Seth will take care of him," I took a deep breath and looked at the bathroom door. Steam rolled out and the water was still running. I looked back at Jacob. "He needs this Jacob. He needs to feel like he is contributing. He feels like a burden to you."

"I know exactly what he needs. What happens next time a dog is hit by a car? Or a cat falls from a tree? If it were up to him we would be out walking around the forest trying to save them all. I know you are trying to do the right thing here but I know what's best. We can't keep the dog."

"It's Seth's dog. The vet bill was my gift to him," I looked him directly in the eye. "I am his friend and I also have his best interest at heart. He can stay here and keep his dog if he wants. You don't get to make all of his decisions. He isn't a child," my voice had grown louder to the point of yelling. The shower shut off and silence filled the room. We were at a standstill.

* * *

A/N: I can't say enough about the wonderful elfprincess8. Thank you for listening to my fretting. All mistakes are mine. Thank you all for favorite, alerting, reviewing, and reading.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 Jacob**

After brushing Seth's hair and separating it into three separate strands, I braided the long black tresses and used a rubber band to tie it off. We got up from our new bed and finished getting ready to go to the shop. Since moving from the Cullen's, Seth had been coming with me to work every day refusing to stay home alone. He would spend his days in Rose's office or a chair near my work station usually reading. I knew we needed to find a different option for him but he was still finding it difficult being away from me.

Moving wasn't much of an ordeal with only two bags of clothes and a few toiletries but we were shocked when we walked into our only bedroom to find that a dresser and a large queen sized bed with all the fixings.

It wasn't anything ornate or over the top but to us it was luxury. I had planned for us to buy a few blankets and pillows to camp out on the floor for our first few nights until payday when we would buy the cheapest mattress set money could buy. The note on the dresser was from the Cullens and the other guys at the shop. They had all chipped in and bought us a house-warming gift.

Carlisle had offered to loan me money to buy a few of the necessities we would need and I turned him down flat. We didn't need handouts but they had found a way to help us without making it look like one. I couldn't send it back or refuse it and they knew it. I humbly thanked each person who signed the card and offered them help if ever they needed it. Edward said "It's what families do for each other." It left us with money to buy some of the other things we needed such as towels and cheap dishes. We didn't have much but we appreciated everything we did have.

I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and placed a handkerchief around my head. I grabbed my keys, wallet, and phone and went to the kitchen to grab something for breakfast before we left. Seth was bent over pouring food into Fugly's dish. _Fugly._ We waited almost three weeks, after putting up signs, for someone to claim the dog. Edward promised to pay for all of the dog's needs which included food, vet bills, and his cage. I had taken the door to our bedroom off its hinges before we slept here the first night and stored it in the garage. I woke the next morning with the dog's wet nose sniffing my back, hence the cage.

I had been given the dubious honor of naming the dog. After many names had been shot down by not only Seth but Ed too, I threw in the hat.

"_Uncle Fester is what I choose. You said I get to choose and that's the one," I was done with this stupid conversation. "He's a fucking ugly dog and no…" it suddenly clicked._

"_Jake, come on! He needs a real name like…" Seth began._

"_Fugly. Fugly is his name," I said with conviction. "He's fucking ugly, he's fugly."_

"_Seriously Jacob," Ed was beyond annoyed. "I think I liked Fester better."_

"_It was Uncle Fester and yes, I am serious," I felt the smug smile cross my face. Seth and Ed rolled their eyes at each other and walked away in defeat. I gave an internal fist pump. _

We walked out to the single-car garage that was just big enough to store my car and bike. I unlocked the garage door and lifted it open. I climbed into the car, started it up, and backed out. Seth pulled the door shut and locked it before jumping into the passenger seat.

It was a short twenty-minute drive and Seth rested his head on my shoulder the entire way. His sleep still filled with nightmares and waking us once or twice every night. We ended up in bed early most nights because of exhaustion only to repeat the cycle all over again. Doc had prescribed Seth a higher dose of anxiety medication and recommended a therapist for him. I agreed that he should see someone but Seth said no, he didn't want to talk about what happened. He didn't talk to anyone except me, Ed, and Doc, even to say hello. I hoped that when things settled a little more he would change his mind.

I parked the car and walked in through the back entrance. We were the first to arrive and I walked around turning on the lights while Seth headed for the coffee maker. He didn't drink it, opting for hot chocolate instead, but he would always make sure that there was a full pot during the day. He wanted to be useful but was limited in knowledge of cars and mechanics. A little of my know-how had rubbed off over the years but he was never interested enough to really learn. He seemed content to do the menial tasks around the shop to keep busy and helpful.

One by one the others showed up and the garage grew loud with air-compressors and the clanking of tools. We turned on the radio and began our day. Jasper arrived mid-morning with his girlfriend Alice Brandon. They met a couple of years back in college during his last year and her freshman year. When he graduated and wanted to come back to help Rose with the garage, Alice quit school to follow him. She worked part-time as a receptionist but they hoped that someday they could bring her to work here. Rose and Jasper were basically breaking even and weren't profitable enough to hire anyone else.

When they arrived, Seth left them the office and sat in the chair next to my tool box. I thanked god everyday that my tools were here instead of at home when shit hit the fan. Without them, I would have been a bagger down at Newton's Sporting Goods. Most mechanics had to provide their own basic tools. Seth opened his book and started to read, blocking out the noise. When lunch rolled around we went outback for my usual cigarette. I sat on the picnic bench with Seth next to me. He pulled out the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chips, and juice he had packed before leaving this morning. He started to climb into my lap but I told him he needed to eat first. He huffed taking a bite of his sandwich.

His appetite had definitely gone down since the incident. I asked him about it and all he would say was that he wasn't hungry. I didn't think it was a body image issue. He was uninhibited when it came to being nude. More like insatiable. He had no problems talking about our sex life or showing me what he wanted from it. We hadn't gone "all the way" but not a day went by were we didn't engage in some sort of bedroom activities.

_It was becoming habit to go to bed early with nothing better to keep us occupied. We would fool around until we were sleepy and sated. Tonight was no different. Seth lay on top of me kissing while holding himself up with his hands on my biceps and his knees resting next to my hips with his dick pressed against mine. He pulled away and looked at me._

"_What's wrong," I asked as I rubbed the outer side of his knees with my fingertips. He let go of my arms and grabbed my cock loosely stroking._

"_I want us to have sex."_

_I chuckled. "Then why did you stop?" I didn't understand what he was asking._

"_I mean… I want you to make love to me," Oh._

"_Um…" I ran my fingers through my hair. His hand kept moving, teasing me. "Seth, I…"_

"_Don't you want to? I mean… I'm not a girl…" he turned his head to look into the room and then down at the hand that had stopped. "I just…"_

"_Seth, it has nothing to do with that," I lifted his chin. "I love you. I don't want to do this with someone else, girl or boy," I explained_

"_Does that me you will?" his voice was lighter and his smile was smug._

"_I don't think we can babe." His brows furrowed._

"_Why?"_

"_Because there is no way that this," I grabbed my erection and waved it back and forth a few times and then pulled him by his neck to place his head to my chest. "Is going to fit here," I reached my finger over his back and tapped his small pucker._

"_Jake," he said in his whiny irritated voice. "It'll fit. You just need to prep me."_

"_Prep you?" my voice ascending in pitch. "What is this some sort of test?" he slapped my shoulder in annoyance._

"_You know, stretch the opening," he explained. "You use lube and your fingers to stretch me so that I don't tear when you put in your…"_

_Jesus, this was a test. "You've been studying," I stated._

_Hey shrugged his shoulders. "I asked Edward."_

"_Edward?" That had to be awkward. Ed was known for his inhibitions. He was in a word, prudish._

"_I asked him about some things and he explained that we need to use lots of lube, make sure I'm stretched, and to go slow. I told him that you were big and…"_

"_You told him about my dick?" I lifted my hand from his head and he sat up on my thighs._

"_Well, yeah. I mean… I just wanted to know how. It's not like I can find out any other way and…"_

_I looked up at my innocent, naïve boy. He was looking down and biting his lower lip. He was afraid that he had upset me. Honestly, I was trying not to laugh. I was envisioning Ed's beet red face while Seth peppered him with questions. He had no verbal filter._

"_So… will you?" his hand returned to its spot around my cock and moved up and down._

"_Sounds like we need to make a stop at the drug store first," his smile lit up the dark room and he leaned over to kiss me._

After we finished our lunch I lit a cigarette and Seth climbed into my lap facing me with his legs hanging on each side over the back of the picnic bench. He opened my overalls and pushed his arms in and around my torso. This had become a standard position for him. He would rest his head on my chest and close his eyes. I smoked and talked to him quietly, not knowing if he had fallen asleep. The sky was cloudy and there was a slight breeze making it feel cooler. Winter was beginning to show itself. But I had my own personal heating blanket.

When I finished my second cigarette I placed my hands on the back of his head and leaned forward letting him fall away from my chest slightly. He slowly opened his sleepy eyes and tried to stretch out his stiff muscles. "I need to get back babe," I placed a chaste kiss on his lips and he pulled himself out of the embrace. We walked back inside and I returned to the oil change that sat waiting for me.

I had only worked for a little over an hour when the unexpected happened. A car in the parking lot across the street from the garage backfired. I hit my head on the hood of the car I was working on when I heard the loud BANG. I heard a strangled scream from Seth and turned my head and watched as his knees gave out and he fell to the floor. I dropped everything running over to him. He hadn't hit is head from what I saw but he wasn't conscious.

I knelt down next to him and put my hands on his face. "Seth, wake up. Please wake up," Emmett was next to me in an instant and put two fingers to Seth's neck and a hand on his chest. He yelled for Rose to call his dad. I didn't pay any more attention to the things happening around me. Once again I was looking at the unaware face of the boy who held my life in his heart. I didn't know if I could stand it anymore.

"Jacob?" I had no idea how long I sat there but a small amount of relief filled me when I heard Doc's voice. "Let me look at him," his eyes were soft and I knew I could trust him to help. I let go of Seth's cheeks, sat back on my heels, and grabbed Seth's hand.

I saw that someone had covered him with an old blue blanket. The garage was quiet, too quiet and everyone was sitting around, watching. When I looked up at them they looked away shamefully. They knew that they were staring. I turned back to Seth and Doc who was looking into Seth's eyes with a pen flashlight. He put it back into his front shirt pocket and opened his bag. He retrieved some smelling salts and placed it under Seth's nose. His head moved slightly and his eyebrows furrowed. His eyes blinked open and relief washed over me. I leaned into his face and kissed him. He reached up and wiped a thumb under my eyes. I hadn't realized that I was crying.

"…" Seth's mouth opened as if he was going to speak and I put a finger to his lips to keep him quiet.

"Everything is fine. You're ok," I reassured him. His eyes filled with tears and fear. His hand gripped the front of my suit tightly. "Everything's ok."

"Seth," the Doc tried to get his attention. "You blacked out for a while. The noise from a car triggered it. Your vitals are normal but I recommend you get yourself home and rest," his voice was professional and sympathetic.

"He is fine. He'll be good as new after some sleep," he said as he patted my shoulder. I pulled Seth's head to my chest and rocked him. "You need to get him home and cleaned up," I looked at him in confusion. "He… his bladder…" I looked down at the blanket that still covered his lower body. He had pissed himself. Jesus. I nodded to the Doc. I needed to get him out of here before he realized what happened. I knew it would cause him even more stress.

I lifted him bridal style making sure to keep the blanket in place and walked to my car. I opened his door and set him down. After buckling him in, I jogged to the driver's side and jumped in. We left without saying a word to anyone.

His sniffles were the only sounds in the car on the way home. I pulled into the driveway and parked, not bothering to put the car in the garage. I opened his door and lifted him once again. I gave him the keys to unlock and open the front door. Fugly was there with his tail wagging oblivious to what happened.

I sat him on the toilet and started the shower and stripped. I moved to take off the blanket from him and remove his soiled clothes. He sat in silence with tears streaming down his face. Once he was naked I pulled him into the shower and began cleaning him. I worked the wash cloth from top to bottom even wiping down the soles of his feet. When I was finished I stood and pulled him to me. He wrapped his arms around me and started to sob. I didn't say a word nor did he. We just stood there until the water ran cold. I dried us both off and got us dressed then we crawled into bed together.

We spent our afternoon lying there with very little conversation. His tears would stop for periods of time but something in his mind would trigger them again. I would comfort him the best I could. I made us dinner, fed the dog, and sent him outside to do his business. It was around nine o'clock when Seth finally drifted off. I followed soon after.

I awoke in the middle of the night but for once it wasn't because of his screams. In fact, he wasn't even in bed. My hand felt the cool sheets on his side of the bed and I opened my eyes slightly to see the light from the bathroom on. I got up when it was clear he wasn't just taking a piss.

Padding my way to the bathroom in only a pair of boxers, I squinted when I looked inside the open door. Seth stood in front of the mirror in his pajama pants and no t-shirt. In one hand he held a pair of scissors and in the other he held out his hair from his head. One side of his head had short uneven spikes while the other was soon to follow. Long black tresses lay strewn about covering the pedestal sink and floor beneath. He cut away more hair and I watched it fall to the floor. I leaned against the door jamb with my arms folded across my chest.

"What's with the punk rock look? Are you looking to replace Jonny Rotten?"

"Jake," his voice showed his annoyance. The scissors remained in his hand as he rested it on the sink. His was head bowed and his shoulders hunched. I pushed away from to door and pulled the scissors from his hand. I cupped his cheek and turned his head to face me.

"What's up?" I asked. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath.

"I don't want… I don't want to look like them anymore," he leaned into me resting his head on my chest and wrapping his arms around my waist. "I'm not a part of the tribe. I never was." My arms wrapped around him with one hand going to the back of his head threading into the hair yet uncut.

"You were always a part of the tribe, Seth," I told him. He shook his head against my naked chest.

"No, they never accepted me, not the real me."

"Seth…"

"No Jake. I was always a disappointment to dad. He wanted a son like you not a nerdy skinny kid who everyone teased. Even Leah has more balls than I do."

Our hair was a symbol of our heritage. It showed everyone that we were proud of who we were and what we stood for. Through the passing of time, even when it wasn't in fashion, we kept our hair long.

I understood why he wanted to rid himself of any connection to them. We had both been shunned from our families and the community that our long black braids represented. They didn't accept us. He didn't want to be seen as part of a group who didn't want him the way he was. I had never been more proud of him then I was in that moment. I was sure that most saw Seth as a weak and helpless boy. He didn't have the stature of a muscular superhero or don a cape but he possessed a quiet bravery that was just as powerful. He was telling a bunch of bigots to go fuck themselves, they weren't good enough for him. There would be no blood-shed or hurtful words but a silent statement of strength.

I guided him to toilet putting the lid down for him to sit. We were silent and alone in our own thoughts. I picked up the scissors and cut the long strands watching them fall to the floor. I cut it as short as I could and pulled out a razor and foam to rid him of even the smallest reminder. He could grow it back again if he wanted but he needed to start over, a clean slate.

I slowly ran the razor over his head uncovering the small imperfections that hid beneath. I rinsed the razor in the sink of water and repeated my strokes over and over. When I was finished I wiped away the excess foam and stray hairs from his head. I lifted his chin and bent to give him a soft kiss. He smiled and put his arms around me tucking his head into my neck.

"Thanks Jake."

"No problem Mr. Clean," I chuckled. I wrapped my arm around him and lifted him to stand. I turned him around to look in the mirror and stood behind him. He rubbed his head a couple of times and smiled at me through the mirror.

I held out the scissors in front of him, "now it's my turn," his eyes widened in surprise and he turned to me and shook his head.

"No Jake, you can't," he pleaded.

"Yes…. I can."

"But Jake, you are the lead…."

"Not of the Quileute tribe," I shook my head and placed my hands on either side of his face forcing him to look at me. "That isn't my tribe. If you don't belong with them then neither do I," he shook his head in my hands and his eyes watered. He knew how much I loved my heritage, how big a part of my life it was. _Was._

"Jake, you don't want this. You love your connection to them. It's part of who you are," he sighed. "It would be like cutting off the mane of a lion."

"I love you more. I don't want to be a part of anything that doesn't include you," I placed a chaste kiss to his lips. "Please," I held out the scissors once again and after a small pause he took them. I sat down and he gently combed his fingers through my hair.

He held back his tears as he cut away the first clump of hair. He worked quietly and methodically as he severed one of the ties that bound us to our past life. His fingers raked through the shorter hair and untangled the long. His touches were tender and filled with compassion and understanding.

I sat with my hands in my lap while my hair fell softly in small clusters like snowflakes covering the floor in a black pelt mingling with his. I watched his mocha colored abs flex and straighten as he moved around me and the breathing movements of his chest. He set down the scissors and lathered my head preparing to shave it. With each stroke the razor left a chill in its wake. He tilted my head occasionally, attempting to get at every nook and cranny. My eyes never left his torso, his taunt, lean body almost putting me in a trance. My mind started to comprehend the concept of how alone we were, how this one simple act would isolate us from our old lives. I lifted my hand and reached a finger out to touch his belly where a light trail of hair made its path under his sleep pants. His stomach clenched at my unexpected touch. I traced the soft hair from his waistband to his navel and then around the small cavern. He wiped my head clean of all the foamy remnants and dried the virgin skin.

I placed both my hands on his hips and leaned in to kiss his stomach. Tears fell down my cheeks silently. His hands cupped the back of my head cradling it to him.

"I love you, I love you,…" I repeated into his warm skin. He pulled back just enough to lift my face to look at him. "Please don't leave me," I pleaded. I would be lost without him. I knew I needed to be strong for him. I needed to be his champion but….. I wanted him to be the same for me. I _needed_ him to be the same for me.

I pulled him down to sit on my lap and I kissed him as if my life depended on it. I wanted to consume him so that he would always be with me. He could always be part of me. My hands went under his ass and I lifted us. He wrapped his legs and arms around me and I shuffled us back to bed. I laid him down gently and covered his body with my own. I held his bare head in my hands and kissed him with passion and a growing lust.

My body lay between his legs and my hips moved involuntarily rutting my hardness against his. I pulled away from his lips and kissed his neck and jaw. His hands settled on my naked scalp as I moved down his undulating body. He moaned when my tongue massaged a rosy nub to a pebble and bit it gently while I tweaked the other nipple between my forefinger and thumb. My hands moved under his back lifting it to an arch and I kissed the abs I had watched while he cut away my hair. My hands slid down further to his ass and pulled the waistband of his pants and boxers down over his hard prick past his knees and off his feet. My boxers quickly followed.

I lay down next to him, facing him and he draped his leg over mine. I gripped his hip pulling him closer until our cocks rubbed against each other. His hand found mine and he pulled my fingers to his lips. He slowly licked and sucked the middle three teasingly, running his tongue from tip to base and then along the small webbing in between. His eyes watched mine, never looking away, as he released them from his tongue and guided them to his backside between the cheeks of his ass. His eyes looked at me pleadingly, trying to convey what he wanted. We hadn't… breeched this barrier, pun intended. I wasn't afraid, just… inexperienced. I had no idea how to pleasure him this way.

My middle finger circled his pucker. It felt wrinkly and twitched slightly. I watched his face as he watched mine. His mouth open slightly and he gasped when I pushed against the resistant muscle.

"Does it feel… good?" I was curious to know what was going on in his head. He nodded and he nudged my hand with his encouraging me to continue. Circling my finger again, I pushed it inside him but only to the first knuckle. His eyes fluttered shut and I could no longer read his expression.

"Seth?" His eyes open again.

"M-more, Jake," was his reply and he nudged my hand again.

I slowly eased my finger in and pulled it out just as slowly.

"You won't hurt me," he whispered. I pushed back through the ring of muscle and began a slow rhythm of push-pulls. I couldn't help but compare this with being with a girl. It wasn't as moist as a vagina but just as warm. The biggest difference was how tight it felt and it was almost as if his cavern was trying to suck my finger in.

His hand left mine and encased my semi-erect cock giving me a few firm tugs. I was aroused not because of the attention he was giving my dick but because of what I was doing to him with my finger. It felt… naughty. It was the same feeling you get when you're jerking off and thinking you could get caught.

"Another Jake," he breathed. He wormed his other hand between us and used both to envelop our pricks together. I eased my forefinger along my middle and moved them together in the same rhythm.

"Fuuucck..." he said in a long drawn out manner. His hands had stopped and his back arched. "Right there," I felt a small round bump inside of his tight velvet hole. I rubbed the spot again extracting a gasp from him. I continued moving my fingers feeling like I had just discovered gold. I tried to hit that spot with each and every plunge.

His head buried itself in the crook of my neck and I felt his soft panting breathes across my chest. With my free hand I held the back of his naked head to me. His hands were moving again in time with his hips although his pace was becoming increasingly more erratic.

"Jake," the high-pitched breathy voice sounded just before came. His seed coated our cock and his hands as his body tensed and squeezed my fingers. I could feel his rhythmically contracting muscles around my fingers as his climax over took him. His hands had slowed but hadn't stopped and I could feel the familiar tingling of my own orgasm. I pulled out my fingers and grabbed his round cheek pulling him impossibly closer to me as my hips rocked into his hands. The extra lubrication provided by his cum felt incredible. My toes curled and my muscles tightened just as the coil sprang free.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" my fingers tightened around his head and hip and were sure to leave bruises. He places butterfly kisses along my collar-bone. He pulled back after a few moments.

"I love you Jake," he kissed me.

"I love you too, Kojak," I pulled him to my chest and without bothering to clean up we fell asleep.

* * *

A/N: My thanks as always to my beta elfprincess8. You rock girl! All mistakes are mine.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 Edward

I opened the door and was overwhelmed by the thumping of the music and the smell of stale beer. The strobe lights on the dance floor flickered a rainbow of color on the half-dressed cliental. Men danced and gyrated to the rhythmic music with shirts hanging from their back pockets. Sweaty bodies moved sensually, erotically together. Around the dance floor men stood at tall bar tables drinking, talking, and flirting with one another. Some were fully clothed, some… not so much.

I had never stepped foot in a club before let alone a gay club but I was determined to be here. I wasn't the most social person. I had only ever had one boyfriend, only dated one person, and had sex with only one man. I couldn't read the signs that distinguished the gay men from the straight. I figured in a gay club my chances of successfully locating a gay man were more than likely.

The cover charge had been outrageous but I had to try. Maybe I would get a phone number or just have a conversation with someone. I needed to open myself up to the possibility of finding someone… else. I couldn't continue my isolated lifestyle and stay sane. I had to give up on what I had hoped, what I had dreamed of for so long. _He_ had someone to call his own. _He_ didn't need a pathetic puppy begging for attention. _He_ had already found that too.

To the left of the door was a long bar lit up by blue neon lights both under the counter and from the ceiling above. It reflected off the mirrors behind the glass shelves lined with liquor bottles. It gave the over-worked bartenders an unearthly glow and illuminated their tight white t-shirts.

I stood in one spot trying to gage my next move. I couldn't drink because of the green wristband that highlighted my lack of birthdays. I didn't want to numb my senses anyway. Drinking would have dulled my ability to think clearly and I wanted a clear head. I leaned my shoulder against a support column and absorbed the atmosphere.

I felt a presence beside me and looked over my shoulder to see someone standing only inches from me. He wore a dark tight t-shirt and jeans with black boots. His blonde hair was tied back in a small ponytail. His head was tipped to the side as his eyes travelled up my body. I was flattered and mortified all at the same time. I wasn't a piece of meat but… no one had ever looked at me that way before, like I was something… mouth-watering.

His blue eyes met mine and he smirked. "Haven't seen you here before," he leaned into me so that I could hear him over the music. I could smell his cologne and the beer on his breath. Both were intoxicating. He was good-looking, no, hot. I could see the muscular outline of his pecks and a hint of his six-pack abs. The sleeve of his t-shirt clung tightly to his bicep. He was about my height but more defined. "The name's James, what's yours?"

I turned to face him more directly leaning back against the post pushing my hands in my pockets. "E-ed… Edward," my voice gave away my nerves and lack of confidence. I looked away to the dance floor and could feel the blush rising to my cheeks. I wasn't sure how to respond to him, I felt completely out of my element. He put a hand on the post above my head and leaned in as if he were whispering.

"Would you care to dance, Edward?" his voice was smooth and confident. I looked back at him and shook my head.

"I don't…"

"I won't bite, I promise. One dance," his pleading eyes and sexy smile was my undoing. One dance couldn't hurt. I did come here hoping for… something and being a wallflower all night wouldn't accomplish anything.

I nodded my head slightly and he smiled warmly back at me. I watched him tip the bottle back and swallow the last of it. He set the bottle on a table and grabbed my hand pulling me to the dance floor. We found a spot towards the back of the room where it was less crowded. He pulled me to stand in front of him and placed his hands on my hips.

"Never been dancing before?" he asked leaning his head toward my ear. I felt the scruff of his cheek against mine and he ran the tip of his nose along my neck almost but not quite touching it.

I shook my head no and I heard him chuckle. "Well, you'll want to move these," he moved my hips with his strong hands. I wasn't sure what to do with my hands and I left them hanging at my sides. He moved in closer and put one of his legs between mine. His hands moved slowly up the sides of my ribs until they reached the juncture where my arms met my shoulders and grasped them from underneath lifting them one at a time to rest on his shoulders. His splayed hands moved back down my body to rest on my hips again and he began to gyrate his hips into mine.

"Relax," he whisper-yelled into my ear.

"I'm s-sorry, I just haven't…"

"It's easy, just follow my lead," his hands moved my body in conjunction with his own hips. My gaze remained low watching how closely but never actually touching we were. "You're doing great, beautiful."

The song seamlessly flowed into the next and I thought I should thank him and go back to my position against my post. I felt so awkward and nervous. Here was a sexy man wanting to do sexy things with me and I felt like throwing up on him. My heart felt like it was bursting through my chest and my stomach doing flips.

I closed my eyes and calmed my breathing while James pushed and pulled my body to the rhythm of the music. I tried to relax my tense muscles and just feel the music. I opened my eyes to see James staring at me. My face flushed hotly and I turned my gaze from him to the other men dancing around us. A couple dancing a few feet away were making out obscenely and had their hips mashed together without a breath between them. The taller of the two had dark short hair and was shirtless the other was blonde and had on a button-down shirt that was open and hid their hands from view. They parted lips from one another and looked at each other with lust. The short blonde bit into the other's bottom lip and I heard the low groan emanating from his chest.

Another couple was dancing with one boy's back pressed up against the other's chest. The boy in front had his hands in the other's hair and his head was titled back and turned to the side to kiss the other boy whose hands were resting dangerously close to the front's crotch.

"See something… interesting?" James whispered into my ear. My faced flushed. I had been caught staring. I looked away quickly, shame and embarrassment filled me. Being here, in this place was so foreign to me. I was surrounded by blatant lust and desire. I had never felt comfortable with overt displays of affection, my own or anyone else's. It had taken me a long time to express my needs to Alec in the privacy of his bed. I never thought that I would be watching others do it in front of virtual strangers. It felt erotic and taboo to look at them and have them looking at me. Regardless of how my head felt about all that was going on around me, I was aroused.

I looked up at him. His smirk was friendly and mischievous. His hands moved down to cup my ass and he pulled my body into his. I gasped when I felt his erection rub mine. My cock had been neglected over the last few months. Only a few jerk-off sessions in the shower and even those weren't more than guilt-filled quickies. It felt good to feel someone else touching me this way again. I hadn't realized how much I had missed it.

My head was overwhelmed with the emotions in my heart. The ones that had clung to the idea of a relationship beyond friendship with Seth wanted me to run back to my dorm room and pretend that I hadn't ever come here. The other emotions were hopeful that I could find a way to move on from him. Standing in front of me was a very sexy, overly confident man whose hands were squeezing my cheeks and whose cock was rubbing me in just the right way. His blue eyes pierced into mine willing me to concede to him. He wanted more from me. I wasn't going to back out of my attempt to get Seth out of my head… my heart. I had to take the opportunity that I was given.

I leaned forward, with a moment of bravery, and pressed my lips to his. His smile fell away as he opened for me and my tongue entered his mouth. My arms wrapped more tightly around his neck and one hand went to the back of his neck to bring him closer. Our tongues were engaged in a mutual massage while they explored each other. One of his hands released my ass and moved underneath my shirt and pressed into my back. By this point I was hard as steel and if we continued, I would embarrass myself further. I pulled back from to catch my breath and to calm my body.

He lifted his hands to cup my jaw. His face was so close I could feel his breath against my lips. "Let's take this somewhere more… private," his said while his eyes looked for approval. My immediate reaction was to say no. I didn't know anything about this guy. He was sexy and confident and looked at me like I was something to eat. I wanted to push him away and run for the door.

There was another part of me that wanted to throw caution to the wind. I wanted to take a risk. I wasn't deluding myself into thinking that I had just found the love of my life or that we would be in a relationship of any kind. One night stands were a rite of passage. People did this sort of thing all the time, right? His thumbs rubbed the apples of my cheeks as he waited patiently for me to make a decision.

"I… um, yeah… o-okay," I finally stuttered out. "Wh-where?"

He smiled at me and let go of my face. "Follow me, beautiful," he took one of my hands from around his neck and pulled me through the crowd. I was surprised when he brought me to a semi-secluded hallway that led to the backdoor of the club. He opened the door and we walked several feet down the dark alley. I was immediately regretting my decision. I thought we would leave and go back to his place or even my dorm. I wasn't thinking that we would end up behind the club surrounded by others who had come up with the same activity plan that we had.

He found a spot down the small outside corridor and leaned against the red brick wall of the building. He pulled me into a searing kiss while grabbing me around the back of the neck. His other hand went around my back to grab my ass pushing our firm groins together. Even with the initial fear of being in a dark alley, my erection still strained against my zipper. I placed my hands on his hips not knowing what they should be doing. My head was in a fog of lust and I couldn't help grinding against him as well.

His hands came to the front of my jeans and he quickly began to undo them. He reached in and grabbed my cock pulling it out of my boxers. His lips never left mine while he slowly moved his hand from base to tip giving the head a swipe of his thumb with each pass. I groaned into his mouth forgetting that there were others who would hear me. He pulled my ball sack over the elastic band of my shorts and gave them a small squeeze causing me to break from his lips panting.

"Help me out here," he said and I moved my hands to his belt buckle and hastily freed his dick from his pants as well. His cock felt hot and heavy in my hand as I pumped it in time with his pace. I palmed my hand over the head gathering the pre-cum that oozed from his slit and continued stroking. His hands were expertly manipulating me bringing me far too quickly to release. It had been too long since someone else had given me satisfaction.

My head fell forward to rest on his shoulder and I looked down at our frantic hands moving simultaneously up and down. As the inevitable approached I grabbed his hip tightly with my free hand and started to lift the heels of my feet tensing my muscles as my orgasm crashed through me. He had put a hand over the head of my cock capturing my release. My quiet "ahhhs" filled the small space between me and his muscular chest. I slowly relaxed my muscles while trying to calm my breath. His hand continued to move leisurely pulling the last spurts from me.

I realized my hand stopped moving and I quickly remedied it bringing it back up to the previous pace. I pulled my head from his shoulder as he lifted his cum-covered hand to my lips. My tongue peeked out to taste the salty remnants from his hand. I glanced to his face and saw his half-lidded eyes watching my tongue clean each finger one by one.

"Suck me," he commanded in a breathy voice when I finished. My hand stopped momentarily but I did as he asked and crouched down in front of him holding his member in one hand and running my tongue along the underside of his cock. I wrapped my lips around the red mushroom head and began to bob my head only taking half of his prick at first and more as I continued. His fingers combed through my hair and eventually cupped the back of my head. His hips started to move, slowly at first but rapidly increasing in speed. I stopped allowing him to take over the pace. I opened my throat trying to take him deeper. I gagged occasionally. I was out of practice and James was longer than Alec had been.

"Ahhh… that's it kid, swallow the whole thing," he demanded. "Suck daddy's cock." I froze and pushed his hips away from my face, his dick falling from my lips. I looked up at him as the anger boiled from the pit of my stomach.

"What the fuck," he grabbed his dick and pulled my head toward it by the hair. "Finish what you started kid!" His voice was final but there was no way I was going to do anything he asked of me. I grabbed the hand that held my hair and twisted my way out of his grip. I fell backward and he bent over me and pulled me up by my biceps. Everything Emmett ever taught me raced to the forefront of my mind. Once he pulled me to my feet I stomped on his foot and lifted my knee to his groin. He released me, doubling over onto his knees.

"Fuck You!" I said and I ran the entire mile back to my dorm. I closed and locked the door and practically tore the clothes from my body. I turned on the shower without turning on the light and stepped in before it had warmed. I grabbed the shower gel and sponge and began scrubbing. My skin felt raw but I could still feel the… ick that coated my body. I could still feel his hands on me. My mind kept replaying everything that happened over and over.

How could I be so stupid? The first guy that smiles at me and I get down on my knees for him. He thought I was some naïve _kid_. "Suck daddy's dick" what the fuck was that? I have never felt so disgusted in my life. The water went from cold, to warm, to hot, to warm, and back to cold again. I turned off the water and dried off in the dark bathroom. I brushed my teeth twice but didn't bother to turn on the light to check my reflection. I put on my sleep pants and t-shirt and crawled into bed. I cried myself to sleep feeling alone and seeing no way out of it.

* * *

I drove home to Forks two days later for a long Thanksgiving weekend. Mom was already cooking the feast that could feed an army when I arrived. I greeted her with a quick peck to the cheek and asked if she needed help. We worked side by side with making all of the dishes that complemented the turkey that cooked in the oven.

Emmett and Rosalie arrived about an hour later and she came into the kitchen effectively taking over my duties as assistant. Emmett had turned on the Lions game and I grabbed us both a beer before joining him. Not long after, Jacob arrived along with Seth with Fugly in tow. He had recovered well from his surgeries. His eye had been sewn shut and on his paw he wore a prosthetic. It was basically a small shoe, a very expensive small shoe. He walked in the house as if he owned the place with his tail wagging.

When I looked up at Seth and Jacob come in from the foyer I noticed Jake with a bandana on his head and Seth wore a knit skull-cap. Seth walked over to the couch and gave me a hug while Jacob said hello and sat in the recliner usually reserved for dad. When Seth pulled away he sat between Emmett and I.

My eyes must have given away the confusion I had and he reached up to push the hat off his head. My jaw dropped and I looked over at Jacob who chuckled at me.

"What the fu… what happened?" I asked when I turned back to Seth. He gave me a watery smile and I put my arm around him automatically. I looked at Jacob again. He left the handkerchief on but I could see that he had done the same. "Jacob?"

"It seems Jean-Luc Picard is a big turn on for Seth," Emmett chuckled. Seth elbowed Emmett in the ribs and put his cap back on. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I knew Seth's hair had meant a lot to him. He said a few times that his was longer than anyone else in the tribe. It was a sign of… my brain clicked in. They didn't want to be associated with the tribe anymore.

"Shut up Emmett," I said.

"It'll grow back Ed. It was just…" Jacob trailed off with his eyes looking out the window.

"It's ok. I get it," I squeezed my arm around Seth a little tighter. He looked up at me again and wiped his eyes. I didn't understand why he was upset but we could talk later.

"Enough of this emo shit," Emmett boomed. "Anybody interested in taking on an undefeated champion?" Emmett handed Seth a controller.

We lounged around until Dad came home from the hospital and the turkey was finished. The table was loud, boisterous, and warm. Having Jacob and Seth here seemed exactly how it should be. They had become part of the family just as much a Rosalie. They were thrown into our lives and we were thankful for it.

* * *

The shop was still open the next day so I headed over to Jacob and Seth's early in the morning to stay with Seth so he wouldn't have to go with Jacob. The front door opened before I could knock. Jacob left with a tired, grunted "hey Ed" and I walked back into the bedroom to see Seth still sleeping. I left him there and went to feed Fugly and put him outside for his morning constitutional. We came back in to see Seth dressed and making the bed.

"Morning," I said.

"Hey Ed," he looked at me and smiled. "What do you want to do today? We could hang out here but there isn't much to do. We could walk Fugs later though or we could… I need to go to Port Angelas. Would you, I mean I don't have enough money for gas but…"

"It's no problem, what do you need?"

"Um… I need to get Jake something, something for Christmas and I don't know how to get it without him unless you take me. It won't take long so we could be there and back before…"

"It's no problem. I'm free for the whole day," he was still as chatty as ever with Jacob and I but he spoke in quieter tone. I still couldn't get over the… sheen of his scalp.

I sat down on the end of the bed while he piled the pillows at the headboard. "So… are you going to explain why you shaved your head?" He sat down beside me and I rubbed the dark stubble on the crest of his head. "Is it the whole tribe thing?"

"Yeah," he pushed my hand away and wiped his own hand over the top. "I don't want someone to think I'm part of it anymore," his voice was wistful. "I didn't think Jake would…" he looked down at his bare feet. "He didn't have to do it too. He was so much more important to them. He was going to be tribal leader. He would be if it weren't for me."

"I don't think that he feels that way," I sighed. "I don't think he would change anything if it meant that he couldn't be with you."

"I know," he whined. "I just feel like he gave up too much. He's still doing everything and I'm…"

"A burden?"

"Yeah," his voice forlorn.

"You need to take some time to heal. You suffered more than just a wound to your shoulder," I explained. I knew my words weren't helping. I needed to find a way to help him help himself. He needed to feel he could contribute, give him a purpose. I had an idea but I would need to make a phone call.

"Pffft… Jake was there, he saw what happened and he isn't afraid. He's doesn't wake up in the middle of the night screaming like a kid or pass out from a loud noise."

"What?"

"Oh… um… yeah, I ah… I was at the shop and blacked out when a car backfired. Your dad came down and checked me out. He said I had a panic attack."

"Why didn't you call me?" I could feel my anger starting to rise. Why hadn't anyone told me?

"So I could tell you I pissed myself in front of half a dozen people? Yeah… no." I stared at his profile. He hadn't moved his gaze from his feet. He was embarrassed.

"You could've told me." I got up and walked to his dresser to pick up his cap. I moved to stand in front of him and put the hat on his head. He looked at me with a weak smile. "Come on, let's go. We can grab some coffee for the road."

He finished getting ready and we jumped into my car. I turned on the radio and we hummed to ourselves the entire drive. He tapped his finger on his leg and watched out the window with a smile on his face. In some ways it felt like old times. I thought about the last time we drove together. We went to breakfast and ran into Emily. We argued and I left him at the side of the road. It felt like a lifetime ago.

We pulled into the parking lot in front of a strip mall. I parked the car and headed inside. There were lots of people shopping on black Friday and he was obviously feeling nervous being around all of these people. We were standing just inside the door and I felt him place his trembling hand in mine and his other hand on my arm.

"You ok?" I asked him turning my head to see his face. His eyes were big and darted around the store. He nodded and tugged my arm in the direction we needed to go. He shifted through the racks searching for the item. His hand never left mine and it never stopped shaking. It felt so good to help him in some small way, just a simple gesture of holding his hand while he fought though the demons that plagued him. I saw people staring and sneering but I couldn't be bothered. They saw what they wanted to see looking through their prejudice-tainted glasses.

They had no idea what he had gone through, what he was still going through. The fear and worthlessness that was left in the wake of possibly the worst thing a child could endure at the hands of a parent, complete and total rejection. It still sent shivers down my spine to think of what he had gone through, what they both went through. But the strangers shopping around us who looked down their noses at us didn't know what happened. They only saw one thing, his hand wrapped in mine and that in their mind was… immoral.

He held out the item he sought and pulled me to the long line at the counter. When we finally made it to the counter and Seth paid for the item with shaky hands. We made our way back to the car and climbed in. He sat there with his head leaning back on the head rest and his eyes closed. He was taking in deep long deep breaths and his fingers wrapped around the bag in a steel grip.

I started the car and let it run for a few minutes to warm it back up. I wanted to give Seth a chance to calm himself. I didn't want to pull the car over ten minutes out of town. I reached over and pryed his hand from the bag and held it in both of mine. I ran my thumbs over his knuckles trying to soothe him. His eyes blinked opened after a long few minutes.

"Good?" I asked. He nodded and blew out a long exhale.

"Do you think we could make one more stop?" Seth asked.

"Sure, where to?"

"The drug store," his smile was big and impish. I rolled my eyes.

* * *

A/N: Thank you to my beta elfprincess8. Any and all mistakes are mine.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19 Jacob**

Fugly met me at the door when I came home. His "foot" clicked on the hard surface of the floor as he jumped at my legs and wagged his tail. I was able to put in a few hours overtime because Seth spent his day with Edward instead of at the shop. I took off my boots and jacket putting them in the closet next to the front door. I noticed the plastic shopping bag on the counter as I walked through the house into our bedroom.

"Jake," Seth said in his loud whisper voice. He and Ed were sitting against the headboard of the bed with their legs stretched out in front of them. They were looking at Ed's laptop but I couldn't see the screen. Seth lifted his head from where it rested on Ed's shoulder and smiled at me. I would be forever grateful that Seth had a friend that he could rely on and trust. We were alone now without the support of our families but somehow the Cullens managed to fill some of the void. How that happened I would never understand. Edward's friendship with Seth was the biggest reason.

"Hey guys," I smiled at them and unzipped my coveralls. "What did you two kids get up to today?" I threw my keys and wallet on the dresser and pulled off the greasy blue uniform. I pulled shorts and a tee out of the dresser and turned around. They hadn't answered me. Usually, Seth talked a mile a minute. I saw him holding Ed's hand with a white-knuckled grip and looking at me with big eyes. I pulled off the sweaty shirt I had worn all day but left my on jeans and flopped on my stomach at the end of the bed near their feet.

"Seth," I said trying to encourage him to talk. I propped my head on one hand and rested my other hand on his ankle. I placed a quick kiss on the top of his foot. "What's up?"

"We… um… we went shopping this morning," he said after a long dramatic exhale. His body was filled with tension.

"I saw the bag on the counter," I said while brushing my fingers through the fine hairs on his shin under the hem of his pants hoping to relax him a bit. Edward rolled his eyes and shook his head. I chuckled. It was pretty obvious from the logo on the bag and Ed's reaction that they had been to the drugstore.

"Yeah so… um… Ed called Dr. Gerandy after we left the store and well… um…" My fingers stopped immediately and I narrowed my eyes glaring at Ed.

"If you gave him another fucking dog, I swear…"

"It's not a dog, Jacob!" he glared back at me. "Just let him finish, ok?" I looked back at Seth who was now looking down at his lap.

"Baby," I shook his foot and he looked up at me with watery eyes. "Just spit it out. What happened?"

"Well… w-we went down to the animal hospital and um… he offered me a job… well sort of. It would be everyday for a few hours in the morning and I would feed the animals and take them out back to run around. Well, the ones who were just being kenneled, not the sick or injured ones. Then I would clean cages and whatever else he needed. Oh and then…" he described everything with a voice that became more excited by the minute. I looked at Ed who was staring at me pensively as Seth kept up his monologue.

"A job?" I abruptly interrupted. Why would he offer Seth a job? Could he handle it? What if something happened while he was there?

"Yeah… um…" Seth stopped his barrage and looked back down to his lap.

"I called Dr. Gerandy and made him a proposition. We went down there and spoke to him about having Seth help them in the mornings. They need the help but not full-time," Ed explained.

"I don't know if he is ready…"

"He's ready Jake," Ed said pointedly. "He would be in a safe environment and he trusts…"

"What happens when he has a panic attack Ed?" I tried to keep my voice even. I was concerned about Seth's metal state. I knew it would be good for him to find his independence but was he ready? I wasn't convinced.

"Mrs. Cope and Dr. Gerandy are good people Jacob," Ed rubbed his free hand over his face. "They would contact you or my dad if anything were to happen. I think this would be good for him."

I looked over to my worried boy. His bottom lip between his teeth and his hand still gripping Ed's in a steel lock. He avoided looking at me. I felt as if I was a parent and not a boyfriend. It was as if they were trying to put up a united front against me or at least the unspoken authority they bestowed upon me.

I rolled to my back looking up at the white popcorn ceiling. My hand never letting go of Seth's foot as my fingers caressed his inner sole. I didn't want to break the physical connection as small as it was. They had obviously talked about any and all arguments that I could come up with. They had made up their minds and I didn't have a fighting chance.

"Jake," Seth whispered. "Do you think… I mean, could I…" I turned my head toward him.

"Baby, look at me," he lifted his eyes but not his head. "I'm not you dad. You don't need to ask permission," I lifted myself back up on my side and continued my one-handed massage of his foot. "This is your decision. I just want to make sure that you're ready."

"There is on condition. Dr. Gerandy wants him to have his high school diploma or equivalency," Edward said. This time Seth rolled his eyes. He said many times that finishing high school wasn't going to happen. However, getting his high school equivalency would solve that problem.

"How does that work? I mean the test…"

"We looked it up earlier and the next available sitting is in a couple of weeks, just before Christmas. He would need to go to Port Angeles to take it though," Ed smiled. "We went to my house to download the forms he needs to fill out. We were just filling them out when you walked in and tomorrow when you come over for Sunday dinner, he can sign them."

"That's it?" It seemed too simple.

"Well, you would have to stay with him during the test…"

"No biggie," a few hours away from work so that he could get his equivalency would be more than worth it.

"Seth?" he hadn't said anything in a while. I shook his foot again to get his attention. We had been talking about him as if he hadn't been in the room. "Is this what you want?"

"Um… yeah, I mean…" he exhaled. "I want to but…" he was just as nervous as I was. I looked over at Ed and he nodded his head. We were in agreement that this would be good for him.

"Let's get through the test first, ok?" I wanted to relive his anxiety. We needed to do this in baby steps. "Then we will talk about the job." Seth nodded his head in agreement but he was obviously still worried. It wasn't the test itself, he could pass it with his eyes closed. He was concerned about walking into a room full of strangers. We would cross that bridge when we came to it.

Ed threw his leg over Seth's and nudged my massaging hand. He closed the laptop and set it aside. He leaned back with a smug smile on his face as he put both hands behind his head. The cheeky bastard nudged my hand again with his toe.

"Get your nasty, sweaty, toe-jammy foot away from me," I pushed his foot to the side. He lifted an eyebrow and moved it back against my hand ignoring my jest. "Seriously?" I chuckled. "Ok, but you asked for it," in a sudden movement I lifted to my knees and pulled him by the ankle toward me. His mouth fell open in surprise and his glasses skewed on his face. I held his foot with one hand and tickled the sole of his foot with the other. He tried pulling his leg away from me but he was nowhere near strong enough. He twisted and turned trying to break free from my hold on him. His laughter along with Seth's caused Fugly to jump up and bark at me.

"Jac… stop… fuck, stop…" Ed begged. I threw his foot to the side and before he had time to recover I sat on his torso pinning his arms under my legs. He squealed and squirmed while I knuckle-drummed his chest.

"Oh fuck… stop, please… stop…" he said between panting and laughing. I pulled my hands back to rest on my thighs and waited for him to catch his breath. His chest was heaving as if he had been running. His face was flushed and his mouth was open trying to pull in oxygen. "Jacob," he said after a few moments.

"Promise me," I demanded and I gave him a couple of small taps on his chest. "Promise you will never put you sewer-feet in my face again."

"I prom-promise…" he tried to say but was having trouble speaking through the laughter.

"Say it and mean it."

"I-I promise master," I pounded my knuckles a few more for good measure and jumped off the bed. He laid there with his eyes closed trying to catch his breath. Seth was wiping his tears of laughter away as he held Fugly in his lap. I picked up the clean clothes that I pulled from the dresser earlier. Ed sat up and adjusted his glasses.

"Do you big oafs take classes on how to torture geeks? I mean seriously, Emmett used to do that shit all the time. I almost pissed myself," he shook his head and looked at me. The smile was still there.

I lifted both of my fists over my head in a sign of victory. "Master and reigning champion," I said in a loud deep voice as I headed for the shower.

We ordered pizza and ate on the bed watching a movie on Ed's computer. Seth fell asleep about half way through. The excitement of the day had finally gotten the best of him.

"This is good for him Jacob," Ed said while Seth lay sleeping with his head on my shoulder. His hand still clasped in Ed's.

"I know," I said quietly and turned my eyes to him. "I just didn't want to rush him. He's still…"

"I know but if it doesn't work out then at least he tried. Gerandy understands the situation and will help," he ran his fingers through his hair. "I just wanted to help him feel more… useful and honestly, they could use the help down there. This isn't some sort of hand out. The pay is shit as are the hours but the benefit of boosting his self-esteem is worth it."

"Ed, I know that you are only looking out for his best interest and um…" I cleared my throat. "I-I want you to know that I… _we_ wouldn't be here today without everything you have done."

"You would have. Give yourself some credit Jacob. You are the most stubborn person I know and you would have figured out a way with or without my help," he gave me a small smile. "But I'm glad I got to know you Jacob Black," he reach over and placed a hand on my arm. "I would have preferred it be under different circumstances, but it is a silver lining," I nodded.

"But what I wanted to say was that I'm glad Seth has you. He trusts you completely and…" I looked away and took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in my throat, "that means more to me than…" I turned and looked back at him, "anything else. He needs you… _I _need you to be there for him. I can't do it alone. I can't be everything to him," Ed wiped his eyes looking down.

"Hey," I tapped his leg reaching over Seth's body. "You ok?" he seemed upset.

"Yeah," he nodded his head. "I just… Seth have been friends for years and…" he tilted his head to the side to look at me, "we had to hide being friends for so long and now, you're… you're thanking me for being his friend. It's just a little… overwhelming."

"I admit that I told him to stay away from you," I shook my head in disgust, "it wasn't because of you specifically, it was because…"

"I'm gay."

"Yeah," I placed my hand over their clasped ones, "I won't ever stand between your friendship again."

I'm not sure why I did it but I reached over my boy and cupped the side of Ed's face and kissed his cheek. I ruffled his hair before leaning back against the head board. He smiled and turned his face away from me trying to hide his blush.

"You know Ed, you're a hot dude, why aren't you with a guy of your own. I'm sure there are plenty of boys like to play a little tug and pull with your little fella," he snorted and looked back at me. His eyebrows lifted high above the rims of his glasses.

"Little fella?"

"Yeah, ya know, your dick, cock, prick, peen, tent pole…"

"Little?"

"Ok,_**big**_ fella," I grinned.

"Fuck you," he shoved my knee.

"Haven't you been out to the clubs gettin' your bump n' grind on?"

"Not really, no," he shook his head but didn't look me in the eye.

"Eeeeeddddiee… you did? Didn't you? How was it?"

He combed his fingers through his hair and shook his head. "Not good. I don't think I'll be going back again."

"Why?"

"It was just… It's just not my thing,"

"What is, you know, your thing?"

He looked away and shook his head. After a long moment he looked at me and then at Seth. "I'm not sure but…" he took a deep breath, "It wasn't at the club."

I dropped it. He obviously didn't want to talk about it and I wasn't going to push him. He wasn't one to talk openly about sex and his relationships or the lack there of. Of course the exception seemed to be with Seth. How the sleeping boy next to me was able to drag Ed out to get… supplies or to explain "prepping" was a mystery to me.

With the movie long over, Ed decided it was time to go home. He gathered his computer and I slowly extricated myself from Seth's sleeping body. I wiggled the blankets from beneath him and pulled them over him. I hoped his exhaustion would keep him asleep for the entire night. I walked Ed to the door and he grabbed his jacket from the closet and pulled out his keys.

"Hey Ed… um..," I looked at my feet. "Thanks for um… everything."

"Jacob…" I looked him in the eye, "you are welcome," I opened the door for him and watched him jog to his car in the cold drizzle.

We went over to the Cullen's mid-afternoon the next day with Fugly in toe. Esme heated up a lot of the leftovers from Thanksgiving. It was becoming routine to join them for dinners on Sunday. Sometimes even Jasper and Alice were there. Rose and Jasper had no family to speak of after their parents died in a car accident not long after they graduated high school. Alice had followed Jasper here from Texas and her family still resided there. The Doc and Esme seemed to enjoy bringing in the stray souls of the world and opened their doors to anyone who needed a place to keep warm from the cold.

We didn't stay long and said our goodbyes to everyone before leaving. Seth was quiet as we drove home. I noticed that Sundays he was more sullen than other days and I figured that it was because his best friend was headed back to school that night. This weekend was an exceptionally long one with Ed. A lot had happened over the last few days. I didn't push him to talk. He would tell me what was bothering him in his own time.

After parking the car and closing the garage we made our way into the house. Seth immediately went to Fugly's water and food dishes on the floor and filled them and let him outside. I sat down on the bed and notice the bag on the floor. I hadn't even looked to see what he purchased. I picked it up and dumped the contents on the bed, condoms and lube. I had never tried lube, not even alone. I didn't need it with girls. We had fooled around enough for me to understand why it was needed.

I admit that I was nervous. I don't honestly know what I am doing. I could potentially hurt him. I mean _really_ hurt him if I wasn't careful. I've never seen gay porn so I could only imagine what would happen. The thought of putting my cock inside him… _in there_ seemed impossible. I had only fingered him a few times and I understood that it was a muscle that needed to be stretched but it could tear or… "Oh, god" I whisper to myself as I fell back on the bed. I rubbed my face with both hands.

"Jake?" Seth called from the doorway. I heard his socked feet pad across the floor. He climbed to hover over me on the bed with his hands and knees on each side of my body. "Jake," I lifted my hands from my face and placed them on each side of his and squished his cheeks together making he look like a fish. I pulled his face to me and gave him a sloppy "fish" kiss. It was loud and I ended it with a satisfying pop and pushed him away. "Jash…" he couldn't quite enunciate my name with his cheeks pushed together. I chuckled at the way he tried to move his lips. He lifted his arms and pushed mine away and sat back on my lap. He looked down at his fingers while they fiddled with the hem of my shirt.

"Do you not want to?" his voice was soft and unsure.

"Baby, I'm just nervous," I rubbed my hands up his thighs. "I don't want to hurt…"

He rolled his eyes dramatically and started to lift his body off from me. I grabbed his hips to keep him on me. He huffed and looked back down at his hands. "Jake," his voice was full of annoyance.

I sat up and wrapped one hand around his back and the other under his chin to lift it. His eyes searched mine for reassurance. "I want to try but baby," I took a deep breath, "you have to promise me that you will tell me to stop if I am hurting you in any way."

He said nothing but wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me. It started out chaste but when his tongue peeked out after only a few moments and I opened for him. The kiss deepened and Seth's hands went to the back of my scruffy scalp to pull my head closer to him. I could feel his body become more tense and his tongue became more dominant. His hips began to move slightly but firmly against me. He was trying to tell me that this was going to happen and he was done with my excuses.

There was no way he could over power me physically. If I wasn't truly ready or just didn't want to, I could easily stop us. I didn't want to stop, I wanted to try. I just needed that last push and Seth's confidence in me was that push. He knew we needed to do it the first time to conquer my fears.

He pulled out of the kiss and reached for the hem of my shirt. I lifted my arms to assist him as he pulled it over my head. His lips were back on mine instantly, almost as if he wanted to keep me from saying anything else. My hands rested splayed on his hips and his hands were back on my head. He kissed me with desperation and his hips rolled into me, begging me.

We broke away from the kiss when the need for oxygen became too great. His hands tilted my head back to give him access to my neck. His tongue laid a trail of moisture from my jaw to the top of my shoulder and he left chaste kisses along the path during the return trip to my lips. His fingers found my nipples and he pinched and tweaked gently at them sending a jolt straight to my cock. His hips never stopped moving and my gripped hands were now assisting him in their undulation.

He slid from my lap and lifted my feet one at a time taking off my socks. He pushed my shoulder gently and I lay back while his fingers nimbly undid my pants. I lifted my hips to aid him in removing both my jeans and boxers in one fell swoop. My semi-hard cock lay to the side at my hip. He remained silent as he removed his own clothing. He looked at me when the last article of clothing hit the floor. His eyes were full of determination and lust. He pulled my hand to lift me up and gestured for me to sit against the headboard. When I had moved into the desired position he climbed onto the bed and he knelt between my knees. He gave me a brief kiss before bending down quickly to swallow my cock.

"Seth," I gasped in surprise. He held the base with one hand and his lips met his forefinger and thumb. His tongue massaged the cum-tube before he hallowed his cheeks and lifted until only the spongy head remained encased. He looked up at me through his eyelashes and I could see the smile in his eyes.

"Oh fuck, baby," I rasped. I placed a hand to his cheek and rubbed his bottom lip with my thumb. He moved his mouth up and down slowly but firmly occasionally dipping his tongue into my slit. The sensations were so intense that without wanting to I closed my eyes. I felt his free hand move to my chest and pinch my nipple. On any other day we would have been completely satisfied with him sucking me off but not today.

"Seth, I don't want to cum like this,"

He removed the hand that held my cock and went down one last time slowly. I could feel the mushroom head enter his throat and he swallowed around it before coming back up.

"Jesus," I said as my cock left his mouth with an obscene slurp. He picked up the lube that lay next to us on the bed and ripped off a single condom from the package. He opened it and rolled it down my cock pinching the tip to leave a small amount of room.

"I don't want to know how you know how to do that, do I?" I'm not even going to imagine. He gave me an impish smirk as he moved his knees to straddle my thighs. He clicked the lid of the tube and held open my hand to pour the slippery substance on my fingers. He guided my slick fingers between his legs and I separated his cheeks with two fingers. I felt the small puckered entrance and I circled it a few times before pushing through to the first knuckle. With one hand on my shoulder and the other still guiding my hand he nudged my fingers to keep going.

We had done this a few times so I knew what to expect. Although, this time it was significantly easier to move the finger into his snug cavern. I pushed a second finger along side of the first and began scissoring against the tight muscle. He let go of my hand and wrapped his fingers around his cock. I curled my fingers to hit that spot inside him, the one that turned the burning sensation into euphoria.

"Ahhhh… Jake…" his hand moved more quickly over his shaft and pearls of pre-cum dripped from his slit. "I'm ready, Jake."

He moaned when I swiped my finger over his prostrate. I pulled out my fingers and applied more liquid to them. I coated my cock and held it perpendicular to my body. Seth scooted up to hover above the hardened prick and began to lower himself. I pulled him by the neck and brought his face to mine.

"Promise me you'll stop if…"

"I promise Jake," he pressed his lips to mine as he eased himself down. He whimpered when the head slipped past the initial band of muscle. He dropped his head to my shoulder as he lowered himself further down. It was hard to concentrate on him when I felt my dick being squeezed almost painfully. He made slow progress as he descended lifting up and pushing down farther and farther each time. My muscles were tense holding back the need to just plow into him.

When his ass touched my thighs, I was on the brink. "Fuuuuck…." I groaned. I was close. Not only did he feel tight and hot but the muscles inside his cavern were… twitchy. I picked his head from my shoulder and leaned it to my forehead. "I love you," I told him before I kissed him. "Are you ok?" he nodded but had his eyes closed. I saw his prick was flaccid and grabbed it with my still-slick hand pulling and tugging it back to life. His mouth opened slightly and warm puffs of air brushed against my skin. "Do you need to stop?" I asked him. He shook his head vigorously.

"Jake, I need to move," he rolled his hips to emphasize.

"H-hold on," I grabbed his hip with my free hand to stop his motion. "I'm gonna cum too fast," I was practically panting at this point. My body was covered with a light sheen of sweat.

I kept stroking him until I had regained some control. He was trembling though. "Plea-please Jake," his voice barely above a whisper and I nodded. He started moving and even though I had calmed some, I knew I wasn't going to last. Despite his excruciatingly slow pace I felt my balls tighten embarrassingly fast.

"Fuck, I'm gonna…" every muscle in my body tightened, right down to my toes as my orgasm crashed over me. My eyes closed and I saw stars. He continued to move only faster chasing his own orgasm. I felt his cock throb in my hand just before I felt the soft spray of his release on my stomach and chest. His fingers dug into my shoulders as he slowed his erratic movements.

"Huh…uhhh…ahhh… J-Jake ahhh…" his soft cries caressed my ear when he squeezed his arms around my neck and pressed his cheek to mine. We sat there until my cock softened and our breathing was back to normal. I reached around and grabbed the base of my cock holding the condom in place and pulling out of his loosened hole. He left his head buried in my neck but moved his arms to circle my torso and his body sagged against mine.

"Are you ok?" He hadn't given any sign of pain but… it didn't mean he wouldn't try to hide it. He nodded.

"Baby," I pulled his head away from my neck and cupped his face. "You are the most precious thing to me…"

"M'fine Jake, promise," his eyes and smile were droopy and he fell back into my chest. I rolled us over on our sides and kissed his head. When I was sure he was asleep, I threw out the condom and cleaned up. I pulled the blankets up around us and followed him to sleep.

The few weeks before Christmas flew by. Seth studied during the days at the garage. He had received a notification that he could take his test the Friday before the holiday week and a web address where he could print a study guide. I was so proud of him. I knew that he had fears about all of it but he was attempting to overcome them. I wasn't deluding myself that he was past his demons but he was headed in what I thought was a good direction.

My only complaint on the day of the test was the fact that I sat on a hard concrete floor for over two hours. It was held at the Port Angeles High School in one of the classrooms. There were only a handful of other people there, most of them several years older than we were. After signing in with the instructor, I sat down in the hallway and stared at the close door. I dozed and woke when Seth touched my shoulder with a shaky hand. I stood and pulled him to my chest.

"How'd you do?" I asked him trying to wake up.

"Fine," he said into my chest. He tucked his arms into my coat and wrapped them around my waist. This was his favorite spot. He would lay his head to my chest and try to fit into my jacket or coveralls with me. I could never quite pull the jacket closed though.

"When do you get your results?"

"We can look on-line January first but we will also receive something in the mail the first week of January."

I kissed the top of his head and we walked to the car. Since we were already out we thought we could do a little shopping. We didn't have much of a budget but we wanted to find something for Edward and his parents. Seth also wanted to decorate a little. It was the first year without our families and we wanted to start our own traditions.

We picked out a picked out a small plastic pre-lit Christmas tree that would fit on top of the dresser. We bought scented candles for the Doc and Esme and got Edward a gift certificate. It wasn't much and we wished we could get everyone a little something but it wasn't going to be this year.

We had been invited over to the Cullen's for Christmas Eve dinner. We arrived mid-afternoon and everyone was there. It was much like Thanksgiving with a loud table and an over-abundance of food. After dinner gifts were exchanged. The tree was extravagant as were the number of presents. You would have thought Emmett was a five year old donning a Santa hat and handing out the gifts to everyone. I hadn't received a proper Christmas gift since I was young. Dad and I just didn't have money enough to splurge.

Esme thanked us with a teary-eyed hug for our insignificant gift. We received a few articles of clothing, designer I might add, from Doc and Esme. Edward gave me a coffee maker saying it was more for him then me. He was tired of going out for coffee when he visited. He gave Seth overly expensive hot chocolate mix and marshmallows. After the gifts we said our goodbyes and made our way home.

We crawled into bed and made love with only the rainbow-colored lights from our small tree lit. I wasn't as nervous like I had been that first time. I took a long time to prepare him every time we did it and he would get frustrated. The morning following our first time he was sore but tried to hide it from me. I could see the small limp when he walked although he said it was nothing, when we got home that night I put him in a hot bath to soak and said that we would have to wait a few days before we did it again. That didn't stop him from trying though.

His appetite for sex was insatiable and relentless. Even during my lunch break he would wiggle around while sitting in my lap trying to get me going. That was where I drew the line. It was too uncomfortable working with a hard on. I told him that there wasn't going to be any snuggling during work hours if he was going to try to get me hard. We didn't make love every day but every night we went to sleep satiated.

We woke up Christmas morning and I made myself a cup of coffee and brought Seth a mug of hot chocolate in bed. There were only three gifts under our miniature tree. Seth helped Fugly open his box of doggie treats that he insisted was from Puppy Claws.

He pulled the other two gifts over and set them on the bed. I took the small one on the top and handed it to him. He opened it slowly. Apparently he was one of _those_ people. He lifted the lid from the box and gasped. I had been able to get to store while Ed kept him occupied last Saturday. The item itself wasn't all that special. It was what I did to it that made it unique.

He lifted it by the loop used to hang it on the wall and held it up. It was a simple dream catcher made of wood and strings that weaved together to make a net that would catch nightmares.

"Is this…" he touched the two black braids that hung from the bottom.

"I kept some of our hair. I didn't…" he launched himself at me wrapping his arms around my neck. I fell back against our pillows. He kissed me deeply and I felt his tears on my cheeks.

"I love you Jake," he said when he broke the kiss. I wiped his eyes with my thumbs.

"I love you too baby," I pecked him on the nose. "I think you smashed my gift though," he looked down at the knee he had planted in the center of the rectangular box.

"It'll be ok," he smiled and lifted off me. He handed the mangled gift to me and I ripped it open. Half the fun is hearing the tearing of wrapping paper. I pulled off the lid and saw the red fabric. When I unfolded it out of the box I saw that it was a hoodie but when I held it up the thing looked three sizes too big.

"Um… Seth… it's probably too big… but thanks…" It was one of those horrifying moments in life when your child hands you a hand drawn picture and you don't have a clue what it could be.

"Jaaaake," he pulled it out of my hand. "It's not too big. Watch," He took the garment and unzipped it. He lifted to his knees and helped me put my arms into the sleeves.

"See," I lifted my hand to show him the too-long arms that hung past my hand. He said nothing as he climbed into my lap and wrapped his arms and legs around me.

"Zip it," he said. I fiddled with the zipper and was able to close the jacket around him.

It fit us perfectly.

* * *

A/N: As always, thank you to elfprincess8 for all her help. She is busy with all the stories she writes and is willing to listen to me fret. Also, I want to dedicate this chapter to jberri who leaves me the such great reviews. I hope you're a little happier with Seth this chapter.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Warning this chapter contains violence.

* * *

**Chapter 20 Edward**

I threw my backpack on my dorm room floor and opened my mini-fridge to pull out a can of soda. It was my first week back to school and Christmas break. The text I received this morning from Seth during class said that he had passed his test. I could almost feel both the excitement and anxiety radiating through the phone. I typed my congratulations and told him that I would call him later.

He was shocked when I called Dr. Gerandy about my proposition to get him a job working at the animal clinic. I knew they need some help and if Seth could manage to be away from Jacob for a few hours a day, then it was perfect for him. He loved it there and the animals were instantly at ease with him.

I bounced around the idea of him working there since our first visit and my only real concern was whether or not he could be away from Jacob. I knew it would help him feel more independent and evenly balanced with Jacob. He kept saying that Jacob would be better off without him and wouldn't have had to give up so much if they weren't together. I didn't believe for one second that Jacob felt that way. Jacob adored Seth. He put Seth before everything and everyone else. Seth's brush with death put into perspective what he really meant to Jacob. Seeing them together, I knew that they would have ended up together even without that night's tragic events. It was only a matter of time. It was if the fates decided long ago that their souls were meant to be together.

It was fascinating to watch them interact with each other. If they were in the same room together, they would be touching in some way. It could be as simple as holding hands or touching of feet under the table but it was usually Seth sitting in Jacob's lap. It dawned on me one day when Jacob had arrived home from work and Seth crawled into his usual spot on his lap, that it was much more than an obsession with Jacob's chest. He pressed his ear to Jacob's chest and closed his eyes. He was listening to his heartbeat. I wondered if he was even aware of what he was doing. His body would relax instantly against his broad-chested boyfriend. Jacob would absent-mindedly run his hands through Seth's shaggy scalp as if it were an everyday occurrence to have a grown man snuggled into someone's lap.

I called Jacob's phone and Seth answered in his whispering voice. I always found it difficult to hear him over the phone these days. Seth had yet to find his normal speaking voice since his stay in the hospital. Even with me and Jacob he was soft-spoken and over the phone it was worse.

Seth explained that he and Jacob had gone to talk to Dr. Gerandy during Jacob's lunch break that day and discussed in-depth the extent of his duties. He would need to be there every day at seven in the morning to feed the animals and then take them out back for some much-needed exercise. He would also clean out the cages and anything else that they asked of him. Despite his excitement, I could hear the underlying fear. This was a huge step for him and being away from Jacob was the biggest hurdle.

I told him that I would be there to pick him up at six thirty on Saturday morning. I volunteered to help train him and thought it would help him to have some emotional support. I spoke with Dr. Gerandy since our initial meeting and explained some of Seth's issues with being left alone. The compassionate doctor understood completely and said that he would do everything he could to make Seth feel comfortable there and that he or Mrs. Cope would always be with him.

I hung up after the short ten minute call with Seth and pulled out my homework. I had fallen into a routine of intense studying during the week so that I would have the entire weekend to visit. I would stay up until the wee hours of the morning finishing assignments and keeping up with school work. Admittedly, my grades had dropped last semester after the tragedy but I was able to pass all of my classes. I was determined to finish out my last two semesters. I had overloaded my classes over the years trying to graduate early and I wasn't going to let anything derail my plans now. More than ever, I wanted to get back home to Forks.

I arrived on Saturday morning and knocked on the door. Jacob answered with his usual grunted hello. Seth came in through the backdoor with Fugly at his heels barking and jumping at my legs. I had poured myself a cup of coffee and had made a mug of hot chocolate for Seth. I hadn't been kidding when I told Jacob that the coffee maker was more for me than him. Coffee is what kept me standing upright these days.

"Hey baby, good luck today," Jacob stood behind Seth and wrapped his arms around Seth's middle. "Everything will be ok," he reassured him and placed a kiss to his neck. Seth nodded and turned his head pecking Jacob on the lips. I knew he was nervous. His hands were shaking and he hadn't said a word since my arrival. "Call me if you need anything," Jacob let go of Seth and headed to the shower to get ready for work.

"We need to go," I placed our cups in the sink and wrapped an arm around Seth's shoulders guiding him to the door. He sat quietly in the car as we drove toward his first day of independence. He was wearing the too-large red hoodie that he gave Jacob for Christmas and had his arms folded against his chest. When we pulled into the lot and I shut off the car I looked over at him. His eyes were closed and he was taking deep breaths.

"Are you ok?" I asked him while placing my hand on his shoulder. He nodded and looked over at me. I saw fear but also determination. He wasn't going to quit. He was going to try. I hoped we weren't pushing him too hard too fast.

"Let's go," I gave his shoulder one last squeeze and opened my door. The doctor was there anticipating our arrival. He greeted us and said he would leave me to show him what needed to be done and if there were any questions to let him know. We took off our jackets and hung them on the small coat rack in Gerandy's office.

I showed him where the different foods were kept explaining that each animal would have different diets and some would have restrictions. There was a list of the animals in the cages and it showed which got what. After feeding and watering, we took two of the kenneled dogs out back to run and play fetch. Seth smiled and seemed to relax as he threw the tennis balls and watched as they retrieved them.

We took them back inside and led them to their empty kennels. Seth spoke very little as I explained how to clean the cages and only for clarification. I thought about how much his future had changed and what he would be doing if that horrific night never happened. He would have applied to the University and for scholarships that he would have received. He would have taken a couple of general courses online through the community college getting a head-start during his senior year like I had. His future would hold a career that would set him up financially for the rest of his life. I thought of this while I watched him dumping dog shit and scrubbing a concrete floor. It seemed like such a waste and it was because of a father who couldn't accept that his son loved… a boy.

I hoped that someday Seth would get past his anxiety and go on to bigger and better things. He had made great strides over the past month or so. But I also watched him cling to Jacob. He would never leave him, it would be too painful. Even to go to Seattle or Tacoma to attend school.

When we were through with the morning routine including some of the janitorial duties such as cleaning the bathroom and emptying trash cans we walked into Gerandy's office and asked if there was anything else he needed.

"I think that should do it for today," Gerandy looked up from his desk. "I'll see you here on Monday bright and early."

Seth nodded and smiled back. I hoped he would feel more comfortable as time went on. Dr. Gerandy and Mrs. Cope were kind and understanding and they would be good to him. Plus, in eight months, I would be working here as well.

"Thanks Doctor. He'll be here," we grabbed our coats and walked out to the car. We stopped off a small coffee shop and picked up bagels and cream cheese to bring to the shop. The loud music, talking, and sounds of air compressors filled the garage. I heard Emmett's booming voice over everything.

"Food!" he yelled. He set down his tools and jogged over to us taking the two large take-out bags from my hands. "Did I ever tell you that you're my favorite brother?"

"I do anything for my favorite sister," I snorted. The remark earned me the usual bruise-forming punch to the shoulder. "Fuck you, Emmett," I said while rubbing my shoulder.

"I love you too, Eddie," he strolled to the back exit for his break. I waved to Rose and Sam and followed behind him. Seth was already sitting in Jacob's lap, zipped into the hooded sweatshirt at the picnic table with his feet dangling off the back. Jacob lit a cigarette and whispered into Seth's ear. Emmett sat on top of the table with his feet on the seat next to them while he dug through the bags of food.

"How was your first day little man?" Emmett asked not looking up from the brown paper bags he dug through. I took the seat on the bench across from them. Seth nodded against Jacob's chest. Jacob took off the knit cap on Seth's head and combed his fingers through the short locks.

"Everything go okay, Ed?" Jacob asked me after purposefully blowing out smoke away from the table.

"Yeah, everything went well."

"Final-fucking-ly!" Emmett shouted. "Why do they always put the onion ones at the bottom?" I rolled my eyes and Jacob chuckled at me.

"Is food the only thing you think about," Jacob asked as he threw his cigarette into the sand-can ashtray.

"No, I only think about the next time I get to bury my head between my girl's tits," he said with a mouthful of food. "Food is something to do until that happens," he smirked looking like a lop-sided chipmunk with food shoved into one cheek.

"Seriously Emmett?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot I was hanging with the homo-crew," he laughed and held his hands up in surrender. "You know I love you guys but I need to talk to someone who has at least seen a pussy," he jumped off the table and headed inside. I dropped my forehead to the table with a loud thud.

"I swear he was switched at birth," I said without looking up.

"He's harmless Ed," Jacob said with mirth in his voice. I lifted my head and shook it. I reached into the bag and pulled out a bagel for myself and slathered cream cheese on it. Jacob did the same and unzipped the hoodie to give half to Seth.

We sat in contentedly making small talk. Seth wanted to stay at the garage with Jacob but I was going to run a couple of errands this afternoon including the groceries. Jacob pulled out his wallet and handed me his cash with a request to pick up something special for dinner. I took it not wanting to argue about who should pay and finished eating.

* * *

I pushed the cart down the aisles and loaded bread, milk, and other essentials into the cart. I figured spaghetti and garlic bread would be good for dinner. I was no chief but I could boil noodles. It felt very domestic walking through the store gathering items for the evening meal. I usually only needed enough to feed myself and it would be something to heat up in a microwave. I paid for groceries and headed out to the car thinking of the warmth of their kitchen while the pot boiled and the bread filled the house with the pungent scent of garlic when I heard a voice that made my heart plummet.

"Hey Cullen," Paul Lahote's voice rang through the parking lot. I looked up to see him and Jared Cameron standing only a few cars down from mine. "You trying to convert all the boys into faggots?" I attempted to ignore him knowing nothing good would come of acknowledging his remark.

"Hey fag, I'm talkin' to you," Paul grabbed my elbow and turned me to face him.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I yelled at him. I dropped the bags I was carrying placing both of my hands on Paul's chest. I pushed him back against a parked pickup truck and immediately took a defensive position. Once again Emmett's "training" was coming in handy. He taught me how to throw a punch and said that there was no such thing as "hitting-below-the-belt" when you are defending yourself. He mostly told me to get out of the situation if possible.

"You fucking son of a bitch," Paul lunged at me and wrapped his arms around my torso bringing us both to the ground. He lifted to his knees, hovering over me and pulled back his arm. I tried to cover my face as he landed his punch on my cheek. It was the first time in my life that I ever felt the stinging blow of a punch. It brought tears to my eyes and made my ears ring. My head was buzzing not to mention the pain radiating from my face.

I turned me head quickly trying to anticipate where his next blow would land. I fisted my hand and hit him in his unprotected crotch as his fist connected with my temple. My hands move uncoordinatedly trying to push him away while my head was swimming. I could feel the blood running down my battered face. He was suddenly pulled away from me.

"Paul stop it man… we gotta go… come on man…" Jared yelled. He was holding Paul back dragging him to their car.

"This ain't over queer-boy," he threatened, "you tell Jake I said hello," Paul smirked as Jared pulled him into their car. I watched as they got in and squealed out of the parking lot but not before Paul held a hand out and flipping me the bird.

When I sat up the fog in my head started to lift and I took in my surrounding. A few people were staring at me with shocked faces but no one said anything, not even to ask if I was okay. Some unloaded their groceries into their cars acting as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. I swiped my fingers along my tender brow feeling the dampness and pulled my fingers away to see the red liquid. I wiped my fingers on my jeans and stood on wobbly legs.

Bending over gingerly I picked up the bags of spilled groceries and threw them in the backseat. I sat with my head on the steering wheel for a moment trying to absorb what happened. Paul was a fucking prick! What would possess someone to do that? Why couldn't he just leave me alone? It wasn't the first time he tormented me. Emmett had been there once and punched him out. Shit, Emmett! He would go after Paul when he found out about this. I pulled my visor down to look in the mirror. I had a small cut just above my eyebrow and a red mark on my jaw that would be a bruise soon. I cleaned up the small amount of blood with tissues I kept in the car hoping beyond hope that no one would notice.

I didn't want to make this a bigger deal than it was. I hoped I could come up with something before I had to go home. Dad would want me to report it and Emmett would probably get himself arrested trying to avenge me. I would have to explain this to Jacob and Seth as well. I didn't want to upset everyone. "Fuck!" I yelled inside my car to no one.

* * *

I knocked on their door trying to balance the groceries in the torn bags in my arms. Jacob opened the door and I kept my head down trying to keep my face hidden. I walked directly to the kitchen with a quick hello. Seth came in and helped me to put away the food and start dinner.

"They use such cheap bags and put too much in them. They are always breaking," Seth commented on the torn bags. I turned to put milk in the refrigerator and heard him gasp.

"What happened?" he came to stand in front of me putting a hand gently on my chin to turn my head. I took a deep breath hoping I could pull this off.

"I fell when the bag broke and tripped over…"

"It doesn't look like you fell," he interrupted. He pulled me further into the light to get a better look.

"Seth, its fine," I tried to move away but he held my arm to keep me in place.

"Let me just wash it a little," he wet a paper towel and dabbed it to the cut. "Stay here, I'll be right back," he quickly walked to the bathroom and came back with the peroxide and with Jacob following him.

"What happened Ed?" Jacob stood in front of me. I shook my head and turned it away from him.

"It was stupid… I fell and…" he grabbed my chin and turned my head to see the damage. I could see him clenching his jaw as he looked me in the eye. "Jacob, I'm fine," I tried to reassure him.

"Who did this?" he asked ignoring my explanation.

"What… no one…"

"Don't lie to me, who did this?" he asked more firmly. I turned my head to release my chin from his fingers and moved away from him.

"Jacob…" my voice pleading for him to drop it.

"Ed," his hands were on his hips. He wasn't going to let it go.

"I was walking through the parking lot to my car and," I paused. "Paul Lahote and Jar…"

"Paul did this?" he questioned. He put his hand in his hair as he grew more and more agitated. "Tell me what happened?"

"He um… said something derogatory and I kept walking to my car. He grabbed my arm because I was ignoring him…"

Jacob backed out of the kitchen and headed for the bedroom. Seth and I looked at each other and quickly followed him. He was stuffing his feet into his boots and then went to his dresser to get his wallet and keys.

"Jacob, " I touched his arm but he was determined. "What are you going to do?" I grabbed his arm more forcefully. I couldn't let him do something stupid.

"I'm going to tell he can't touch what's mi…" he breathed in and put his hands in his hair. "He has no right to touch you," the look on his face was unfathomable.

"Jacob, don't do this. He isn't worth it," I pleaded. He turned fully to me and cupped my cheeks.

"Edward, your right, _he's _not worth it." He did something that I would never have expected. He leaned forward and placed his lips on mine. "_You_ are," he said when he pulled away.

* * *

A/N: Thank you to elfprincess8 for all your help and support. Thank you to Hank's Lady for reading through this and putting up with my fretting once again. Thank you to QueenSecret for your advice and suggestions. I want to thank all of those who review, alert, and favorite. I'm completely blown away by the responses I have received for this story. Thank you all.


	21. Chapter 21

**Warning: Violence.**

* * *

**Chapter 21 Jacob**

The trees looked like a blur of green and brown as I sped past them in my Rabbit. I pushed the accelerator as fast as I dared down the weaving road. I knew exactly where to find him and I hoped he would be alone. I didn't need an audience but it wouldn't stop me. This shit was going to stop here and now. He had bullied too many people and he wasn't going to stop unless someone put him in his place.

It was painfully clear that Ed hadn't tripped and fallen like he claimed. When I saw Seth with the bottle of peroxide, I asked him what was going on and he gave me a concerned look and said Ed. I followed him to the kitchen and I knew instantly that the cut and bruise on Ed's face were from a fist and not the concrete. He didn't want to tell me, he wanted to pretend it hadn't happened. He didn't think it was worth making a big deal over. He didn't think that _he_ was worth it. He couldn't be more wrong.

Ed had become a part of our little world. Sure, we had grown close to the Cullen family over the last few months but Ed was something more. He was… special. He was at the very least a friend which was more than enough reason for me to drive to the reservation for the first time since my father disowned me and explain to Paul that if he ever touched him again he would regret it.

I parked the car about a half mile down from Aterea's market and jogged the rest of the way. Paul could usually be found here when he wasn't at the beach. This was his place of business so to speak. I walked through the copse of trees trying to stay out of his line of sight. I wanted the element of surprise on my side especially if Jared or one of the others was with him.

I was in luck when I saw him alone talking on his cell phone pacing back and forth at the side of the small weathered building. I could just make out his conversation as he told someone to come pick him the fuck up now. I crept closer and hid behind the dumpster until the right moment. I knew it was now or never, obviously we would have company shortly.

As soon as he ended the call I ran forward and grabbed his arm to turn his body and face me. I pulled my arm back and let it fly with every fiber of my being channeled into the punch. His head flew backward when my hand connected with his face and blood started to flow from his nostril. He stumbled and would have fallen if I weren't still holding his arm. I pulled him to a standing position and threw a punch to his stomach causing him to yell and hunch forward. I let go of his arm watching him fall forward. He caught himself with his hands but I placed my boot to the middle of his back and pushed him to lie prone on the ground.

Keeping my foot firmly planted on his back I bent over to grab one of his arms and twisted it back behind him to keep him from moving. He groaned and his chest was heaving.

"Hey Paul," I said. It was the first thing either of us had said to each other since I'd left the reservation. "Long time no see. How you been? How's the family?"

"Fuck you Jake," he tried to move but I twisted his arm slightly and he screamed.

"Is that anyway to greet an old friend?" I leaned on my pedestalled foot.

"Ahhhh… f-fu… fuck, s-sto…" he tried to say but couldn't get enough air in his constricted lungs.

"I think that I need to explain how civilized people greet each other and since you aren't civilized, I need to explain it a way that your pea-sized brain can comprehend," I twisted his arm again for emphasis. "See, _those of us in the know_, typically ask how our long-lost friend has been doing or about their family. It's a polite way to strike up a conversation."

"Ahhhh… fuck Jake!"

"Today, you used an improper technique when greeting my friend…" I leaned on his back and rotated his arm to the point of breaking.

"Ahhh… ugmf… fuuuuuck…"

"So, because I don't believe you're half as stupid as you look, I'm going to give you a job. You are now in charge of keeping my friend safe. If I ever see Edward Cullen with a hair out-of-place and I suspect for even one second that it was your breath that caused it, I will make your life a living hell. If the ten-year girl who rides her bike passed our house accidentally runs over his big toe, I will make you personally responsible. If he decides to walk down the streets of La Push in nothing but his birthday suit it will be your responsibility to make sure nothing bad happens."

"Why the fuck would I give a shit about what happens to Cullen?" Paul yelled.

"Why? Huh, why _would_ you care?" I pretended to contemplate as I twisted and leaned on him further causing him to grunt breathlessly. "You make a very good point there Paul, so I'm going to explain. I got to thinking about the little business you run and wondered what Officer Swan would think of it. You've been arrested before with a couple of joints in your pocket. It wasn't enough to put you away but I know where you keep your stash and where you buy your shit. I'm guessing you'd be put away for quite a while this time. You know, I haven't spent any quality time with my old friend Charlie in. Maybe he'd like to watch the game this weekend."

"You wouldn't," he growled.

"Try me."

"Ahhhhh... ughmf… fuck, fuck, fu…" I put as much pressure as I dared. I didn't want to break anything… this time. But I wanted him to know that I could. I leaned down so that my lips were next to his ear.

"If you ever come near my boys again I will make my life's ambition to watch you suffer," I whispered loudly. "Do we understand each other?"

"Ugh… yeah, yeah… ahhh, I got it," he whispered and rested his face on the gravel when I loosened my hold. His face was a mess of dirt, sweat, and blood. I heard a car coming down the road and I knew my time was up.

"Good," I lifted myself from him with one final push of my foot. I backed away from his prone body quickly and headed for the trees from where I came. I turned when I hit the tree line and jogged through the dark woods until I reached the main road. I was confident Paul would keep away and he wouldn't convince one of his lackeys to do his dirty work. He knew I would come after him if anything happened and he had no desire to rot in prison nor did he want to give up his lucrative business.

* * *

I pulled in the driveway and noticed Emmett's jeep parked in front of the house but Ed's Volvo was gone. I told them to stay put when I left but obviously Ed hadn't listened and I had no idea why Emmett would be here. I walked up the front steps and the door swung open, Seth was in my arms before I could even step into the house.

"What the fuck is going on Jake?" Emmett stood in the empty living room looking furious. "I get a call from Ed asking me if I could come over and sit with Seth because you were out and he wasn't feeling well," he took a deep breath. "When I get here, I see Ed's face all banged up and ask him what happened. He told me to mind my own business and said to stay here until you get back. What the fuck happened?"

I could feel Seth trembling. I pulled him in tighter to me. "Em, if Ed doesn't want you to know than let it go."

"Fuck that! Where have you been?"

"Out."

"Who did that to him, Jake?"

"He told me he tripped and fell," I said with a straight face.

"This is bullshit! Who…"

"Em, I took care of it. It's over so…"

"If he tripped then what was there to take care of?"

"Em, just drop it. It's done," I turned and opened the front door. "Thank you for coming but if you'll excuse us…"

"You know mom and dad aren't going to fall for this line of shit either. Is this what you plan to tell them?"

"I will tell your parents what Ed told me. If he wants to tell them then he can. He's a grown man Em and you can't keep trying to protect him. He can take care of himself."

"And what exactly were you doing tonight, huh Jake? Were you letting him handle his own shit?" he yelled pointing his finger at me. He turned and walked out the door before I had a chance to answer.

Seth stepped out of my arms and closed the door behind Emmett. He pushed his hands into his pockets as he stared through the chipped-paint door. A heavy silence filled the room. I wasn't sure what he was thinking but I knew he was upset.

"Baby," I reached out to touch his shoulder. He shrugged me off and turned to face me with downcast eyes.

"I-I'm not pissed off that you went after Paul, Jake," he huffed, "and unless he's dead in a ditch somewhere, I don't care what you did to him. I-I just…" he wiped his eyes with arm and sniffed. His body still shaking as his emotions prevailed over his stoicism. He always hated that he had no control over his tears. It made him feel weak and childish. "You left me here… us here. We would have been there for you. What if… what if something happened? What if you didn't come b-back?" his breath hitched as the sobbing took over. The pain he felt rolled down his face and fell onto the red fabric.

I walked the two steps that separated us and wrapped my arms around him tightly. We stood there while his sobbing wracked his body. I rocked us and shushed him rubbing circles into his shoulder-blade.

"Baby," I said into the top of his head when his breathing slowed and I thought he was calm. His body tensed instantly.

"No!" he yelled as he pushed away from me. He hadn't yelled since… forever. He wiped his eyes angrily. "You don't get to do that! You don't get to run out of here on a suicide mission and leave me with a babysitter to freak out about whatever the fuck it is your doing and then come back to treat me like some helpless kid. No, just no…"

"Seth, I wasn't trying to worry you. I was…" I paused. How was going to explain it to Seth when I didn't understand myself? It would have been different if Seth had been attacked but…

"I know you weren't trying to," Seth voice was softer and resigned. "But you did. I'm just… I fell like…" he ran his hands over his face trying to clear his thoughts. "I want you to know you can depend on me. I would have helped you with Paul even if I don't agree with what you did. I would never stand against you."

"You have no idea how much I depend on you, Seth. I would be completely lost without…"

"You would still be part of…"

"I would rather be in an empty apartment with a fugly dog eating beans and weenies with you then to lead a bunch of homophobic Indians." I moved closer to him and cradled his head in my hands and put a chaste kiss to his lips. "I'm sorry, baby. I never meant to make you feel like I couldn't depend on you. I wasn't thinking about you at all. I just couldn't stand the fact that Paul hurt Ed…" I leaned my forehead against his wanting to explain how I felt but not having the words.

Seth pulled away grabbing my hand and we headed to the small bathroom. He turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature. I stripped off my clothes while Seth did the same leaving them in a heap on the floor and stepped into the steamy shower. He silently cleansed my body almost… worshipfully. He gently wiped the soapy rag across my skin, revering it as if it were something sacred. It felt strange and wrong to have him on his knees like that. It should have been the other way around. He was the one who loved me without condition or judgment. He gave no thought to what I had done to Paul only concerned that he wasn't there to help or protect me. He put his faith in me one hundred percent when it came to making the decisions for the both of us. He questioned my decisions only when it came to my safety and well-being. How could someone put so much trust into another? How could someone love another without any apprehensions? I watched in awe as he placed a small kiss to my belly and wrapped his arms around my legs. I ran my fingers through his shabby scalp as he rested his head on my hip.

Turning off the water as it before it went cold I lifted him from his knees and grabbed a towel. I draped it over his head and dried his hair before moving down the rest of his body. He snatched the towel from me to apply the same treatment. I didn't let him finish and picked him up bridal style while he attempt to finish drying my hair.

He gave a high-pitched yelp when I threw him unceremoniously onto the bed. I stood to the side and picked up his foot kissing the wrinkled sole. He giggled and tried to pull it away but I held tight. I began trailing open mouth kisses from his ankle to his thigh purposefully avoiding his burgeoning cock. I crawled onto the bed and covered his petite frame with mine. I kept the full weight of my body off him supporting myself on my elbows and forearms.

"I love you baby," I nuzzled his cheek and neck with my nose. His skin and hair still damp but warm and… comfortable. He felt like home. "I'm sorry…"

He shook his head and shushed me. "I know Jake and now you know how I felt about it. Don't apologize anymore," he said and turned his head to kiss me. His body seemed to melt against me as I deepened the kiss further. His hands rested on my flanks and his fingers dug into my skin as he pushed his hips up while I did the reverse. Our cocks hardened and leaked as we fell into synchronized rhythm.

"Jaaa…" he said breathlessly when he broke away from the kiss for some much-needed oxygen. I covered his mouth again and he whimpered. The sounds he made had an uninterrupted path to my cock. His hips began moving more erratically and he kissed me with more desperation.

"Jake, stop… oh god stop…" he forcefully pulled away from my lips and gasped for air. I kissed down his neck and stilled my hips as he regained his composure. I loved to bring him to the edge and watch him losing control. Of course, he wasn't the only one on the edge of the proverbial cliff.

"Jake, I don't want to cum like this," he wrapped his legs around me as best he could with the small amount of room he had to maneuver. He squeezed his thighs trying to gain my attention. I had taken up residence with my lips kissing along his neck and shoulder and I pretended to ignore his request but my traitor cock twitched against his when he pleaded. "Jaaaake…." I placed one last kiss on his neck and lifted off him and back on my heels.

He blindly reached under the pillow where we kept the lube and a couple of condoms. We didn't have a bedside table to keep them in and he rarely used his side of the bed opting to lie across my chest most nights.

I clicked open the lid and smelled lemons. Seth wanted to try different scents and this time it was citrus. I poured an abundant amount on my fingers. I still over did it when it came to prepping him. I knew I was being ridiculous about it but I couldn't help myself.

His hand was wrapped around his cock slowly moving up and down trying to maintain his arousal while I reached between the thighs that rested on mine. I felt for the small pucker with a single digit and circled it spreading the slippery substance around. I watched his face as I pushed it in slowly, Seth's mouth opened slightly with a small gasp. I moved it in and out for only a moment before adding a second. Seth closed his eyes and his hand stopped briefly as he felt the intrusion. I leaned over his chest and lapped at a dark rosy nipple.

I scissored and stretched the tight ring of muscle while taunting his chest. He whimpered when he felt a third finger enter him. I heard the foil of the condom and then felt his hand push my shoulder to move me away. He sat up only long enough to roll it on my cock and lay back down returning his hand to his cock. I pulled his hips closer to me so that his ass was elevated on my thighs and lean over him enough to line myself up. I kissed him, swallowing the whimpers he made while I entered him. I stilled briefly to allow him time to adjust. As usual, Seth tried to use his legs and heels to pull me in further.

"Baby, stop," I said. I sat back up and looked down where we we're connected. "I like to watch you take me in."

"Jaaaaaake," his voice was whiny but I ignored him. I watched my cock as I slowly pushed it in holding his hips still with both hands. I was fascinated seeing my dick disappear inside him. He was incredibly tight and warm. I could feel his muscles twitch as I bottomed out.

"That is so fucking hot," I said so quietly I doubted Seth heard me. I used my hands that were still on his hips to pull out slowly and push back in again. I kept the pace slow while looking between his face and our union.

"Ahhhh, Jake… more…"

I leaned forward and grabbed both of his hands holding them over his head. I laid on him so that his oozing pick was sandwiched between us as his ankles hooked together around my back. I could feel his cock sliding through the copious amounts of pre-cum that it leaked. I quickened our pace knowing he was close and I was desperate to see the euphoria of his release wash over his face and feel the constricting embrace of his channel around me.

"Ugfm… yeah… oh fuc… Jac..." his entire body tensed and his legs squeezed my body as his back arched off the bed. His hands harshly squeezed mine as I felt his cock jerk and spew the warm liquid between us. I found it difficult to maintain any sort of rhythm in his grip and pulled back forcing him to release ankles. I let go of his hands and grabbed the back of his knees pushing them toward his chest. I relentlessly pistoned into him until my orgasm crashed through me. My cock pulsed into the condom as I slowed my erratic pace. I let go of his legs and fell forward. My heart pounded against my chest and my lungs struggled to pull in breath. Seth's fingers ran the length of my back in long slow calming touches. Eventually, I rolled off him and threw out the condom and he curled into me.

His head rested on my chest and my hand weaved through his hair as we lay quietly in our own thoughts. The rain fell heavily outside although there was no wind. The room was dark except for the indirect light coming from a street lamp trying to sneak in around the dark curtains. Seth got up wordlessly and went to the bathroom. I watched his shadowy, almost ghostly, figure move silently through the room as he returned with the hoodie.

He climbed on the bed pulling my arms to help me sit. He held out the jacket for me to put on and gestured for me to scoot back against the headboard. He straddled my lap and wrapped his body around mine. I zipped it closed and he straightened up placing a soft kiss to my lips.

"Why did you kiss Edward?" He placed his hands on either side of my neck and looked me in the eye. He was never one to shy away from questions that he needed answers to. He didn't seem upset about it and that didn't exactly surprise me.

"I um… I just… I don't really know," I wasn't lying. I hated that Ed didn't want to "make a big deal" about what Paul had done. He was worth it. He was worth it and a whole lot more. Other than Seth, he was the best person I knew. He was there for us in almost every way possible. He drove four hours one-way every weekend not to see his family but, to spend time with us. He'd gotten Seth a job and helped him with obtaining a high school equivalency. He had been a huge support for Seth, someone Seth could rely on and trust. He never asked for anything in return, ever. He didn't deserve what Paul had done. He shouldn't have to breathe the same air that scum did.

My feelings concerning Ed had changed over the last few months and I hadn't really noticed until today when I saw him. I was becoming… possessive of him. Not in the sense that he was mine to control but, mine to… appreciate. He was like my hoodie. I didn't want to _change_ my hoodie into a pair of pants. I wanted to keep my hoodie exactly as it was; warm, comfortable, built for two. But it was still mine. I never wanted to lose it or give it away. I never wanted it to get dirty or torn. I would pull it away if it sat too close to the fire and fix it if it had a loose thread. I would take care of the gift Seth gave me.

Ever since he told me about going to a club, I felt… jealous, I think. It bothered me that he might be there with someone or… leave with someone. I felt like he was ours and if he found someone else that would change things and he wouldn't be ours, I didn't want to lose him. I had no right to feel that way about him. I had absolutely no claim to him whatsoever. Not to mention the love of my life was now staring at me waiting for an answer.

"Why did _you_ kiss Edward?" I dodged Seth's question. He told me all about the kiss in Ed's room and that _Ed_ kissed _him_ but that he returned it. At the time Seth said that it meant nothing and he was just curious. I hadn't put a lot of thought into it at the time. It would have been hypocritical being that Seth and I kissed the first time for the very same reason and I claimed the very same thing.

"Jake," he said in an irritated tone. He placed his forehead against mine and his thumbs rubbed the underside of my jaw. He knew I was avoiding his question.

"You kissed him back."

"I know," he sighed. "I love you, Jake," he closed his eyes to shut me out. "But..."

"Baby, look at me," his eyes opened slowly.

"I think… I… m-mayb-be…I think I might love Edward too," he whispered nervously. We sat quietly listening to the rain fall. I wasn't sure how to respond. I wasn't upset but I was confused about what this could mean for us.

"Jake_, why did you kiss him_?" Seth repeated.

* * *

A/N: Thank you my dearest Elf, this story would not have happened without you. Thank you also to Romancingtheboys for putting up with this week's fretting and offering his opinion. Thank you all for reading, alerting, and favoriting and to those of you who review, your comments are unbelievibly generous.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 Edward**

I sat at the table and listened to the quiet rumblings of clanking dishes and quiet conversations that surrounded me in the quaint diner. It was the site of the first date I had ever been on and I remembered being completely out of my depth with the elegant and stylish man who opened my inhibited mind and profoundly changed my perception. When he found me, I was an introverted geek with no understanding of romantic love. He showed me that love was more than just an initial attraction and the desire to be with someone. It was also the want and desire for them to be happy, safe, and cared for even if that meant they weren't yours. He opened my eyes about being intimate and that it wasn't just the physical act but the meaning behind it that was important. I was still reserved when it came to sharing my emotions with others but I was at least willing to admit them to myself now. He pushed my boundaries and I would be forever grateful of the imprint he stamped on my soul. In another time or place where my heart was free of another's hold, we would have… could have been very happy together. But that wasn't the case. I could only cherish the moment of time that we shared.

I arrived thirty minutes early from the arranged meeting time and drank from the generic cream-colored coffee mug while waiting for him. I thought back to what happened with Paul and the kiss I never expected from Jacob. After he left, Seth and I just stood there not looking at one another. I had no idea what he was thinking and I didn't know what to say. Jacob kissed me and said I was worth the risk of going after Paul. It felt much like what Emmett had done in the past but… he was my big brother. That was his self-appointed job. Jacob had no reason to run out like that. Why would he be so upset, so… protective? It was the reaction I would expect if it happened to Seth, not me.

After a brief moment, Seth walked to the front door and we saw Jacob speed down the quiet street. He slammed the door shut and picked up an unfazed Fugly and took him out back without a word as I stood there for an undetermined amount of time trying to grasp what happened. The look on Jacob's face as he told me I was worth something to him was unfathomable. There were too many emotions to sort through as he looked directly into my eyes for that brief moment. I had to get out of there. It was too much to handle. I pulled out my phone with a trembling hand and called Emmett. Seth felt safe with him and if Jacob ran into more trouble Emmett could handle it.

When Emmett arrived, I left. Emmett tried to stop me but I told him to mind his own business and to wait with Seth until Jacob came home. I had half a mind to go and track Jacob down. I knew he would go to the reservation but I had no idea where. I drove around the sleepy town not wanting to go home and explain anything. I had to wait until mom and dad went to bed so that I could sneak in, grab my shit, and leave a note.

I called mom Sunday morning to tell mom that I had forgotten about a paper that was due Monday and that was the reason I left leaving only a note. I didn't want mom and dad to find out what happened and hoped the others wouldn't tell them. My face was healing and by the weekend the damage should be healed enough that no one would notice.

The chime of the bells over the door took me from my thoughts and I looked up to see him stroll over to the table. He still looked as if he had walked off a run-way with his well-fitting jeans and light jacket. A striped scarf hung loosely around his neck. He pulled off his leather gloves as he caught my eye and gave me a small wave.

"Edward," his smile was warm and unnerved me a little considering how we broke up. I hoped that we could somehow remain friends but, until now, I had left it to him to decide that.

"Alec, it's good to see you," I gave him a small smile. He pulled out the seat across from me and threw his jacket over the back before sitting.

"Your call was a bit unexpected," he seemed to be happy, the way he was when we were together. "I'm sorry I never called…"

"Please don't apologize," I waved my hand dismissively. "You had every right to never speak to me again," I kept my eyes on the well-worn plastic table cover.

"Edward?" he asked to get my attention. "Please tell me this isn't the reason you called. I've moved on and so should you. We were never meant to be and…"

"No, I didn't call to talk about us," I paused and took in a breath, "although I should apologize again for the way I treated you. I was horrible to you and I…"

"Edward, you weren't horrible. You were confused. I knew that you had feelings for Seth that ran deeper than just friendship and I choose to ignore it," his eyes were warm and understanding. He placed his hand over mine as he continued to speak in a soft tone. "I am just as much to blame for what happened as you are."

"I cheated Alec," I said a little more forcefully.

"It was only a kiss and you told me the first chance you had. You were honest and upfront. You didn't have to tell me. You could have kept it to yourself," he squeezed my hand and gave me a small smile. "You made a mistake but you owned up to it immediately. That's all anyone can ask of you."

I nodded my head not really feeling any better about what happened between us. I wasn't my finest moment but I learned my lesson.

"This wasn't the reason you called me," he withdrew his hand and sat back in his chair. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Sooooo…." Alec prodded.

"I'm not sure where to begin," I looked up at him.

"I'm guessing Seth isn't out of the picture?" he asked. The waitress chose that moment to come over and refill my cup and asked what else she could bring us. We both ordered pie and more coffee.

"Seth… he-he was shot," Alec looked up from his coffee and grabbed my hand again. "His father found him and Jacob sleeping in his bed and…"

"Is he…"

"He's fine. He got lucky, the shot went through his shoulder and he suffered minimal damage physically. Mentally, emotionally he's… he is still recovering."

"Thank god he's ok. I can't believe his own father…" he shook his head. "That's just… that's not something that someone gets over, you know?" I nodded. I did know. I watched as Seth tried to overcome the demons of that night and the injuries that were inflicted. It wasn't something he would ever truly recover from. There would always be a small black mar on his heart and soul that would never heal.

"He's doing better…"

"So… what are you not telling me?" he took a sip of his coffee before looking back up at me. This was the reason I called him. He was able to look between what I said and pull out the emotions I was trying to conceal, even from myself.

"He and Jacob are still together and I'm…" I looked down at my coffee not wanting to see the disappointment and… pity. It was pathetic that I still coveted him. I should be able to move on and find someone for myself but each time I tried, I was… hindered in some way.

"You're still in love with him," Alec stated. I nodded without looking up. "Have you told him?" I shook my head no.

"Edward?" he placed a finger under my chin to lift my face. I looked at the concern on his face. "What's going on?" I sighed and leaned back in my chair out of his reach. "I can't help if you…"

"Jacob kissed me," I interrupted. "He did it in front of Seth and was trying to prove a point but he kissed me nonetheless."

"What point was he trying to make?" I ran my hand through me hair for the millionth time and let out a sigh. I began to tell Alec everything that happened since we split up. I explained how my father and I grew closer after the breakup and how on one Saturday morning while bringing a lunch to my father, I saw Jacob sitting in the hospital waiting room shirtless and covered in Seth's blood.

I remembered that day clearer than any other day in my life; Sue screaming, Jacob crying, my father's embrace when Seth was out of surgery. I remembered standing in the stark white bathroom with subway tiles on the walls and pink, bloody water in the sink, cleaning off the blood that coated Jacob's bronzed skin and long black hair while he stood there in an unconscious coma of his own with only Seth's wellbeing on his mind. I realized I may have been a little too descriptive when I saw Alec's eyebrows lift under his long bangs. He smiled and gestured for me to continue.

He sat quietly and without interruption as I told him how Sue yelled and Charlie advised. I could still feel the anxiety rolling off Jacob as we drove to the reservation and the agony he felt at his father's dismissal of him. I didn't realize I was crying until Alec reached over to gently remove my glasses and wiped my cheek with his thumb. I didn't know how… raw everything still felt. I guess I'd never come to terms with my own feelings about it and only focused on the practical side of things. This was the first time that I talked about what happened on that day.

The middle-aged waitress continued to fill our cups and Alec held my hand on top of the table as I explained the months after the shooting and how Jacob and Seth moved into my parent's house with only the clothes on their backs and a garbage bag filled with their few possessions. I remembered feeling helpless that first night being awoken to Seth's screaming. I watched as Jacob soothed him wishing I could do more. The heat bloomed from my chest rising to my blushing cheeks as I told him of the… sounds that emitted from their bathroom one day as I passed by their bedroom door and how it brought me to tears. I held nothing back. If I was going to figure this out, I needed to be everything Alec taught me to be. Open…

I told him that I had worried when they moved out into their own house that I wouldn't see them as often but that hadn't been the case at all. I spent my entire weekends with them whether at their house or in my parent's. They became a part of our family and were included in our holiday gatherings and Sunday dinners. I didn't see them as family as I did my brother or even Rose though. They were my friends, something I always wanted and could never find until now. Emmett had referred to us as the "homo-crew" on more than one occasion as if we were one entity. Not Jacob and Seth with me as some kind of cling-on but… together.

My head ran through the mixture of emotions when I spoke of Paul's bigoted behavior. It hadn't been my first experience with intolerance, shit, it hadn't been my first run-in with Paul so in some sick twisted way, I was "use to it". Jacob's reaction to it was what had me reeling.

"He said that Paul wasn't worth it but that I was," I took a deep breath and swallowed the last of my cold coffee. "Then he kissed me and…"

"You ran," he smirked.

"Well, not quite like… I mean not immedi…" I shook my head not looking up. "Shit… fuck… yeah… I ran." I rubbed my face with both hands knowing exactly what he would say next.

"You need to talk to Jacob… and Seth," he pulled my hands away from my face. "It sounds very… complicated between the three of you. At the same time, very simple," he smiled.

"What do you mean?"

"You obviously care for them. I mean you've been in love with Seth since high school but you've grown feelings for Jacob as well."

"I-I'm… I…" I stuttered.

"You began you're story talking about them and you and ended it with us," he smirked. "I think that you have feelings for both of them."

"It's not that simple," I replied.

"It never is," he chuckled. "Look at it this way. If Jacob was gone tomorrow and Seth was left all to you, how would you feel?"

I furrowed my brows and contemplated what he suggested. The scenario seemed… wrong to me. Seth and I had spent many Saturday afternoons sitting on their bed waiting for Jacob to come home from work. I loved the time I spent alone with Seth. We had easy conversations and debated and joked. We were affectionate, probably in ways that should have upset Jacob but never did.

But I always looked forward to Jacob's boisterous entrance. His smile was infectious and his demeanor commanded the room without him even knowing it. He would typically strip down out of his work clothes without any thought of me being there. He was built like a god and I admit that I found him extremely attractive.

We would talk about our days and mundane things. We also talked about things that should probably be kept between the two of them such as finances and Seth's appetite of all things having to do with a naked Jacob. I felt like I was a part of something, like I fit in with them. I couldn't imagine removing him from the picture.

"I-I… I don't think that was why he kissed me…" I shook my head. "He loves Seth and…"

"Edward, why did you call me?" he looked at me pointedly.

"Because I'm… confused, overwhelmed…"

"You're confused about why he kissed you, right?" I nodded.

"Why do people kiss one another?" I rolled my eyes. "I mean on the lips. Why do they kiss one another?" he clarified.

"Because they love each other," I said in a petulant tone. "He sees me like a brother or…"

"Would Emmett kiss you like that? Is there ever a time you can remember Emmett kissing you on the lips?" he questioned. I shook my head and rubbed my hands on my face. He made it seem so simple. Was it really that simple?

"Now that that is all cleared up, what are you going to do about it?"

* * *

I called Seth after talking to Alec and told him that I was fine and he didn't need to worry. I would come home on the weekend and we could talk than. He left several messages wondering where I was and if I was ok. He said that Jacob was ready to drive here if I hadn't called.

I woke the next morning after a restless night's sleep. The conversation with Alec was both comforting and confusing. I finally let out all the emotions of what happened to Seth and it was nice to talk to someone who was objective and unaffected by the situation. He was the only one who knew of my feelings toward Seth and talking to him without having to censor myself was liberating.

My turmoil was made more potent when we discussed the meaning of the kiss from Jacob. He reiterated that I needed to discuss it further with Jacob. Once again I was feeling out of my depth and fearful.

I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower determined to focus on my lectures and school. I sat through my morning lecture nursing a very large coffee that helped very little and my second class was torture. I had almost dozed off when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I checked it to see Jacob's number and a text that read urgent.

I gathered my things and headed out of the lecture hall. I had no idea what to expect and felt my anxiety take over my body. The phone rang twice before I heard Jacob's voice.

"Thanks for calling me back," he answered. I could hear the noises of the shop in the background. "You plan on being here this weekend, right?" his question felt odd to me.

"Hi Jacob. I'm great, thanks for asking," I replied. "Yeah, I'm there every…"

"I just had to make sure. I need you with Seth on Saturday. I don't think I would trust him with anyone else. You are the only one…"

"What's going on?"

"Billy died. The service is on Saturday," he paused. "I'm going."

* * *

A/N: Thank you to my beta, Elfprincess8. You are my rock! I want to apologize for the long wait. The holidays were a bear with long travels and little time to write. This story will be finished and I don't foresee any further interruptions. Thank you all for reading, alerting, and favoriting and to those of you who review, your comments are unbelievibly generous and greatly appreciated.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23 Jacob**

"Jake, I think you should come. You won't be able to participate but you can come to the grave site," she pleaded. "I would like to see you again. I could use the support," was she fucking kidding? Where the hell was she when I needed support?

"What the fuck? What, are we going to hold hands and hug like one big happy family? You want me to come so that you will feel better? Kiss my ass becca!" I was fucking pissed. Rebecca hadn't picked up the phone once since I left the reservation.

"Look, Jake..." She began and then sighed. "I know that we don't agree on things but we were once a family. I don't know if we will ever get past..."

"It isn't something you get over Rebecca. I'm with Seth and I love Seth. That's it. You either accept it or you don't. There is no fucking getting _past _it," I said with annoyance in my voice. "I'll think about it," I hung up and kicked the concrete wall of the garage. "Fuck!" I yelled in frustration. I couldn't fucking believe this. Seth was not going to let me go and frankly, I didn't want to. But I might regret it if I didn't. Billy was the only parent I had ever known. He may not have won any parent of the year awards but he provided me with a home until...

I can't believe I am even considering going back. Other than Sam and Emily and I suppose, Rebecca, no one wanted me there. I took the last hit of my smoke and threw the butt in the sand can. I sent a text to Edward before retreating back into the garage.

* * *

"Thanks for calling me back," I answered after only two rings. "You plan on being here this weekend, right?"

"Hi Jacob. I'm great, thanks for asking," his retorted. "Yeah, I'm there every…"

"I just had to make sure," I interrupted. "I need you to be with Seth on Saturday. I don't think I would trust him with anyone else. You are the only one…"

"What's going on?"

"Billy died. The service is on Saturday," I took a deep breath. "I'm going."

"Do you think that is a good idea?" he asked after a long pause. "I mean, I understand why you want to go but, I'm not sure you're safe…"

"I have to Ed."

"What did Seth say?"

"I called you first."

"Oh… um… have you spoken to Sam?"

"Not yet. He hasn't come in yet today and now I know why," Rose said he wouldn't be in until mid morning.

"When will you tell Seth? He is going to be upset," I could hear the anxiety in his voice. "I could skip the rest of the week and come home…"

"I can't ask you to do that. I'll call if I need you to come."

"Ok."

"Thanks Ed," I sighed, "a-and Ed, sorry about last weekend. I just wanted to…"

"It's fine Jacob. We'll talk about it later."

"Yeah, ok. Thanks."

* * *

"Hey guys! Jake, I need to talk. You got a minute?" He yelled from the coffee area.

"Yeah, I'll be right there," I finished taking off the last tire and stacked it with the other three. I stepped into the office where Sam was sitting behind the desk. He looked up from his coffee and motioned for me to sit.

"Have you spoken to Rebecca?" I nodded. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, she insisted that she should do it. I'm not sure why," His eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head. "We had a council meeting last night to discuss all the arrangements and she sat in as the representative for the Black family. She called Rachel who is now flying home," he paused for a moment looking down into his coffee again. He let out a big puff of air not wanting to continue. "I brought you up at the meeting because I think you have a right to be there whether you want to or not. They will allow you but not Seth. You are allowed to attend the burial but none of the memorial. You will not receive any platform to speak. They are afraid that you will dishonor your father in some way. I told them you should be able to take part in the procession but they said it was only for tribe members," he stopped and finally looked up at me. The look on his face said it all, helplessness.

"Sam, I understand you are trying to do the right thing here and none of this is your fault. Please don't feel the need to apologize to me. You don't owe me. My father is the only one who needed to apologize and obviously that isn't going to happen. I'll go and Seth will be upset, but he'll get over it," I hoped.

"There's more. You and your sisters will have to meet with a lawyer to settle his… estate. I thought it was the best way to handle it would be to do it immediately following being that Rachel is flying out after the funeral. I know there isn't much but you have rights too. The burial is at four o'clock and you meet with the lawyer at six. Then you can walk through the house."

"Yeah, ok. Thanks Sam," I moved to leave the office.

"Oh, and Jake, you wouldn't happen to know anything about Paul's face, would you?"I turned my head and smiled at him before leaving left the office.

* * *

Seth was in the middle of making spaghetti while I sat on the counter watching. He moved around the kitchen with ease, chopping onions and garlic, adding them to the sauce. He sliced the bread, buttered it and sprinkled shredded cheese on top. He threw it in the oven and set the timer. He walked over to me stepping in between my knees wrapping his arms around my torso and laying his head on my chest. I pushed my fingers into his hair and took a deep breath.

"I need to tell you something baby. Rebecca called and… Billy died," I blurted, "in his sleep. The service is on Saturday. I'm going," I rushed through my announcement. I hated that I was doing this to him. I knew he wouldn't want me to go.

Seth immediately lifted his head and looked directly at me. His hands gripped my waist as his body began to tremble. I cupped his face with both hands. "Shhhh… Seth, just listen to me," my thumbs rubbed his cheeks as tears welled up in his eyes. His head shook in my hands as he whispered "no" over and over.

"What about Paul, Jake? He'll kill you for…" his eyes closed but tears streamed down his face. I quickly jumped to the floor awkwardly holding him up as his knees continued to buckle underneath him. I put my arms under him and picked him up bridal style carrying him to the bedroom. I sat on the bed and slowly rocked him trying to keep him from an inevitable panic attack. Sobs wracked his body and he started to gasp for air. I pulled his face up to look at him.

"Seth, you need to breathe, slow, deep breaths," It wasn't helping. All the shushing in the world wasn't going to help him. I knew this would happen. I should have had the Doc on standby. With my hands still on his face, I watched his eyes close and his body slump forward. "Shit, shit, shit. God damn it!" I lay him back on the bed and quickly ran through the house to retrieve my phone to call the Doc.

I took the rest of the week off and called Dr. Gerandy who had already been informed of my father's death and explained why Seth wouldn't be in for the next few days. Carlisle came over that evening and prescribed a sedative for Seth. He hadn't taken anything for sleep in months although he still woke to nightly terrors. My news would only fuel that.

Edward arrived Saturday morning bearing doughnuts and a welcome reprieve from Seth. Although Seth said that he understood my need to say goodbye to my father he shared the same fears as Edward that I would be walking into a hornet's nest. He insisted that I call Charlie to confirm that he would be attending. He was though he hadn't seen dad in months and their last conversation was about me. He told me that my father wouldn't even acknowledge that he had a son let alone discuss my well-being.

Edward didn't say a word when he walked into the house and set down his things on the kitchen counter. I closed the door and was immediately wrapped in Edwards arms. He felt strong and sturdy. It was nice to have someone to lean on. I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes and the tight grasp of my hands to the back of his shirt. It brought back memories of that fateful day in the hospital. Edward was there for me then even though I was a virtual stranger at the time. His selflessness was one of his greatest qualities.

After Seth confessed his love for Edward and prodded me for my feelings, I admitted to him that Edward was more than a friend to me as well. Sure, he had that "sexy mad scientist" hair and glasses look to him but… he was more than good-looking. I cringed to think that I once told Seth that he shouldn't hang around with Ed. I thought Seth would be better off without him. I was acting no better than Paul.

"Thanks Ed," I said pulling back from him. His hand pressed to the side of my neck and squeezed lightly. The slight smile on his face was somber as he nodded at me.

"Go get ready and take your time. We'll be fine," he picked up the doughnuts and walked into our bedroom toeing off his shoes before crawling onto the bed covered in rumpled blankets and pulling Seth to him. I felt such relief that he was here. I stood for a moment and watched as he whispered something to Seth who nodded in reply. They sat in companionable silence sitting against the headboard quietly sharing a doughnut. I wanted to forget about going into the hornet's nest and crawl in between them.

* * *

I pulled my bike into the small gravel parking area next to the grave yard and shut down the engine. A few people were milling about waiting for the burial ceremony to begin. Some stared as I took off my helmet and lifted my leg over the seat and leaned back into the bike. I cupped my hand around the flame of the lighter as I lit my cigarette.

I kept my eyes on my scruffy black boots while I waited. I wore my best pair of dark blue jeans and the only white button-down shirt I owned with my leather jacket. It wasn't worth it to buy a new suit for this. I wouldn't spend an entire paycheck to pay homage to a man who had no respect for me, a father who was capable of removing from his only son all that had been bestowed to him on the day he was born. I was here looking for closure not for the acceptance that would never come.

I watched as the doors to the old wooden community building opened and two younger boys held them as the casket was carried out by the strongest of the council. There were only six male council members left, along with Old Quil, without any to fill in for the Blacks and the Clearwaters. Women stood in on rare occasions in the past but only temporarily and never more than one at a time. Sue and Leah were the only Clearwaters left along with Rebecca and Rachel for the Blacks until they had sons. Apparently, some rules were flexible while others were unyielding.

The pall-bearers made their way to the gravesite and set the casket in the empty space between my father and mother's small tombstones. The procession of people who followed them began taking their seats. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see a grim-looking Charlie dressed in a suit coat and black pants. I hadn't even heard him pull up next to me while I watched the display before me.

I could see the dugout hole surrounded by folding chairs. Ten chairs sat to the left of the rectangular hole, one for each member of the council with one left empty in memory of the dead. They placed dad's wheelchair in that spot which made it much more evident who was absent. The tribal chief or elder who performed the ceremony stood at one end facing the chairs where the rest of the community sat. I took my last drag and tossed my cigarette to the ground before we walked over and stood behind the large group of chairs staying as inconspicuous as we could with everyone staring at us.

Old Quil wore the tribal Chief's ceremonial shawl and held the tribal journal. The book contained all the names of the council going back over a hundred years and written entirely in our native language. It also contained many of the tribe's stories that I had solidly locked into my memory. Being tribal chief, it belonged to dad and he read to me from that book almost daily. It would have been passed down to me…

My eyes welled up behind my aviators as each member took their seat knowing that I should be sitting in the seat Rebecca occupied. She would have most likely remained my second until I had my first son and he was of age. The Black name, the tribe chief and Alpha lineage, was now almost eradicated from our tribe along with its beta.

Did they not see the severity of the situation? Was the 'unwritten' rule we broke so much worse than putting women on the council permanently? I wasn't being chauvinistic or superior in my thoughts. Women were just as important as the men, but they have a different role, one of no less importance.

"_Women are the nurturers of the earth. Their bodies give nutrients to the soil that gives life to the grass and trees and feeds the animals who in turn feed the wolf. Their souls do the same, saturating the wolves with strength in both mind and body. Without this great sacrifice the wolves could not survive." _

I could hear my father's words louder in my head than that of Old Quil reciting from memory in the old language. I didn't disagree with the situation due to the lack of options. Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah would bring into the world the next generation of tribal chiefs and betas. They were to be revered but… their place in our tribe, in nature, wasn't on the council. Was my decision… _our_ decision to be together worth sacrificing an entire tribe's traditions? Why couldn't they _bend_ the rules for us?

The casket was lowered using ropes held by the pall-bearers. Old Quil spoke of the wolf that would house my father's soul until the next alpha was born. I could hear the sobs of those around me as the last of the rites were read. Old Quil then walked over to my sisters and hugged them each and whispered to them. He made his way slowly down the row of council members, shaking their hands and offering his condolences. The others stood to leave offering kind words to them as well before heading slowly back to their cars.

"I'll be right back Jake. I need to talk to Sue," Charlie said in a low voice and patted my shoulder before walking away. I stood alone in the same spot of an indefinite period of time. I felt frozen there, looking over the now partly filled hole where my father rested next to my mother. I knew that I would never sit next to her in the grass as I shared with her of the events of my life. As a child I would bring her flowers that I picked in the meadow hidden in the surrounding forest and place them next to her tombstone. I would sit in front of it and rest my forehead against the cold stone and tell her what happened in school that day or about dad and the girls. I would ramble on for hours wishing she could reply.

"I think it's time you left Jake," Quil said pulling me out of my memories. "You've seen all there is to see," my eyes remained down but I didn't move.

"I'm not going to cause any problems…"

"You've done enough damage don't you think. You can just leave. You have no reason to be here anymore," Jared replied from behind Quil. I glanced up to see Paul and his father had also gathered near me. It was obvious that they were all looking for retaliation. I didn't move except to lower my gaze back to the ground. I was on their territory and I was outnumbered…

"Is there a problem here?" Charlie stepped up next to me.

"It's time for Jacob to leave," Matthew Lahote replied.

"Jacob has a right to be here. Not only was he Billy's son," Quil snorted at Charlie's announcement. "But he was asked to be her by his sister."

"The service is over, Chief Swan. He had his opportunity to say good-bye," Matthew retorted. I could feel the tension of the situation building.

"Jacob needs to finish with some family business and then he will be gone. If any of you have an issue with that I've got more than one pair of handcuffs with me and every damn one of them is feeling kinky today gentlemen," his voice was stern. "I have the feeling that none of you wants to be arrested, especially your son Mr. Lahote," Charlie insinuated. It seemed Charlie wasn't as blind as we had all thought.

I walked away not wanting to listen to anymore. This day couldn't get over quick enough. I rode my bike the short distance to the house and climbed off. I looked around the neighborhood I grew up in. Everything seemed the same. I could see the dilapidated tree house at the edge of the Clearwater property bordering the forest.

_"Jake! Are you up there?" Seth yelled from the bottom of the ladder._

_"Yeah," I replied._

_Seth's head came through the opening in the floor and he lifted a ball of fur onto the floor._

_"Dude, no way! Get that flea-bitten thing out of here!"_

_"Jake, I just want to give him something to eat."_

_"I thought we said no girls allowed," I huffed._

_"It's a boy!"_

_"Looks like pussy to me." _

_"Jake, leave him alone. He isn't hurting anyone," he opened a small can of food and set it down on the floor._

_"The stench of that shit is going to make me sick."_

_"If I don't feed him, he'll starve. Sometimes we have to take care of those who can't take care of themselves. I feel sorry for him," he sat across from me with his arms crossed over his chest glaring at me. "You should know better than anybody. Plus he likes me."_

_"It's a fucking cat. It can fend for is self. What do you think it was doing before you came along?"_

_"Starving."_

It was overgrown a bit but I could see the trail that we took to the large boulder at the edge of the cliffs where we would play pirates.

_"Hurry up Seth!" I yelled at him from my perch._

_"Just a second, I have to get the leaves of first!" his voice was annoyed. He was wearing a red bandana, pirate-style, on his head with his black hair flowing from the back. He held a straight stick that he was quickly trying to pull the leaves from. When he finished he climbed up the large boulder and took his fencing stance._

_We hit our sticks together trying to act out our childhood renditions of how pirates would fight. We would jump down to the ground only to climb back up again. We would jib each other and throw out pirated terms like Scallywags and Jolly Roger._

_"Scurvy pirates will be forced to walk the plank with the point of a blade to their back," Seth said after I had jumped down once again to the ground._

_"Geez Seth, did you read that your pirate dictionary? Who the hell says that?"_

_"Shut up Jake! I was just pretending," he climbed down and the battle resumed. Our swords clashed in the epic battle created in our minds complete with onlookers drinking rum from steins and canons firing in the distance._

_When we grew tired we sat on the ground with our backs against the boulder. The sky had turned grey and the wind picked up but the rock sheltered us slightly. I took off my black bandana and leaned my head back. "I would have been the captain of my ship back then," I said. "I could shout orders at everyone and they would have to follow them."_

_"We could go anywhere we wanted and no one could tell us what to do," he replied. "I could be your first mate."_

_"Aye matey, arrrr!" we laughed._

I looked over to the window I climbed into and slept on Seth's top bunk. I watched as Leah and her mother pulled into the drive and got out still dressed in black. They climbed the stairs of their porch and walked into the house. Leah looked over at me and waved. I nodded to her as she walked into the house. I hadn't seen her since the day in the hospital when she brought Seth's things to him.

Charlie pulled up behind my bike and got out as Rachel and Rebecca pulled into our gravel driveway. Becca came over only to say that I could walk through the house until the lawyer arrived and although all of my belongings had been thrown out if I wanted anything I should take it now. I only had one thing that I wanted from the house and hoped that it hadn't been discovered. They could keep the rest to do whatever they pleased. I nodded and walked up the ramp one last time.

The house felt smaller to me then I had remembered it. It was dark except for the remaining twilight that came in through the window in the lounge. It was much cleaner than when I lived here. Rebecca always was the one to keep it tidy. She moved back shortly after I left to help dad. It felt as if I were walking through the house of strangers. The walls contained only pictures of the girls and my parents and my boots and jackets no longer sat next to the door. This was no longer my home.

When you are a child, your home is you safe haven from the world. It is where you go when you scrape your knee or feel hungry or need a hug. You grow older and the cuts are deeper and you hunger is greater and your emotions stronger, you can venture out into the harsh cruel world because you know that you can always go home for comfort. This was no longer that place for me.

I grabbed a chair from the dining room and made my way to my old bedroom. I wasn't surprised to see that it was completely redone. Beige paint covered the blue walls of my youth. A new bed with a lacy bedspread and ornate pillows took up most of the space along with a matching dresser. I opened the closet door and set the chair just inside the opening. I pulled the chain to turn on the light and stood on the chair. I reached up to push aside the ceiling tile and blindly searched until I felt the long ago hidden box. I wrapped my hand around it and smiled to myself.

Opening the box, I felt my tears returning. It contained the locket that was given to me as a boy. I opened it and saw the only picture of me and mom. She was still pregnant and smiling the way I had remembered although the picture had started to fade. I wondered if she would still smile if she knew what became of me. Most likely she would agree with dad and would stand by his decisions. But, I hoped that she would have accepted me. I closed it and put it back in the box and into my jacket. I left the room and replaced the chair.

I thought I had everything I wanted from my childhood home but something propelled me to my father's room. Pushing the door open and turning on the light of the dark room and I saw that little had changed since I lived here. The bed was stripped but the rest of the clutter remained. I stepped closer to the dresser where a picture of my sisters sat upright among old books and papers. A tall bookshelf stood next to it and was in as much disarray as the dresser. I pulled out a volume containing legends of other native tribes and flipped through the pages absently. I looked around the room one last time before placing it back on the shelf and heard a small thud. I reached behind the row of books and found a picture, a picture that answered many of the questions that had plagued me since the day I was banished.

It wasn't the picture itself that was remarkable but it was the one that sat on his nightstand until the day I left. It was of me and dad on one of our many fishing trips. I was on my knees next to dad's wheelchair holding up the fish I'd caught. His arm was draped around my shoulders and a prideful smile graced his face. Tears dropped onto the glass as I stared with disbelief. It was the evidence of what I hoped for, what I craved. My father hadn't forgotten me he hadn't been able to let me go completely. He emptied the house of everything that reminded him of me. He had erased me from his life or so I thought.

I put the picture back where I had found it. It wasn't the picture itself that gave me proof of my father's love but the fact that it was kept safe.

I stepped out of the room just as my sisters and the lawyer walked in from outside. We sat down and listened to him not saying anything except to answer his questions. The biggest issue was of course the house. No money was owed on it but we each had claim to it. I immediately spoke up to relinquish my stake. I didn't want to be bound to this place in anyway. They could have it. They agreed in their silence basically ignoring my existence, even Rebecca who had begged me to come.

I left the house and waved to Charlie who stayed to ensure my safety. I followed him on my bike until I crossed the border and pulled over to the side of the road. I pulled out my phone.

"Hey, Jake." He said in his smooth voice.

"Ed, I'll be home a little late."

"Are you ok? Did everything go ok?" I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Yeah… I just want to clear my head. I'm fine… I just need… it'll only be a couple of hours."

"No problem."

"Is he…"

"We're good. Did you want to talk to him?"

"No, just… tell him… tell him I love him," I took a deep breath and exhaled. "And Ed… I love you too," I hung up before I could hear his reply. I put my helmet back on and started the engine.

* * *

I entered the house after midnight taking off my jacket and boots at the door. I unbuttoned my shirt as I headed toward the bedroom wanting to curl up in the warmth I knew would be waiting for me. I had to smile at the picture that came into view as I looked upon the bed. Ed's body was sitting slumped against the head board with his head tilted to the side and his glasses askew on his face. The book he was reading draped over his lap and Seth's head that lay on Ed's stomach. Seth's arm awkwardly lay over Ed's thighs while the other wrapped around his back.

I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Doc saying that Ed would be staying here tonight and quietly stepped into the room. I gently removed the book from Ed's hands and his glasses from his face and placed them on the floor. With the utmost care I shifted Seth's body off Ed's torso careful not to wake him. I unfastened Ed's pants and struggled quietly trying to remove them.

"Jacob?" Ed's sleepy voice whispered.

"Lift your hips," I ordered.

"M'kay," I chuckled as he did as I asked and scooted himself to lie down next to Seth. I dropped his pants to the floor and grabbed the blanket at the end of the bed throwing it over him. I peeled my shirt and pants off and climbed into the small space next to Seth. I was home.

* * *

A/N: Thank you my lovely elfprincess8 for beta'ing and just being there for me. This story wouldn't be here without her.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24 Edward**

The morning sun beamed in across my face and tried to pull me from my sleep. I was warm and comfortable but still feeling groggy not wanting to leave my dream-like state.

"Mmmmm…" I heard a quiet moan beside me. In my haze I tried to understand what it was or if I was actually still dreaming.

"Jake, your home," I heard Seth say with a quiet but very enthusiastic voice. I peeled open my eyes to see Seth lying on top of Jacob with his face buried in his neck and his hips moving…

"Seth, stop…"Jacob placed his hands on Seth's face to have him look at him in the eye. "We have company."

Seth and I sat up at the same time looking at each other with mirrored shocked expressions. I looked away almost immediately and felt like an intruder on their early morning… intimacies. Seth sat obscenely straddling Jacob's waist with the hoodie open showing me his russet bare chest and their bulging boxers pressed together.

"I… uh…" I ran my fingers through my hair and swung my legs over the side of the bed. The blanket fell and I realized that I was without pants. I grabbed the blanket and quickly covered myself. "What… uh… when…" I was stuttering at this point. I think I remembered in my still-dreamy haze that Jacob came home and helped me to bed. I couldn't believe I let him take off my pants.

"Hey," Jacob's hand was on my back. "I was trying to make you more comfortable. I know that sleeping in jeans is…" I stood and grabbed my pants from the floor and quickly put my legs in one at a time.

"I need to get home. Mom and dad will be worried," I said as I gathered the rest of my things from the floor trying to avoid the stares I was no doubt receiving.

"I sent a text last night to Doc so they wouldn't worry," Jacob replied.

"Um… I uh… yeah, thanks…" I slipped on my shoes quickly. "I… um need to…"

"Ed, you don't have to go," Jacob interrupted.

"I have some things to do this morning. I'll see you later for dinner," I walked swiftly from the bedroom trying to put some distance between us. Fugly barked at me from his cage as I grabbed my jacket and went to front door.

"Ed, wait!" Jacob walked out of the bedroom pulling a blanket over his mostly naked body, more for me then his own modesty. "Ed… we should talk. Please don't leave," his eyes pleaded.

I held up my hand to stop him. "We'll talk Jacob but… just not right now," I wasn't running but I needed a little time to myself. "I'll see you in a few hours at mom and dad's," he nodded and I left.

* * *

After the phone call with Jacob where he told me of Billy's death, I almost ignored him and skipped the rest of the week. I knew it would be a difficult time for both him and Seth. Seth wouldn't want him to go and I was inclined to agree. Their families and old friends had proven time and again that they had no tolerance for them.

I could understand his need to find closure. No matter what had become of their relationship after Jacob and Seth were discovered, he and his father had obviously been close once. Billy's death would close the door forever to any reconciliation. I remembered that day so vividly when begged for his father's acceptance and forgiveness.

_"Wait here," he opened his door and climbed out. He made his way around the car toward the cabin-like house. I cracked my window to hear what Billy was saying to him._

_"…..to leave Jacob and don't come back," Billy's voice was monotone and stern. "You don't belong here anymore."_

_"Dad, I…."_

_"Leave Jacob!"_

_"Let me at least get my…."_

_"You don't live here anymore. I no longer have a son. You no longer exist in my eyes. You are trespassing and I will not hesitate to prosecute." Jacob stood at the bottom of the ramp looking up at his father. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. His father had essentially disowned him. What had he done that had been so bad? He fell in love with a boy. His father disowned him for loving someone? Jacob fell to his knees and I couldn't sit there any longer. I opened my door and walked quickly to him._

_"Dad, please," He cried from his knees begging for understanding, compassion. "Please, I just want…"_

_"Never come back, you don't belong here," I glared up at the man Jacob called father. I wanted to scream at him for treating Jacob like dirt. I wanted to yell at him for his cruelty._

_Sobs racked Jacob's body. It took all the strength I had to pull him up. I had to get him out of there. "You need to get back in the car Jacob. We need to leave. You can deal with this shit later, after you've seen Seth," I dragged him back to the car. He had fallen several times but each time I picked him up. I finally got him into the passenger seat and walked around the car staring down the coward in the chair, the monster with the ability to drain Jacob's soul._

When Jacob opened the door Saturday morning he looked as disheveled as he had that day minus the scrubs and blood. His drooping blood-shot eyes told me how little sleep he'd gotten. He moved slowly and his shoulders slumped. Without a word, I wrapped my arms around him and he instantly fell apart. I was sure he was trying to be strong for Seth and not let on how devastated he was. His quiet tears soaked through my shirt as he clung to me. I rubbed slow circles in his back trying to soothe him. It was the second time in his life he let his guard down and revealed his wounded heart. It was the second time I tried to console him.

When he calmed and pulled away, I told him to get ready and that Seth and I would be fine. I grabbed the doughnuts off the counter and walked into the bedroom and climbed onto the bed. Seth looked no better. I told him the Jacob would be fine and he nodded. I offered him a piece of my doughnut and he ate it mechanically. I heard the shower click on and saw Seth's tears start to flow. I held his hand and he rested his head on my shoulder without a word.

Jacob walked into the bedroom after his shower never looking at us as he began to dress. He pulled on his shorts before letting the towel fall to the floor and then put on his jeans. He moved around the room silently as if in a trance. He didn't acknowledge us until he had his jacket on and keys in hand. He leaned over cupping Seth's cheek and placed a small kiss to his lips. His only words were that he loved him. He gave me an apologetic smile before he left with the rumble of his bike.

Eventually, we got up and let out the dog and then popped in a movie that neither of us watched. Seth fell asleep with Fugly curled up at his feet. I worked on a paper for school and scavenged around the kitchen hoping to find dinner.

I heard his scream while chopping vegetables. I dropped the knife and it tumbled to the ground as I raced into the bedroom. It wasn't a high-pitched scream but more of a loud moan. He laid on his back and clenched the sheets in his hands at his sides. I sat next to him and rubbed the back of my hand on his cheek. It was painful to watch him suffer but I knew it wasn't a good idea to wake him. I could only comfort and tell him that I was there for him. It felt so much longer than the few minutes it actually took but he slowly quieted and opened his eyes. I pulled him up against my chest and held his still trembling body. I needed to talk to Jacob about Seth's on-going night terrors when this weekend was over. It had gone on long enough.

We broke apart when he calmed and I sent him outside with Fugly for some fresh air while I finished up with dinner. I was throwing it in the oven when Jacob called to say he would be late.

"Hey, Jacob," I answered.

"Ed, I'll be home a little late."

"Are you ok? Did everything go ok?" he voice was somber but he seemed fine. I wanted to ask what happened but I knew my curiosity would have to wait.

"Yeah… I just want to clear my head. I'm fine… I just need… it'll only be a couple of hours."

"No problem," I replied.

"Is he…?" his voice full of concern. I could see him in my mind rubbing his hand on his face worrying for Seth.

"We're good," I lied. I would tell him about the nightmare later. "Did you want to talk to him?"

"No, just… tell him… tell him I love him," he paused. "And Ed… I love you too," He hung up before I could reply. I stood looking at the phone when I heard Seth come back inside.

"Jacob called and said he would be home a little later," I explained to Seth.

"Is-is… what happened? Did…" his eyes were wide and began to fill with fear. I walked around the counter and pulled him to me.

"He's fine and he said to tell you he loves you," I rubbed his back. "He just wants to go for a ride and clear his head." Seth nodded against my shoulder. At least that was what I hoped Jacob would do. Seth leaned away but grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bedroom. We lay down and he rested his head on my chest with our hands clasped on my stomach. This position was more intimate than any other time, but not exactly out of our realm. Seth and I were affectionate with our usual hand-holding and hugs. It wasn't uncommon to find us under the blankets of their bed with our bodies squashed together as we sat watching movies or just talked but not usually lying down.

"Thank you Edward," Seth said after several minutes of silence.

"For what?"

"Being here for me… for us. I let Jake down this week. I should have been stronger for him. You did more for him then I did. You've been here for us so many times."

"I wanted to be here," he was quiet for a long few moments as I ran the fingers of my free hand through his overgrown silky black strands.

"We want you to be here too, Edward. We love you, you know?" My hand stilled in his hair. Jacob said he loved me not ten minutes ago. "We want you here more than just our friend." I always admired Seth for his honesty, even when he was so blunt about things that I would have handled delicately. He just laid it out there.

I was at a loss for words although I shouldn't have been. I thought about my conversation with Alec and his incredible insight of our relationship.

"_You need to talk to Jacob… and Seth," he pulled my hands away from my face. "It sounds very… complicated between the three of you. At the same time, very simple," he smiled._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You obviously care for them. I mean, you've been in love with Seth since high school but you've grown feelings for Jacob as well."_

"_I-I'm… I…" I stuttered._

"_You began you're story talking about them and you and ended it with us," he smirked. "I think that you have feelings for both of them."_

"_It's not that simple," I replied._

"_It never is," he chuckled._

"_I-I… I don't think that was why he kissed me…" I shook my head. "He loves Seth and…"_

"_Edward, why did you call me?" he looked at me pointedly._

"_Because I'm… confused, overwhelmed…"_

"_You're confused about why he kissed you, right?" I nodded._

"_Why do people kiss one another?" I rolled my eyes. "I mean on the lips. Why do they kiss one another?" he clarified._

"_Because they love each other," I said in a petulant tone. "He sees me like a brother or…"_

"_Would Emmett kiss you like that? Is there ever a time you can remember Emmett kissing you on the lips?" he questioned._

I was amazed at his ability to see through all my over-thinking and simplify the situation. Seth had that same simplistic quality. If he wanted an honest answer, he could pull it from you. He cut through all the crap and just asked what he wanted to know.

"Do you love us? I mean could you love us… like that?" his voice was shaking.

"Seth, I do love you… both. It's just… I mean… what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I'm in love with you… that we're in love with you," he finally looked up at me with fear in his eyes. He may have been blunt with his questions but it didn't mean he wasn't afraid of the answer. Did he have any idea how much I truly loved him? How long I had loved him? How long I had waited to hear the very words he spoke? If the fear in his eyes was anything to go by then I hid well my true feelings for him.

My hands went to my hair and I blew out a long breath as he waited for an answer that I wasn't sure I was ready to give. I felt like everyone was in on "the know" except me. Alec said that it was that simple. Seth was asking and apparently all I had to do was say yes. Jacob confirmed his feelings in one short simple statement. Was it really that simple? Could I have a relationship with two men? How would it work?

"Seth, I… I honestly don't know what to say," I dropped my hands and eyes to my lap. I felt so… awkward. "I'm just… I don't know."

"You don't have to answer right now but… I don't know, just think about it," I looked at him and nodded. He gave me a small smile and leaned forward to place a quick kiss to my lips. "If Jake gets to kiss you than so do I," he joked. He laid back down with his head on my stomach.

* * *

They arrived for our usual Sunday dinner with my parents along with Emmett and Rose. They seemed their usual upbeat selves although Jacob was slightly quieter. Nothing was mentioned about the funeral or Billy's passing but mom hugged Jacob when she cornered him alone in the kitchen. After dinner, Emmett and Seth sat down for their weekly video game matchup while mom and Rose caught up on the latest gossip. Dad went to bed after pulling a double shift. I took my beer outside and sat on the step leading up to the porch. The air was still cool this time of year but daylight lasted longer and the warmth of summer wasn't far off.

The backdoor opened and closed. There was a pause before Jacob sat beside me on the step. He took a long pull of his beer and then looked out over the dark expanse of my parent's property. The soft porch light from behind us cast our long shadows onto the grass.

"Soooooo…" was his opening line. I glanced at him sideways as he kept his eyes looking out into the nothingness. "You and Seth talked?"

"Um… yeah…" I took a sip of my beer wishing it were whiskey. "I… ah… yeah we did."

"It was initially his idea but I want you to know that I'm on board," he picked at the label on his bottle. "I think it is the next step with us," he made a circular motion with his finger.

"So, you think a poly-amorous relationship is the next step in our friendship?"

"A poly-what-amus?" he looked at me with furrowed brows. I chuckled.

"Poly-amorous means being in an intimate relationship with more than one other person."

"Oh, yeah well, whatever…" he set down his beer on the step behind us and placed his elbows on his knees. "Look, I know this might seem out of the blue…"

"You think?" I quipped. He looked at me with his bright mischievous smile that reached his eyes. He grabbed my hand in his two large ones and kissed the inside of my wrist before entwining our fingers together.

"Is it really so hard to believe? I mean…" he sighed and looked away, "we spend all of our free time together, all of our big decisions are discussed with you, you are a part of our relationship whether you realize it or not. I don't know how it happened but it did. Seth pointed that out to me. He is always two steps ahead of me when it comes to this sh… stuff," he said the last part almost to himself. He turned his face back to me. "The only thing we aren't doing with you is butt sex," he smiled and chuckled at his own joke.

"Jesus Christ…" my head fell between my shoulders. "Butt sex, seriously Jacob? Could you be any more crass?"

"Oh, sorry, what would you call it? Making whoopee?" he chuckled. "If I didn't know any better I would guess you were about to celebrate hundred and ninth birthday," he chuckled. I turned my head to the side to glare at him.

Jacob took a deep breath and looked back out into the forest.

"You kissed him," he stated. "It meant more to you both then either of you admit."

"It was a long time ago…" I exhaled. "Does it bother you?"

"Seth is just… kissable, I guess" he smiled, "I denied what his kiss meant to me more than once in the past," he looked back at me and shook his head. "No, it doesn't bother me," he stood up and made his way to kneel on the step below my feet still holding my hand and looking up at me.

"Are you doing this for Seth?" I didn't want to be a part of an obligation for Jacob if he felt that he couldn't say no to Seth's request.

"When you told me you had gone to a club, I… it bothered me. It was the first time I thought that we could lose you… that _I_ could lose you. I can't imagine you with someone else and I can't imagine us without you."

I sighed and wiped my free hand over my face. "Jacob, how can you be so sure that this is the right thing for us? What if it doesn't work out? What if…"

"Look, we love you and no matter what happens, we will still love you."

"But do you love me the way… the way you love Seth? There are different ways to love people."

"I love you as my friend without question but," he exhaled and looked down at my hand in his and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles trying to figure out his next words. "I've been feeling something more than that…"

"But are you _in love_ with me?" I pushed.

"I don't know," he smiled up at me. "I haven't seen you naked yet."

"Jacob…" my voice laced with irritation.

"Edward, when people start a relationship it's not because they are in love with each other… yet. It's so they can get to know each other and see if they are compatible or whatever. We won't know if we don't try," Jacob paused. "I want to try," it hadn't escaped my attention that Jacob was on his knees in front of me almost pleading.

"Where do we even begin?" I asked.

"Well, how about we take you out on a date?" Jacob answered. I sighed. He nudged my knee. "Come on. You can pick the movie," I let out a long breath and closed my eyes for a moment. He gave my hand a couple of small squeezes. "I'll throw in a good night kiss… with tongue," he said in a sing-song voice.

"Fine, yeah… ok."

* * *

A/N: Thank you Elfprincess8.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 Jacob**

"Hey Jake," Rosalie walked over to me after I opened the hood to the truck I would be working on this morning.

"Morning Rose, what's up?" I replied without looking up. I leaned in closer into the engine looking for any obvious problems.

"So, um… Em and I are doing some redecorating," I looked over at her as she leaned her shoulder against the truck's grill. Emmett walked up a few feet behind her. "We are getting rid of our sofa and Em's chair and…"

"We are not getting rid of my chair Rosie!" Emmett stood with his fists on his hips staring at the back of her head.

"So we were wondering if you wanted them," she asked ignoring his comment.

"You mean the pink couch?" I asked lifting my eyebrows.

"Dude, it's not pink. It's 'coral'" Emmett used finger quotations, "and you aren't getting the chair."

"We could bring them over this weekend. I'm having the new ones delivered…"

"The chair stays Rose," Emmett glared at the back of her head.

"Emmett McCarty, if I hear one more word about that fucking chair, you will be sleeping in it at Jake's place," she said. She turned to face him putting her hands on her hips and giving him the ice-queen glare. She was much smaller than his bear-sized body but if anyone could kill with just one look, it was her. He put an arm through hers and around her waist pulling her to his chest as he crashed his lips to hers.

"I ahh…. yeah, sure Rose…" I said when they broke apart. "Just let me know when you want to bring them over and um… thanks."

"No problem Jake and Emmett…" she said still wrapped in Emmett's arms. "You're not keeping it," she patted him on the shoulder extricating herself from him and walking back to her latest rebuild.

"She's so hot when she gets like that," Emmett said as her watched her walk away. He looked back at me with a huge grin on his face. "Usually I can get her to change her mind with a French kiss but maybe I should have gone for the gusto and given her an Australian kiss."

"What the fuck is an Australian kiss?" I asked.

"It's the same as a French kiss, you know with tongue, except…" he leaned to me and said in a lower tone. "…down under," he waggled his eyebrows. He chuckled as he walked away.

The morning was full of light banter and the radio played classic rock that had Emmett shaking his hips and singing off-key. I picked up Seth from work during lunch and brought him back to the station while I finished out the rest of the day. He was excited about our date with Edward on Saturday but kept it to himself. We weren't sure how others would react, in particular Emmett.

I was as hesitant as Edward was about what could go wrong between the three of us and wasn't sure how to go about talking to him. Thankfully Seth already laid the ground work approaching Edward while I was at the funeral. I will never understand how he is able to break through Edward's wall of apprehension and modesty to get the answers he needed.

When I thought of Ed being with someone else it made my insides twist. I told him that I couldn't imagine us without him but I wasn't exactly honest. I could imagine it, I just didn't like to. He had intertwined his life into ours without any of us realizing what was happening. It just… happened. How would it work if he found someone else? Would they understand the close relationship we shared? Would we drift apart because of a new-found love interest?

I also thought of the implications if we started a relationship and had a falling out. We could lose the entire Cullen clan if we weren't careful. Ultimately, they were Ed's family no matter how much we considered them to be ours. Could I lose my job being that I worked for Emmett and Rose? Seth and I could be back to homelessness with one very bad argument.

Thinking of him as another partner… lover was almost too easy. His level-headed and reserved ways complimented our more free ways of living. It was an understatement to say that we could count on him when we needed him. He was sexy and smart and he loved Seth unquestionably although _how_ he loved him I could only guess. He never tried to undermine our relationship and try to win Seth's affections over me but, I knew he felt more than just friendship with him.

I trusted him not only with Seth but with everything. He saw me at my worst and never made me feel weak. He stood up for me but he also wasn't afraid to stand against me when he felt it was necessary.

Most people didn't have this kind of information when deciding to date someone. They would go into a first date almost blindly hoping to find true love. With Ed, we knew what we were getting. We already loved him and hoped that it would become something more.

* * *

We sat in the semi-dark almost-empty theater with Ed in between me and Seth. I propped my feet on the seat in front of me and lay my leather over the seat next to me. I took a handful of the butter popcorn from the large tub sitting in Edward's lap and cradled it in my hand against my chest. I threw a single kernel at Ed hitting him in the cheek.

"Seriously Jacob?" Ed looked at me annoyed.

"No, not so serious, loosen up Ed," I chuckled and threw another past him toward Seth. Seth leaned around Ed and threw one at my chest. Ed turned toward him. I gently placed one on top of his chaotic hair but Seth ratted me out with his giggle and Ed reached up running his fingers threw his hair dislodging it. He slouched back into his seat looking defeated.

"You can't give up so easily Ed, this is war," I explained and threw the last of the popcorn in my hand at him. He tried to shield himself with his arm and turned toward Seth. When he turned back to me he had the straw to his soda between his lips and before I could react cola was being sprayed on my chest.

"No you didn't," I put my feet down and stood quickly brushing off my chest fruitlessly.

"Don't go into battle without knowing what you are up against," Ed smirked. "This isn't my first rodeo Jacob or have you forgotten who my bro…" I didn't give him a chance to finish as I grabbed the tub of popcorn from his lap and dumped it over his head. He tried to shield himself once again.

"Don't let the enemy take your ammo pale face," he turned his head slowly with his arm still in the air and looked at me. A huge guffaw left me when I saw a kernel of popcorn lodged in his glasses. He turned toward Seth who had the same reaction. He pulled off his glasses and shook his head toward me spraying salty crumbs everywhere especially on the damp spots of my shirt.

After brushing as much of the salt and crumbs off that we could the lights dimmed and the trailers for upcoming movies started to play. We settled in to watch the comedy Ed picked out. I glanced at him occasionally catching him looking at me and I would smile thinking of our childish activities. So much of the last six months had been heavy and it was nice when we could relax.

The movie ended and we decided to go for a walk through the sleepy town even though most shops would be closed at this time of night. Seth placed his hand in mine while Edward walked a few steps ahead of us tucking his hands into his pockets. It was awkward and I wondered what people would think of three grown men holding hands. It was one thing to see two men holding hands but three? It felt like some weird game of "Red rover, red rover…"

"Do you mind if we go in?" Edward stopped outside of a music store, one of the only shops with the lights still on. "My old piano teacher owns the shop and I would just like to say hello."

I nodded and we went inside. It was a small building and crammed with instruments. There were a few large pianos that took up most of the floor space along with a few uprights pushed against the wall, above them hung several guitars both acoustic and electric. On the other wall hung the horns and some very old looking instruments that I had no idea what they were.

An older white-haired gentleman appeared from a door in the back of the shop whose face lit up when he saw Edward.

"Edward Cullen, my best student. How are you my boy? How is school?" He walked over hugging Edward and patted him on the back. "I haven't seen you in quite some time."

"I'm fine. School is going well. I only have to finish out the semester and then I will be working for Dr. Gerandy beginning this summer," he paused." How are you?"

"Business is good but my students, eh… They can't all be prodigies," he pulled out of the hug and left his hand on the crook between Edward's neck and shoulder. "You had such great potential my boy," he shook his head ruefully.

"So, who are these fine young men?" the jovial man held up his hand gesturing toward Seth and I.

"Eleazar, this is Jacob Black and Seth Clearwater," Edward introduced us and I held out my hand to shake. Seth let go of my other and held it out. He either hadn't noticed or didn't care that we were holding hands.

"Friends of Edward are friends of mine," the kindly gentleman said as he shook our hands vigorously. "So Edward, what brings you to visit this old man? And you must play me something while you are here but none of that rubbish you were always practicing." Edward bowed his head sheepishly.

"We were in town and your lights were still on. I thought I would say hello," he explained with his eyes on the floor.

"Well, come then," he guided a reluctant Edward to a grand piano in the center of the room and we followed. Ed pulled off his jacket and sat at the large black instrument.

"Anything in particular?" He asked.

"Ahhh, you know what I want to hear," Eleazar said. Edward smiled at himself and rested his fingers on the keys. My jaw hit the floor when he began playing. I knew he could play but I had never heard him before. This far exceeded anything that I could have imagined.

His eyes were closed and his long fingers moved gracefully across the keys as he played the tender lullaby that could only be heard in some fancy auditorium with a symphony in the backdrop and coat tails hanging off the back of the piano bench, where people dripping in diamonds sat and listened and applauded him with hand claps muted by white gloves. There is no question he could've gone on to play concerts for the wealthy élite, but instead bestowed the honor on a couple of kids from the rez dressed in old jeans and band t-shirts.

The music suited him, it was elegant and refined, sophisticated not unlike the pianist himself. I teased him about being old-fashioned and too reserved at times but in this moment he was… classic. His strong jaw-line and chaotic hair reminded me of pictures of Beethoven I had seen somewhere in my life. I stood behind Seth and put my hands on his shoulders giving them a small squeeze as I watched in awe.

When he finished he folded his hands in his lap and opened his eyes. Eleazar eyes glistened as he looked at Ed with pride and admiration. "Well done Edward, well done," he patted him on the shoulder. "You are still the student I always dreamed of and regret not pushing you to go farther." Ed's face blushed in his embarrassment and kept his eyes down.

"Now, I must get back to my paperwork but you gentlemen are welcome to stay if you like. It was good to see you my boy and don't be a stranger," he shook his finger at Edward. "Play something your friends would enjoy, something a bit younger."

"Thank you Eleazar and it was good seeing you. Give Carmen my regards."

Eleazar made his way back to his office humming to himself the song he just heard but I couldn't take my eyes off the still-blushing musician.

"Play something else Edward," Seth asked excitedly as he sat down on the bench next to Ed.

"Um…" he ran a hand through his hair trying to come up with a selection. He put his hands back on the black and white keys. This time the song was much more upbeat.

"Charlie Brown?" Seth said guessed excitedly. I slipped off my jacket cradling it in my arms and leaned forward. I folded my arms on top of the piano and watched face as he played the whimsical melody that brought back memories of childhood Christmases. He seemed to relax and carefree while playing.

"Linus and Lucy actually, it's one of the few jazz pieces I play," he said through his smile.

"Why didn't you continue to play through college?" I asked.

"It was only a hobby. I always hated playing and practicing classical music and I wanted to fool around with songs I heard on the radio," his fingers stopped as he explained. "I never had the motivation to work at it."

"You didn't have to stay with classical music, you could've been the next Elton John," I smirked.

"Yeah… no thanks," Ed snorted. "I don't look good in pink boas." His fingers started again and he played a mix of eighties rock. We even sang a bit. I decided that I loved watching this side to Ed. He was happy and animated, so different from his usual seriousness. Seth rested his chin on Ed's shoulder as the last notes fell. They were so comfortable together. Seth didn't need to breakdown Ed's walls. Ed opened the secret passage that allowed him in.

"Should we tell your family?" Seth asked quietly.

Ed ran the fingers of his free hand through his hair and sighed. "Not yet," he shook his head. "I-I'm pretty sure that they will be fine with it but..."

"What about Emmett?" I asked.

"If Emmett has a problem with this he can shove it," Ed growled. He rarely said anything "blue-collar" but when he did it was usually concerning his over-protective brother.

"He's just looking out for you Ed."

"I don't need a guard dog Jacob," he glared sideways. I looked away quickly knowing he was not only referring to his brother but me as well. The tone in the room was instantly tense. I had to fix this. I walked around the piano and crouched on my heels next to the bench.

"I'm sorry about Paul. I should never have gone after him like I did," I rubbed a hand over my face as I tried to give him my over-due apology. "I'm not saying I wouldn't do it again but it wasn't fair to you… or Seth to run off like that," looked up at them apologetically. "When I'm wrong I say I'm wrong."

Ed looked straight ahead tight-lipped. Seth's fingers weave into Ed's and I saw him relax almost immediately. He closed his eyes and sighed. He ran his fingers through his hair and then dropped his hand dramatically into his lap.

"I think I'm angrier about the Elton John comment," he looked at me pointedly telling that he wouldn't put up with it again, but he was forgiving me.

"Awwwe… come on Ed. You would look fuck hot in a pink boa," I jested. I stood and held my hand to him. He grabbed it and his jacket as we made our way outside. "You could get a funky hat and glasses to complete the ensemble."

We walked back to my rabbit that I insisted on driving. Edward tried to convince me that we should take the Volvo and I shot him a look that shut him up. She may not look pretty but she ran like a kitten. I only let go of his hand when we climbed into the car. He took the passenger seat as Seth climbed in back. I held Ed's hand on the way home running my thumb over his knuckles. He stared out the window silently while the radio played softly. I would glance at him occasionally and caught him looking at me once. He averted his eyes and the blush returned to his cheeks.

I pulled into the driveway next to his car and turned off the ignition. We climbed out and I walked to the other side of the car where he and Seth stood. He pulled his keys from his pockets and fidgeted with them. I stepped up to him and cradled his face in my hands. I gently pulled him closer to me sweeping my lips over his before placing a chaste kiss to his lips. His hands moved tentatively to rest on my hips just under my leather jacket. My tongue peaked out running along his lower lip and a puff of air escaped him when he sighed softly as our tongues met. I could feel the hesitation in his body as I tilted my head and pulled his face closer.

My thumbs brushed over his cheeks while his hands gripped my t-shirt tightly. He gave himself freely but was silently asking for support. He needed my reassurance that this would work. He was right to be cautious but I knew in my heart that this was what I wanted. Our lips moved together simultaneously then broke apart and then brought back together but never deepening. I nibbled at his bottom lip as I moved slightly closer to him. Our hips met revealing our mutual arousal. He whimpered softly before taking a step backward.

"I-I um… I should get going," he stuttered out with his eyes cast down. "I had fun tonight." My hands dropped from his face and I pushed them into the front pockets of my jeans.

"Edward," Seth's voice broke through the awkward goodbye. "Thank you," he placed a hand on Edward's arm and lifted onto his tiptoes. The kiss they shared was little more than a peck on the lips but both smiled after as if they were sharing a secret.

"You will be here in the morning with Emmett and Rose, right?"

"Yeah," he nodded and chuckled. "It should be a barrel of laughs." I reached over to his car door and opened it for him. He climbed in.

"Good night Ed," I wrapped my arm around Seth and stepped back. He shut the door and started the car. Seth waved as we made our way into the house.

* * *

I heard the annoying sound of Emmett's horn as he honked while pulling into the driveway. They borrowed Sam's truck to move the furniture and though Emmett and I could've carried the stuff in by ourselves, Ed insisted on helping.

I walked outside to the back of the truck and lowered the tail end. Not only did they bring the sofa and chair but two end tables and a coffee table.

"They belonged to my grandmother and then my parents. They are still in good condition and we are just going to get rid of them if you don't want them," Rose explained.

"No, we could use them. I just…" I still hated that we were in a position to have to accept charity but it was reality. We still had very little saving and made due with what little furniture we had. "Thanks Rose," I swallow the lump in my throat.

Rose gave me a small knowing smile and patted my cheek. "If you don't want the chair we can take it to the city dump," I was thankful that she didn't make a big deal of the situation. She knew how difficult it was for me.

"Rose, this chair has been with me since before college. Have a little respect," Emmett piped in. She shook her head and made her way into the house carrying a box of doughnuts.

"Hi Jacob," Edward walked over from his car with his hands deep in his pockets. He didn't look up and a small blush colored his cheeks.

"Hey Ed," I replied. I put my hand on his shoulder trying to reassure him that last night wasn't forgotten but also in a way that Emmett wouldn't become suspicious.

It didn't take long to move the furniture into the house nor did it take long for Emmett to finish half the doughnuts. We gathered in our newly furnished living room as Emmett gave Seth a run down on how to use his precious chair. Apparently it had a few… quirks such as having to lift the attached footrest before sitting. You know it's old when you need twenty minutes of instruction before resting your ass.

We thanked Emmett and Rose again as they were leaving and said that we would see them later for dinner. Fugley had been left in his cage for most of the activity and Seth opted to take him out back for a while.

"Hey, you ok?" I asked Ed while we stood alone in our new-to-us living room. He had been quiet through the morning which wasn't unusual but he seemed… uncomfortable. He was worrying about Emmett finding out even if he said he wasn't and about Seth and I changing our minds in the light of day. He was obviously feeling awkward standing alone with me. He was back to over-thinking things. I took the few steps that separated us and put a hand on his hip. He looked up and me while he chewed his bottom lip.

"Yeah… I'm ok…" I cupped his cheek with my other hand. I knew that explaining he had nothing to worry about wouldn't be enough. I needed to show him. I leaned in and placed a long chaste kiss on his lips.

"Good morning. I've been waiting to do that since you pulled in the driveway," I said when I pulled away. It earned me a smile and a few more pecks until I heard the front door open.

"Rosie forgot to give you the couch cov…" I dropped my hands and turned to face a shocked and an angrier-by-the-second Emmett. "What the fuck?" his fists balled up at his sides.

* * *

A/N: Thank you elfprincess for everything you do. Thank you to Hank'sLady for helping me past a bit of a roadblock. Thank you to everyone who alerted and favorited my story and to all of you who read. I especially want to thank my reviewers who I appreciate beyond words. You are the ones who give me the feedback I need to tell this story.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26 Edward**

"Rosie forgot to give you the couch cov…" Jacob dropped his hands and turned toward Emmett.

"What the fuck?" his voice full of shock. I quickly moved to stand in front of Jacob. I knew my over-protective brother would try to get at Jacob and do something that he would regret.

"Emmett everything is fine," I tried to appease him but it was to no avail. Emmett dropped what he had in his hands and stalked forward toward Jacob trying to push me out of the way. I held him back the best I could. Jacob took a step backward and put up his hands in surrender.

"I thought you had changed man," he pointed his finger at Jacob while my arms wrapped around his body trying to hold him back. "You are still a punk who thinks he can take whatev…"

"That's enough!" I yelled. "You don't know what you are talking about."

"What about the little man? Seth doesn't need this shit," his booming voice grew louder. I struggled trying to push him back away from Jacob.

"Emmett you don't understand," Jacob replied in a much calmer tone. "This isn't what you think."

"What I think is that you were making the moves on my brother. What I think is that…"

"Emmett shut the fuck up!" I yelled and with everything I had, I pushed him backward. The momentum forced him back slightly and when he regained his balance he stood only a foot or so from me glaring at Jacob clenching his jaw with his fists balled up at his sides.

"Emmett?" a soft voice came from behind the larger man. Emmett turned to see Seth holding Fugly. He rested one hand on Emmett's arm and looked up at him without fear. "It's ok."

Emmett looked over at me and then Jacob. Seth walked over to me and put his free arm around my waist while carrying his dog in the other.

"I repeat what the fuck?" Emmett said with gesturing hands while his brows furrowed.

"We're together Em. I mean we're dating," Jacob moved behind Seth and I putting a hand on each of our shoulders.

"You're dating?! Like… candle light dinners and shit?" Emmett asked in his less than tactful way. "All three of you?" his voice rising in pitch. "How... I mean," he rubbed his face with both hands trying to comprehend and then placed them on his hips. "What?"

"Emmett, it's really none of your business. You don't have to protect my honor or virtue or whatever. But yes we are dating, all three of us… together," I said annoyed. He assumed that I would allow Jacob to do something like that as if I was in capable of stopping him like some weakling. He also assumed Jacob would do something that would hurt Seth in that way. He knew damn well that would never happen.

"Ok, um yeah, alright" he nodded to himself. "I-I don't know what to say…"

"How about an apology?" I snapped. His eyes immediately found mine. I hoped he could see the anger that I felt. His eyes dropped back to the floor and inhaled.

"Yeah, um… Jake, sorry man. I was out of line," he shook his head and looked at Jacob. "I was out of line and I never should have said…"

"We're good Em," Jake stepped around Seth and reached out his hand. "I know it would be shocking to see us if you didn't know what was going on but, I want you to know that I would never hurt him… either of them," Emmett stared at him for a moment and then shook Jacob's hand.

"Just… keep it to yourself for now. We aren't ready to tell anyone."

"I wouldn't even know _what_ to say," his voice still laced with confusion. He walked toward the door and looked back at us and shook his head. "I guess I'll see you later at the rents'."

"Later Emmett," I said as he closed the door behind him. I let out a long exhale. I knew he wouldn't just let it go and I wasn't looking forward to what else he would say.

* * *

Mom had all of my laundry neatly folded in the laundry basket outside of my bedroom when I returned from Jacob and Seth's. I put those along with the few other things that I needed to bring back to school in my large duffels. I was graduating in a little over a month and my mind should have been focused on that but it was too wrapped up in the last twenty-four hours.

We had fun at the movies. We acted like kids and probably should have been kicked out. But there were awkward moments that were hard to miss. There was still a feeling of "them and me" and not us. I hoped that we could hurdle that. Jacob was doing his best to fix that when he held my hand after leaving the music store.

Then he gave me the kiss he promised, not that I took it that seriously when he offered it. It was soft and tender and without aggression, not at all what I expected. I imagined him more… feral or blunt. It was like a mountain lion nibbling at his prey rather than tearing at its flesh.

He was trying to tell me something with the kiss. He was willing to take it slow and he understood the consequences of what we were doing. Getting to know him over the last several months I realized he wasn't just a bad reputation riding a motorcycle. He put a lot of consideration into his actions. He let most things just roll off his back but the big stuff… there was no question in my mind that he had given this a lot of thought and now that he decided to go forth with our relationship, he was completely committed.

I stood next to my bed with a handful of t-shirts when Emmett barged in and interrupted my thoughts. He closed the door behind him and leaned back against it.

"Emmett, most people knock. That's twice today that you have completely disregarded…" he waved his arms in front of him motioning for me to stop talking.

"Stop with the Albert Einstein way of telling me to fuck off," he said and then rubbed his face with both hands. "You would be so un-cool if I weren't here to teach the different meanings of the word fuck and how to use them properly in a sentence," he joked.

"Fuck off then," I sat down on the bed putting the last of my things in the bag and zipping it closed. "What do you want Emmett?"

He remained leaning against the door and let out an exasperated sigh. "How… when…" he tried to formulate a sentence, "what the hell, Eddie? Tell me what is going on. I'm trying to wrap my head around it but I can't get past… I mean…" he placed his hands on his head and squeezed his eyes together as if it were painful to imagine. "So many visuals…" I chuckled at his immature behavior. I knew that he genuinely wanted to understand but he couldn't help put his own adolescent spin on it.

"Look Emmett, not that this is any of your business but we only went on our first date last night," I explained. "We are still trying to figure it all out and I wasn't ready to tell everyone until we were sure. You shouldn't have seen that this morning."

"I couldn't agree more," he smirked as he pushed away from the door and sat opposite me at the foot of the bed. "I definitely don't want any more images rolling around my head."

"It was just a kiss Emmett. I've walked in on a hell of a lot more with you and Rose," I had seen them enough times on our living room couch in different stages of undress over the years to scar me for life. Emmett chuckled to himself and then gave me a child-caught-red-handed smile.

"My Rosie can't get enough of my righteous bod," he wagged his eyebrows as he puffed out his chest and ran both hands up and down his abs. His smile left him after a moment as he lay across the width of my bed with his head propped up on his hand. "Sooooo… you and Jake," he paused, "annnd Seth, is this really a good idea bro? I mean Jake and the little man are pretty damn close."

"First Emmett, don't call him little man. It's insulting," I rolled my eyes. I pushed my back against the headboard and folded my legs. "I've thought about all the risks and everything that could go wrong but…"

"You're in love with them."

"Yeah, I mean I think so," I admitted.

"It's not really that surprising I guess. You guys are together a lot and you haven't brought anyone around since Alec. I just..." he paused and looked away. "How did this happen?"

"I don't honestly know it just… happened. We've grown really close and I don't think I could be with anyone else."

"So much could go wrong Ed. I don't want you to get hurt. You're the most likely to lose in this situation. They will never side against each other." He looked at me pointedly.

"Emmett we have all thought about it and are willing to try. We want this," it was my turn to look away. "I need your support for when I tell mom and dad..."

"They'll be fine with it. Dad will have the same concerns I do and mom will bake rainbow-colored cookies in celebration," he paused. "Actually, it is amazing how they are now a part of our family and I'm not sure I could imagine Sunday dinner without them or if you brought home someone else."

"That's what Jacob said. You two are far more alike than I care to admit," I shook my head hoping to rid it of the thought.

"Yeah, Jake's awesome," he smirked. I heard the distinct sound of the door opening downstairs and Fugly's bark as he ran to the kitchen hoping for a snack. Emmett got up to leave.

"Hey Emmett," I stopped him as he reached for my door and he turned to face me. I swallowed down my pride. "Thanks for trying to… I know you were just looking out for me."

"Anytime, but…" his face softened and I saw a hint of melancholy, "I think my time has passed. I can't think of a better replacement for guard dog then a wolf," he said through a small smile. "Just don't let Jacob get too carried away with it. You always put me in my place whenever I got too protective. I expect Jake to get the same treatment," the pillow I threw at him hit the door above his head when he ducked out of the way.

* * *

I hadn't seen them all week and felt a little anxious when I arrived on Saturday morning. I went back to school and tried to focus all of my energies on studying for my final exams. Graduation was just around the corner and I needed to concentrate on that but my mind tended to drift. I would think of every scenario that could go wrong and at one point decided I would have to end it. But the vice in my chest would tighten pushing unshed tears to my eyes. I wanted this to work. I couldn't imagine walking away now, not before it really began. They were worth it.

A tired looking Jacob opened the door at six-thirty but instead of the usual grunted good morning, I received a small peck on the lips as he headed out to work. I closed the door behind him and a smile covered my face as I made my way to the kitchen hoping Jacob woke up early enough to start a pot of coffee.

Seth walked out of the bedroom several minutes later looking freshly showered with Fugly in toe. He smiled at me and said good morning before giving me a kiss. All thoughts of how things could go terrible wrong left me as I felt the warmth in my cheeks. I hoped this was a snapshot of things to come.

* * *

I grabbed a soda from the fridge and sat down on the sofa with a black cover. I rested my head back and closed my eyes. We had just come home from the animal clinic and it had been a long week of studying for my final exams not to mention the draining whirlwind of emotions.

I felt the couch dip beside me and I turned my head and cracked open an eye to see Seth smiling at me. He sat sideways on the couch facing me with one leg bent underneath him and the other foot resting on the floor. He put his hand on my cheek and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was soft and hesitant at first as if he was afraid of pushing me too far. My heart picked up speed when his tongue peeked out to trace the seam of my lips.

He lifted his body and threw his leg over mine, straddling me. My body tensed and I pulled out of our kiss. I looked up into his furrowed eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

My mouth opened and closed a couple of times as I tried to find the right words. "I-I… shouldn't we… I mean Jacob," my hands settled on his hips preparing to push him away.

"We aren't doing anything wrong, Edward," he slowly took off my glasses setting them on the cushion next us.

"It's just that… wouldn't he…" I stuttered out.

He cradled my head in his hands and looked at me for a long moment as if he was trying to decipher my befuddled thoughts. Even I wasn't sure what I was trying to say. He placed several pecks to my lips while rubbing his thumbs on the apples of my cheeks. "Quit over-thinking this Edward," he said before plunging his tongue into my mouth.

My fingers tightened on his hips that came to rest against me. I could feel his arousal against my stomach as he rolled his hips. He swallowed a whimper that escaped my throat. All fears of what Jacob might say about what we were doing left me.

It felt good to have the weight of his body on me. Our bodies moved slowly against each other never quickening the pace while our hands roamed and explored each other. Our kiss broke apart allowing us to take a breath before coming back together… each time the kiss growing deeper. His hands went from my face to my chest and then to my flanks before making the journey back again as mine went from his ass and along his spine to his shoulder blades. Our movements were slowly repeated and the only noises were the soft moans that escaped us.

When we finally pulled apart he kissed his way down my jaw and neck leaving a moist trail of soft nips and swirls of his tongue. His fingers found purchase in my hair and pulled gently to move my head back in the way he needed to reach every inch of my neck.

"Edward…" he whispered into my overheated skin. His head fell to my shoulder as his lower body thrust into mine in a slow exaggerated motion. His clothed erection pressed against mine pulling a long moan from my lips.

He nimbly undid the buttons of my shirt as his lips explored the newly uncovered skin. When his task was complete, my shirt fell open and his fingers traced the contours of my abs and roamed my chest, tweaking my nipples and causing my ass came up off the couch as the electric jolt traveled directly to my cock. My fingers inched their way under the back waistband of his jeans and I felt the soft skin hidden beneath. I gripped the top of his ass to pull him closer as his hips began picking up the pace.

Our movements became more frantic and I knew it was only a matter of moments before the coil would spring. The only release I had found in many, many months was courtesy of my own hand, although, the fodder for my fantasies was writhing in my lap. My imagination hadn't done him justice. His whimpered, panting moans filled my ears and his breaths caressed my face as he rested his forehead to mine.

I felt his sinewy muscles tighten when his orgasm hit. His hips moved erratically and his arms encircled my neck tightly as he rode the wave. Even through our clothes I could feel his erection pulsating as he emptied himself in shorts and it was with that thought that the spring uncoiled for me. My hips jerked my toes curled and my fingertips dug into his supple flesh. We sat for several minutes trying to calm our labored breathing.

"I love you Edward," he said to my collarbone breaking through our mutual recovery. I closed my eyes and rested my head back. The words I longed to hear after so many years washed over me. I brought my hand to his hair and turned my head to kiss his sweaty brow.

"I love you too."

* * *

A/N: Always a shout out to my dear elfprincess8 without whom I would never have published. I have several people to thank for this chapter; HanksLady for being a sounding board, Soundshield11 - his last review changed something in this chapter that I had overlooked, and Romancingtheboys for helping me get inside the heads of these boys. I also want to thank all of you who have put me on your alerts and favorites. And last but not least, to my reviewers. I listen to all of your feedback and it helps me to know if I'm getting the story across the way I see it in my head.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27 Jacob**

"Nice shirt," I said as I leaned over to peck Ed on the cheek. He was sitting on the couch with his computer in his lap and his feet propped up on the newly acquired coffee table. He smiled but never looked up as his cheeks blushed.

"I um… my clothes need to be washed. I'll return them tomorrow morning," he said anxiously while running a hand through his hair. He adjusted his glasses slightly and resumed his typing. I don't know why I liked the fact that Edward was wearing my clothes. It just felt… domestic.

Seth appeared out of the kitchen with a mischievous smile. He stepped closer to me and pecked my lips then moved to the sofa effectively curling himself into Edward's side with his head on Ed's shoulder.

"It's no biggie," I said as walked to the bedroom for a change of clothes. "But they would look better in a pile on the floor," I heard Seth giggle as I left the room.

We sat down to dinner after my shower. Ed was quieter than usual and picked at his plate. Seth was glued to his side and more talkative than usual. It was as if he was trying to take the tension out of the room and I wondered if something happened. My best guess was that Ed was trying to adjust to our relationship and was nervous about the evening's activities. We hadn't planned anything and would probably just hang out like any other weekend. I was hoping for a little more but I wasn't going to push him. There was no rush and frankly I wasn't even sure how it would all work, both physically and otherwise.

"Hey," I nudged Ed's socked foot with my bare one under the table. "You ok?" I asked. He set down his barely used fork and put his elbows on the table and his hands in his hair. Seth reached up to grab one and put it in his in his lap. "What's going on?" he was definitely upset about something. I looked at Seth for the answer but he was looking intently at Ed's profile.

"Nothing's wrong… I guess…" he leaned back and dropped his other hand dramatically in his lap never looking up at me. "We… Seth and I were on the couch and um… we sort of…" I looked back at Seth again to see his smile grow bigger and his cheeks blush slightly as he stared adoringly at Ed.

"Hey," I tapped his foot again.

He exhaled blowing the hair on his forehead upward. "We were making out and…" he looked up at me worriedly. "I just don't know where the boundaries are. I didn't know if you would be upset," Seth looked over at me smiling never letting go of Ed's hand. I stood up and walked around the table and crouched beside him taking his other hand in mine.

"I'm not upset," I looked him straight in the eyes. "There is no room for jealousy between the three of us. It won't work if there is," I implored with my eyes and squeezed his hand hoping he would understand. "There will be times when we do things together as couples and not as a threesome and that includes…" I smiled, "making out. I don't think we need boundaries or limits for what we can and can't do together. I don't want to worry that if I kiss you, I somehow have to kiss Seth the same number of times. That will never work," I shook my head. "Let's just do what feels right at the time and go with it, ok?"

Ed looked at me worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. He nodded in agreement. I stood and cradled his head in my hands placing a soft kiss on his lips. I reached over to Seth and gently tasselled his hair before sitting back down to my meal.

"So, what exactly did you boys do on the couch and is that why Ed is looking all chic in my sweats and t-shirt," I waggled my eyebrows and chuckled before I dug back into my food. His face blossomed into a bright red but he seemed to relax.

"Let's go for a ride after dinner," I said effectively changing the subject. I knew Ed didn't like talking so openly and he surprised me with what he did say. It was the most open he'd been about anything sexual with me ever. "I'll call Emmett and see if he wants a play date with Seth."

* * *

Edward pressed his body close to mine with his hands gripping my waist as we meandered down the highway on my bike. I wanted to show him the place I found and thought maybe it would become _our_ place. It wasn't the cliffs of La Push but it was beautiful nonetheless; more peaceful and not as… perilous, should someone fall.

Although we were trying to become a threesome, I knew that we each needed a relationship with each other outside of that. The relationship he had with Seth was built over a much longer period of time. They were very comfortable with each other and I could see how much they loved each other. I wanted that with him as well.

Edward and I never had the chance to build a relationship outside of our mutual love of Seth. It never occurred to me that I would have another romantic relationship with someone other than Seth. He was it for me and I would do everything in my power to keep it that way. But this was something completely different. We weren't breaking up in hopes of finding a new love. Edward wasn't trying to steal Seth away nor was Seth asking me to leave. We were… adding to our couple and, in a way, he had always been part of our relationship.

I pulled down the long dirt road and then onto a narrow dirt path that led to a rustic parking area. I turned off the engine and put down the kick stand. Edward lifted his leg over the bike and stood next to it as he pulled his helmet off. He shook out his hair and ran his fingers through it trying to bring an end to the chaos. I grabbed his hand after stowing our helmets in the storage compartment.

We walked down the barely there, overgrown trail only a hundred or so yards long. I could hear and smell the ocean as we walked wordlessly to the spot I discovered. But, it wasn't the ocean-side cliff that I wanted to show him. I veered from the trail through a copse of tall trees to a small floral meadow. At the far end was a large boulder and the entire pasture was filled with new buds of life waiting to burst. The days had grown longer, warmer as the chill of early spring slowly changed to summer. I could imagine how beautiful it would be when the blossoms came to fruition.

We held hands as we hiked to the center of the un-explored field where I sat with my knees bent and my elbows resting on top. Edward remained standing, looking at the edge of the forest. I looked up at him watching the small breeze blow through his dark coppery locks.

"Ed?" he looked down as I patted the ground next to me for him to sit. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and lowered himself mirroring my position. He was quiet and thoughtful and hadn't said a word since we arrived. I nudged his shoulder with mine and he turned his he head to give me a small smile when I broke him from his thoughts.

"Talk to me Ed," I said.

He shrugged his shoulders and paused for a moment. "How did you find this place?" he asked.

"That's not what's on your mind," I accused. I leaned back on my hands and stretched my legs out in front of me crossing them at the ankles.

"After the funeral, I just… I was looking for a place to… think," I paused looking unseeing through the forest that surrounded us. "I used to sit on the cliffs at First Beach but I don't belong there anymore. I needed a place to call mine again," I looked over at him as his gaze remained forward. "I just stumbled on it I guess," we sat in a comfortable silence before I decided he had enough time to think over what he wanted to say.

"What's up doc? You are going to have to tell me what you're thinking. I can't read your mind you know?"

He sighed dramatically and dropped his knees folding his legs Indian-style with his hands in his lap.

"How do you really feel about what Seth and I did?" He turned his head to the side and watched for my reaction. "I mean honestly. Does it bother you at all?"

"No," I shook my head. "With you… no it doesn't bother me."

"Not even just a little. It would bother most people, I think."

"Does it bother you that Seth and I have sex?" I looked at him pointedly. He turned his head away quickly and I knew I struck a nerve. I could almost see his shoulders tense under his grey hoodie as his jaw clenched. "Ed?"

"It's just that…" he picked at the hem of his jeans. "I love him Jacob," he whispered never looking up from his fidgeting.

"I know…"

"I mean…" he interrupted. "I've loved him for a long time but I thought… he was always in love with you and I didn't have any hope," he ran a nervous hand through his hair. I grabbed it and pulled it into my lap running my fingers over his. "I would never have tried to take him from you. I…"

"I know that too."

He looked at me and I saw the unshed tears in his eyes. I wasn't sure if it was because he was afraid I would be angry or just found it difficult to admit or… He turned his head away from me and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his free hand.

"I watched you grow closer to each other and what I felt for him transformed into something different. I think… I don't know," he took a deep breath to collect himself. I remained quiet letting him get out whatever he needed to say.

"I envied you for having him. For a long time I didn't think you deserved him but then… you changed when you thought you would lose him or maybe… maybe I just began to understand you better," he shook his head and closed his eyes. "You were always what he wanted and I could see that you were exactly what he needed.

It would have been better if I'd just walked away and moved on with someone else but… I couldn't. I needed to be there for him… and you. But I think it was more than that. I _wanted_ to be there. No matter how painful it was to watch you with him, there was nowhere else I'd rather be."

I tried to absorb everything he said. I was putting the pieces together in my head. He went above and beyond what a mere friend would have, trying to help us through the last several months. It seemed so selfless at the time but now I could see that he was carrying some sort of torch for Seth.

I could also see the pain roll down his face as he admitted to loving Seth in a way that most would be angry about. But I couldn't find it in me to be upset. His love for Seth was unconditional. He hadn't asked Seth to love him back. He was content knowing that Seth was happy with me. He molded himself into what Seth needed him to be and up until now that was a best friend.

"You didn't have to tell me all of that. You could've kept it to yourself and no one would be the wiser."

"We have to be honest or this will not end well," he sniffed. "I just thought you should know."

I continued stroking his hand with my thumb hoping it would comfort him and let him know that I wasn't upset.

"Edward," I began, "whatever you felt for Seth in the past or did with him then… it brought us to this point. I can't be upset about it. It's what brought us all together and that's what I want, is for us to be together. You loving Seth as much as I do is the only way I could do this. Any other scenario wouldn't work," I leaned forward and used my free hand to cup his cheek and turn his face to look at me.

"I want this with you just as much as Seth does," I stared into his green eyes. He turned his body so that he was facing me and placed his hand on over mine and holding it to his cheek. He moved forward and pressed his lips to mine and I watched his eyes lids flutter shut.

I let go of the hand I held in my lap and placed it on his other cheek. I leaned forward forcing him backward to lie on the grass. Sweeping my tongue over his bottom lip, he allowed me to enter his mouth. I could still feel his hesitancy and trepidation. I could understand his fears, I had them too but, I could see the three of us having a life together. It was much like the flowers ready to bloom around us. Out of the dark hopeless winter came the spring, full of promise and hope with the delicate summer petals filling the hole created by Seth's father. Out of unimaginable tragedy came incredible happiness. Now that I had the visions of us all together, I couldn't imagine life being different.

His hands wrapped around my wrists while mine continued to cradle his face. I tilted my head slightly to deepen the kiss and put my leg between his. We moaned in unison at the friction we created. My hips rolled into him involuntarily and his hands tightened their hold. He draped his leg over me, pulling my body impossibly closer to him with his cock rubbing against my thigh.

His body was bigger than Seth. He was stronger with more body mass but not overly muscular like his brother. His hands moved down my back trying to pull me impossibly closer to him. My foggy brain had a moment of clarity and I knew this was not where I wanted to do this.

"We need to stop…" I said after reluctantly pulling away. With the back of my hand, I gently touched his face and then slowly moved it down his body as I leaned away from him. When I reached the tenting of my borrowed sweats I rubbed the bulge with teasing pressure. I watched his face and saw his eyes roll back into his head. I crooked my forefinger and pulled the waistband away from his body and looked down exaggeratedly, as if I were trying to get a peek.

"As much as I want to see what you have hidden in your tighty-whiteys," I joked. "I would rather do this in our bed," he opened his eyes only to roll them at me and exhale. I let go of the elastic snapping it back to his waist. He let out a groan and tried to curl into himself to protect his hidden treasure. I pecked his lips through a chuckle and stood pulling him with me.

* * *

When we returned home, they were out back. Emmett was face down in the grass and Seth was straddling his ass with one of Emmett's arms twisted back. Emmett was pretending to be in agony with mock yelling and moaning. Seth was wrenching his arm back and Fugly was circling them and barking.

"What cha doin'?" I asked as I walked over. I lit a cigarette and patted Fugly on the head.

"Save me Jake man," he yelled breathlessly. "Oh god, the pain… I was trying to give him some pointers and well, let's just say he's a quick learner."

"That he is. I remember when I taught him the same move. He caught on like…"

"You little shit! I thought you said… ahhh, fuck!" Emmett yelled. Seth started putting pressure on Emmett's arm.

"Hey baby," I kissed Seth ignoring the big oaf. Seth smiled impishly as he struggled to maintain his hold. In a sudden move, Emmett was able to flip himself effectively throwing Seth to the side and jumped up. He rolled his neck and held his fists up boxer style bouncing on his feet. "Come on little man! Show me what you got!" he threw a faux jab and upper cut with his best 'eye of the tiger' face. I took a drag from my smoke and blew it toward him through my smile.

"Jesus Jake, man. You know that shit'll kill ya?" he waved his hand in his face. "I'm just tryin' to give him some pointers like I did Eddie-boy." He held out his hand to help Seth up.

"Yeah, I showed him a few simple things awhile back," I threw down my smoke and stepped on it as we made our way back into the house.

"Obviously," Emmett rolled his eyes. He slung his arm over Seth when we walked in the kitchen. "If you ever want to go a few rounds with a punching bag, call me. Then you could teach Jakey some moves," he tightened his arm around Seth's neck and kissed his head. "It's been fun but I gotta get back to Rosie."

"Yeah, Em, thanks for coming over. Ed and I just needed some time to…"

"Go camping?" he chuckled.

"Huh?"

"I got to thinking… you guys should open your own campground with all the tent-pitching going on around here." Seth pushed him away giggling and shaking his head.

"That's what got you thinking? Maybe we picked the wrong brother," I said putting my arm around Seth.

"I'm irresistible to both male and female. Rosie is one lucky girl," he winked before opening the front door. "And quit checking out my ass," he shook it for emphasis as he walked outside.

* * *

After Em left, I walked into our bedroom to see Ed lying down with his feet dangling from the edge. He looked relaxed with one arm slung over his eyes. I kneeled down picking up his foot and resting it on my knee. He lifted up to rest back on his elbows and watched as I took off his sock and repeating the same with the other foot. I reached my fingers slowly up his pant leg gently caressing the soft skin at the back of his knee with the pads of my fingers. I set down his foot and stood to leaning over him with a hand resting on each side of his head to kiss him softly on his lips. We caressed our mouths in a slow dance but never deepening.

I reached for the first button on his shirt with one hand and slowly made my way down while I explored his sharp jaw line and stubbled neck. I felt the soft grumble of his moan as I my tongue peeked out to taste the salty skin of his throat. His fingers found the hem of my shirt and slowly started to inch it up my body. I pulled away from him and with one hand I reached back to pull the t-shirt over my head.

I heard Seth's bare feet padding across the floor and the rustle of clothing dropping to the floor behind me. I pulled Edward up by the back of his neck so that he was sitting and he pulled his arms out of the sleeves of his shirt. Seth's arms reached around my waist and started to undo the button of my jeans. The sound of the zipper was almost loud in the room. It was as if it were announcing the leap we were making from friendship to... something more.

Seth pushed my jeans down and helped me lift my feet from the confining fabric. Edward's hands reached out to touch my abs his fingertips tracing the contours of my chest with his thumbs brushing over my overly sensitive nipples. He placed an open-mouthed kiss to my stomach and looked up at me.

"If you say no, we stop. Ok?" I assured. It had been an emotional day of confessions and new experiences and if he was feeling overwhelmed than he needed to know that we would wait. "Nothing has to happen," I ran my fingers through his hair. He nodded silently in understanding.

Seth stood up behind me and rested his forehead between my shoulder blades his hands reached around me again dipping into the front of my boxers taking my hardening cock in both hands. Ed's eyes left mine as he watched his hands reach for the waist band of my boxers. He pulled them down revealing Seth's loose grip slowly moving up and down my cock.

He gently removed Seth's hands and replaced them with his own and watched as the mushroom head disappear and reappear in his fist for a few moments. He licked his lips and then swirled his tongue around the spongy head. I couldn't help the groan that left me when he wrapped his lips around the tip while his tongue toyed with the sensitive bundle of nerves just underneath.

Seth kissed my shoulders and I could feel his warm breath and naked chest brush against me. His now free hands moved to my balls and he fondled them in the way he knew I liked. Edward's fingers of his free hand rubbed the sensitive skin behind my sack as his lips moved down until they come in contact with the fingers firmly warped around the base of my cock.

All of the attention that my body was receiving was overwhelming. The warm wet encasement of Ed's mouth moving up and down at a not-quite-fast-enough pace on my shaft paired with fifteen fingers teasing and massaging 'the twins', I knew I wouldn't last.

"Holy fuck!" I shouted when Seth kneeled down next to me and awkwardly maneuvered his head between Ed and I to reach my balls. He licked and bathed them before pulling one into his mouth entirely. He gently sucked and rolled his tongue around it. My knees were threatening to give out and I absently placed my hands on a shoulder of each of my lovers to hold myself up. Ed's pace picked up with his lips and hand moving in unison along my prick.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck… oh god… Ed I'm gonna…" my hand moved from his shoulder to the back of his head gripping his hair gently trying to pull him off me. He fought me and redoubled his efforts. "Edward… I'm gonna cum baby…" the muscles throughout my body tensed as the inevitable broke free. My body froze and I threw my head back while the kept up their ministrations pulling every drop from me. I saw bight white lights behind my eyelids and my body involuntarily jerked and shuddered. I pushed away from them trying to lessen the stimulation they were giving me.

"Jesus," I said falling to the bed. I tried to calm my breathing and my rapid heart rate. I felt the dip in the bed beside me and opened my eyes to see Ed lying back and Seth straddling his hips and his hands holding Ed's head giving him a demanding kiss. I was sure they would pass out from lack of air when Seth finally released Ed's lips biting the bottom one as he pulled away.

Their breathing was labored as their bodies moved against each other obscenely. One of Ed's hands cupped Seth's ass with the tips of his fingers resting just inside the crease. Seth lifted his body, propping his hands on Ed's shoulders to hold himself up while Ed's free hand moved to their rigid cocks collecting the wetness from the dripping heads before gripping them together. Seth's head fell between his shoulders but his hips never slowed. Their lusty moans and cursed whispers filled the otherwise quiet room.

I knew Seth was very close by his staggered movements while Ed's hand moved firm and determined. A small sheen of sweat covered Seth's russet goose-skin and Seth let out a long but quiet _'ahhhhhh'_ as the spurts of soft white cream landed on Edward's abs and chest. It must have been what Edward needed because he followed shortly behind him. He threw his head back after watching Seth come and his mouth opened in a silent scream. His hand moved erratically as his cock exploded and covered his front along with a stream in Seth's hair.

Seth batted Ed's hand away from their cocks and wrapping his hand around only Ed's cock pulling the last of his orgasm from him. His head remained bowed, watching his hand work on Ed's prick. He leaned down and licked white mixture they created on Ed's chest with a long exaggerated swipe. He moved his face to Edward's who instinctively open for him and they shared the remnants of their lovemaking.

I hadn't realized my hand had lowered to firmly grip my cock while I watched them like some sort of voyeur. But I wasn't an unwanted spectator or outsider. I was a participant, a component, and third appendage. I was a part of a group, a family or maybe… I had a new tribe of my own again.

I rolled my body to where Seth remained lying on top of Edward and had his head resting on his shoulder. I lay on my side and threw my leg and arm over Seth effectively smushing Ed on the bottom of our pile. I kissed them both before resting my head on Ed's other shoulder.

* * *

A/N: Thank you elfprincess8 for all that you do. Please check out her story on fictionpress, its called "Tirgoviste". Thank you to Romancingtheboys for help with the lemons. Without him you would probably have waited yet _another_ chapter to get to the "good stuff" ;) Check out his new story "Filling the Void". I also wanted to say to my guest reviewer that I hear everything you are saying and it gave me pause as to what I have planned for this story. I read and appreciate all that my reviewers tell me. You give me the feedback that helps me to know if the story is coming across the way that I want it to. Thank you to all of my readers, alerters, favoritors, and reviewers. You guys are the best!


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28 Edward**

The early morning sun penetrated through the flimsy curtain bringing me out of my long restful sleep. I felt the small warm puffs of breath across my chest where Seth laid his head. I opened my eyes and saw only his long black matted hair against my pale skin. Jacob was curled up behind him with his arm stretched across Seth's body and resting on my stomach.

Oh. My. God.

Images of the previous night raced through my mind. I couldn't believe that we…

Oh. My. God.

My heart began to beat harder in my chest as I saw our… debauchery replaying in my mind. I had imagined the things we could do together but putting theory into practice was just... My hand went to my hair trying to calm myself when I realized my other one was tucked up under Seth and holding Jacob's other hand and pressed up against his…

As quickly as I could, I untangled my arm and gently pulled it out from under Seth trying not to disturb him. I lifted my body and at the same time moved my pillow to fill the void I left under Seth. When I was free of the bed, I grabbed my clothes… well, Jacob's clothes and headed for the bathroom. I needed to put some distance between us.

I stood over the toilet trying to will away my semi-erect cock to go down. Apparently he had no shame when it came to last night. After five minutes of thinking of dead hamsters, I was finally able to relieve my bladder and wash my hands. I dressed and ran my hands through my hair. I would take a shower when I got home to some clean clothes.

I left the bathroom peeking into the bedroom where they still lay sleeping. I let the dog out of his cage and took him outside for his morning ritual. The brisk morning air helped to clear my head and try to put things in perspective. I understood we hadn't done anything wrong and that as long as we were all willing and loved each other we could do what we wanted but, I never imagined myself in bed with two other men.

Maybe Jacob was right and I was old-fashioned. I grew up with parents who kissed each other goodbye every morning, held hands, and occasionally cuddled up on the sofa watching TV. They were affectionate but never provocative in any way, from their clothing to their choice in movies. I never tried to imagine them together in their room with the door closed and if a fleeting image came to mind, it was silent and missionary.

I was so… brazen and wanton last night and it felt so surreal like it wasn't really me who was there. No one would ever describe me as sexually adventurous, including myself. Alec said I was beautiful when I was so aroused that lost control of the inhibitions that I clung to. He said it was like chipping away at a brick wall allowing the light to shine through.

**Flashback**

_"Faster, please Alec!" I whined. He was going too slow and not hard enough._

_"Shhhh," he kissed my shoulder and his fingers touched my chest and abs with roughness of a feather. I braced my hands on the brick wall above his headboard with Alec slowly, __too__ fucking slowly pumping me from behind. His cock dragged against my prostrate instead of slamming into it like I needed. I tried pushing back against him only to have him scoot farther away from me._

_"Edward, slow down baby," he said in an irritatingly sweet tone. Over the last few months I found that our lovemaking was a bit too leisurely at times. That was something that I appreciated at first. Alec had been very considerate with me when it came to sex. I was naïve to it and how it worked. He was patient and understanding. But there were times I wanted something a little more….. fiery, like now._

_"Harder….oh god, please harder," I pushed myself back off of the wall forcing him to sit back on his heels and me in his lap. His cock finally, __finally__ slammed my spot. I wrapped my arms around to his back to keep him there so that I could now control the pace. The rhythm I set was quicker and more erratic. He put his arms under my pits and grabbed my shoulders in a vain attempt to slow me down but I kept up my movements._

_"E-Ed, baby you're gonna make me come…." His head buried between my shoulder blades and his hands tightened. "Oh god….please slow…." I ignored him as I chased my orgasm. I let go with one of my hands to wrap around my prick moving it up and down at the same pace as my ass. I was in heaven as I slammed down over and over. I was so close. He quickly loosened his hold on my shoulders and put his hands on my hips stifling my movements. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuck…" he said as I felt him pulsing into the condom. I jacked myself furiously trying to find the rhythm that had been interrupted. He held my hips in place trying to lessen the stimulation to his over-sensitive cock. He hadn't been trying to derail me but I was finding it difficult regain the momentum. He lifted me off his lap and quickly pushed three fingers into my hole and finding my spot once again._

_"Oh f-fuck…" my cock exploded as my orgasm raged through me as he pressed his fingers against my prostrate steadily. It felt like endless streams of cum poured out of me. I kept pumping to draw it out. When my spasms slowed Alec pulled out his fingers and disposed of the condom pulling my body to lay with him. My chest still heaving and my heart beat at the rate of a small animal._

**End Flashback**

In that moment, my inhibitions had been washed away with the lust I was feeling. I took what I wanted from Alec instead of worrying about my reservations. Thinking of it, I could now see that I wasn't a 'silent and missionary' lover but closer to the 'brazen and wanton' one from last night. Alec had shown me that I needed to open myself up and just… feel. I could look back now and see that Alec and I would never have been able to endure long-term even without my feelings for Seth. The more he helped me open up, the less compatible we would become.

Alec was the picture of the perfect boyfriend; college degree, well-dressed, well-mannered, very good-looking, and stable. I would have stood proudly next to him but... he awakened something in me that would have been impossible to ignore. Where he had manicured hands, I wanted to feel rough calloused fingers tips. Where he was polished, I wanted something less… refined. Jacob's lack of restraint when he went after Paul may have been less than responsible but what he did seemed instinctive and wild almost the opposite of Alec; something… rebellious.

I practically ran from the bed this morning reverting back to my old way of thinking, before Jacob and Seth, before Alec. When I didn't understand what I wanted; a love that was passionate, raw, unencumbered by restraints that would hold me back. It was Jacob and Seth that I wanted with all of their supposed flaws. It was within those flaws that I found what I was looking for.

I wrapped my arms around myself in the chilly morning air as Fugly explored the backyard sniffing and running carefree through the dewy morning grass. The sun was just peeking over the horizon casting long shadows across the lawn. The backdoor opened and closed behind me. Jacob pressed his naked chest against me as he stretched the front of his red hoodie around me, zipping us both in. His body warmed me almost instantly.

"Good morning," Jacob said as he wrapped his jacketed arms around me. I would say that I was virtually trapped in a red-hooded straight jacket but that would imply that I wanted to escape. I leaned my head back against his shoulder and absorbed the heat his strong body provided.

"Morning."

"You ok? I was a little surprised when you weren't in bed," he said as buried his face into the back of my head. I closed my eyes and tilted my head as he began leaving small nuzzling kisses along my exposed neck. "At first I thought maybe we scared you off…"

"I woke up and needed a little time to myself. I'm good," he pressed his cheek to mine and nodded in understanding.

We stood there quietly for a few minutes watching the sun peeking through the trees that peppered the backyards of the surrounding houses. I didn't want it to end; feeling the physical and emotional closeness to him. It felt so good to be held by someone strong. I felt protected and cared for as if nothing could get to me as long as I was surrounded by the armor of the red hoodie and the man who wore it.

He eventually unzipped us and turned to head inside. It was then that I noticed he only wore boxers under the jacket.

"You were standing out here in your underwear?" my voice almost squeaking at the end of the question.

"Um, yeah… it's no biggie. No one is awake this early on a Sunday morning…" he shrugged his shoulders and then gave me a mischievous smirk. "Except Mrs. Weber," he pointed to the small blue house sitting diagonal to his, "she's Angela Weber's eighty year old grandmother and I think she's got the hots for me," he wagged his eyebrows.

I sighed and shook my head. I don't think I could ever be as confident and bold as he was. I thought it was weird sleeping naked let alone stand outside in my boxers. I may never be that unreserved.

We walked into the kitchen and he poured us each a cup of coffee and we sat down on the sofa just as a very naked Seth strolled into the living room. He looked sleepy and went immediately to straddling Jacob's lap and snuggled into his chest as Jacob zipped him in. I moved closer to Jacob's side and he put his arm around me while I rested my head half on his shoulder and half on Seth's head.

The room was quiet except for the soft snores coming from the man buried in Jacob's chest and the intermittent tapping of Fugly's foot across the wood floors. He occasionally came close enough for me to pet him but then scampered off to play with a ball that he would push around the room and then give chase to. It felt so homey and domestic to just… _be_ with them. This was what I hoped it would always be like.

"He didn't wake up last night you know," Jacob's voice cut through our easy silence. "That's only ever happened once since…" his voice trailed off. "It was the last time you stayed over," I lifted my head to look at him. "It's gotten better over time but… I…"

"I think he needs to talk to somebody, Jacob," I said. "Like a professional. Dad could recommend someone. He's…"

"I don't think he will, talk I mean," he explained.

"He spoke to Emmett," I said optimistically although I knew it would be truly difficult for him. "Maybe one of us could go with him. At least until he's more comfortable."

"Maybe," he nodded.

"Jacob," I grabbed his hand. "Seth is…" Fugly started barking when we heard a car door. I stood and leaned over to see out the front window.

"I… um, it's Leah. She's coming to the front door."

"Really? Shit…" Jacob grabbed a now awake Seth under his ass and moved off the couch carrying Seth into the bedroom. I was left to answer the door being that I was the only one decent. I opened it before she had a chance to knock and picked up a growling Fugly.

"Hi Edward," she looked at me with confusion. "Is Seth here?"

"Yeah, he's here," I stood looking through the screen door at her.

"I wanted to talk to him," she looked down, "if that's ok." She looked humbled and almost… timid, not the self-assured girl from high school. I often thought of her as similar to Rosalie. Neither of them took shit from anyone.

"Yeah, come in," I held open the door as she walked passed and closed it behind her.

"Hey Lee," Jacob said as he emerged from the bedroom in lounge pants and a t-shirt. "What's up?"

"I was hoping to talk to Seth. I have news…" she said as Seth walked out in jeans and the red hoodie that hung almost to his knees. He stood next to me and grabbed my hand but never took his eyes off her.

"Hey Seth," she said quietly and offered him a small smile. The room was filled with uncomfortable tension as she attempted to make conversation with him. "I wanted to talk to you. Um… I was accepted into the police academy in Seattle."

"Lee, that's… congratulations," Jacob tried to sound enthusiastic but it felt awkward at the same time. He was trying to fill in for Seth's self-imposed silence. He looked over at Seth and then back to Leah. "We're happy for you. Um… would you like to sit down?" he gestured to the sofa. "We have coffee…"

"No, but thanks. I can't stay long," she shook her head. "Charlie put in a good word. He said that I was police material because of… when… um…" she looked down putting her hands in her back pockets. We all knew what she was getting at and from what Jacob told me after, Charlie was right. Leah was able to get the gun out of her father's hands and then drive them all to the hospital. In the midst of all that, she seemed like a steady presence and I could understand why Charlie would have done that. "Anyway, so, um… I convinced mom to sell the house. We're leaving the Reservation… for good and moving to Seattle."

"You mean you're leaving the council?" Jacob sounded shocked. "Who is going to take the seat?"

"I don't know. I spoke with Sam and he's ok with it. He's really trying to change things and he will, I think, someday. But… I don't want any part of that and mom just wants to be closer to… dad," she whispered the last part. "Sam and I haven't gotten along since Emily came here but… he's a good man. If anyone can do it, it's him," she conceded. "There are too many bad memories on the rez. It's time we left."

"I'm sorry that it had to be this way, Lee," Jacob said. "None of this was your fault," she shrugged her shoulders and nodded her head as if she were admitting defeat.

"Soooo," Jacob encouraged her.

"Look, I don't know how I feel about all of this," she waved her hand around. "But, you were always my pesky little brother and I would really like it if we could go back to that."

"Lee, our relationship isn't going to change…" Jacob interrupted.

"I know that and in time I hope to understand it better or at least feel more comfortable. I'm still shocked by it all but, I'm trying to accept the things I cannot change," she quoted. "I'm not trying to be rude or insensitive and I feel awkward knowing that you are… gay," she choked out.

"Leah, we are the same as we always were," Jacob pointed out.

"You two were always together, you know, always getting into trouble together. You were practically family back then, Jake," she sighed. "I guess in a way you still are," she glanced back at me and then to Seth.

"I want you to know that I don't in any way condone what dad did that night. It went far beyond criminal," she looked pointedly at Seth. "But you weren't the only ones whose lives were turned upside down. Everyone I considered a friend before that has abandoned me with the exception of Sam and Emily, who have been sickly sweet," she rolled her eyes.

"Thanks, Lee and again, I'm sorry," Jacob replied.

"Look, I should go. But um…" She dug into her back pocket and held out a slip of paper. "It's my cell and our new address. Call me anytime for anything even just to say hi." She turned to leave putting a hand on the door knob.

"Lee," Seth's soft voice stopped her. He let go of my hand and walked over to her with a few quick steps to put his arms around her shoulders and face in her hair. "Thank you," he whispered.

* * *

After Leah left, I made my way home finally taking a shower and then packed my things for another week at school.

Before everyone arrived I found my dad sitting in his office sitting at his desk with several files spread out. He looked up at me over the glasses perched on his nose.

"Edward," he said smiling. "Is there something wrong?" he asked when I shut the door behind me.

"No," I shook my head. "No everything is fine. I… um," I ran a hand through my hair and made my way to sit in one of the twin chairs in front of his desk. When I was finally able to look up at him, I saw the confusion on his face.

"I um… I wanted to tell you that um…" I blew out a puff of air and rubbed the back of my neck. "We, Jacob, Seth, and I are um… dating," I watched his eyebrows shoot up his forehead and heard the intake of breath.

"I ah… w-when did…" he sputtered out. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"Very recently," I replied watching him try to collect himself. "It just sort of… happened," he leaned back in his seat and dropped his hands in his lap, his eyes looking everywhere but me. I began to worry that I was wrong about what his reaction would be. I knew he would have concerns but I hoped he would be happy for me.

"Dad?"

"Sorry," he apologized and finally looked me in the eye. "I'm sorry Edward. I just… I'm just a little surprised. It's a bit unorthodox but not unheard of. I just…" he stopped.

"I love them dad and I think they love me back in the same way," I explained. "It's not some whim that we are doing this."

"No, of course it isn't," he shook his head. "You definitely are not a person to do something on a whim. I'm sure that you have given this an _enormous_ amount of thought. It's just… did they?" he asked.

"We all have, dad. We all understand the implications if there is a falling out or we dissolve our relationship…"

"Do you Edward? They have become part of this family and your mother and I see them as our own children, mostly of your doing. If something happens, they will still be welcome here," he looked out the window for a moment. "Please don't misunderstand me. I am happy that you have found someone or... someones," he gave me a small smile. "They are both genuinely good people who will treat you with kindness and respect. They will be supportive of you and your endeavors and that is all your mother and I could hope for. I'm only trying to make sure that you understand all the consequences," I nodded to him. "Not only of a falling out but it's not the most accepted arrangement either. People will talk and they will be even less tolerant…"

"I'm gay dad. I've dealt with it my entire life even with you all trying to protect me. I know how to handle myself and any situation that arises."

"Sorry, I just… worry. I love you and your mother loves you and we stand behind you no matter what you decide in your life. Not that being gay was a choice but you get my drift," his smile was warm as it always was. He always accepted me no matter what. So different from the family's of the lovers I chose. No matter what happened, I would never try to keep them from my family… from their family.

* * *

The next week flew by with school and exams but I was so distracted by the events of the previous weekend; my talk with dad, Leah's visit and the tentative reconciliation between her and Seth, our bedroom… intimacies. My cock hardened every time my mind wandered into that train of thought. I wanted that again and more.

By the time Friday rolled around I felt like my skin was buzzing. I had never spent so much time fantasizing and masturbating in my entire life. I drove straight to their house from school instead of home to mom and dad. Seth walked out of the house the moment I parked the car. His arms wrapped around my neck and he pulled me into a long deep kiss.

"Hey," he said when he pulled away. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," I gave him one last peck before pulling away to grab my duffel from the car. We walked into the house hand in hand and Jacob met us at the door. He relieved me of my bag and pecked me on the lips.

"We have pizzas in the oven. They will be ready in a few minutes," his said smiling and then wandered into the bedroom to drop off my bag. They held off dinner until I arrived at almost nine o'clock at night. Seth's hand was still in mine as he dragged me to the couch and pushed me to sit. He immediately climbed into my lap and pushed his fingers into my hair when he crashed his lips to mine. My hands went to his hips when he started to roll them into mine trying to stop the attack. I didn't want another mess like the last time we did this. Just as I tried to break free of the kiss, he was gone with a frustrated squeak.

"Seth, chill," Jacob said. I opened my eyes to see him putting a pouting Seth on the ground. "Pizza is ready, let him eat and relax for a minute," Jacob smiled and shook his head as he extended his hand to help me up.

We all filled our plates and sat in the living room to eat. We talked about my upcoming graduation ceremony. They were going to make the trip to Seattle for it and I couldn't help the blush that warmed me. This would be the first time they ever made the trip to see me in Seattle.

Seth took our plates and brought them to the kitchen while Jacob and I sat on the couch mirroring each other with our feet up on the coffee table and our heads resting back. I felt his arm snake back behind me and he pulled me closer. I opened my eyes as I turned my head to see him staring at me.

"It's good to have you here Ed. We missed you," he leaned forward and kissed me. "Let's go to bed," he whispered against my lips. He looked at me for a long moment as if searching for some apprehension in my eyes. I nodded, answering his statement and hopefully his unasked questions.

We walked into the bedroom and began undressing without speaking. It was as if it was already our nightly routine. I was nervous not knowing what would happen and my body still feeling the electric buzzing from the anticipation I felt all week. Seth joined us seconds later and somehow managed to be naked lying on the bed before I finished taking off my socks. If there was any doubt about what we would be doing tonight they flew out the window when Seth grabbed his semi-erect cock and gave it a few tugs while he watched us finish undressing.

"There is no point to wearing these," Jacob chuckled from behind me taking me away from ogling Seth. He put his thumbs under the waist band of my boxers and quickly pushed them down my thighs, my erection bouncing back against my stomach. Jacob smacked my ass teasingly, encouraging me to climb on the bed. We touched and made out with messy three-way kisses and awkward hand-jobs. There was some knocked teeth, whispered I love you's, moaning, and chuckling as we fumbled through, trying to figure out how sex worked between three men.

We lay on our sides with Jacob behind me, his large chest resting fully against my back. Seth lay facing us directly in front of me, pecking and nibbling my jaw and neck as he lifted my top leg to rest on his hip giving Jacob better access. He retrieved the lube hidden beneath one of the pillows and opened it. Jacob held out his hand as Seth poured a large amount onto his fingers. They seemed to communicate with only their eyes as if they had some sort of psychological connection.

Jacob's slick fingers found my exposed hole and began massaging my pucker. The tip of one finger pushed inside me and he moved it in and out slowly going further in each time until it was completely enveloped and then added a second. Seth warm hand wrapped around my prick as his tongue and lips continued to explore my neck and shoulder trying to keep me distracted from Jacob's intrusion. My hips jumped forward when Jacob touched my prostrate and I couldn't help the moan that escaped me.

My hips rolled of their own accord as they manipulated my body. So many sensations attacking me all at once, it was almost too much and I wouldn't last if they kept going much longer. Before I could embarrass myself, Jacob's fingers left me and he nudged my shoulder while Seth moved my legs so that I was lying between his with my cock firmly pressed up against his. His eyes fluttered shut from the friction of them rubbing together over took him.

Jacob lifted my hips soon after so that I was now hovering over Seth with my hands resting on either side of him and my knees between his. My head hung between my shoulders and I had the perfect view of him as he grabbed his stiff cock. I could feel Jacob kneeling up behind me and heard the tearing of a condom wrapper. I looked further between my legs to see Jacob roll it on and then applied more lube onto his cock. I closed my eyes when I felt his blunt head nudge my hole and then push through the outer ring of muscles.

The initial burn was slight although I could feel it in every pore on my body. Jacob had prepared me well but the intrusion heightened all of my other senses; the natural smell of musk, the rushing of blood filled my ears, and my skin broke out in goose bumps as he glided in and out with shallow push-pulls at first and then longer, deeper strokes allowing me to adjust to him slowly.

Jacob maintained the slow pace, pulling out almost entirely before pushing back in again. My erection had subsided a bit and I shifted my weight to lean on one hand and wrapped the other around it. I opened my eyes to see Seth's eyes closed and lips slightly parted while he fingered and stretched himself. My head was so foggy with lust and I hadn't even noticed that he had slicked up his own fingers to prepare himself for me. My hand moved faster occasionally swiping over the head spreading the pre-cum that was now dripping from my slit watching his erotic display.

After what felt like forever, Seth's hands stopped and he opened his eyes. He smiled up at me and reached for another condom that I hadn't noticed. He tore open the package and removed my hand from my cock placing the rubber on the mushroom crown and rolling it down with practiced fingers and coated with lube. He pushed my shoulder forcing Jacob and I back so that I was fully seated on Jacob's lap as Seth flipped over and pushed up onto all fours. The movement caused Jacob's cock to hit my spot directly and I moaned obscenely.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" I groaned. Jacob began attacking the back of my neck and shoulders with kisses while his hips ground into my ass not able to keep still. I placed my hands on Seth's hips and pulled him towards me. I used one hand to guide the tip of my cock to his puckered hole. Jacob lifted off of his hunches and slowly pushed our hips forward effectively pushing me into Seth who held his position. When the head of my cock was completely encased inside him I let go of my dick and held both of his hips firmly.

I had never top before, not even with Alec. Seth was so tight it was almost painful but at the same time I was filled with the need to slam into him. Jacob began pushing my body into Seth's and I couldn't take my eyes off the sight of Seth's body swallowing mine while I felt my body wrapped around Jacob's. It was surreal and almost dizzying, my breathing ragged by this point and my heart beating fiercely in my chest. My arms trembled when I bottomed out as I tried to hold back any movement until Seth was ready and thankfully he didn't make me wait long.

"Move," was all he said as he pushed his ass back into me.

"Oh god," I groaned. I knew I wasn't going to last long. I was already feeling the coiling that was threatening to spring. Jacob pushed back into me which in turn I pushed into Seth. My grip on Seth's waist tightened to the point of bruising as they continued to push and shove. Jacob's thrusts grew faster and harder after awhile propelling me into Seth further. Seth could no longer remain on his hands and dropped his face and elbows to the mattress. My hands fell to either side of him and my shaky arms were barely holding me up.

Seth's tight warm cavern would have been enough to bring me over the edge in only a few minutes but to be filled by Jacob at the same time thrusting against my come-to-jesus spot, giving me that overwhelming burning pleasure that coursed through me was my early undoing. My orgasm crashed through me as I exploded into the condom with incomprehensible sounds falling from my lips. My head fell to the middle of Seth's back as I tried in vain to slow my breathing. Jacob erratically pounded into me until I felt his member pulsing inside me. His stilled with only slight shudders that rolled through his body, milking the last of his orgasm.

Seth's knees were still propping up his ass giving him enough room underneath his body to move his hand. I hadn't lasted long enough for him to find release and could even feel myself softening while his hand moved desperately along his cock. I lifted my head from his back and grabbed my cock holding the condom in place while pulling out.

In my still post-orgasmic haze, I pushed two finger into him hoping that I could do for him what Alec had once done for me. This wasn't the first time I had ever rubbed a prostrate but I wasn't exactly an expert either. The warm slick hole grasped my fingers, aiding them in their pursuit to find the small hidden almond while my thumb pressed against the soft sensitive skin that lay behind his ball-sac. His muscles contracted like a vice around me when I curled my fingers and nudged it. With only a few strokes, he came with a long groan, his chest heaving as if he'd run a race.

Seth's body collapsed to the bed avoiding the mess he'd made and I did the same after Jacob pulled out of me. We lay on the bed with our bodies forming a triangle of sorts recovering. Seth put his hand in mine and I looked over at him to see his eyes closed. Before exhaustion over took us I got up and helped drag the other two out wanting to clean up a bit. Seth went to get extra sheets as Jacob and I threw out our used condoms and stripped the bed. We all climbed in when the task was complete, intertwining three sets of limbs in a chaotic weave that had only one purpose: to ensure that each of touch the other two in some way.

* * *

A/N: Thank you to Elfprincess8 for her support. Thank you to RomancingTheBoys for offering his opinion.

A/N 2: I want to give a special thank you to Cbaty. She nominated me in The Non-canon Awards. I'm beyond flattered that she would take the time and the effort to nominate me for an award. I'm up for "Best Poly". Thank you so much. If you would like to vote: thenon-canonawards . blogspot . com There are a lot of great stories and authors who have been nominated. Please check out Cbaty's page for some great Twi stories as well as information to read her published original story "A New Dream"


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29 Jacob**

The lush green foliage mixed with red and brown timber whirred past as we made the long trek to Seattle. The overcast skies loomed heavily as I listened to the soft snores of the boy beside me and the static-y rock station on the radio. I couldn't believe Ed made this journey every fucking weekend, both ways. I would have died of boredom.

We should have made this trip months ago. Edward had sacrificed so much for us over the months, in ways I was only now starting to understand. We had taken him for granted, plain and simple and even if some of his motivations weren't completely altruistic, I would never consider them selfish. He came through for us at each turn.

**Flashback**

_"You need to get changed Jake. I can come with you if you want," she offered. I shook my head no. I needed to clean up but I didn't want to be alone with her. It wasn't that I was modest. I didn't want to answer her questions. I didn't know what she knew and I didn't want to explain it. She would find out soon enough._

_"Jacob, I'll take you and help you clean up. It'll take a few minutes that's all. They won't be done for a little while," I looked over at Edward. At least if he were to ask questions, I wouldn't have to worry about what Seth and I had done. Edward was the only gay person I knew besides Seth. He wouldn't judge us. My fingers released the chair and I stood._

_I entered the bathroom and leaned against the sink with my back to the mirror. I wondered what Seth had told him. Did he tell him about me? About me and him? I don't know if I wanted him to know or not. I don't want to tell him what we were doing to get us in this situation but I needed tell someone who would understand. Edward was my only option._

_I heard him enter the bathroom and then turn on the faucet. He held the cloth out for me to take. I didn't want to look at myself covered in guilt and shame. I was to blame for this. I shouldn't be rewarded for my mistakes with a simple cleansing. I shook my head no._

_"Jacob, you need to clean it off at least a little. Seth will be upset if he sees you like this." He held the cloth out for me to take. I couldn't hold back the sob that escaped. I took the cloth and ran it up and down my arms. More blurry red, it was everywhere. He could have died and the red painted on my body would have been all there was left. But he wasn't dead. He was ok._

_"He's ok?" I asked._

_"That is what Leah was told. My dad will be out shortly to tell us in more detail." He explained. I remembered what Lee told me. She said he was ok. But was he? What did that mean, ok? He couldn't go back home. He couldn't come home with me. My dad was going to hit the roof when he found out. Seth would blame me for everything. He was ok physically, but his life was irrevocably changed and not for the good. I wished I could go back and change what had happened. I wish I were still asleep on the top bunk and had left my dick in my pants._

_"Jacob, let me help so that we can get out there quicker." He startled me from my thoughts. I handed him the cloth and he lifted my arm to wipe away the stains of selfishness from my body. He methodically cleaned my arms and chest. He pulled away the hair that stuck to my shoulder to wash where most of the blood gathered. He was standing so close to me and it was odd to be half-naked in such close proximity to another man. Seth was the only man I allowed into my personal space. But I didn't feel uncomfortable like I would have thought. I didn't feel the need to put distance between us. Most men wouldn't allow another man to clean their bodies. They would feel uncomfortable in a setting like this._

_I turned to wash my face under the running water. I could see the pink water against the white of the sink. The outward evidence of my sins washed down the drain. I couldn't help but wonder what he knew of my relationship with Seth. If he understood what the blood stood for. I dried my face with the paper towel he handed me and reached for the scrubs. I had to know._

_"Did you know about Seth…..and me?" With that, I revealed my secret. That is if he didn't already know. He nodded. "He told you?" He nodded again. I felt like I needed to explain, to tell him what had happened._

_"I was spending the night at his house and we fell asleep together. His father walked in. They were going fishing this morning." I could feel the vice grip on my chest. I could see the anger Harry unleashed onto Seth. "He yanked him out of the bed." I paused trying to catch my breath. Edward placed his hand over mine._

_"You don't have to tell me." He was giving me a way out. He knew that I was reliving it while I spoke. His own tears fell. I couldn't control the overwhelming emotions that rolled through me in waves. He pulled my head to his shoulder to calm me. I grabbed the front of his shirt so that he could ground me. I felt like I was back in Seth's room yelling at Harry all over again._

_"H-he…hit him in the face and called him a faggot." I felt Edward's fingers at the nape of my neck, trying to keep me from a complete melt down. "I pushed his dad out of the room and got us dressed. Before we could leave a gunshot blew open the bedroom door. Seth saved me. His dad wasn't going to kill him. Seth pushed me out of the way and he almost died."_

_A sob broke through me and all I could think about was that he saved me. He saved me in the most basic way someone can be saved. He jumped in front of a bullet and saved me._

_At some point I realized that I had my head resting against Edward with my fists clutching his shirt. I heard him say that Seth would be fine. Leah had also said that he would be fine. He was ok._

_I saw the scrubs on the counter and remembered that I needed to change my clothes. I stripped down to my boxers and put on the pale green pants and shirt. I noticed that my sneakers had drops of blood on them but I wanted to get back out there to make sure he was ok._

_"We should go," he said as he looked me over. I immediately went to the door and pulled it open. _

**End Flashback**

That was my first encounter with the man who would selflessly help me. I was practically a stranger and he did it without any thought for what he would get out of it. Sure, he probably thought that helping me was for Seth's benefit and that's what friends do for each other but, none of the so-called-friends I had from the rez would ever stick their neck out for me. They were all about the next party and getting high. Friendship was more than sharing the good times. It was being there for each other in the bad as well. Edward was there for his friend without even being asked. He and Seth were cut from the same cloth and understood what it meant to be a true friend. I will never understand how I got so lucky but I would never take either of them for granted again.

The suburbs of the large city began to replace the virgin forest as we grew closer. I woke Seth so that he could navigate us to Century Link Field where we would meet up with the rest of the Cullens to watch the ceremony. They'd driven up the day before and took Edward out for a celebratory dinner. Emmett and Rose left Sam and I in charge of the garage and we worked well into the night knowing today the shop would be closed. Seth and I woke up early this morning to make the drive and I was already feeling the effects of very little sleep.

But, there was no way we would miss Ed's graduation ceremony. This was a huge accomplishment for him and we would be there for him in any way we could. Ed worked hard in high school and took college credit courses before he even graduated. He took on extra classes during the last four years in order to graduate early. He admitted that in the last two semesters his grades fell significantly but he brushed it off saying he was in no really danger of failing. I knew he was trying to spare my feelings of guilt, once again thinking of me first.

We watched from the stands as the progression of almost-graduates walked to their appointed seats. Some had attached the symbolic purple 'W' to the top of their black cap. We couldn't really see Edward from our seats until they began to line up to retrieve their diplomas and his name was called. A very loud and overly enthusiastic Emmett stood up cheering and yelling for his brother for almost five minutes so there was no doubt Edward would have heard him above all the other spectators. I looked over at Seth who was clapping and smiling from ear-to-ear genuinely happy for his friend and lover. Until I got to know Edward, I didn't think anyone could match Seth in smarts. Memories of how he once thought of leaving the rez when high school was over to attend university flooded my mind.

**Flashback**

_I jogged over and climbed up behind him. It was steeper here and then on the path through the woods but that would have taken a lot longer to go around. He stood against the boulder away from the cliff's edge. He gave me a small smile when he saw me reach the top of the hill._

_"Hey Jake," he said._

_"Why are you up here?" I walked over to stand in front of him._

_He rolled his eyes and sighed. I knew he wasn't comfortable with everyone on the beach for various reasons. Today it seemed more than usual._

_"Jake, you are the only one who even noticed I left," his voice was full of contempt._

_"Seth I know you feel like you don't belong, but you do. You are a part of this tribe just as much anyone else."_

_"Seth Clearwater, son of Harry Clearwater beta to William Ephriam Black belongs down there, not me."_

_"That is who you are, Seth."_

_"Jake," he put his hands in his pocket. "I have one more year and I'm leaving. I'm not coming back. I don't belong here and you know it," he yelled. He turned his head away from me._

_"Seth you can't just…."_

_"Yes I can Jake. I have nothing here!" he started to walk away but I grabbed his elbow. He looked up at me when I placed my other hand to his cheek._

_"You have me," I told him softly. He closed his eyes and shook his head against my hand._

_"Not really Jake, not…" I leaned in and kissed him. It was a chaste kiss but one that meant more than any words I could say. It told him that I was here for him and that I care for him. It said that our bond was more than friendship. How much more I didn't know. Our bond was like this boulder unbreakable sitting on the edge of a cliff where the tides of the ocean threatened it below. The weather and seasons changed all around as it sat unmoving, unchanging. We built memories on this rock that we used to play on, sit on, and __lean__ on. That was what the small kiss meant to me._

_We broke the kiss and I rested my forehead against his. I brought my other hand to his cheek to cradle his head between them. For a moment we stood still as the rock just breathing the air between us._

_"Quit trying to run from me, please Seth," I whispered to him. "I need you to be with me."_

**End Flashback**

He didn't run from me again. Not only did my hope of keeping him close come true but, he didn't even finish high school. He had so many dreams of going to a school, just like Edward, and breaking free of the tribe that couldn't accept him. For my own selfish reasons I wanted him to stay with me. I hoped that I would have encouraged him at some point to pursue his college education but, I was never given the chance. Maybe someday I would…

After the caps flew and the now-graduated students began making their way out of the stadium, we went to find our own college graduate. We stood at the designated meeting place and watched as the sea of students began to emerge looking for the copper-haired man to appear. With cap and degree in hand, he strode up to us and Emmett was the first to embrace him in a bear hug that took him from his feet. It was followed by far more subdued hugs from his parents and Rose.

Seth wrapped his arms tightly around him and I saw the watery eyes that threatened to spill over. I leaned into him from behind Seth and pecked him on the lips with a quiet "congratulations". I didn't want to make a big showing of affection but this was my lover and I would be damned if I didn't show him how proud I was. If there were any unseemly remarks or scornful looks, I didn't notice. I only saw the blushing man in front of me.

Seth and I thought about what we should give him as a graduation gift. We planned a weekend in Seattle but I needed Doc's help with booking our room as they needed a credit card for the reservation and wouldn't accept cash. He of course offered to just pay for the room and I told him that it wouldn't be from us then. He reluctantly took the cash and booked the room. We also planned to do a couple of tourist-y things but the small wrapped box in the bottom of my bag is what held the real gift, at least we hoped he would accept it.

We said our goodbyes to the Cullens and made our way back to my car. Edward directed me to the campus and to his very small dorm room. It had its own smaller-than-a-closet bathroom and a twin-sized bed, dresser, and desk. All of his personal items were piled into Emmett's jeep and now on their way back to forks. The room felt so… compact. I couldn't believe he spent four years here. He grabbed one of the two remaining bags and I grabbed the other. With one last glance into the place he called home for the length of his college career, he shut the door and we left.

He knew that we were spending the rest of the weekend in Seattle but nothing else. When we pulled up to the luxurious hotel, he looked at me with surprise.

"Jacob, this is too…"

"Congratulations Ed," I interrupted him. "You deserve it. We are so proud of you," I kissed his hand before my car door swung open.

We walked in with our luggage in hand, after giving the valet my keys, and checked in at reception. Seth gawked at everything with his mouth open. At least we were dressed up a little from the ceremony. We would have felt out-of-place with our usual hole-y jeans and t-shirts. We made our way to the extravagant elevators complete with red carpet, mirrors, and a leather bench that Seth promptly stood on as soon as the elevator doors closed. His arms hung loosely around Edward's neck from behind. The bell dinged when we reached our floor and Seth wrapped his legs around Edward holding onto him piggy-back style. I picked up the bags and lead them to our room.

This room would never appear on "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" but to a couple of kids from the backwoods, it was over-the-top luxury. Even Edward seemed in awe as he walked around the suite. It had an oversized leather sofa and chair with ottoman sitting in front of a very large flat-screen TV. The separate bedroom was as big as the common area with the biggest bed I'd ever seen in my life. It was covered in satin with more pillows than anyone could ever use. The French doors lead out to a balcony with a hot tub surrounded by a wall draped with long leafy plants that subdued the noise from the city below.

"Jacob, this is just too much. How could you afford…" Edward said as he looked around the small terrace with his hand combing through his hair.

"Well, don't get used to it but we wanted to do something special for you," I walked up behind him putting my arms around his waist and my chin on his shoulder. "We are so proud of you," I kissed his neck tightening my hold around his middle. I let go when I heard Seth's enthusiastic voice call to us from inside the suite.

"There are like hundreds of channels, including movies and look at this," Seth opened the cabinet below the TV to reveal a gaming station with games and several of the latest movies if we wanted to watch one. He looked like a kid in a candy store as he pulled out the wireless controllers and popped in a game.

"Oh, and there is a fridge with pop and beer and stuff and there is food in the cupboard," his explained excitedly. He walked around pointing out all the amenities like free bottles of shampoo and fluffy white robes. Ed and I chuckled at his exuberance.

We opted to stay in for the evening due to having such an eventful day. We ordered over-priced, overly extravagant pizzas delivered from room service and popped in a movie.

Apparently, I had fallen asleep during the movie. I sat up on the couch and the blanket that was tossed over me fell to the floor. They knew that I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and they probably decided it was best not to wake me.

I yawned and stretched as I stood up carefully shuffling my way through the unfamiliar hotel room toward the bedroom. I was looking forward to sleeping in the oversized bed instead of the small queen-sized one we squeezed into.

As I approached the bedroom with the door open wide, I heard a moan. I stopped just before the entering, remaining in the cover of the shadows. I saw my boys on the bed with only the moonlight shining through the balcony doors to illuminate them.

Seth lay on his back with his head at the foot of the bed and Edward kneeling between his legs. Seth's eyes were closed and his arms at his side gripping the bed covering. Their groans were barely perceptible over the sleeping city noises coming through the semi-open doors with their sheer white drapery billowing against the cool breeze.

I remained in the shadows silently watching the exotic scene. It felt intimate and I didn't want to interrupt. They would welcome me, of course. These were my boys, my lovers and none of us would ever be excluded but, I believed that we needed to connect with each other one-on-one as well, not only with sex but with everything.

I could tell that Seth was getting close as his moans grew louder and his hips began to lift off the mattress. His hands found purchase in Ed's hair pulling at it, trying to guide it in the pace he needed. Ed pulled off after only a few more deep swallows and moved leisurely up Seth's body placing kisses on his belly, chest and neck. He cradled Seth's head in his hands as the rest of his body hovered above him. Seth's hips rolled upward looking for friction. Ed leaned in to whisper in Seth's ear but I couldn't make out the words. He shifted his body to sit against the headboard and leaned over to the bedside table for supplies.

The whole scene felt like an old black and white movie with the half-light hiding some of their movements and highlighting others. Their bodies moved languidly as if someone put the movie in slow-motion. It was almost too perfect, too flawless. Their movements looked as if rehearsed but at the same time... instictive. They just knew what the other needed, without words.

Seth rolled over onto all fours slowly as if he drugged. His hard cock shown in the moonlight for a moment before Ed pulled his hips back so that his knees rested on each side of Ed's body. He spread Seth's cheeks wide and his mouth immediately went for Seth's core. I'd never done that for Seth although he had rimmed me on occasion. His back arched and a deep moan filled the room. I could only partially make out Ed's movements as the shadow cast him in darkness but I could see his hands grasping and squeezing Seth's pert globes in an exaggerated massage spreading them apart trying to push his tongue deeper into his lover.

I heard the click of a bottle and watched as Ed leaned back slightly to pour the slippery substance on his fingers and then on Seth's crack. Seth's arms and head dropped to the mattress in surrender. His moans muffled by the blankets where he buried his face as Ed gently prepared him. I could tell that Ed was hitting his sweet spot by the quiet gasps Seth made when it was nudged. Edward pulled out his fingers and folded his knees under himself sitting back on his haunches between Seth's legs. He pulled at Seth's shoulder, silently asking him to kneel up. It was as if someone turned on a spotlight when he lifted up, with the entire front of his body bathed in the moonlight and casting Edward in the shadow of his lithe form. His arousal stood out proudly and glistened with pre-cum. Edward directed him to the tip of his prick and he lowered himself, sheathing Ed's cock in one slow smooth push.

Edward poured more lube in his hand and wrapped it around Seth's cock. The whimper he made sounded… erotic and desperate as if in pain but his dripping member said otherwise. His head fell back to Ed's shoulder and his hand wrapped around his neck. They turned their heads toward each other and kissed, blocking my view from both faces.

At first, they rocked together in unison with Ed's hand moving up and down Seth's shaft in the same relaxed pace they had perfected. But Seth's whimpers soon became more urgent and their lips broke from each other. Seth started lifting his ass off Ed's thighs only to impale himself again. Their sped up their pace after awhile and I could see Ed's body start to tremble slightly as he tried to starve off his release until his lover found his. Seth's body stiffened and shuddered as the milky substance spouted from him. Edward's name fell from his lips as the last of his seed landed on Edward's still-pumping fist. Their movements began again slowly but quickly picked up speed as Ed chased his own orgasm that coursed through him only moments later.

Their chests heaved in the wake of their love-making with Ed's arms wrapped around Seth and his head rested between his shoulders. They eventually broke apart only to come back together with kisses and caresses as they shared in the after-sex cuddling lovers do, not even bothering to clean themselves up first. I stepped backward knowing that I should give them their privacy.

I crept back to the couch silently pulling the blanket over my own heated body. It had occurred to me that I hadn't once thought to find my own pleasure while watching theirs. It wasn't something that I considered even though my cock begged to differ. It would have felt like I was masturbating to the Statue of David or some other work of art. I feel asleep soon after with visions of my boys; one soaked in the moonlight and the other cast in darkness in an old-fashioned movie made just for me.

* * *

A/N: Thank you as always to elfprincess8. Special thanks to RomancingTheBoys for all of his help over the last few chapters. Check out his latest story "Heart Of A Vampire". It's Jasper/Seth pairing, one of my favorites. Also, I want to thank everyone who voted for me in The Non-canon Awards, I took second place for Best Poly. I am completely blown away by the support I've gotten for this story. I want to thank all of those who put me on their alerts and favorites and a very special thank you to those of you who review. I really do listen to everything you say.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30 Edward**

I woke up curled around his back with my nose nuzzled in his hair. My hand rested on the muscular chest that rose and fell silently as he slept. He smelled of man and lingering cologne from the day before and I couldn't help but roll my hips into his backside with my early morning arousal resting between the cheeks of his ass.

Making love to Seth last night was almost, spiritual. The vivid images of the moonlight highlighting his lithe form making him look ethereal infiltrated my mind. He understood what I wanted without me having to tell him, like he was reading my mind. I felt the need to go slowly and handle him carefully as well as it was only the second time I topped and I was trying to make sure that I saw his completion before mine this time, not an easy task as I could still feel his heat wrapped around me. Being in control of him, leading him made me feel both powerful and unnerved. It didn't come natural to me but I also knew that I wanted try it again.

I involuntarily rolled my hips again thinking of the prior night's activities. I felt and heard the hitch in breathing of the man I held against my chest.

"Ed?" He asked in a sleep-filled voice. Seth and I fell asleep last night still messy and sticky, neither of us wanting to break our connection. I woke a few hours later to his muffled cries. It wasn't a full-blown night terror, just a few moments of whimpering and squirming. I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed his head trying to comfort him. He quieted soon after and I laid there holding his head to my chest looking out into the common area where my other lover slept. From that angle, I couldn't see him but I knew he was there and it felt unnatural not to have him with us. Something inside me willed him to come join us.

I looked at Seth one last time before inching my way out of the bed. I now regretted not cleaning up hours before as I slipped on my boxers, pajama pants, and t-shirt before heading to the bathroom. I wiped away the crusty residue the best I could and relieved my bladder before making my way out to where Jacob slept. He laid facing the back side of the extra wide sofa with his arm tucked up under his head and before I realized what I was doing, I slipped in behind him pressing my chest against his warm broad back.

"Jacob," I replied, my voice sounded husky as the first word of the morning fell. I placed kisses to the back of his wide shoulders without opening my eyes as my fingers absently traced his sculpted chest.

"Um, Ed?" his said when my erection rutted against is cloth-covered groove, this time with more force. My fingers trailed down under the waistband of the lounge pants that he fell asleep in, hoping to find him in the same aroused state I was in. Before I reached my destination though, he sat up suddenly, taking my hand out of his pants.

"I, um… I-I…" He stuttered out.

"Jacob?" I sat up next to him wondering what just happened. "What's wrong? Did I… "

"I've just never… I mean I don't," he rubbed a hand over his face. "I'm not a… bottom," he said in a defeated but firm tone.

"Huh?"

"I've never…" he shook his head.

"Seth has never topped?" I squeaked. I didn't know why this surprised me. I never topped with Alec. I guess I just thought… I'm not sure _what_ I thought. "What do you mean you're not a bottom?"

"It just um, never _appealed_ to me," he moved his body so that his feet rested on the floor and his elbows on his knees never looking up at me. "I um…" he stood up quickly.

"Wait," I said grabbing his elbow. "I…"

"I'm sorry," he looked down at me with pleading eyes. "I need a shower," he pulled out of my grasp and hurriedly walked to the bathroom. I stood not really knowing what to think or do. I made my way back to the over-sized bedroom and flopped down on my stomach next to Seth.

"Edward?" I heard Seth's voice. I huffed before turning my head to face Seth. "You ok?" he asked with his brows scrunched together. He lifted a hand to my hair and combed through it with his fingers. I closed my eyes and breathed in. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Just when I thought that I was finally comfortable with everything, I'm thrown a curveball.

"Hey, talk to me," he pleaded. I wanted to just drop it. I didn't want to deal with it. I could be perfectly content to top Seth and bottom for Jacob. But Jacob's statement bothered me. _"I don't bottom."_ It almost felt as if he looked down on it. I felt Seth kiss my nose and then rest his forehead against mine. I released a dramatic sigh and opened my eyes.

"Why doesn't Jacob bottom?" I asked him.

"Um… huh?"

"He said that you've never topped and that he doesn't bottom. I crawled in behind him last night and this morning I sort of… you know," I felt my face heat up. This was exactly the kind of thing Alec would push me to talk about.

"What?"

"I was thinking about what we did… last night," I paused trying to get out the words. "I rubbed up against his…" Seth tried to hold back, unsuccessfully, his chuckle. I immediately began to turn away but he grabbed my shoulder and held me in place.

"Sorry," he took a breath to clear out the giggles that still threatened to take over. "It's just you and me, Edward. You can say anything to me. I just find it funny that you have a hard time telling me something. No one is ever afraid of me for any reason," he smiled at me and placed a chaste kiss on my lips before sitting up against the headboard. I moved to mirror him.

"Jacob is a natural top. He likes being in control and taking care of me… of us. He was born the next leader of an entire community and revered as such his whole life. He also took care of his father from a young age. He will always want to be the one to take care of his own."

"But this has nothing to do with his tribe or his father and I can take care of myself," I said with a bit of venom. "He feels like it's beneath him to bottom."

"No, Ed, he doesn't. He was taught that everything has a place in nature, a purpose. He doesn't feel you are beneath him in any way or that he is superior. You're both equal but with different roles. His role was to lead, protect, and care for the tribe. He wants to be the one taking care of you not the one being taken care of."

"Seth, I understand what you're saying but we aren't in a tribe. We aren't a pack of wolves," I huffed out. "We are in a relationship in the twenty-first century. We don't have 'roles'," I used air quotations. "Never mind, it doesn't matter. I'm making this into a bigger deal than it is."

Seth turned his still-naked body and crawled into my lap with his hands on my cheeks forcing me to look at him. His brown eyes looked into mine searchingly for a long moment. "Edward, we love you and we want you to tell us if something bothers you. Don't ever think that what you are feeling is unimportant because it is to us, no matter how small," I dipped and nodded my head sheepishly feeling like a kid in trouble. His hands left my face and picked up mine. He laced them together placing them on his lap.

"Give him a little time to get used to the idea. He probably never even considered it to be honest. When it was just he and I, it wasn't important. I don't have any desire to top. I like it when he's in control," he explained. "But it isn't just he and I anymore. If it's something you want, he'll at least consider it.

He's different from you and I, you know. You knew you were gay from birth and accepted it along with your family. It was never even questioned. I think I knew I was all along but I had a hard time coming to terms with it. I'm not sure that Jake even considers himself gay," Seth chuckled and I snorted.

"Being in a relationship with two men sort of screams gay, don't you think?" I retorted. Seth's smile grew larger and nodded with a quick 'yeah'.

"Can I ask you something?" I lifted my head to see a confused look on his face and nodded wordlessly. "Why is it such a big deal that Jacob doesn't bottom but not that I don't top?" I opened my mouth but I had no words. I realized that Seth was right. Seth was a natural bottom. He didn't want to top not because it was something that he felt was bad or negative. Why would Jacob not bottoming be any different from Seth not topping?

"I um…" I blew out a puff of air. "You're right. I shouldn't have assumed…" I heard the click of the bathroom door and turned my head to watch the steam roll out followed by a bronzed god covered only with a white towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was spiky-er than usual and I could see the rivulets of water roll down his abs. Jesus, what was I complaining about? What more could any gay man want than to be topped by muscular alpha-male such as him? I heard Seth's breath hitch as we watched him walk over with his shoulders hunched and his head bowed in an unnatural look of defeat. He sat on the edge of the bed never looking up at us.

"Look Ed, I'm sorry," he started. "What I said… it just came out wrong," I looked at him still thinking about what Seth said.

"Jacob," I said letting go of Seth and reaching my hand to him. He lifted his eyes to meet mine and grabbed my hand. "I understand. Please don't apologize."

"No, it's not right. It's not fair that I…" he shook his head and brushed his other hand over his hair. I pulled at his hand to encourage him closer. He scooted to sit next to us with our fingers still entwined. Seth rested his head on my shoulder and a hand on Jacob's thigh.

"Jacob, I assumed the worst," I admitted to him. "I shouldn't ask you to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

"What do you mean?" he asked with confusion.

"I assumed you thought that being a bottom was something beneath you or…" he turned his head quickly and looked at me in shock.

"That's not how I see it at all," he said firmly. "I would do it right now and prove to you."

"You don't have anything to prove to me Jacob. I understand now that it just isn't something you find… _arousing_," I turned my head away feeling the warmth in my cheeks. I don't think I will ever been able to talk about this stuff free of embarrassment.

"Ed," Jacob covered our connected hands with his free one. I turned my head to look at him. "There are no two people in the world that I respect more than you and Seth."

I leaned over and placed a chaste kiss to his lips. "Thank you, Jacob."

* * *

After we dressed, we headed out to the Space Needle. Amazingly, none of us had ever been there, even on a school trip. We decided to walk and get a bit of fresh air. It wasn't far from the hotel and we had no other plans for the unusually sunny day. We could see the historical landmark from our hotel and it seemed to grow taller as we grew nearer. We stood in line for nearly an hour before the elevator whisked us to the top in less than a minute. The views from the observation deck were breathtaking with the snow-capped Mt. Rainer being our favorite. We took pictures of the views and each other. Jacob charmed a dark-haired middle-aged woman to take a picture of all three of us together with Elliot Bay in the background.

Jacob was down-right funny at times with an uncanny way of bringing strangers in on his jokes with a confident but self-deprecating manner. I was awed at his ability to narrate a story as he told Seth and I, along with a few lucky bystanders, about Chief Si'ahl for whom the city of Seattle was named for. I watched his face beaming with pride as he told us how Chief Si'ahl conveyed his views on environmental responsibility and native american rights in his controversial speech. I didn't realize how well versed he was in the culture and history of not the Quileute tribe but the native american tribes of the entire area. I thought about how his father told him the old legends and the customs that Jacob not only memorized but understood on a deeper level. The Quileute community not only lost their next tribal leader but someone who embraced the guardianship of that knowledge.

I don't think I ever saw him so light-hearted as we left in search of a quick meal before heading back to the hotel. One thing we all seemed to agree on was our love of junk food. Pizza was our usual choice of fare but we opted for a greasy diner instead. When we left the restaurant I was feeling full and ready for a nap but the hot tub back in the room was calling to me with images of the three of us engaged in things I had a hard time verbalizing. I could think of nothing I'd rather do then close the door to our hotel room and lock out the rest of the world.

I plopped myself on the sofa when we arrived at the freshly cleaned room. Seth sat next to me, holding my hand and resting his head on my shoulder. Jacob walked into the bedroom and emerged only moments later carrying a small box with a silver bow on top.

"Congratulations," he said as he handed it to me. He sat down on my other side with his back to the armrest.

"Wait, I-I thought staying here was my gift?" I said in shock.

"Just open it," I lifted off the top of the box and pulled back the tissue paper. It was a key chain made of wood and silver intertwined together. Upon further inspection it was our first initials "J-S-E" with a simply carved wooden J and E held together by a silver S in the middle, snaking through the letters to hold them together. I looked up at Jacob to see him smiling at me.

"Seth designed it and I cut the letters and molded the S," he explained. "You already have a key but, um, we want you to move in with us," he said in a shaky voice. "It might seem a little fast but, um,"

"Yes," I said without hesitancy. There was no question in my mind as I looked down at the simple but priceless gift . He grabbed my hand in both of his.

"You can think about if…"

"No, I don't need to think about it," Jacob's smile grew and he leaned into me for a quick smiling kiss. "Yes."

"Really?" Seth asked. I turned to face him and nodded, kissing him as well.

"Well, I think it's about time we turn on the jets for the hot tub and celebrate," Jacob announced and stood pulling his t-shirt over his head in one quick move. "Strip," he commanded.

* * *

I woke in the morning alone in bed and hearing muted voices coming from the other side of the bedroom door. Unfortunately, this was our last morning here but, I was anxious to move on with my new life. I finished school, for the most part and I would be starting my new job. I was moving out of my parent's home to live with my boyfriends. _Boyfriends_, is that what we were? I guess that's the best description but it seemed too, insignificant. Boyfriends date and even live together but with all we had been through it just didn't seem like the right depiction.

The bedroom door opened and Jacob walked in without Seth. Leah asked if she could have breakfast with all of us while we were in Seattle but Seth insisted that they have breakfast alone. They talked briefly a few times on the phone since her unexpected visit although, how she could understand him as he spoke in whispers to her, I'll never know. They seemed to be working their way back to being brother and sister but had a long way to go. We agreed that he should go alone but would have Jacob's cell phone with him and would call mine if he needed us for any reason.

"He'll be fine. They are eating at the hotel so we can be there in minutes if he needs us," I said to Jacob as he sat on the edge of the bed. I knew he was having a difficult time with letting Seth out of his sight. Only with me and Emmett was he comfortable leaving him. Even with mom and dad he was anxious.

"I know," he said to the empty half of the room.

"Jacob," I touched his back with my fingertips wanting him to know that I understood and that he wasn't alone. He took a deep breath and then exhaled before lying down and looking up at the ceiling.

"Hey," he turned his head toward me as I moved my hand to cup his cheek. I moved up to rest my weight on my elbow and leaned in to give him a kiss. "He's fine."

He nodded and turned his body fully toward me. My thumb rubbed the apple of his cheek as I looked down into his worrying brown orbs. He draped his arm over my bare torso burying his head in the juncture of my neck and shoulder inhaling deeply. It felt as if he were looking for comfort.

His nuzzling turned into small kisses along my neck and shoulder as his arm tightened around me. He pushed a leg between mine over the sheet that still covered my naked lower half and ground his arousal into my hip. He lifted his head to press his lips to mine. His tongue peeked out touching my lower lip and I opened to him putting my hand on the back of his neck to pull him closer to me deepening the kiss.

His mouth covered mine as if he were trying to consume me. Although he seemed to be looking for comfort, he also wanted reassurance. He felt out of control and wanted to regain it. Watching Seth leave with his sister would have been difficult because he wouldn't be there to protect him. It was part of his nature to protect and defend, to care for his own and provide them with what they needed. Jacob could do nothing for Seth but wait. With me on the other hand, he could tend to my needs and be sure that I was cared for. His hand moved down the length of my body grabbing my hip pulling it closer as he rocked into me again.

He broke from my lips as his made their way from my jaw and chin to my neck and then to my chest. He didn't continue 'south' but instead began retracing his steps back to my lips leaving warm, wet patches where his tongue tasted my oversensitive skin. My hips began to mimic his, slowly pushing against him seeking friction. His mouth claimed mine again with more urgency than the first time.

"Roll over baby," he whispered in my ear after he broke the kiss. He lifted off me and quickly undressed. I lay there motionless as I watched him reveal each piece of new flesh to me. The muscles in his arms and stomach rippled as he did the simple task. I was mesmerized by his powerful body and the way it moved so fluidly.

"Ed?" he said breaking me from my ogling. I rolled over on my stomach with my arms folded under my head, the sheet no longer covering anything except my feet. His hand smoothed over my ass and my eyes closed waiting to feel his next move. Seth had the right idea when he said that he liked it when Jacob was in charge. Just the feel of his large hands on me caused goosebumps to break out over my skin.

The unmistakable click of the bottle sent a shiver down my spine. He spread my knees further apart and drizzled a bit of cold lube in the crease of my ass. It only added to the anticipation and my cock twitched between my stomach and the mattress. I felt his lips press against the small of my back and then a finger moved to my hole gently massaging it at first before breaking through the tight ring of muscles. I relished the burn as he worked at stretching me for him with one finger first and then adding a second. His kisses to my back and cheeks being the only distraction but my cock never softened. It knew what was coming.

When he finished, I heard the tear of a condom wrapper and the squelching sound of him applying lube to his sheathed cock. He moved to between my knees spreading them further and pulling my hips up slightly but not to the point of kneeling. He lined up his cock and pushed through slowly but firmly without stopping until he was buried in me balls deep. My hands gripped the sheet beneath my head as I released a long groan. I had never felt so full.

He paused a moment before pulling out until only the head remained encased inside me and once again push back into me. He kept the same pace; no slower, no faster for a few minutes. He then leaned forward placing his hands on either sides of my shoulders and moved both knees to rest it on the outside of mine before pushing them together.

It felt a bit awkward at first with my legs pressed together between his. He pulled out slightly pushing back in. After a few shallow thrusts, he laid his body on mine fully tucking his arms under my pits and entwining his fingers with mine above my head. Our bodies were touching from tip to toe with his weight pinning me to the bed and my cock trapped underneath me with no way for me to move. He was in complete control and I would either fight it or surrender to it. I didn't want to fight it. I wanted him to control me, to guide me, to lead me.

His hips rocked into me hitting my prostate with every thrust pushing my aching cock against the sheet giving it much-needed friction although it still wasn't enough. Again and again he hit that spot deep inside me and over and over my cock rubbed against the wet spot created by the pre-cum flowing from my prick.

"Please Jacob," I pleaded needing him to let me cum. His kisses to the back of my neck and shoulders seemed to intensify the electric sparks that flowed from them to the bottom of my spine where the coil was ready to spring. His lips latched onto my shoulder where he nipped and sucked. He was marking me, I was his. That was the last thing I realized before the white light burst behind my eyelids. My toes curled and my fingers clenched painfully to his, Every muscle in my body tensed including those wrapped around Jacob. He gave only a few last erratic jerks before I felt his cock spasmed, emptying into the condom.

We lay there, heaving in unison, his body almost suffocating me but, at the same time, I never felt so, needed. I'd willingly bear his weight for the rest of my life.

* * *

A/N: Thank you as always to elfprincess8 and also to Romancingtheboys. Liniea, I changed my mind - sorry for getting your hopes up. To my guest reveiwer, I truly appreciate your perspective and thank you reading and reviewing. I think that you may find that my story isn't going where you are exepecting. I hope you stay with me though. Thank you to all who have alerted, favorited, and reviewed. I appreciate each and everyone of you.

Also, life is truly chaotic right now and I'm horribly behind in reading updates from other authors. I'm focusing my time on trying to finish this story and I hope you will understand. We are nearing the end and it will be completed but at the sacrifice of reading other updated stories in a timely manner.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31 Jacob**

In my dream, I replayed the weekend in Seattle over and over in my mind. I saw the small tufts of dark copper hair peeking out from under his cap as Ed strode across the stage to receive his well-earned diploma and heard his brother cheering him on. I saw the look of surprise when he spotted the hotel we booked for the weekend and then the look of concern when he realized how expensive it was.

The monochromatic images of he and Seth the night they made love so vivid in my mind I felt like I was still standing in the shadows watching them, still admiring the way they moved together so fluidly without speaking.

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

Even living only four hours away, I'd never been to the space needle. Hell, I'd only been to Seattle a few times in my entire life. The elevator to the observation deck was incredibly fast and it felt as if my stomach was in my shoes. Looking out over the landscape was worth a bit of indigestion, with the Cascades on one side and the Olympia mountain range on the other separated by Pudget Sound.

For the first time since leaving the reservation, I felt I was able to pass on some of the knowledge that the elders and even more so, my father, taught me. I knew a great deal about the tribes who lived here long before white settlers came into the area, not only the facts like what they hunted or lived but more importantly, their legends and beliefs. Ed and Seth could talk circles around me when it came to more prominent school subjects or even worse, the clinic. I couldn't help the pride that swelled in me as I educated them and a few other tourists about the native american people who inhabited the area. It reminded me of the nights around the bonfires we had on First Beach in La Push.

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

My dream went from feeling light-hearted to dread. I was probably more anxiety-ridden than Seth watching him leave with Leah in the morning. My head understood that this was a good idea, for him to reconnect with her but my heart and my gut screamed to follow him and keep an eye on him. He was rarely without me or Edward and only with Emmett did I feel comfortable. I went to the bedroom of our hotel suite and laid down looking to Edward for comfort. He was the only person who saw me at my lowest, my weakest. I always felt that I had to be strong for my tribe and for Seth. I could lean on Ed's sturdy nature knowing he would hold me up and keep me from falling.

Our conversation the day before opened my eyes to a part of me that I hadn't realized. Ed was hurt by my admission and thought that I somehow looked down at him. He couldn't be more wrong. I would prove it to him if he would let me. It wasn't that I was superior in any way but it also wasn't something I was comfortable with. After getting it out in the open, I felt better but, someday I hoped to give him what he asked for.

Seth returned to the room with a smile saying that it had gone well as he stripped down to his birthday suit and climbed in bed between us. It sounded like he was speaking in tongues with his recap of what they talked about, he couldn't get the words out fast enough. I watched the elation spread across his face and lifted my eyes to see Ed smiling at me and wink. We both understood how momentous his small excursion was. He was gaining his confidence back.

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

We checked out of our suite, hating to leave the hot tub and large bed behind. We headed out of the city with Seth sleeping across the back seat and Ed sitting up front with our hands clasped on the console.

"I want to pay for half the rent," his voice broke through over the quiet music on the radio.

"Ed,"

"Jacob, it's not negotiable," he said firmly. "We are partners, right?"

"We're already paying for everything. You don't need to,"

"Right?" he interrupted insistently..

"Yeah," I said knowing I couldn't win the argument.

"I'm not going to live with you and not pay my share," he looked over at me digging his heels in.

"But Ed, you'd be a kept man," I smiled and I brought our hands to my lips kissing his knuckles. He huffed in annoyance turning back to look out the windshield. I rested our hands back on the console and gave his a little squeeze. "Ok, I agree, you can help pay but we need to talk to Seth too. "

"Thank you, Jacob."

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

We were home Sunday evening in time for an unusually late dinner with the Doc and Esmé. Edward announced he was moving in with us before everyone was seated at the table. His parents offered their congratulations and asked if there was anything they could do for us. Edward immediately but politely refused saying there wasn't much to move anyway. In true Cullen style though, a new TV and DVD player sat in their foyer still in their boxes. They were wrapped in a red bow and ribbons with a large tag that said "Edward" ready for us to bring back home with us.

We packed up his books and cds in the first trip and then all his clothes in the second. Our small doorless bedroom closet was big enough to hold clothes for Seth and I but no way it would fit Edward's. We needed another dresser and a wardrobe for his along with a couple of bookshelves for his other things. We set up the TV on the coffee table in the corner of the living room waiting for the cable guy to show up on Monday. We were excited about building our life together even with the simple task of unpacking boxes and filling shelves.

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

Edward started work the Monday following our trip. He and Seth left just before I did every morning and they would usually come to the garage for their lunch break. Seth still preferred to sit in my lap cocooned in the red hoodie but instead of staying with me during the afternoons when he was finished working, he would return with Edward to the clinic.

It was at the end of the second week that my dream became a nightmare. Charlie swung through the garage with nothing better to do than say hi and snag a doughnut from the box Alice brought in every morning and a coffee. It was a once a week occurrence that I actually looked forward to. Charlie became a surrogate father in a way over the last few months. He reminded me of my father with his fishing stories and complaints about the Mariners pitching.

The radio perched on his shoulder crackled and a voice came over announcing a fire. I recognized the address immediately and dropped everything. I hopped on my bike and put the key in the ignition after shoving my helmet on and was racing toward the clinic.

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

I saw the smoke billowing skyward as I drew closer to the building and saw the red fire truck with half a dozen men unloading a hose. Two men were at the front door of the building, one with an ax while the other stood to the side. I parked my bike across the street and ran towards the building. I had to find my boys.

I didn't get far when my arm was jerked backward. Sam grabbed me trying to keep me from the burning building while I watched Charlie walk over to one of the fireman. I struggled against Sam's hold trying to break free but he overpowered me and forced me to the ground.

I could hear yelling coming from all different directions and the sound of the fire roared in my ears. Where were they? Were they still inside the building? I kept up my ineffective struggling against Sam's hold. I screamed and yelled for him to get off me, kicking my blurry vision I could only see the black and grey smoke arising out of every possible opening of the building and the blue coveralls covering Sam's chest.

He yelled something but I didn't know what he was saying or if he was even talking to me. I heard more sirens and more yelling. I tried to tell him or anyone who would listen that Seth and Edward might be trapped inside but the smoke caused me to cough and with the weight of the body holding me down I started to feel like I was suffocating. Moments later blackness fell over me.

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

I woke in a hospital bed not knowing how I got there and sat up immediately, disoriented and my throat was burning. I felt the bed dip beside me and a hand pressed against my cheek. I turned my head to see Edward's tear-streaked face come into view.

"Jacob," his voice was raspy. He was here and he was ok. He didn't look like he had a scratch on him. I wrapped my arms around him so tightly that he probably couldn't breath. I inhaled deeply wanting to absorb every piece of him. He smelled clean with a hint of his cologne, not of the toxic smoke from the fire. I pulled back and cupped his face between my hands. His tears fell freely down his face and a sob escaped him.

"Ed?" I choked out. I began coughing uncontrollably my eyes watering. Ed stood and pressed a button then poured me water from a pitcher sitting on a table next to the bed. A nurse arrived and asked me to lay back down which caused the cough to worsen. Ed handed me the cup with a bendy straw and the cool water slid down my throat.

"Would you ask my father to come down please," Ed said to the nurse as she left. I took in my surroundings for the first time and saw that I was in a large exam room with drapes separating the beds. Edward sat down on the edge of the bed and grabbed my hand in both of his.

"Seth," was all I could muster out in my hoarse voice. Edward looked away from me and I could see his shoulders shaking. I squeezed his hands trying to get his attention. "Ed?"

"He's in the ICU," he said when he turned back to me. "He was in the building and,"

"I want to see him," I interrupted sitting back up.

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

We followed Doc to Seth's room. He explained that Seth was overwhelmed by smoke inhalation and it appeared that he passed out hitting his head on one of the open cage doors in the kennel. The blood loss was extensive as was the damage to his lungs. I ignored the rest, only wanting to see him. He would be fine, he'd been through worse.

Edward stopped before we reached Seth's room and stood in front of me looking me in the eye.

"Jacob, he will be hooked up to a ventilator that helps him breathe and there will be several other monitors with wires and tubes attached to him. I want you to know what you are going to see so you aren't surprised."

"Move, I want to see him," I was tired of everyone keeping me from him. Didn't Edward remember the last time Seth was here? Seth was hooked up then too. I knew what to expect. Edward paused for a moment looking in my eyes before moving to the side allowing me to pass. Doc stood at the door and opened to allow me into the room and I heard the sound that plagued my dream,

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

He looked tiny in the bed with the large ventilator sitting next to him and two white hoses running from him to the large mouth piece. There was an IV line hooked to his arm and several wires hooked to other monitors. He had a large bandage wrapped around his head with his hair poking out at the top. He would need a haircut or even shave it off again. I would do it again for him and then my own so he wouldn't feel alone.

I walked over to his bedside quickly and placed my hand over his. "I'm here now. Just rest and everything will be ok. I promise," I hoped he could hear me so he would know he wasn't alone. He hated being alone.

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

I woke from the long repetitive dream to someone shaking my shoulder. I lifted my head from where it was resting next to Seth's hand and looked up at him. He didn't move except for the unnatural rise and fall of his chest. Edward sat unmoving in a chair on the other side of the bed holding Seth's hand and staring at his face.

"Jacob," Doc's voice broke through my sleepy haze. "Leah will be here shortly and I told her that I would meet her in the lobby. I will bring her here." He squeezed my shoulder before I heard him leave. I didn't acknowledge him, never letting my eyes leave Seth's face. I wanted to see his infectious smile the minute he woke.

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

It felt like only a few seconds later when Doc returned with not only Leah but Charlie as well. Ed stood placing a kiss on Seth's forehead before moving away from the bed as Leah slowly approached, her face wet with tears.

"Doc, how much longer?" I asked. He probably explained all of this before but I was so focused on seeing Seth, I hadn't paid any attention.

"Jacob, the injury to his head was too extensive. There is no brain activity and the only thing keeping him alive is the air ventilator. He won't be waking up," he squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled deeply bowing his head. I then realized he was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, not his white doctor's jacket. His hair was unusually disheveled and his shoulders hunched.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Seth was going to wake up. He just needed to rest. His body seemed to be able to heal more quickly than most. He had the cast on his arm removed early when he was a kid and even the injury to his shoulder was nothing more that a scar after a couple of weeks. We just needed to give him time, he would recover like he always did.

"Jacob," Ed was the one to reply. I hadn't noticed him crouched next to me with his hands on my knee until then. "He-he won't," he shook his head and closed his eyes. He leaned forward and rested his head on my thigh as well. A loud sob left him and his fingers gripped my leg. I placed my hand on the back of his head, petting the silky chaotic mess.

"Everything is fine Ed. He will be ok, he just needs time to recover," I said trying to comfort my lover.

"Jacob, he won't recover. There was too much,"

"NO! He just needs time!" I yelled at Doc.

Ed lifted his head and placed his hands on my face. His expression was full of anguish with puffy red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Jacob, look at me!" he said firmly forcing my eyes on him. "He isn't going to recover. He's gone!"

"NO!" I shook my head. "This isn't happening! He will wake up!" I stood up pulling out of Edward's hold on me and leaned over Seth's motionless body. I brushed the back of my fingers against his ashen cheek.

"Baby, you need to wake up. I'm here and I won't leave your side ever again. Please, just open your eyes," I pleaded with him. Leah's sobs grew louder and Ed put his hands on my shoulders.

"Jacob, listen to me," I shrugged him off me and turned back to Seth resting my head on his shoulder. He was going to wake up. He wouldn't leave me. He promised to never leave me.

My tears fell, soaking the hospital gown he wore. I didn't listen to the voices as they spoke around me. I only heard the one thing that meant anything.

_Beep, Beep, Beep..._

* * *

A/N: Thank you elfprincess8 for beta'ing and Romancingtheboys for being a sounding board. I can't thank either of them enough for their help. There is only one chapter left and it is more than half written so I hope within a week to have it out to you. I want to thank everyone who has alerted or favorited my story. And a big shout out to all of my reviewers. You are the best with not only words of encouragement but also, your critiques. I promise you that I read each and every one and I am listening. I am trying to give you the best story I can and you help me do that. It is truly appreciated.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32 Edward**

"He won't move and I can't lift him. He's thrown up several times," Charlotte explained over the phone. It was Saturday and I was in the clinic alone with Seth when she called about Rufus, her eighty-five pound german shepherd. "Do you think you could come out here to look at him? I would be willing to pay extra for the house call. I just have no way of bringing him in and something is really wrong with him."

"Sure, I'll be there as soon as I can," I said with little hesitation. She thanked me several times before hanging up. I walked out back where Seth was throwing a tennis ball for a golden retriever who we were kenneling for the weekend.

"Seth, put him in the cage. We need to make a house call," I told him from the open door.

"Can it wait? I just got him out here and I still need to feed the others," he replied.

"How long will it be? I can wait a few minutes but,"

"I can stay here and finish up. I should be done by the time you get back," he suggested. I wasn't sure I liked the idea of leaving him alone. "I'll be fine for an hour or two. I can call you if something comes up."

"I'd rather you came with."

"Edward, I'll be fine. What's going to happen?" he said as he walked over to stand in front of me. He lifted to his toes and placed a quick peck to my lips and pulled back with a smile. The dog trotted up next to us nudging Seth's hand with his nose. He took the ball from his mouth and threw it, watching the dog run to retrieve it.

"Are you sure? When we get back I could help you finish up. It's no big deal," I offered.

"Neither is being alone here. I'm good and then we will be home sooner," he reached for my hand and wrapped it around himself placing it on his ass. I smiled at him and gave him a little squeeze. My groin awakened at his wordless proposal.

"If you need anything, call me. I mean anything," I said firmly. He nodded and we kissed goodbye.

* * *

It took almost an hour and a half between driving time and examining Charlotte's dog. It looked as though he'd eaten something he shouldn't but his vitals were normal and I even got him to stand while I was there. He would be fine.

The house call was almost twenty miles out of town and I could see the large plume of black smoke in the distance. I knew it was coming from somewhere in Forks but being this far out of town, I wasn't concerned. The closer I got though, the more anxious I felt until I realized that yes, it was the clinic.

I raced the last mile running two stop signs and parked as close as the chaos would allow. I saw two ambulances and a fire truck. I opened my door and ran toward the building. I was stopped by my brother who pulled me into a bear-hug.

"Seth is in there," I said trying to pull out of his grasp but his hold didn't lessen any. "Emmett, let go! We need to get to Seth!" I yelled and pushed against his torso with everything I had. Emmett yelled for Charlie who came over quickly.

"Thank god you aren't in there," he exclaimed. Emmett loosened his hold and I saw tears running down his face. "Is anyone else inside?" Charlie asked urgently.

"SETH!" I yelled at him once again trying to move toward the building. Emmett still had a hold of my arm. "Seth is inside!"

"Ed, they found him and he is on his way to the hospital," Emmett said looking directly at me.

"Was there anyone else Edward? Dr. Gerandy or Mrs. Cope?" Charlie asked again. I shook my head saying no and tried to pull away from Emmett. I needed to get to the hospital. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jacob on a gurney being lifted into one of the ambulances. Emmett must have realized what I saw and let go of my arm.

I rushed to him only to be held back by one of the paramedics. "You can see him at the hospital, son," he said in a stern voice. I pushed him aside trying to climb into the back of the vehicle but I was thwarted once again by a second MT.

"It's ok gentlemen, he's a friend," Charlie said from behind me.

"Ok, but you need to stay calm," the paramedic holding me back said in a firm voice. I climbed in when he released me and sat in the seat next to Jacob. His eyes were closed and he was wearing an oxygen mask. I could see where the tears streaked his face and the ashes matted his hair. I was confused as to why he was even here.

"What are his injuries?" I asked when the vehicle began to move.

"He may have slight smoke inhalation but he seems to have just passed out. He arrived on the scene after the fire department and was held back from running inside. It isn't serious but we wanted to take every precaution," I held Jacob's hand the entire way and watched his soiled face as he slept.

* * *

"Jacob will be fine son," dad explained. He arrived at the hospital after a phone call from Emmett looking unusually tousled. "He will wake when he has rested. He will probably have a bit of a sore throat and headache."

"And Seth?" I asked. He rubbed a hand over his face and ran it through his hair.

"It doesn't look good, Edward," he looked up at me with watery eyes. "He lost a lot of blood from the injury he sustained to his head and he had to be resuscitated at the scene. They were able to get his heart beating but they don't know how long he was out. He also took in a lot of smoke and his lungs aren't working on their own," he cupped a hand to the back of my neck and pulled me in for a hug.

I couldn't believe it. How could this happen? How the hell did the fire start? I wrapped my arms around my father and felt his tears on my shirt. I don't think I'd ever seen my father cry. It had to be bad if he had trouble holding back his emotions. He pulled away from me and wiped my cheeks with his thumbs of the tears I didn't realize were there.

"Wh-when will we know?" I asked not really wanting the answer.

"He's in ICU and the lung specialist is working on him right now. "We will know soon."

I sat on the bed next to Jacob holding his hand and watching him sleep. Although the nurse had wiped away some of the dirt from his face, he still looked ragged. Once again, Seth was clinging to life but this time it seemed ominous. I sent a message to whatever deity it was that watched over the innocent victims of the world, praying he would be spared. He never tried to hurt anyone and only wanted to live the life he was given.

I don't know how long I sat there but I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked over at Emmett's concerned face. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and kissed my head.

"I talked to dad, um," he cleared his throat. "Jake hasn't woken up yet?" I shook my head.

"Charlie's here and I think you should hear what he has to say," I looked up at Emmett and shook my head. I wasn't leaving Jacob here alone.

"It can wait until later when Jacob wakes up," I said turning back to my lover.

"Well, I will tell you that Leah is on her way."

"Yeah, ok," I replied.

Dad and another doctor walked in and closed the curtain around us. They looked somber and I knew it wasn't good news. My tears began to fall incessantly and my chest constricted. Emmett's arm tightened around my shoulder.

"Edward, Emmett, this is Dr. Benjamin Amun. He is the lung specialist who tended to Seth," Dad said.

"It is important to point out that under normal circumstances, I would only be speaking to Seth's family but Dr. Cullen has explained the circumstances of Seth's situation," he said obviously procrastinating the harrowing news. "His took in a great deal of smoke which caused him to black out. It seems he fell and obtained a trauma to the head causing blood loss. It appears his heart stopped for several minutes. He was resuscitated at the scene but is unable to breathe on his own and there is virtually no brain activity. He is in a coma that he won't come out of," he paused. "He has been moved to the ICU and his next of kin has been notified and are on their way."

"So h-he's," I looked up at my dad.

"Yes, Edward," he nodded. My head was engulfed by Emmett as he held it against his chest with his arms around my shoulders. I sobbed not caring who heard with one hand in Jacob's and the other gripping Emmett's shirt. Seth was gone.

* * *

When Jacob woke, he was disoriented and asked for Seth immediately. He was so focused that he didn't hear what my dad said about his condition. I tried to prepare him for what he would see walking into the room but he didn't seem to comprehend anything. I couldn't help but remember the last time he was in this situation. It was like he went into his own world where only Seth existed and nothing else mattered.

As much as I wanted to prepare Jacob, I was shocked by what I saw lying on the bed. Seth's head was covered by a large white bandage and tubes ran from his mouth to a ventilator. It hissed as it moved his chest up and down. I knew that the monstrosity was the only thing keeping Seth "alive". His mind and his soul were no longer with us but it was hard to understand when he was lying here within my grasp. I walked to his side and sat holding his hand while Jacob stood on the other side leaning over to kiss his brow.

Jacob fell asleep with his head resting on the edge of the bed while I sat and watched Seth's face wishing for a movement or a small twitch, anything that would give me hope that it wasn't what they thought, that he would make it. My heart begged for it, for him. My head understood the real truth but my heart couldn't comprehend.

Dad came in and woke Jacob from his less than restful sleep to tell him that Leah would be here soon. When he, Leah, and Chief Swan entered the room Jacob asked him how long Seth would be out and dad explained that he wouldn't wake up. Jacob flat out refused to believe what was happening. He yelled even when I tried to get him to focus on me. He leaned over Seth and pleaded with him to wake up. It broke my heart to watch the scene unfold.

It was like déjà vu as I watched him carefully climb onto the bed and maneuvered his body to avoid all the wires and tubes to lay next to him, his large body squeezed into the space between our boyfriend and the rail. He whispered into Seth's ear as his hand rested on his chest. His tears fell shamelessly. I didn't hear what he said but I knew he was comforting our lover.

"Leah, the doctor has all the paperwork for you at the nurse's station when you are ready," dad said. Leah walked over to her brother and placing a hand on Jacob's shoulder leaned in to kiss Seth on his head.

"Goodbye Seth, I love you," She touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers and walked past me with a quick squeeze of my arm before leaving the room.

My body moved toward them without thought. I placed my hand on Jacob's where it rested on Seth and leaned in to kiss Seth's head. I rested my temple on Jacob's and listened to him as he spoke softly to Seth. They were words of love and promises of remembrance. Our tears mingled together on Seth's cheek.

I don't know how long we stayed that way. I heard the clicking of the machine being turned off and the doctor eased the breathing apparatus from Seth's mouth. I toed off my shoes and crawled into the too-small bed on the other side of Seth mirroring Jacob. His face was beautiful and he would finally sleep peacefully and without fear. The only sound was the slowing of the heart monitor.

"This isn't goodbye," Jacob whispered. "This is 'see you later'. Where you go, we will follow. I love you so fucking much baby," the last beep sounded as we each kissed his warm soft lips one last time.

* * *

The memorial and service were held at the gravesite with just over a dozen people in attendance. I watched Emmett as he rose from his seat to stand before the sorrowful audience adjusting the uncomfortable tie he was forced to wear. He spoke of Seth's undeniable love of animals and his non-judgemental acceptance of those he loved. He mentioned that Seth's heart was so big, it carried the love of two men at the same time and that if he were gay, we would have drawn swords at dawn in a showdown to win Seth's heart. I expected nothing less than Emmett's inappropriately appropriate jest and I imagined Seth's giggle from his perch in the heavens.

I only half heard the eulogies given by my father and then Sam as he spoke briefly in the Quileute language he cherished. He said their tribe had lost a great member in the wake of this tragedy. My focus wasn't on the group of well-dressed mourners but, on the man next to me dressed in jeans, t-shirt, and boots with the red hoodie gifted to him from his lost love.

The day was overcast but, Jacob wore his aviators that hid the red swollen eyes that seemed ever-present in the last week since Seth's passing. We stayed with mom and dad, not wanting to go into the house where Seth's presence still lingered. Jacob and I barely left my old room and hardly spoke to one another. We would lie in bed for hours at a time taking turns with our tears and comforting. Mom brought us food that was left uneaten while Emmett tried on several occasions to get us to play the X-box or outside to shoot hoops.

As the week passed, I began to wonder if Jacob and I would walk away from this, together. Would we be able to survive without Seth's 'glue' that always seemed to be what held us together? Was he all that held us together?

Charlie arrived a few days later and told us the initial assessment of the deadly event. Apparently, it was an electrical fire and it started in an outlet near the front door. Seth did what we all would expect and began releasing the animals from the cages. Several dog were found roaming in the forest behind the animal hospital. He wasn't able to get them all out and took in too much smoke that eventually overwhelmed him. If he had lived, I think I would have slapped him and asked him if he were stupid but, his compassion for those who weren't able to fend for themselves was one of the many traits I loved about him. I couldn't imagine someone more pure in their intentions and so willing to sacrifice themselves for someone else. Most of us claimed that they would readily die for those they loved, Seth did. He literally took a bullet to save his best friend. Anyone who thought him weak and afraid of his own shadow, didn't know him.

My father spoke the last words of the memorial and everyone stood except for Jacob who sat motionless. My mother touched my shoulder and I turned to feel her comforting arms wrap around me. Emmett was next and he held me so tightly, I could hardly breathe. It was then that Jacob stood and moved wordlessly, as if no one else were there and walked to the casket where flowers cascaded over the top. He wrenched open the lid where our lover would sleep eternally and he withdrew something from his pocket placing it on Seth chest. Before closing the lid I could see the unmistakable webbing that hung over our bed with the tresses he gathered after their mutual cleansing. It was Seth's dream catcher.

Jacob closed the lid quietly, as if even the smallest noise would startle Seth. He walked away toward the parking lot where his bike sat and climbed on. We all seemed mesmerized by the loud rumble it made and I pulled away from Emmett in an attempt to follow him.

"Let him go, Edward," Emmett said as he held me by the arm. "He needs some space."

All I could think about was that my boyfriend, my lover, my partner was alone. I had seen it before. He would lose himself inside his head, not comprehending the things that went on around him. When Seth was shot, he didn't have enough focus to clean the blood from his body. When his father passed away, he clung to me as if I were a lifeline. Watching him as Seth died, he couldn't understand what was going on. He needed someone to help him, to comfort him, to take care of him.

"No, Emmett," I twisted out of his powerful grip. "Space is the last thing he needs," I left without saying anything else to anyone. I needed to find him and bring him home.

* * *

I drove to the one place I knew he would go where he would feel closer to Seth. He would be looking for answers and needing his best friend. I knew where it was approximately and hoped that I would somehow stumble on it.

I pulled in front of the white house where Seth grew up and turned off the engine. I took a much-needed breath before exiting the car. I scanned the area looking for his bike but he could have parked it anywhere, even down the path leading to the cliff. I saw it trailing beyond the dilapidated tree house and followed it. I could hear the ocean from where I parked the car and prayed he wasn't about to do something stupid. I couldn't lose them both.

The trees were more sparse at the high ocean cliff and one very large boulder sat stoically overlooking the tides. This was the spot Seth described to me, where he and Jacob would come to as children to play and dream.

It felt wild here with the wind more prominent next to the sea and the roar of the waves as they crashed against the rocks below. My suit coat blew open and my tie flew back over my shoulder as I searched the small area for any signs of him or any clue that would tell me where he might be, even peering over the edge hoping beyond all hope that I wouldn't see anything but craggy shoreline. My hand went to my hair and I blew out a huff. Where are you Jacob?

I drove toward our small house although I doubted he would be there. I detoured past the clinic and the garage on the off-chance I would see him. I parked in the street in front of the place I called home for only a short while noting that the driveway was empty but, I needed to look at least.

I felt so empty standing in the lifeless living room with no one, including the dog, in the house but me. It was exactly the way we left it with a messy bed and a pizza box on the counter. Emmett came over to pick up Fugly and some clothing for each of us the day we left the hospital. At some point this morning Jacob must have been here to collect the dream catcher.

I stood there trying to figure out my next move. I had to find him but, where? Was he just riding aimlessly? It was possible but he seemed to prefer to find a place to sit and think.

_"How did you find this place?" I asked._

_"After the funeral, I just… I was looking for a place to… think," he replied._

The memory struck me and I knew exactly where he was. I ran out of the house to my car and raced to my destination. As I drove, memories came rushing forward.

_"S-Seth… he…he was sh-shot."_

_"Why are you being so….nice to me? Why are you helping me?" Jacob asked._

_"…..to leave Jacob and don't come back," Billy's voice was monotone and stern. "You don't belong here anymore."_

My first encounters with Jacob were at the lowest point of his life at the time. I thought I was only doing what Seth would want but I could now see that Jacob was looking for someone to confide in, to comfort him, even if he didn't know it himself at the time. I wasn't doing it just for Seth. My heart wanted to help him that day. I could see how much he cared about Seth, the boy who stole my heart and refused to give it back.

I turned down the long dirt road that led me to where he was. The tires kicked up dirt and stones behind me as my foot pushed down on the pedal. Even without Seth, we were forming our own bonds that I hadn't even noticed at first. He said that he wanted to try, he wanted this as much as Seth did. I was so unsure at the time, I didn't want to ruin what we had. Somehow, Jacob, _not Seth,_ convinced me that this was what was suppose to happen. We were suppose to be more than just friends.

_"No, just… tell him… tell him I love him," he took a deep breath and exhaled, "and Ed… I love you too."_

_"So, you think a polyamorous relationship is the next step in our friendship?"_

_"A poly-what-amus?" he looked at me with furrowed brows. I chuckled_

_"We won't know if we don't try," Jacob paused. "I want to try," _

The words he spoke over the course of the last months washed over me as I stopped the car in the same spot as the last time, right next to his bike. I jumped out, almost forgetting to shut the door and ran. The path was overgrown and the branches hit my thighs as I raced toward him. When I hit the edge of the tree line where it outlined the circular meadow I stopped. I stood frozen looking at the man who took a risk and asked the same of me. He loved me even before Seth asked him if he could.

_"I'm going to tell he can't touch what's mi…" he breathed in and put his hands in his hair. "He has no right to touch you," the look on his face was unfathomable._

_"Jacob, don't do this. He isn't worth it," I pleaded. He turned fully to me and cupped my cheeks._

_"Edward, you're right, he's not worth it." He did something that I would never have expected. He leaned forward and placed his lips on mine. "You are," he said when he pulled away._

Hope filled me for the first time since seeing the billowing smoke rise from the building. He wasn't standing on the edge of a cliff looking for reassurance from a ghost. He was standing the meadow where he brought me. Where we spoke of honesty and he told me that he wanted this as much as Seth did. He wanted _me_. He loved _me_.

We lost the person who brought us together not the glue that bonded us. He told me time and time again that he loved me; not only with words but in his actions.

He turned and saw me staring at him. With his sunglasses perched on his head I could see his swollen bloodshot eyes and blotchy face. He looked uncharacteristically vulnerable and my heart ached more. I saw in his face what I was feeling in my heart, loss and despair. His pain mirrored my own. I had lost my friend and lover, the one I watched from afar for years. I couldn't believe I wouldn't see him again. I would never hear him tell me one of his long-winded stories or his infectious smile or even his blush-inducing questions when he wanted answers. I would never hold him or comfort him in his moments of fear. But I could still feel him in my heart.

Jacob's unzipped the hoodie and held out his hand. My heart pounded as I took the first steps that would bring me to him. As I walked closer to him, breeching the short distance between us, my faith in us grew. Our hearts were still broken over our shared loss that no one else could really understand. But it was more than Seth that we shared. We were also a twosome who loved and argued, comforted and protected. When I reached him my arms wrapped around his body underneath the jacket. I buried my face in his neck to absorb the comfort and warmth that I would never find anywhere else.

He pulled the flimsy jacket around me and zipped it shut wrapping his arms around me. It was almost like a second skin wrapped tightly around us. It wasn't strong enough to hold us together if we choose not to be. We could pull it apart and tearing it at the seams if we wanted to break free. But, if we allowed it to do its job, it would keep us warm and safe from all that would try to keep us apart. We just needed to care for it; resew the loose threads, patch any worn holes, and keep it out of harms way. We had been through everything two lovers could possibly endure and as long as we took care of it, we would be protected in the love of the red hoodie.

* * *

A/N 1: This story was always a Jakeward although it was also telling Seth's story through them. I hope I got it right and I am dying to know what you all thought of it. I can't keep tweaking forever and I've heard "post the damn thing" more than once. All mistakes are mine, mine, mine!

A/N 2: My dearest Elfprincess8, what can I say? Without your encouragement (aka, the whip), this story would still be rolling around in my head. You told me to send you the one chapter I wrote for these boys almost a year ago and begged me to publish. Funny how only a very small piece of that chapter even made it to publishing. How the hell did you put up with all my fretting and crap?! I hope that we can find a way to write together again someday. It has been quite a journey.

A special thank you to Romancingtheboys. He was co-author on this last chapter, helping to write parts of specific scenes and cutting out some unnecessary veribage (I can get a little over zealous ;). Without his proding we would still be on chapter 24, I swear. I am truly thankful for his help.

I have so many of you to thank; Arekwithlock thank you for your Itailian translations. Hankslady, Lineia, QueenSecret for being sounding boards at times. A special thank you to Jberri79 for your incredible reviews and Soundshield11 for your support and whom I've negelected as of late :( And to all those who read and reviewed (many who reviewed every single chapter :O ) thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I do plan to write again in the future although, I need a bit of a break. I am excited to read all of the updates that sit in my inbox and start reading some new stories from many of you who have supported me. I have said many times that I don't consider myself a writer/author and I can now tick one off my bucket list. I have loved and hated this process simultaneouly at times but I know that I will miss it.


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